Episode 681: True Crime Round-Up - You're Not Chris Hansen

Last Podcast On The Left

The Last Podcast on the Left returns with a darkly comedic true crime roundup featuring a Chris Hansen cosplayer stabbed at a Tim Hortons du

Key takeaways

The line between vigilantism and danger is thin, as seen in the Chris Hansen impersonator stabbing incident.

Main topics

Chris Hansen cosplay sting gone wrong
Cheese grater murder case

Notable quotes

"You're not catching the big one every time. Sometimes you get something you got to throw back."

Conclusion

While blending humor with real crime, the episode underscores the absu

Transcript preview

Speaker 1 (0:00) For many of us, going further isn't a choice. It's a feeling we can't ignore. Because ambition has a way of outgrowing where it began. Turning dreams into direction. Every journey brings us closer to the life we imagine. So, where will your journey take you? Etihad. Beyond Borders. There's Speaker 3 (0:31) no place to escape to. This is the last. On the left. Speaker 2 (0:38) That's when the cannibalism started. Speaker 2 (1:03) And we can't start like this, Marcus. Why would you do that? Why would you start today's episode? Why would I ever stoop to the level of dirty Speaker 4 (1:14) words? Speaker 2 (1:14) Fuck, fuck, fuck, shit. Stuff like that, Marcus. Everybody knows it's cock and suck. Cock and suck. Cock and suck and fucking suck. That's better. Thank you. I'm just copying Marcus, my hero. The only way he only knows it, that's how he opens shows. I remember that being... Speaker 4 (1:31) An intrinsic part of the vows to your wife. It really was, yeah. That whole ten minute cock and fucking suck and cock and fucking suck, yeah. Cock and fucking suck. I remember Speaker 2 (1:42) when you said all that. We Speaker 4 (1:44) rehearsed for weeks. And Speaker 2 (1:46) then Carolina did all the splacking. Yeah. Speaker 4 (1:49) Mrs. Speaker 3 (1:50) Hidalgo, I mean. Mom. That was Speaker 2 (1:55) a great wedding. Speaker 4 (1:55) Welcome to the last podcast on the left, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Marcus Parks. I'm here with the splacker himself, Henry Zebrowski. I Speaker 2 (2:02) splack all the way from the front to the back. Speaker 4 (2:05) That's right. And... We have the family man, Ed Larson. Speaker 3 (2:10) That's right. I'm Speaker 4 (2:11) a Speaker 3 (2:11) family man. I don't have kids, and I have dogs, and I put hats on them, and I call them children. Honestly, it's better. It's better. You know why? Because if one of them dies, Speaker 2 (2:24) no one's Speaker 4 (2:25) going to come looking. Nobody Speaker 2 (2:25) cares. Speaker 4 (2:27) That's true. That's true. Just keep them off of social media. You Speaker 3 (2:30) can Speaker 2 (2:30) voluntarily kill it. Speaker 3 (2:32) I don't think you can. What do you mean? Well, I mean, if it's dying. I think there are some rules. Speaker 4 (2:38) Yeah, you can't just take a dog into the vet and say, hey, I'm tired of this thing. Whack it. Get rid of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I Speaker 2 (2:43) feel like it's a couple of home-based euthanizers, like those guys that you can pay to come home. There's a couple of them, I bet. Kind of like what you do with your grandpa. Oh, like Kevorkians. Dog Kevorkians. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm pretty certain that you can probably slip him an extra hundred and he'll fucking whack the dog for you. Sir, my Speaker 4 (2:58) dog Speaker 2 (2:58) is depressed. And Speaker 4 (2:59) he's just like, Speaker 2 (3:00) I can tell. Let Speaker 4 (3:01) me get my gun. And today, we're doing a little old-fashioned truth. Speaker 2 (3:07) crime roundup. Woo you! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Speaker 4 (3:20) Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Speaker 2 (3:26) Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo the state of the country and the world and I think it's important to do something light, like a guy that's only murdered and sexually assaulted like 15 children. 11, please. Thank Speaker 3 (3:46) you. I Speaker 2 (3:47) think that's something light, something fun. Speaker 4 (3:50) Yeah, something fun. You know, people are tired of all of these massacres. Let's do Rape Joker. Speaker 2 (3:55) That's Speaker 3 (3:56) fine. Finally. Speaker 4 (3:57) Because that really does, that takes the tension in the room down. Yeah. It does. Speaker 3 (4:01) You know what the best part of a Canadian serial killer is? Speaker 4 (4:03) What? Speaker 3 (4:03) They apologize. Every Speaker 2 (4:05) time. Every time. It's almost like they didn't even mean it in the first place. Speaker 4 (4:09) Well, we've got a few true crime stories to go through because, of course, the world is never bereft of true crime. So let's start with our first story. An influencer known for his efforts to catch alleged child predators is facing charges after being stabbed during an altercation with a person he accused of trying to meet with a minor. No way. Speaker 2 (4:28) That's what's hard is you really got to set them up. I'm really excited for the new movie. The R. Pat's movie. Oh, the Chris Hansen movie. Speaker 4 (4:35) Yeah, that's going to be incredible. My Speaker 2 (4:37) friend reached out to me because she had a boyfriend. that was featured on To Catch a Predator after they dated years later. She dated him when she was 15 to 17. He was 17, she was 15. Okay, okay. A little better. That was in high school. And literally, he smelled like cheese, so she broke up with him. And then later on, turns out he was on To Catch a Predator. He was just one of those guys who was super, super, super into it. Speaker 4 (5:01) Yeah. It's funny how those guys sort of just pop up. Like there was a dude from college that was in our college radio station, and he got busted. with one of the largest treasure troves of child pornography in the history of Texas. Why is it Speaker 3 (5:15) always a treasure trove? Speaker 4 (5:16) And his last name was Cosby. Can I Speaker 2 (5:18) honestly ask, though, why do they always call it a treasure trove? It's not being surrounded by smout. You don't need to go on an epic adventure to get CSAM. You just gotta Speaker 3 (5:28) get WhatsApp. Yeah, way too much, I think, is a better way. Yeah, way too much. Piles and piles and piles. The one Speaker 4 (5:34) is way too much. You're Speaker 3 (5:35) right. Speaker 4 (5:36) You're right, you're right. An Speaker 3 (5:38) exorbitant amount. Speaker 4 (5:39) An exorbitant, but even... Even one. Even one. An unreasonable amount. Even one. Speaker 2 (5:43) More than one. How does this sound? How does this sound? Illicit cachet. Ooh. I like illicit cachet. A plethora. Speaker 4 (5:52) A plethora. A Speaker 2 (5:53) plethora of Speaker 4 (5:53) sea sand. A plethora of sea sand. It's a plethora. It's a plethora. And I Speaker 3 (5:57) don't want to go backwards here, but she broke up with him because he smells like cheese? Yeah. Speaker 4 (6:01) That's a bad thing. Well, that's a dick problem. And Speaker 2 (6:04) they were not. They're not Wisconsin people then. Yeah, she's not a dirty fucking Wisconsinite that loves a smelly, gross man all covered in fungus. Speaker 4 (6:13) Well, back to this man who was stabbed trying to impersonate Chris Hansen. Nicholas Atala, who goes by Nicky Sal on social media, was reportedly stabbed while confronting two men at a Tim Hortons in Jamestown, New York in December 2025. Atala of Pennsylvania tries to catch potential child predators by posing as minors online. Notice it says tries to catch. This is his angle. It's Speaker 2 (6:38) his hook. Because honestly, you're not catching the big one every time. Sometimes you get something you got to throw back. He has Speaker 3 (6:43) a Speaker 2 (6:43) post of even two days ago of this recording saying subs Speaker 3 (6:47) only seen at first. I caught a follower. He got one of his own followers. Of course. Speaker 2 (6:54) Of course. You know, and I unfortunately, I believe of any of the chains, Timmy's is where the pedophiles go. I don't know. I would Speaker 4 (7:04) actually say Denny's. Speaker 2 (7:06) fascinating. Speaker 4 (7:07) You know why? High school drama. High school drama. High school kids hang out at Denny's and if you catch one out front crying because she got into a fight with her boyfriend after their fifth cup of coffee with they've been chain smoking cigarettes for six hours. Yeah. That's gonna be a girl you can take advantage of have Speaker 2 (7:24) you been following the Speaker 4 (7:25) Tim Hortons is just old men Yeah, it could Speaker 2 (7:26) be but then a lot of old men can be pedophiles. Have you heard of wheel though? The Wheel of Fortune announcer guy Jim Thornton? Oh my Speaker 4 (7:35) god, that was the story I've been trying to think for fucking all day I was like there was a story that I saw last week that I would love to talk about and it's that one Because Speaker 2 (7:44) according to him you gotta check out the local Golden Corral, it's a regular boy fade. That's what he said. That's a direct quote. Speaker 4 (7:55) So was that because I know that he had claimed that he worked in suicide prevention and that somebody had sent him the link and he cited to open the link on the airplane. Speaker 2 (8:06) And he was only Speaker 4 (8:07) on there for a few minutes. So he's trying to Pete Townsend defense. Speaker 2 (8:10) So he told the police officer after the fact, yes, he was researching. That's Speaker 4 (8:14) exactly Speaker 2 (8:14) what Speaker 4 (8:14) Rob Speaker 3 (8:14) said. That's exactly Speaker 2 (8:16) what Rob said. He was researching. He said he used to spend a lot of time in suicide chat rooms or anti-suicide chat rooms talking people out of committing suicide because they had a family member that committed suicide. But he spent 57 minutes in the same cold lifeline dot chat, which is a chat room disguised as one for general topics. But it's where men go to talk about, quote unquote, struggling. with feelings of pedophilia. And so the whole idea was that it was a bunch of guys who were supposed to be struggling, quote-unquote struggling, with their thoughts about pedophilia, but actually it seemed more like a place where a bunch of pedophiles talked about what kind of boys and girls they like to have sex with. Speaker 4 (8:55) Well, if you're using the words boy-fay... then that does not seem like a struggle. That seems like a celebration. Exactly. Speaker 2 (9:01) And it seems that Jim Thornton loved it so much that he decided to talk about the boy face while wearing his Wheel of Fortune swag jacket. What you don't do, if you're Jim Thornton, you wear a Price is Right shirt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You throw them off Speaker 3 (9:19) the trail just a little bit. A little bit. How about press your Speaker 2 (9:22) luck? Speaker 3 (9:24) So he is Speaker 2 (9:25) definitely directly quoted. It's in the Speaker 4 (9:27) green. It's so incredible. So you went to Golden Corral for the first time with my dad and his wife yesterday. A nice hangout for kids. A couple of cute boys and hot little girls. all-you-can-eat boy, Faye. And I do love that these, it shows that these are not, they're truly human because the response from one of the other guys, Mr. Z, is, I haven't been to Golden Corral in decades. And Speaker 2 (9:52) his response is, it's in Burbank, baby. It's in Burbank, right next to where I work as the announcer of Wheel of Fortune. I mean, just Speaker 3 (10:02) like, Wheel of Fortune. Primetime. It's regular television. Yeah. Golden Corral? Yeah. That's where he goes to fuck Speaker 4 (10:12) the kids. He's out there to eat. Speaker 3 (10:14) Oh, Speaker 2 (10:14) okay. But you Speaker 4 (10:15) gotta think like a predator to catch a predator. Because if you're going somewhere fancy, you're not gonna find any kids in a fancy place. They're not there. You go to the place where the kids are running around with parents who don't care about their child's health, safety, or well-being. That's Golden Corral, my friend. Golden Speaker 3 (10:32) Corral sounds like the place that R. Kelly used to pee Speaker 4 (10:35) on girls. Speaker 2 (10:35) Yeah! Speaker 4 (10:37) That's Speaker 2 (10:37) just where he used to pee Speaker 4 (10:38) on horses Speaker 2 (10:38) when he was riding them in the park. Speaker 4 (10:40) Did we actually, did somebody, I have this memory of someone telling a story about being a child and drinking directly out of a chocolate fountain at Golden Corral. Oh, Speaker 3 (10:51) I am pretty, that's one of Speaker 4 (10:52) us. Speaker 3 (10:52) I had, it's close to that. I had a situation where I was eating the marshmallows directly out of the, by the soft serve at Ponderosa. And then they caught me eating the marshmallows and they led me back to my table and kicked me and my entire family out. Un-fucking Speaker 2 (11:08) -believable. You're just a- a fat kid with no supervision. My Speaker 3 (11:11) dad was happy we didn't Speaker 2 (11:12) have to pay the bill. Oh, hell yeah. He's like, Speaker 3 (11:14) actually, I didn't get in trouble at all. That's the most fat thing you've ever done, son. Speaker 2 (11:18) I'm so proud. Speaker 4 (11:20) The chocolate fountain, all of this screams unsupervised. Speaker 2 (11:26) Well, Speaker 4 (11:26) it's COVID. Another COVID loss. The chocolate fountain. Dude, Speaker 2 (11:32) you know I want one. Oh, man. Speaker 3 (11:35) I want one, but... Speaker 4 (11:37) No, so Speaker 2 (11:38) he didn't You Speaker 3 (11:42) gonna do you want to go past that I actually Speaker 2 (11:45) don't know Speaker 3 (11:45) Come come Speaker 2 (11:47) come come come Speaker 4 (11:49) come come come come Speaker 3 (11:50) come come come come come Speaker 4 (11:50) come Speaker 3 (11:50) come Speaker 4 (11:50) come Speaker 3 (11:50) come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come Speaker 4 (11:50) come Speaker 3 (11:50) come come come come come come come Speaker 4 (11:50) come come Speaker 3 (11:50) come come Speaker 4 (11:50) come Speaker 3 (11:50) come come come Speaker 4 (11:50) come Speaker 3 (11:50) come come Speaker 4 (11:50) come Speaker 3 (11:50) come come come Speaker 4 (11:50) come Speaker 3 (11:50) come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come Speaker 4 (11:50) come Speaker 3 (11:50) come come come come come come Speaker 4 (11:50) come Speaker 3 (11:50) come come come come come come come Speaker 4 (11:50) come Speaker 3 (11:51) come come come Speaker 4 (11:51) come Speaker 3 (11:51) come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come Speaker 4 (11:51) come Speaker 3 (11:51) come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come Speaker 4 (11:51) come Speaker 3 (11:51) come come come Speaker 4 (11:51) come Speaker 3 (11:51) come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come Speaker 4 (11:51) come come come come Speaker 2 (12:00) It's a regular boy thing. It's an absolutely regular boy thing. You can't even imagine. I don't want to give me a pee. And let's see. We go. He wants to buy a value. What's it? So what happened with this guy? He got stabbed. Yeah. Speaker 4 (12:17) Yeah. Yeah. And he was Speaker 3 (12:18) trying to. How come this never happened to Chris Hansen? Am I crazy to think it did? No, Speaker 4 (12:21) it did not happen to Chris Hansen. Well, the difference is that Chris Hansen, he was running a TV production and he had. security. And he knew how to trap these guys. He knew how to put these guys into a situation where they were kind of dazzled by the lights. Because that's the thing about Americans, is that you put cameras, you put lights on us, we're dazzled. It's exciting. Okay, I'm on a TV show now. Alright. It disarms them. But this guy, he just met a guy at a booth in a fucking Tim Hortons goes, you're a fucking pedophile! You're a fucking pedophile! Come with me! And of course the guy is a psychopath, so he pulls out a knife and he stabs Speaker 3 (13:05) it. Speaker 4 (13:06) Now I'm Speaker 3 (13:06) going Speaker 4 (13:06) to Speaker 2 (13:06) tell you how you do this right. You see, if you want to catch a pedophile, you've got to do it with a net. That's Speaker 3 (13:11) the Speaker 2 (13:11) first thing you're doing wrong. You've got to put a copy of Boy's Life on an open hole with wee leaves underneath it, and then you put a net on top of that, and then the pedophile says, that's what you're doing wrong. That's what you Speaker 4 (13:23) want to do if you want to catch a pedophile. That's Speaker 2 (13:25) what you Speaker 3 (13:25) want to do. Dude, this Nicky Sal guy, August 26th, help! everyone. We're back on the road and we could use some help. And he puts his cash app in there. Speaker 2 (13:36) You've got to be careful, man, with catching predators because sometimes some of them are predators. And also, guess what people really react poorly to? Being called a pedophile. Speaker 4 (13:44) They really don't like it. It Speaker 2 (13:45) makes you angry. Speaker 4 (13:46) Well, at the Tim Hortons in December, Atala accused one of the men, James Morris, and that's the other thing, too. You've got two guys showing up, so you can't have two guys. James Morris is trying to meet with a 14-year-old. year old girl and allegedly threatened him. As a result, a fight broke out between Atala Morris and the other man leading to Morris allegedly stabbing Atala. Atala was hospitalized. The physical altercation endangered a one year old child who had been at the Tim Hortons with their family. So this guy, in an attempt to save children, ended up actually endangering a toddler. Speaker 2 (14:19) I am like, I'm kind of into this. The idea of like, there's a lot of pedophile baiting on the Internet now. That's Speaker 3 (14:25) a Speaker 2 (14:25) big deal. It's kind of been around. Oddly enough, it's been around. Pedophile baiting. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, it's Speaker 4 (14:32) been around for... Speaker 4 (14:34) It's like being the new rapper. It's like being a rapper now. They Speaker 2 (14:37) see other people doing it and being successful, so they're like, I can do that. Yeah, it does make sense, but you have to remember, I'm going to put this out there to anybody who's a vigilante, it's extremely shaky ground to stand on. It's so hard. That's a part of the reason why the whole Chris Hansen thing fell apart, is because he had the two guys commit suicide after the fact, and then I believe he was then sued. within an inch of his life, Speaker 3 (15:03) and Speaker 2 (15:04) the entire production company was sued, and everything fell apart. And it's just really hard. That's why it's super important, if you're going to catch a pedophile, that you dress as a child with a giant lollipop, and he has to fuck you. That is the only way. Oh, my God. I love the shots from the Tim. The action shots from the Tim Hortons are on Facebook. This is Speaker 4 (15:25) just another. time. They have these physical disputes. It's always at Speaker 3 (15:29) Tim Hortons, unfortunately. Speaker 4 (15:31) Tim Hortons is Speaker 2 (15:32) the Speaker 3 (15:32) Canadian equivalent of Waffle House. But we got a couple in the north. Speaker 4 (15:36) Yeah, and they're the worst. This is New York State. This is upper New York State. Which is basically Canada. Speaker 2 (15:43) I'm sorry, guys. We have a lot of listeners upstate New York. If you're visiting a Tim's in upstate New York, you're wrong. You have to fucking stop going there. You have to shut these Tim Hortons down. I like Tim Hortons. You are disgusting. How Speaker 4 (16:00) do Speaker 2 (16:00) you like Tim Hortons? Speaker 4 (16:01) It is incorrect.