Duct Tape Dynasty

I've Had It

In this episode of 'I've Had It,' the hosts tackle absurd corporate messaging, personal insecurities, and the chaos of modern life with shar

Key takeaways

• Corporate jargon like 'we're not writers, but we help shape financial stories' is ridiculed as meaningless and tone-deaf.

Main topics

• Corporate marketing absurdity
• Personal hygiene insecurities

Notable quotes

"The only way to handle a douchebag is to duct tape their mouth shut mid-flight."

Conclusion

The episode ends with a call for authenticity and self-improvement, ur

Transcript preview

Speaker 2 (0:00) So are we supposed to start the podcast? Speaker 3 (0:06) Ready? One, two, three. Patriots, gay triots, they triots, black triots, brown triots, anybody we left off, we love you. If anybody actually still supports Mr. I just changed my hair color from orange to chestnut and psycho tweet. If anybody really actually still supports him, what can they do, pups? Fuck off. Speaker 3 (0:29) Oh, my God. Speaker 1 (0:30) That is so good, Pumps. I'm glad to see that. I mean, I'm bringing the Speaker 4 (0:33) energy today to tell Trump to fuck off. Josh Welch is here. Josh, what are Speaker 3 (0:38) you doing with? Speaker 1 (0:39) Good morning. I'm trying dangerously to stay away from bathroom habits because I've used all of mine up. But I've got one, and it's sort of an interesting one. So this weekend, I'm in town with our son and his girlfriend, and we go to a— a restaurant and I go to the bathroom and I realized that inside the bathroom, they're blaring music like you would, uh, Blair, uh, to a terrorist, you know, like Metallica, like it's that loud. Speaker 3 (1:13) No, Speaker 1 (1:14) it is. It's like, it's that loud. And then it dawned on me in the, in the bathroom was perfect. Like it was, it was a one seater. You lock the door. Uh, it had all the amenities. Like it was just. perfect. Like literally a guy like me could spend hours. But then I realized that this is kind of a trick. This is a trick because you get in there and you think that, okay, I can really sort of take some time here and do what I need. And then you realize this music is so fucking loud. They turn it up really loud on purpose. It's intentional because they say, hey, we're going to give you this safe space, but we're not going to let you abuse it. You get, you know, three to five minutes in here and you can't stand it any longer than that because it's a loud music. And I thought that's kind of brilliant. That's kind of genius that you would do that. So anyway, that was that was my take on on. Speaker 3 (2:05) Well, we couldn't believe it. He came back from the restroom so quickly. And I was like, Speaker 1 (2:09) what's going on Speaker 3 (2:10) here? OK. And he goes, the bathroom was perfect, but they were just blaring the music. And I thought. Oh, it's CIA black site stuff, which is good to note, listener. If you want people to stay out of your restroom in your house, if you have a party, just have the remote and just crank it up. Just blare it. Speaker 1 (2:29) I thought it was brilliant. And on top of all that, it was kind of one of these kind of liberal type vegan style restaurants that was. healthy and proper and all that shit. And so I even had more respect for them that they would sort of torture me in the bathroom session. I was like, okay, I like that. Let's go. That's dark woke. That's dark woke veganism. Loved it. Speaker 3 (2:55) All Speaker 4 (2:56) right, Pumps, what have you got it with? Okay. I've had this crud in my head for days on end. I've had it with my breath being so bad. I could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon. I am so self-conscious because it's just snot and I can't breathe through my nose. I am scraping. I am brushing. I'm gargling with mouthwash. And I went out one time over the weekend and I was like hiding my mouth. Somebody said hi to me and like I knew him and I was talking and I put my... I am so paranoid about how bad my breath is. And I just, I was driving home from the grocery store and I thought, this is your karma. You sit around and you bitch about people that get in your personal space with bad breath. And now your karma bitch has caught up with you because you are mowing down the world. And I'm to the point now, I'm never going to ever not be insecure about how bad my breath is. I just, I'm obsessed with it. I think even my dogs are grossed Speaker 3 (4:06) out. Speaker 4 (4:06) It's so Speaker 3 (4:07) bad. How are you? It's difficult to get a sniff of one's own breath. What's your tactic here? Speaker 4 (4:14) I haven't sniffed Speaker 3 (4:16) it. Speaker 4 (4:16) I don't even know if it's bad, but my mouth tastes so bad. It's like you wake up in college and you smoked three packs of cigarettes and had 87 beers. Your mouth is fuzzy. That's how my mouth has been for like six days. So I can only assume that my breath is horrible. And so I'm Speaker 1 (4:36) just Speaker 4 (4:36) paranoid. Have Speaker 1 (4:37) you received any feedback from, are you close to people at all? Like when you go to the gym, you work out with a trainer, right? And you work out with other people. Has anybody shared with you that? That this is a problem? No, nobody Speaker 4 (4:50) shared with me, but it's just, I feel like the taste in my mouth is so bad. It has to be bad. Speaker 3 (4:57) So it's a self-diagnosis of chronic halitosis without confirmation. Correct. Correct. Okay. All right. Being sick and having a head cold is terrible. I hope you feel better soon. All right. Let me tell you all what I've had it with. We've talked a lot about these PR companies that come up with stupid shit, right? So I'm walking to the studio the other day and I walked past a, it's like a little bus stop and it had like an ad on the side of the bus stop. And it said, it was either Chase or Citibank, one of these. And it says, we're not writers, but we help our clients shape their financial stories. Speaker 3 (5:41) What I have to say about that is, number one, that's stupid. I'm never going to walk by there and go, oh my God, Chase Bank doesn't write, but they shape stories. They're not writers, they're shapers. And what I want to know is when the brain trust that came up with this, we're not writers, but we help our clients shape their financial stories. Speaker 3 (6:06) in a real sick, fucked up way. I want a reality show where there are hidden cameras when they're doing this. I would be entertained Speaker 4 (6:13) forever Speaker 3 (6:14) if it was like, yeah, that's right. We're shapers, not writers. And we do shape stories. We don't write stories. It's stupid. Nobody is going to say I'm banking there because they don't write, they shape. Speaker 4 (6:28) Yeah, that's what I was going to say. How many people have come in off the street and said, you know what? I'm closing my bank account with X bank and I'm coming to you because I realize you're shapers and I want to be shapers. Speaker 3 (6:40) I Speaker 4 (6:41) want my Speaker 3 (6:42) financial story shaped, not written. And I saw on a bus stop that you all do that. And so I am leaving Wells Fargo and I am 100 % on board with this jet stream of bullshit that you are selling. It's just that... Where we're trying to make something banking into something like that should be in the literary world. I've had it with this. This is Speaker 4 (7:07) the crossover. Speaker 3 (7:08) There's nothing like, I don't know. I just, I want to know what went behind it. I want to know the conversations that were had. I want to know what was thrown in the trash to favor this one over other. Speaker 3 (7:23) If that's their best foot forward, what were the others? Speaker 1 (7:27) How bad was it? And most people, if I were living in New York, humping it, going to work, and I came across- What do you mean, humping it? Well, just like early at 7 a.m. Dry Speaker 3 (7:40) humping it? Speaker 1 (7:42) No, you know, get on the Speaker 3 (7:43) subway. Speaker 1 (7:43) I love a dry hump. You Speaker 3 (7:44) know, Speaker 1 (7:44) I got a backpack. You're just going. You're working. Like, you got a bottle of water. You're humping it. Humping. So if I was and I came across some slogan like that, I'm afraid I'd just get fucking mad. It's kind Speaker 3 (7:56) of what happened to me. Speaker 1 (7:57) You motherfuckers writing this philosophical bullshit and here we are out humping it, trying to make a living. Chase doesn't give a fuck about that. Chase just wants a bunch of money. That's what they want. Weren't they part of the huge mortgage scandal that happened? I Speaker 3 (8:12) think they're in the Epstein file. It's just one big bend over Speaker 1 (8:16) fuck after another. Let's make it about some kind of family journey and then we can fuck you even harder. That's what I think about. Speaker 3 (8:27) All right, ladies, I don't know if it's just me or have you been feeling off lately and just calling it normal, low energy, mood all over the place, brain fog, changes in your cycle. 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Please support our show and Speaker 4 (9:45) let them know that we sent you. Speaker 3 (9:47) All right, let's talk about some news stories that happened. Pop this up, Kylie. A passenger was duct taped to his seat after allegedly making racist and anti-gay remarks on an American Airlines flight. According to DMZ, TMZ, the man allegedly used the N-word toward a black flight attendant and became violent, hitting another passenger and pushing a woman who tried to help. Passengers helped restrain him with the duct tape and zip ties before the flight was diverted to Baltimore where he was taken into custody. And I think this is a situation. TMZ got the video of the incident. Pop this up. Let's look at this. Speaker 4 (10:31) All Speaker 3 (10:45) right. So as you can see, there's TMZ showing all of that. What I think is what's happening is a lot of these people that live like in true social are getting outside of that bubble. And they are so clueless as to like, this shit doesn't work. Like this shit is not going to work and you're going to get your ass duct taped. This guy, 100%, 1 million trillion percent. I don't know this for a fact, but I would bet. Everybody I love's life on it. Triple trumped. Speaker 1 (11:16) Yeah. I've got another addition to this. And this gentleman that was duct taped to his seat, down where I grew up in Hugo, we would tell people like this, that he's lucky. He's lucky by saying those kind of things to people like that, that he didn't just get his fucking ass whipped, that he didn't get hurt really, really bad. Being duct taped is a gift for this guy. You say this kind of shit. And I think you're right. You get outside the bubble, you know, and Trump has made all this stuff normal. These young kids that we see, these young white kids that are in college and they normalize a lot of this stuff, too. It's just like and then you get around people and you realize that our country is diverse, that there's so many different types of people everywhere. When you get on a plane, when you land at an airport and it's unacceptable. And we're going to see more and more of this kind of stuff, unfortunately. But where I sit, anything short of just being... Speaker 1 (12:16) pretty much just ass whipped is a gift for this guy. He deserved a lot more. Speaker 4 (12:20) No, I completely agree. And I loved it so much that they duct taped him. It reminded me during COVID when they duct tape people like passengers that got out of line. And I was like, one of the most, I mean, teacher the most underappreciated, but one of the most underappreciated occupations is a flight attendant. They have to put up with so much shit from so many people. And there are so many rude fuckers. And so I loved when they were duct taping during COVID. And this guy, nobody was a better candidate for being duct taped. I agree. His ass was kicked. What infuriated me was the Post article that now he's suing the airlines. Fuck you. They should sue you. Speaker 3 (13:02) This is what bullies do. He was a bully. He was a racist. He was a homophobe. He got outside of his, you know. We wear the bald eagle shirt with grenades and all this shit. And then he gets called out. He gets duct taped. And then now he's Speaker 4 (13:18) a Speaker 3 (13:18)