Dear Life Kit: How much advice is too much advice?

Life Kit

In this episode of Dear Life Kit, the hosts address three distinct listener dilemmas regarding unsolicited advice and personal boundaries. T

Key takeaways

• When advising adults about unclaimed funds, tell them once or twice, but avoid nagging to prevent being perceived as a burden.
• A tactic for encouraging friends to claim money is using 'negative peer pressure' by having others in the group share their successes.

Main topics

• Unclaimed property
• Family estrangement

Notable quotes

You cannot tell another adult what to do.

Conclusion

The episode offers empathetic strategies for maintaining healthy relat

Transcript preview

Speaker 4 (0:00) This is Ira Glass. On This American Life, we tell stories about when things change. Like for this guy, David, whose entire life took a sharp, unexpected, and very unpleasant turn. And it did take me a while to realize it's basically because the monkey pressed the button. That's right. Because the monkey pressed the button. Spicing stories every week, wherever you get your podcasts. Speaker 8 (0:23) I tell them once, I say my piece once, and after that, that's on you. Because when you start nagging them, it's not your job to nag them. You told them, you led the horse to water. Will the horse drink it? I don't even know how the idiom goes, but you know what I'm talking about. Speaker 7 (0:37) Or will the horse die of thirst? Let the horse, let that money go. Let the horse die of thirst. You stopped short of saying, let the horse die of thirst, I want to say for the record. Speaker 8 (0:46) Did I say that or Andy said that? I'm throwing Andy under the bus. Is Speaker 7 (0:49) that the end of the idiom? That is so dark. Speaker 7 (0:54) Hey, it's Mariel Segata, and welcome to another edition of Dear Life Kit, where we answer your questions with help from the collective wisdom in our Life Kit archives. Reporter Andy Tegel is here. Hey, Andy. Hey, Mariel. And we've also got our digital editor, Malika Gareeb here. Hey, Malika. Hello. So I'm going to get right into it. Our first question is, Dear Life Kit, I work in unclaimed property for the state. I have several friends who have unclaimed funds. How many times am I allowed to remind them of this before it becomes overbearing and instead of being a welcome surprise, it becomes an undue burden? I truly want to help them reclaim the funds, over $5,000 for one of them. But he actually thinks it's a scam. It is not. How can I help my friends get their money back without being annoying? Okay, have y'all heard of unclaimed funds? I have not. Speaker 6 (1:45) Okay, Speaker 7 (1:46) basically... This is when the state or federal government collects money that you forgot about. That could be old bank accounts or uncashed checks, stock certificates, unused gift cards. And those things are available to you through the government. If you search your name, you can see if you have any money there. Speaker 8 (2:08) I'm sorry. I have to do this right now. I'm Speaker 7 (2:10) looking Speaker 8 (2:10) it up. You guys keep talking and I'll let you know if I have free money. Okay. And Speaker 6 (2:14) is it like every state, like everywhere you've lived? So you'd have to look up California and like D.C. and... I Speaker 7 (2:20) think there are websites where you can check across the country. You can check all the states. I have no money. Well, that's the Tennessee one, but you might have unclaimed money in another state. All right. All right. Stand by. Stand by. So yeah, I mean, I get how frustrated this question asker is because they know all about this and they're like, hey. I want you to get your $5,000 back. But this person is like, I think it's a scam. And the thing is, you can't really convince people otherwise. And it's not your job to. We know this at LifeKit. We've done a lot of reporting, especially on money and how people can optimize their spending, their savings, their investments. But you can only tell someone so many times to like, you should really invest for retirement and get your employer a match or get a high yield savings account. Like you can't. literally make them do it. Speaker 6 (3:09) Oh yeah. I feel that so deeply. How much? I have $50. Speaker 7 (3:14) What Speaker 6 (3:14) is it Speaker 7 (3:15) from? Does it say? Speaker 8 (3:15) Wait, first of all, it says owner name Garib H. Speaker 7 (3:18) That's not you. That's not you. Oh, Speaker 8 (3:20) dang. It's sad though, but I could see how this would work. I would be instantly claiming it. I don't know what this person is thinking. They need to go right now and like look up their information. Speaker 6 (3:30) So this is how our letter writer feels. Yeah. Seeing your friend's name and being like, you have $5,000. What are you doing? This is my rule Speaker 8 (3:36) with adults. This is my rule with adults. You cannot tell another adult what to do. You told them once, that's on them. You know what I mean? Yeah. Speaker 6 (3:43) Yeah. I mean, like working for LifeKit, I feel this person so deeply. I feel like I'm brimming with information. so often, you know, like we'll be talking about whatever. I don't know, for me, it's parenting stuff. I feel like I'm like the