#782 - RON WHITE + JERRON HORTON

KILL TONY

In this live episode of Kill Tony from Austin, Texas, host Tony Hinchcliffe welcomes two standout comedians: Ron White, a legendary figure i

Key takeaways

• Ron White's long-standing influence on the Austin comedy scene is highlighted as a foundational force in bringing talent to the city.

Main topics

• Live stand-up comedy performance
• Comedy scene evolution in Austin

Notable quotes

'I've been hitting the gargoyle since I was eight years old.'

Conclusion

This episode celebrates the enduring power of live comedy, spotlighting both veteran

Transcript preview

Speaker 1 (0:00) Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.tv, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out TonyHinchcliffe.com for everything The Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliffe. You can also check out ShopSquad.tv for Death Squad merch, hats, mugs, whatever. shopsquad.tv and now here's a brand new episode of kill tony great man coming to you live from the comedy mothership here in austin texas for a brand new episode of kill tony Speaker 4 (1:17) Best damn band in all the land. Make some noise for them, huh? Raul Vallejo, Fernando Castillo, Carlos Sosa, Tres Leches, Michael Gonzalez, the great Matt Muehling on the electric guitar, John Dees on the keys, and that is D Madness live in the flesh, ladies and gentlemen. Hell yeah. We have a hell of a show for you. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. Well, hello there. I got to tell you, it is a scorching sports summer and you can make all your picks on PrizePix. Women's basketball and baseball are heating up and every football preseason game is kicking off this month on PrizePix, America's number one sports pick app. I've been getting more into football as preseason ramps up, as always. Just hung out with Coach Sarkeesian, watching all the big videos, doing my research for fantasy football, the rookies, the players on the teams, trying to make an impact. PrizePix gives me an easy way to follow all the action. I can make a lineup by selecting more or less on player projections. Add a few players together. and track everything right in the app while I watch. Red Speaker 1 (2:23) Band. The football preseason is here, and there's no better place to run your game than PrizePix. Build a lineup with player stats, pick game winners, spreads, or totals, and combine them in the same lineup. It's available in all 50 states. Speaker 4 (2:37) That's right. Download the app today and use code TONY to get $150 instantly in lineups if you win your first $5 lineup. Download the app today and use code TONY to get $150 instantly. instantly in lineups. If you win your first $5 lineup prize picks America's number one sports picks app. All right, before we get into it, I got to tell you guys about something. We just launched kill Tony plus here's the deal. You sign up, you get every new episode ad free and uncensored. We're giving members a brand new angle of the show. That's never been seen before. This is as close as you can get to sitting in the audience. You also get bonus content. Q &A episodes, behind-the-scenes stuff, extra bits you're not getting anywhere else. And there's perks on the merch store, too. It's five bucks a month. That's less than a cost of a beer or a pack of cigarettes or a lot of fun things. Links in the description or go straight to killtonysupercast.com to join. This is a very, very exciting opportunity for all you diehard fans and super haters. Go to killtonysupercast.com. All right. Back to the show. You guys ready to start this fucking show or what? Gosh darn it. Every single week, I book two of the funniest human beings on planet Earth. This week, absolutely, positively, no different. One is one of my oldest friends in comedy. We were door guys together at the comedy store. And he's one of my favorite roast writers and comedians. And the other one is my dream father. Literally a guy that I look up to every single day. I golf with him. He is truly one of the greatest comedians of all time. Make some noise for the great Ron White and Jerron Horton. Speaker 1 (4:26) My Speaker 4 (4:46) goodness. One more time for Ron White. Thank you. Speaker 4 (4:51) are introducing geron horton here tonight to the kill tony universe welcome welcome geron one of the great roast writers of the world fresh off of writing a bunch of jokes for the roast of kevin hart and of course the roast of tom brady uh welcome thank you man fuck yeah It's good. The fucking lights are bright on. This is a fucking show. It's it. This is it. You're in the eye of the storm. You don't get this in L.A. or Atlanta or... Anywhere else. Anywhere else. This is it. Speaker 6 (5:22) It's good to be back in your good graces, Tony. What do you mean? Like, well, I mean, this motherfucker stopped talking to me for six years because Speaker 4 (5:30) I wouldn't let him beat me in Madden. That is true. Him and I have an unbelievable old rivalry on online PS5 slash Xbox, college football, and Madden. And he is very good. I got to tell you, these blacks are very good at... Speaker 4 (5:52) The Blacks are very good at video games. I don't know if they have an extra muscle in their thumbs or something like that, but they are built for that type of stuff. I mean, they're tremendous on the field and on the couch when it comes to football. The great Ron White is here, ladies and gentlemen. The man that convinced us all to move here. He got the party started. Got us all out here. The man, the myth, the legend. Ron, welcome back. Your wisdom is... Speaker 1 (6:23) My wisdom is ignored. No, no, it's great to be back. It's great. I've been watching this show grow for a decade or so in L.A., and I was always a big fan of it. So whenever I can do it, I'm doing absolutely nothing else. I'll fucking never do it. Speaker 4 (6:42) We're going to have some fun tonight. About 300 human beings signed up for the opportunity to perhaps get pulled out of this bucket. It is unbelievable. If I pull their name out, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know their time is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. And that rudely interrupts their set. And then I conduct an interview. We all talk to them about what we saw, maybe find out more about them. They go from being a 60-second stand-up comedian to a guest on the number one live podcast in the world in 60 seconds. You guys ready to start tonight's show or what? I'm going to let this guy out of the Zoltar machine pick the first name out of the bucket. Look at this Armenian wizard that we have here tonight. Absolutely incredible. While we wrangle that first bucket pool, I have a golden ticket winner who's ready to give us a new 60 seconds. We haven't seen him in a while. Make some noise, ladies and gentlemen, for the long-awaited return of JJ Alexander. Here we go. 60 seconds for JJ. Speaker 6 (7:50) I'm trying to hit the gym again. It's not going good. I feel really awkward at the gym all the time. Like, I hate the process of waiting in line to use the machines, you know? Like, I was waiting in line to use this one machine. It's like the hip abductor. I just call it the good girl, bad girl machine. It's like, good girl, bad girl. You know that machine? You know that machine at every gym that was invented by the horniest guy of all time? He's like, I bet we can get these bitches to pop their pussies in a plane and finish it. Like, give him $17 million yesterday, you know? But anyways, I'm waiting to use that machine at the gym. There's this lady on it. And what I wanted to tell her was like, hey, I already have the bottle in the rag. I can just wipe it down before I use it. It's no big deal. But all I ended up saying to her was, hey, don't wipe it down. And those are the only words I said to that woman. And in my head, I was like, hey, good job, JJ. You talked to a woman today. Keep fighting. That's good. Speaker 6 (8:47) She's getting her cardio, just running out to the parking lot as fast as she could. You know, it's fun. Thank you guys so much for my time. Thank you. JJ Alexander. Shocking us with gym material today. Yeah, dude. I'm in a weight loss challenge right now, dude. Really? How much weight have you lost? I've lost 16 pounds. Let's go. Yeah. Speaker 6 (9:06) How are you doing it? What are you doing? I've been eating nothing but beef and cheese. That's it. Just beef and cheese. And milk. A lot of milk. Good luck taking a shit. This is actually wild. I found out the other day that I've been pooping wrong my entire life. Tell us about that. Yeah, so, you know, so one time when I was a boy, I couldn't go. So, like, what I did is I would squat up. You know, like, imagine this is the toilet seat. Oh, no. No, there's no way. I'd hit the, this, I call this the gargoyle. That's what I hit. You know, and the thing is, you got to take your socks and shoes off to do it effectively because you slide off in his bed. But yeah, every Speaker 4 (9:45) day I've been doing that. How long have you been gargoyling? I've Speaker 6 (9:48) been hitting the gargoyle since I was eight years old and I remember the day, yeah. How long have you been working with the stool? That's good stuff, man. Speaker 6 (10:02) So you still gargoyle? Yeah, no, and only in times of need now, you know. You're a big guy. Have you broken toilets? Not broken a toilet, but I do hit it at work all the time. It's crazy. What do you do for work? I work at the Dutch Bros Coffee Shop. Come on. Wow. Yeah, God, I hate my job, dude. I hit the moment, like I started doing more, like obviously because of this show, and I've been touring a lot, going out on the road, doing hell gigs, been great, you know. but I just show up at my job and I hate it. And I have to be nice to every single person that comes to the line. And it'll just be like this annoying white lady that comes to my line every single day. And she's like, you don't know what I want already. I'm like, ma'am, you're the 17th white woman in a Subaru I've seen today, okay? You're not special. Wow. But I'm fired up about it. So I have to find ways of getting back at them. So if I tell a customer to have a great day, that's what I mean. It means have a great day. But if I tell a customer to have a good day, that means go fuck yourself. That's what that means. I get it out. I'm not getting Speaker 4 (11:04) ridden up. Where are you from? You have a little bit of an odd Italian accent for what appears to be... Even though you look like an albino French bulldog. This is incredible. Speaker 6 (11:16) Where are you from? I'm from Colorado Springs, Colorado. Yeah. Yeah, that's where the Air Force Academy is, all that stuff. Okay. Olympic Training Center, that's what's there. Wow, is that okay? You teach them how to gargoyle up there? Yeah. I want to fix people's bodies. This is a secret. Here's the tough part about it, is once you do it one time, you can't go back ever again. Try it one time. What? The goyle. You hit the goyle one time. You never go back to pooping the regular way, and I've been trying. I'm trying to stop. Nobody here wants to shit like you. It's because they can't. Wait Speaker 1 (11:56) a minute. Speaker 6 (12:00) Oh, no. Yeah, no, never mind. Speaker 1 (12:02) Are Speaker 6 (12:03) you talking about a squatty potty? Is that what you're talking about? No, I just stand on the seat. That's a way to save money, dude. Wow. I don't got $15. I work at the Dutch Bros Corporation. Are you kidding me? Oh, my goodness. Hit the $3 tip button, okay? I can't tell you how much pain I'm in being on the other side of the iPad every day. Speaker 4 (12:24) How long have you been working at this coffee shop? I've been Speaker 6 (12:27) working at the Dutch Bros for two years. Do you hear Speaker 4 (12:30) that accent that you kind of have? I've been working there for two years. At what part of Colorado? I don't understand. Did you hang out with Italians or something? No, never. Where did that come from? Do you watch Donnie Brasco before breakfast every day? What's going on there? Speaker 6 (12:46) I drank too much soda backstage and my voice sounds weird. I'm crushing Speaker 4 (12:52) Diet Cokes up there. going to cut me off soon. This guy drank so many Diet Cokes he turned Italian. That is incredible. Speaker 6 (13:01) It's the old fridge cigarette. What are you talking about? Speaker 4 (13:05) Wow. Unbelievable, JJ. Well, you got tonight's show started for us. I love what you did. You got it out. You did the jokes. You fucking enunciated. You were clear during your 60 seconds. Great stuff. JJ Alexander. Thank you, Tony. Appreciate it. Speaker 8 (13:20) Love you guys. Thank you so much. All Speaker 4 (13:21) right, people. You guys know what happens now. This is when we get to the bucket. I mean, absolutely anything can happen. It could be a crazy person. It could be the absolute future of comedy. Either way, we could find the next great talent or absolute unprepared insanity. That's what the show is. You guys ready for it? Your first bucket pool of the night goes by the name of Mio Love, everyone. 60 seconds uninterrupted for Mio Love. Speaker 8 (13:50) I want a guy to be so obsessed with me, then before going down on me, he leaves my C-section like an envelope. Ha! I'm stressing out. Trump's stressing me out. Everybody keeps saying that his neck look like a pussy. My VGJ don't look like that. So I think I might be growing a dick. My suspicions keep growing. I went the other day to buy some new panties, some lingerie. And as soon as I tried them on, my dick popped out. It was like the pante was Moses and he was partying the Red Sea. Think by now I should be gay or a lesbian. But I'm bad with scissors and I'm allergic to plastic. So I'm trying celibacy, you know, but she slips. So I grew on a full bush, like a chastity belt. Ain't working. I'm out here giving magic carpet rides. It's a whole new world. Thank you so much, guys. Speaker 4 (14:56) All right. Speaker 4 (14:59) Mio, love, welcome. This is your first time on the show, correct? Second Speaker 8 (15:02) time, Tony. Speaker 4 (15:03) Oh, okay. You drew your eyebrows on differently tonight. I didn't recognize you. Welcome. Welcome, welcome. How long have you been doing stand-up now, Mio? Six Speaker 8 (15:12) years. Speaker 4 (15:13) Six years. Wow. Amazing. I like your style, Mio. You look like an X-Men character from Tijuana, Mexico or something like that. Welcome, welcome. What do you do for work? What hair salon do you work at exactly? I'm Speaker 8 (15:31) actually going to graduate from barbering school. So if you need a haircut, I got you. So I Speaker 4 (15:36) fucking nailed it. Is that what you're saying? Yes! I still got it. Thank you. I still got it. Wow. I thought I was making a joke. And you're like, actually, I'm about to get my diploma in that. I'm going to be, I got my barber degree. I fucking love it. This is absolutely incredible meal, love. How many kids do you have? Two. Only two. Two Speaker 8 (16:00) girls. Speaker 4 (16:01) Two what? Two Speaker 8 (16:02) girls. Speaker 4 (16:02) Okay. How old are they? Speaker 8 (16:04) Five and seven. And the five-year-old's birthday is the 21st. Speaker 4 (16:08) Okay, I was just going to ask, when's the five-year-old's birthday? It's perfect. Is your hair cut that way so people could see your eyebrows? I Speaker 8 (16:18) believe so. I believe so. Good Speaker 4 (16:21) question, Red Bam. Anyway, I saw Michael Gonzalez's dad staring at you so hard during your set that you might have a third baby on the way. Mr. Gonzalez with just a stare down can impregnate a fucking little chalupa like you, Miola. Speaker 8 (16:39) And he's wearing a Yankees hat. Yes! Speaker 4 (16:43) Are you a Yankees fan? Speaker 8 (16:45) Yes! Speaker 4 (16:46) Oh, wow. Okay. Speaker 8 (16:47) You're Speaker 4 (16:48) Puerto Rican. Of Speaker 8 (16:48) course. Oh, Speaker 4 (16:49) amazing. How Puerto Rican are you exactly? Born Speaker 8 (16:52) and raised. Born and raised. Speaker 4 (16:53) Wow. Okay, what do you think is the most Puerto Rican thing about you? Like, what do you do? What's your behavior? Like, what do you do, like, on an average day in which you think is... The Speaker 8 (17:04) most Puerto Rican thing that I do is that I fly Spirit or Frontier and Speaker 1 (17:09) that Speaker 8 (17:10) when we land in Puerto Rico, we still clap. If you fly... American Airlines, you won't get the Puerto Rican experience. Speaker 4 (17:20) Wow. That is a great answer. That is a great answer. You did so good with that answer that I'm going to do a couple more cultures here. I'm going to ask you this. Even though you're not black, what is the blackest thing about you? What's something you do? Okay, you have an answer already. This is good. Speaker 8 (17:40) Historically, Puerto Ricans are black. We black, Latinos and Spaniards. And the blackest thing about me, I will have to say, I'm always late. Speaker 6 (17:54) I would say the bullet hole in your shoulder is probably the blackest thing about you. It's definitely the bullet hole in your shoulder. Speaker 4 (18:06) She really Speaker 6 (18:07) does have Speaker 4 (18:08) the bullet hole in her shoulder, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, my God. What is that from? What is that? Speaker 8 (18:17) So, actually, it's from deployment. I went to Afghanistan. What? Speaker 4 (18:22) Oh, my God. Speaker 6 (18:25) She got flewed out. What? She got flewed out. Speaker 4 (18:31) She's the only person on the fucking Black Hawk helicopter that clapped when it landed. Yay, we made it. I'm going to fucking cut some of these guys' hair. You got candy man or Harry? You want the bar? I just got the barber diploma. The thing is that he's so accurate right now. Mio loves. So what's your love life like, Mio love? Speaker 8 (18:58) So you want the love story that you cost. You cost it. Speaker 4 (19:02) Okay. I Speaker 8 (19:03) announced my divorce and killed Tony. You Speaker 4 (19:06) did? How long ago were you on the show? Speaker 8 (19:08) 693. Speaker 4 (19:09) What? Speaker 8 (19:11) Episode 693. Okay, Speaker 4 (19:12) can you give a ballpark of when that Speaker 8 (19:14) was? I Speaker 4 (19:14) really don't know, Tony. Speaker 8 (19:15) I'm bad with math. You Speaker 4 (19:16) know the number of the episode, but you can't give a ballpark. Was it a year ago, Speaker 8 (19:21) six months? I only remember because it's divisible by three. It's like 693. Oh Speaker 4 (19:26) my God. Speaker 8 (19:30) Yeah. And so when I told everybody that I was divorced, and I got hundreds of dip pics, I'm going to say... Kill Tony is a better dating app than Bumble. For real. Well, yeah, Speaker 4 (19:41) when you only talk about your dilapidated pussy and have your tits halfway out, that's what you're going to get. And then... Jerron doesn't get any of those after doing this show. Like, Speaker 8 (19:50) the options, I'm going to tell you the truth, I really was hoping for, like, a Luigi Mangione, but no, no, I got the Bill Burrs of America. Speaker 4 (20:06) I was hoping for a Luigi, but I got a Mario, a bunch of plumbers. No, I got a red band, like for real. Oh, shit, red Speaker 8 (20:13) band. Speaker 4 (20:14) Whoa. It was really, Speaker 8 (20:15) really bad. It was really, really bad. You couldn't find a hairline. It was just... Speaker 4 (20:21) Okay, all right. So, Mia, what's your love life like right now? Speaker 8 (20:26) I am looking for love. Speaker 4 (20:30) It looks like you've been fucked in the face a lot. No, no, no. What the fuck is going on here, red band? Let's do... sound effects for the next like 30 minutes because you're just out of it. I think you start the vodka Red Bulls a little early. The vodka fucks them up and the Red Bull gives them the energy and confidence to say things, everybody. The worst combination for Red Band. Speaker 4 (20:52) Okay, so. Mia Love, when you say you're looking for love, what does that mean? Are you on the apps? Are you talking to guys out in public? What's your dream guy? What does he look like? Speaker 8 (21:01) So my dream guy, physically, I'm not like really into anything. Like I can do the whole rainbow. I just want somebody. You want a gay man? No, no, fuck no. Hey, you gay? No way, Jose. Hell no. Speaker 4 (21:14) Okay. Speaker 8 (21:15) You want a real me? Hell no. Speaker 4 (21:17) Wow, the band has something for that? They've been waiting years to be able to do that. No way, Jose. Jingle. Okay, so you don't care what he looks like, but... Speaker 8 (21:29) You know, I mean, not that fucked up, like, not rapping, but Speaker 4 (21:33) at the same time, Speaker 8 (21:34) like, at the same time, like, I care more about what's the inside than what is in the outside. Speaker 4 (21:41) Wow, the inside of their wallet, I'm guessing, is what you're saying. Speaker 8 (21:46) Tony, I got my own money. I cut hair, bro. Speaker 1 (21:52) You're funny, Mio Love. I like your style. You really got to find a way to let your real personality come out on stage because you're hilarious. The jokes are a little tired, but you're fucking funny. Thank you. Thank you. Let that shine through, man. However you do it. Speaker 4 (22:09) I completely agree with Ron. You were hitting home runs here during the interview part and the set was, you know, Okay, I can do better. But like your natural stuff, like if you talked about being Puerto Rican and clapping on the plane. Spirit airline. Yeah. You Speaker 1 (22:24) know, that fucking stuff is great comedy. Speaker 4 (22:26) Thank Speaker 8 (22:26) you. Thank you. I will. Thank you. I'll take it, Tony. Yep. Speaker 4 (22:29) You got it. Here's a big joke book, Mia Love. There you go. Thank you, everybody. It has begun. There goes Mia Love, everybody. Hello there again. If you've been sitting on a business idea, Shopify makes it easy to turn that idea into something real. You know, when we launched our Kill Tony storefront, I was surprised by how much was already taken care of. I didn't need a bunch of different tools or complicated setup steps. Everything I needed to start selling was there from day one. One of the biggest things I noticed early on was how smoothly customers moved through checkout. Shopify checkout helped more people complete their purchases and returning customers could check out even faster because their information was already saved. That friction-free experience gave me the confidence. that the sales side was working the way that it should. And so many things are selling perfectly at killmerch.com, thanks to Shopify. And once that foundation was in place, my focus shifted from building the store to actually growing the business. Instead of worrying about the technical side, I could spend more time improving products, designing hoodies, new, amazing, funny connections with the show, connecting with customers and finding new ways to grow. Red band. Speaker 1 (23:39) It's also reassuring knowing Shopify powers millions of businesses worldwide. From first-time entrepreneurs to major brands, the infrastructure is already there. You just bring Speaker 4 (23:50) the idea. That's right. With Shopify, nothing stands between your idea and a real business. So go make it one. Start your free trial at Shopify.com slash Kill Tony. Start your free trial at Shopify.com slash Kill Tony. Are you your next bucket pool? Oh, there's the lovely Heidi, everybody. Ooh la la. Follow her at HeidiRegina.com and everything. Alright, your next bucket pool goes by the name of Eleazar Guzman, everybody. Hey, Speaker 5 (24:34) everybody. I am also Puerto Rican, but I know I look like a Jew hiding in Mexico. Speaker 5 (24:44) Anybody here fans of history? Fucking nerd. No, I'm kidding. I'm a big fan. I like to get high and learn about history. This is a real thing I learned. In most cultures, most societies in the world, in order to have a king, you'd have to have an ancestral relationship. Yeah, because you got to keep the bloodline pure. I don't know if you guys know about genetics, you get fucked up people when that happens, right? But I want you to imagine what it would be like to work for that king. Let me take you back a thousand years. Guy goes up to the king. Sire! Sire! The French have attacked. And the king goes, yay! Because he's retarded. Speaker 5 (25:31) I noticed I had to fill in the blanks for the back room. But yeah, thank you. That's my time. Speaker 4 (25:37) Eleazar. Am I saying that right, Eleazar? You did. First time, actually. Eleazar Guzman. You've been on this show before? Yeah, twice. Welcome, welcome, welcome back. Tell us, what do we know about you, Eleazar? What do we know already? How long have you been doing stand-up? In September, it'll be 13 years. 13 years, wow. What do you do for work? Speaker 5 (25:56) I used to be a cook. Now I'm just doing temp work and trying to do work on the road on the weekends. Nice. Speaker 4 (26:04) How often are you getting out on the road? It's maybe like two or three weekends a month. Okay. Where's the last place you went? Wichita, Kansas. What did you learn about Wichita when you were there? What are your thoughts about Wichita? Speaker 5 (26:16) They really repress the gay a lot. Speaker 4 (26:21) What do you mean? Speaker 5 (26:22) There was like three people at the show that were like, my husband told me he was gay. And like my brother just told me he was gay. But it was like everybody was in shock, you know. Will you get me a flight to Wichita? Speaker 4 (26:33) I need to go meet some of these newly gay dudes. Some fresh ass, you know what I'm saying? All right. I love it. What do you do for fun, Elazar? Speaker 5 (26:45) For fun. I am sort of, I'm a nerd. I like to learn about history and weird shit like that. You Speaker 4 (26:52) really are into history. What's the craziest thing about history that you've learned recently that you could share with these people? As you heard, there was literally a guy when you asked the rhetorical question, anyone into history, two of my fans, this is how unbelievable my base is, literally go, no. So if you could teach these brilliant, brilliant minds, a lot of camo hats out here tonight, if you could teach them something amazing about history. Sure. Speaker 5 (27:18) You guys heard the winners of wars write history? Again, no. Speaker 4 (27:22) You can't ask them questions. You have to just give them the information. Speaker 5 (27:26) Well, that makes me not trust it. Right? Because, for example, when they found Hitler's body, they said he had a micropenis. Speaker 5 (27:37) But of course they're going to say that. What else are they going to say? Yeah, he killed six million people, but he had a huge cock. Because then that technically makes him the winner. All right. Speaker 6 (27:51) Okay. You only know about Hitler's dick from history. That's like what you read about. Speaker 5 (28:01) Yeah, pretty Speaker 6 (28:02) much. Speaker 5 (28:03) Yeah, Speaker 6 (28:03) yeah. Do you have any black history facts you want to share with us? Speaker 4 (28:07) Black history facts. Yeah. Well, you're a studier of all history. I'm interested in knowing. Black Speaker 6 (28:13) history is history, too. Oh, Speaker 4 (28:15) yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. What do you Speaker 5 (28:17) know about black history? All I know is that. I'm supposed to be part black being Puerto Rican. And that makes me a part of your history, right? Speaker 6 (28:26) That's true. Y'all motherfuckers be denying that shit. Y'all leaving us out to dry. Speaker 5 (28:29) Shit, I ain't denying it, bro. Speaker 4 (28:33) And they're only leaving you up to dry because they don't have running water in Puerto Rico. You guys are the exact same color. Speaker 5 (28:42) No, actually, I have a farmer's tan, so... Wow, Speaker 4 (28:46) that is something else. Yeah, yeah. So, Elazar, the last comedian up here was also Puerto Rican. I'm going to ask you what I asked her. What is the most... Puerto Rican thing about you. Like something that you do, perhaps a daily behavior or something in your routine or something that you sometimes do that you consider, you're like, wow, that comes from my Puerto Rican roots. White people and black people, don't be doing that. Speaker 5 (29:10) White people and black people, that's tough. Something that you Speaker 4 (29:15) do. Puerto Rican. What Speaker 5 (29:17) do I do? Speaker 4 (29:18) Like you ever take spaghetti and meatballs and then wrap it in a tortilla and eat it? Something like that. No, I'm trying Speaker 5 (29:24) to watch my carbs right now. Fuck you, dude. Speaker 5 (29:31) Fuck it. What's the most Puerto Rican thing about me? That's what I'm wondering. Oh, I don't speak Spanish. Whoa. That's a very common Puerto Rican Speaker 6 (29:39) thing. Speaker 5 (29:39) Why is that? I don't know. Actually, my parents used to talk Spanish around me just so they can talk shit so that I couldn't understand them. Wow. Yeah. Basically, he didn't Speaker 4 (29:52) clean his room, but it was blah, blah, blah. I didn't know what they were saying. Do you remember anything that they said? Something they used to call you or something? Speaker 5 (30:02) Nothing at all, huh? I mean, I had one relative call me Ricky Rizzardo, but... Okay. Speaker 4 (30:08) That stuck with you, huh? Speaker 5 (30:10) Yeah, a little bit. I love it. Speaker 4 (30:12) I love it. Other than history, you have any hobbies or anything? You ever parkour or Pokemon or rollerblade or anything like that? Speaker 5 (30:20) Dude, if I parkoured, I would die first day. Speaker 4 (30:23) I Speaker 5 (30:24) don't have the upper body strength or any other kind of strength, but for like... Physical activity, I do basketball. Basketball and I like to run. Oh, okay. Yeah. All right. Speaker 4 (30:36) What type of running do you do? Do you go to a track or do you just go on the street? Oh, actually, I Speaker 5 (30:41) do Uber Eats. I Speaker 4 (30:43) do Speaker 5 (30:43) Uber Eats walking and I run to each Speaker 4 (30:44) location. Really? Speaker 5 (30:46) Yeah, Speaker 4 (30:47) that's why your food is late. I'm sorry. Wow. And then why do you not drive? Why do you not drive the Uber Eats? Speaker 5 (30:55) I don't have a bike. I run. But no, I used to have a lot of anxiety, like a chronic anxiety. And I used to have panic attacks all the time. And for most of my life, I couldn't drive or do anything kind of like behind the wheel. And then I went to a bunch of therapy and now I can drive. I just don't have a car yet. You Speaker 4 (31:14) don't have a car? No. That's the most Puerto Rican thing about you. Congratulations. You have an answer for the next time somebody asks you. All right, Elazar. Speaker 4 (31:25) You had fun up here. Jews hiding. Yeah, Jew hiding in Mexico. Fun. You did good. Here's a big joke book, buddy. Thanks. There you go. Eliza Guzman, everybody. All right. A couple repeat guests that have been on a couple years ago. And now this looks like a brand new name. I'm pretty sure of it. Let's see what happens here. This is a minute from out of the bucket. Anthony Wynkoop, everybody. Here comes Anthony Wynkoop. Speaker 5 (31:59) I've worked in a lot of different kitchens, so I know