You Need to Learn to Say No (Even to an Inauguration) with Taraji P. Henson [From the Archives]

IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson

In this archived episode of IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson, acclaimed actress Taraji P. Henson joins to discuss the importance of setting boundaries,

Key takeaways

• Setting boundaries is essential for emotional well-being, even when faced with high-profile invitations like an inauguration.
• Mental health recovery after public life requires intentional self-work and affirming new narratives over old trauma.

Main topics

• Setting boundaries in life
• Post-White House mental health journey

Notable quotes

"More money, more problems." – Taraji P. Henson on the illusion of financial security.

Conclusion

Taraji P. Henson's journey exemplifies how personal growth, mental health awareness, and

Transcript preview

Speaker 1 (0:00) What happened that eight years that we were in the White House? What did that do to me? Yes. Internally, my soul, we made it through. We got out alive. I hope we made the country proud. My girls, thank God, are whole. But what happened to me? Right. Right? Speaker 1 (0:28) Craig Malcolm Robinson. Michelle LaVon Robinson. Not Robinson. Obama. Obama. What, what, what, what, 30 years? Speaker 3 (0:40) How's Speaker 1 (0:40) it Speaker 3 (0:40) going? It's going well. It's going well. How you doing? Speaker 1 (0:44) Doing, doing well. Yeah. Yeah. Happy to be here with you. We've got a great show coming up. I'm Speaker 3 (0:50) so Speaker 1 (0:50) excited. But we are here in LA and... You doing your Speaker 3 (0:54) thing? I'm doing my thing. I'm staying in an Airbnb again. And I tell you, every time I stay in one, it makes me want to stay in one wherever I go. The boys have a tournament coming up in a month or so. And rather than staying in a hotel, we're going to get an Airbnb so we can do all of our own cooking and washing of dirty uniforms. Speaker 1 (1:17) Yeah, yeah. So Speaker 3 (1:18) I'm really excited. Yeah, you're Speaker 1 (1:20) just becoming an... Airbnb aficionado. I am. I Speaker 3 (1:23) am. Quite impressed. I absolutely have enjoyed my time because, you know, I was always Mr. Hotel. You were. Points. Speaker 3 (1:33) All that stuff. Speaker 1 (1:34) You seem younger than you are. That makes you more up to date than, you know, your age portends. You're living like a young person Speaker 3 (1:42) out there. I know, I know. But Airbnb Speaker 1 (1:43) is for everyone of all ages and you were living proof of that. I Speaker 3 (1:47) am, I am. Well, how excited are we? Speaker 1 (1:51) Very, very excited. Speaker 3 (1:54) Well. Folks, I'm going to get right to our guest because we want to bring her out. Because this is one of those. And I am a huge fan. Speaker 3 (2:05) I've got goosebumps. Speaker 1 (2:06) Let me just say, my brother has been giddy, a little silly giddy all day. And he even wore a whole suit Speaker 3 (2:12) for this one. Because he's usually Speaker 1 (2:14) in jeans. It's like there's usually, we don't know what's going on down there. But your top matches your pants today. That means we got somebody special here with us. Speaker 3 (2:24) See what happens when you try and clean yourself up. Your sister takes full advantage. But our guest today is... none other than Taraji P. Henson. Speaker 1 (2:34) My girl. Speaker 3 (2:35) And she is an Academy Award-nominated actor, producer, and number one New York Times bestselling author, mental health advocate, and entrepreneur. Speaker 1 (2:46) Yeah, yeah. Owning her own stuff. Speaker 3 (2:49) Yeah, she's starring in Tyler Perry's Straw on Netflix, which I watched the trailer, and I was crying Speaker 1 (2:56) on Speaker 3 (2:57) the trailer. I know, Speaker 1 (2:57) I know. Taraji, she'll do that to you. She does it to you. She Speaker 3 (3:01) does Speaker 1 (3:01) it Speaker 3 (3:01) to you. Speaker 1 (3:02) Yeah, I can't wait for that to come out. I know, I know. Speaker 3 (3:04) She is also the founder of the Boris L. Henson Foundation, named after her father, which works to enhance access to mental health services within Black communities. She has also launched TPH by Taraji, a line of spa-inspired products, and is the strategic advisor for Seven Daughters Moscato. Moscato. Speaker 1 (3:28) I got me a bottle. Ooh. I had two bottles. I may let you try one. Let Speaker 3 (3:33) me try one. I would love that. If Speaker 1 (3:35) you act Speaker 3 (3:35) right. Speaker 1 (3:35) But Speaker 3 (3:35) without any further ado, Taraji, please come out and join us. Speaker 1 (3:41) Thank you so much. Are you kidding me? Speaker 2 (3:50) Thank you. Love yours, too. Thank you. Oh, Speaker 1 (3:52) my goodness. Speaker 3 (3:53) It took a while to do mine, so. Yeah, yeah. Speaker 1 (3:56) Looking good. Looking good. Now, the last time we saw one another was at the final White House party. Yes. In the last. Yes. The last night. It was the last night. Was it the very last night or was it one of the last parties? I can't remember. So I think it was. Yeah. I think it Speaker 2 (4:19) was, but I just never forget I was leaving and Speaker 1 (4:24) I Speaker 2 (4:25) thought it was pretty late. It was. And I'm leaving because I'm tired. My feet hurt. I had my socks walking to Speaker 1 (4:31) the car. Speaker 2 (4:31) And Speaker 1 (4:31) I Speaker 2 (4:31) remember you saying that. Speaker 1 (4:33) Yes. Because I was Speaker 2 (4:33) like, girl, Speaker 1 (4:34) my Speaker 3 (4:35) feet hurt. You Speaker 1 (4:35) had socks Speaker 3 (4:35) walking to the car? Speaker 2 (4:36) Yes, because my feet, I danced out of my shoes. And Tom Hanks was walking across the floor like this. I was like, he's still partying. I forget that. Speaker 1 (4:47) Well, we are thrilled, beyond thrilled to have you here. Let me just fangirl a little bit because I didn't get to do that at the party when I saw you, but we are huge fans. Thank you. And you, oh man, you just bring every part of you to the work that you do. And I will... Never forget my reaction. And I know a lot of actors like you who do so many things don't want to get pigeonholed into one role. But let me just say, Cookie on Empire. I mean, I got on the phone to Speaker 3 (5:24) people when Speaker 1 (5:26) you showed up on screen because I was like, this is a real character. I mean, this is like, I felt all of who Cookie was. And I called people on the phone. I was like, you have got to watch Empire. This is a different kind of series that's coming on. And it was because of your performance. Thank you. And then to see the trailer of Straw, which is the story of Black women at the edge of everything. And just the trailer alone, as Craig said, brings you to tears. I guess I just want to know, where does all that come from in that little bitty body of yours? Speaker 2 (6:13) Well, I am trained. I went to Howard University. But, you know, as an actor, sometimes, you know, sharing a bit of, you know, the character's joy or pain, mine might bleed in a little bit. And I've been through some things in life. You know, it wasn't easy growing up, you know, in the hood or whatever. But, you know, I made it out. Yeah. Speaker 1 (6:39) But, Speaker 2 (6:40) you know, life will throw curveballs at you. And it's not always, you know, I know people look at celebrities and they're like, oh, you got it made because you're rich. But like the great guru Biggie Smalls says, more money, more problems. Oh, yeah. You know, you think your problems go away because you finally made it or whatever. And it's like, no, you get more problems, more expensive problems. But again, you know, the training and just being true to the character. And I think as actors, what we do is very spiritual. Yeah. Because we use our bodies as vessels to tell a Speaker 1 (7:16) character's truth. And Speaker 2 (7:18) so I can't judge that character. Speaker 1 (7:20) Right. Speaker 2 (7:21) A lot of times I do. Like, I judged Cookie at first. I was like, oh, my God, she's Speaker 3 (7:26) a Speaker 2 (7:26) horrible guy. I Speaker 1 (7:27) did. Speaker 2 (7:27) It was hard not to. But the job of the actor is to show the why. And when you show the why, that's when you gain empathy. Speaker 3 (7:35) Yes. Because Speaker 2 (7:35) there's always a why. Speaker 3 (7:37) Well, I, you know, I'm a trained athlete, so I'm different. But when you said that, you know, I'm trained. You know, I never think of that with non-athletes. Right. And that is, it's a real skill. It is. But to the... I'm just sitting here getting nervous because every time I watch you on the screen, I feel something. Speaker 3 (8:07) emotionally. And I just want to thank you for that because it is a, I mean, just, I'm thinking about, you know, Benjamin Button. I'm thinking about Proud Mary. I mean, Proud Mary, well, you know, I still have a 15-year-old and a 13-year-old. Oh, Speaker 2 (8:24) wow. So that, Speaker 3 (8:25) that hit me. You know, I will let my kids watch R-rated movies if you're in them. Speaker 1 (8:32) I want to know some of the why of Taraji, the real woman. Because you are doing a little bit of everything now. You are not just acting and winning awards, but you're building an empire of your own. Yes. Can you talk a little bit about that? Because you just had, you know, a major win personally on the business side. Speaker 2 (8:59) Yes. Speaker 1 (8:59) Gaining more control over your own stuff. Can you talk a bit about your company? Speaker 2 (9:05) Yes. Well, TPH, I don't know if a lot of people may or may not know this about me, but I didn't get accepted into Duke Ellington School of Fine Arts in Washington, D.C. And the next thing, my next passion was... I love doing hair and nails and makeup, but I missed, you had to enroll in the ninth grade. I missed it by a year. And I just think it was God. You know, I wasn't supposed to go down that path, but that's always been a passion of mine. That's how I fed myself in college, you know, because I didn't have money. And so I would do $20 wet sets because I had a hooded dryer out of my dorm room. And you went to Howard. And I went to Howard. But my first, I started at North Carolina A &T. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Because I really didn't think I could act. That's right. And then my father let me fall flat on my face because math is not, I'm Speaker 1 (9:57) not mathematically wired at all. Me either, girl. Me either. I'm an artist. I am Speaker 2 (10:01) an artist to the bone. And so when I failed pre-calc. my dad was like, that's what you get. Now you get back up here and go to Howard and you enroll and you get back into acting. And Speaker 1 (10:12) that's how I- Oh, Speaker 2 (10:13) so you Speaker 1 (10:13) were running from acting. I ran from it. Wow. Yeah, I ran from it. I thought Speaker 3 (10:17) you were saying your dad pushed Speaker 2 (10:20) you in the back of the- No, he knew that I was a performer. He was telling me when I was little that I would win an Oscar. You're going to be one of the greatest actors alive. And because I'd been hearing that so much from him when I did not get accepted into Duke Ellington, I didn't know how to take that, you Speaker 1 (10:40) know. Take that failure on the chin and keep moving. Speaker 2 (10:43) I just Speaker 1 (10:43) did it at 13. Or what was that? 12. You believe that. You go, oh, that must mean I can't act. Speaker 2 (10:49) Sure. Well, Speaker 1 (10:51) and having raised my children in Washington, we've done a lot of work with the Duke Ellington School. And to put it in perspective, it's like the Whitney Young, the magnet school that I went to, you know. you know, well-funded school, you know, that just pushes out a lot of amazing artists all over the place. So I can imagine you grew up with that being your, you know. My North Star. Speaker 2 (11:17) So I just thought that, I just thought I didn't have the talent. Speaker 1 (11:21) And Speaker 2 (11:21) so imagine me going back to Howard. I felt. Out of sorts. And then finally, when I got back into the groove and I found my footing, everybody was like, well, you know, you went to Duke Ellington. And I was like, no, I didn't. Speaker 1 (11:32) They Speaker 2 (11:33) didn't accept me. Speaker 1 (11:34) Well, that is, you know, a beautiful thing to have a black daddy, you know, believe in his baby so much in a very challenging and non-traditional career. Yeah. You know, what a blessing to have that man be in that wing. wind beneath your wings. Yeah, it was because, you know, in the day of, you should be a Speaker 2 (11:57) doctor or you need to be a lawyer, he really saw my gift. So, but like I said, I was doing $20 wet sets. So hair and cosmetology has always been in me. Speaker 2 (12:11) I remember when I first got to Hollywood and I started working and I couldn't afford weaves when I was in college. So when I got to Hollywood, I heard about, you know, women, I lost my edges and I didn't want to lose my edges. And I started working. See, we have that issue too, Craig. Speaker 3 (12:30) You see what she did? I'm sorry. She said, we have that too. And then she looks up at my head. Well. That's what happens. That's what happens. Maybe if you would have found Speaker 2 (12:40) TPH. There you go. I'm Speaker 3 (12:43) sorry Speaker 1 (12:44) to Raji. I had to give Speaker 2 (12:47) it Speaker 1 (12:47) to Speaker 2 (12:47) my brother. It was perfect timing. You Speaker 3 (12:49) know Speaker 2 (12:49) I'm Speaker 3 (12:49) the older brother. You know that, right? Speaker 2 (12:53) She's making up for all the times when you picked on her when she was little. I'm sure. But in the Speaker 1 (12:57) spirit of saving our edges. Speaker 2 (12:59) Yeah. So I just remember I got my first install and I was like, well, this is great for protecting my hair, but how do I get to my hair? How do I take care of my hair while it's in Speaker 1 (13:11) an Speaker 2 (13:11) install? And so I created this concoction and I remember going on vacation with a girlfriend of mine and her daughter. They had protective styles and they... complain Speaker 1 (13:19) about itchy scalp. But I said, well, use what I use. And I put Speaker 2 (13:22) it together. And they came out of the bathroom. I was like, oh my God, where do I get this? This is amazing. And I was like, give me a minute. And so that's how TPH was born out of my own necessity. And for me, it was about the education of scalp. Because I knew... Women were getting installs wearing wigs. But I was like, I don't think they understand that you still have to take care of your hair if it's in an install. Speaker 1 (13:47) So Speaker 2 (13:47) that's when I was like, this is a great way for me to enter into the beauty industry. So that's how TPH was born out of my own necessity. And you now own it. I own it. I finally, I bought it back. It's mine. It's mine. I have a lot of work to do, but I am ready. Speaker 1 (14:03) I'm ready Speaker 2 (14:04) for it because it's mine. I feel like, I feel like cookie. I own my company, Lucius. There you go. There you go. And, you know, that's where it begins. So now you're a businesswoman. Speaker 1 (14:13) Yes. You adding that onto your plate. Yes. But you've been doing all that and raising a strong black man. I want to know how, how do you manage it all? It wasn't easy. It's Speaker 2 (14:30) never easy. Speaker 2 (14:32) You know, as life, you have ups and downs. You have dark days. You have light days. You have gray areas. And for me, it was just learning how to take care of myself. Speaker 1 (14:43) Because Speaker 2 (14:44) as women, Speaker 1 (14:45) we Speaker 2 (14:46) take care of so much. Speaker 1 (14:48) And Speaker 2 (14:49) we take care of the family. And a lot of