Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty [From the Archives]

IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson

In this archival episode, Michelle Obama, Craig Robinson, and Jay Shetty discuss the tension between pursuing professional passion and maint

Key takeaways

• Jay Shetty proposes a 'middle path' where individuals can build skills and networks within their current jobs rather than making extreme, all-or-nothing leaps.
• Michelle Obama warns against the trap of 'checking boxes'—pursuing linear milestones like grades and titles without questioning one's personal 'why'.

Main topics

• Career risk vs. stability
• Finding personal purpose

Notable quotes

If you can't see something in your mind, you can't create it in your life.

Conclusion

The episode serves as an encouraging guide for anyone feeling caught b

Transcript preview

Speaker 1 (0:00) If you can't see something in your mind, you can't create it in your life. And so instead of looking at life through these two extremes, maybe there's a middle path. And the middle path could be that, wait a minute, maybe I don't need to quit my job. Maybe I can stay at my job. and then build my passion and Speaker 3 (0:20) build Speaker 1 (0:21) my skills and learn and expand my network. And maybe this thing that feels like a big risk and feels like a big jump and a big leap, maybe I can make it feel like a series of steps that make it feel seamless and smooth. Maybe it doesn't need to be, if I don't go all in, Speaker 2 (0:39) then Speaker 1 (0:40) I'm not going to make it. And I think sometimes also our mindset today is if I don't go all in, Then it doesn't matter. Speaker 2 (0:59) Well, it is great to see you. Speaker 3 (1:01) Hi, you. I Speaker 2 (1:02) miss not recording with you and spending time with you. Speaker 3 (1:06) Welcome to one of my favorite places to be. I know it is. Martha's Vineyard. Speaker 2 (1:10) We have to figure out how to get here more often. You Speaker 3 (1:13) know, I keep telling you all that. This is a great place for the boys at this age. I know you all are busy with basketball and all the things, but last time they were here, they had a ball. Speaker 2 (1:24) Listen, it's not their fault. It's our fault. Between basketball and music and school, it just, it makes it tough. But, I mean, I really appreciate you having us here. How about this? Yeah, yeah. Speaker 3 (1:38) We're lucky. I mean, I can actually walk, you know. I can get on a bike and ride for hours. I can walk on my own. You know, you can see the ocean. The towns are just very quaint. So, I'm glad you're here. Speaker 2 (1:53) I am glad to be here. And our listeners should know that you have your oldest nephew got married this summer. I'm just so happy Speaker 3 (2:01) for Avery. It Speaker 2 (2:02) was really neat. Avery Speaker 3 (2:03) and Speaker 2 (2:03) Emily. Speaker 3 (2:03) Another Mrs. Speaker 2 (2:04) Robinson. Another Speaker 3 (2:05) Mrs. Robinson. Yeah, that's strange. That is. How does it feel having your first child married? Speaker 2 (2:12) I will tell you that Kelly and I were so focused on the wedding because we didn't hear. anything about what was going on. So we thought it was going to be a disaster, of course. No Speaker 3 (2:23) faith, no faith. Speaker 2 (2:24) No faith in your own kids who you've raised to be well. And when we showed up and everything was so well done and so tastefully done and so many of the little things like the name tags and the menus were all done by hand by Emily and Avery. It was such a wonderful and beautiful Speaker 3 (2:43) ceremony. Speaker 2 (2:45) I left there feeling proud. Speaker 3 (2:47) Yeah, yeah. Well, you did a good job, dude. Speaker 2 (2:49) Thanks. Yeah. Speaker 3 (2:51) Thank you. Way to go. Way to go. Speaker 2 (2:54) Well, speaking of jobs, Speaker 3 (2:56) we Speaker 2 (2:57) have a great question today. Speaker 3 (3:00) We do. We Speaker 2 (3:01) do. Speaker 3 (3:02) Good segue. Way to go. Yeah, Speaker 2 (3:04) thanks. I'm working hard to be like our first guest, Jay Shetty. I'm trying to be Jay. Speaker 3 (3:11) Okay, okay. Speaker 2 (3:12) But the question, deals with leaving your current situation to try and find a job in something that you're passionate about. And, you know, I've dealt with that. Yeah, passion Speaker 3 (3:27) versus family versus Speaker 2 (3:29) financial. Speaker 3 (3:30) Financial, yeah, yeah. It's something that we've all dealt with, but it's a good question to get us started. Speaker 2 (3:37) Yeah, yeah. And we've got a great guest for this. Jay Shetty is a number one. New York Times bestselling author, award-winning storyteller. And I happen to be telling my sister all about someone she knows. This is really for me because I'm meeting him for the first time. He's a podcast host, which I've already said, I'm trying to be like him. You Speaker 3 (4:00) can learn a little something here. Speaker 2 (4:01) And a former monk. Yeah. How about that? Dedicated to helping people. train their mind for peace and purpose every day. And he hosts the popular podcast On Purpose, which you were on, by the way. I'm very excited to have him with us today. And Jay, why don't Speaker 1 (4:21) you Speaker 2 (4:21) come on out? Speaker 1 (4:22) It's good to see you, man. Speaker 2 (4:25) Thanks Speaker 3 (4:25) for Speaker 2 (4:25) being here. Speaker 1 (4:26) Grateful to be here. Thank you so much. It's great to see you. Thank you. Thanks so much. Craig, it's wonderful to meet you. It Speaker 2 (4:32) is so nice to meet you, man. I listened to the show you did with my sister and I couldn't stop listening. Speaker 1 (4:38) Oh, that's very kind of you. That's because of her. Everything she said is beautiful. No, Speaker 2 (4:42) no, that's Speaker 1 (4:42) because of Speaker 2 (4:42) you. Speaker 1 (4:42) We already know. Speaker 2 (4:43) We already know. Speaker 3 (4:44) Jay, I'm just grateful that you're here. After our conversation, I don't know if you remembered, but I was like, I could talk to you forever. Speaker 2 (4:53) Well, let me tell you this. I've been thinking about what I want to talk to you about. then I know we have to get to this question, the question that we have from our listener. But I wanted to know, Jay, I'm sure you've been on a number of shows. I can imagine that people wanted to ask you about being a monk the most. Speaker 1 (5:14) Is that true? That's true. That's 100 % right. I Speaker 2 (5:18) did Speaker 1 (5:18) my research. Speaker 2 (5:20) What I want to ask you about is... What have you been asked about in your experience the least? And how has that informed who you are as a person now? Speaker 1 (5:33) Wow, that's a great question. That's a great question. Speaker 2 (5:36) Like I said, I'm trying to be you. I'm Speaker 1 (5:38) trying to be Speaker 2 (5:39) you. Well, you're doing better than me right now. You stumped me already. Speaker 1 (5:45) The thing I'm asked about least. Speaker 1 (5:50) probably is my family. Speaker 2 (5:52) And Speaker 1 (5:53) the fact that you're both doing this together just shows how important family is and how much it shapes us and how much it molds us. And I would say my family experiences are a huge part of why I do what I do today. And I've never spoken about this before, but I have a really beautiful relationship with both my mother and father. But I mediated their relationship ever since I was a young boy. Speaker 3 (6:16) And Speaker 1 (6:17) so I found myself at 10 years old, sitting with them individually, listening to them, trying to understand them, giving them a shoulder to rest on, to feel seen, heard, and understood. Wow. And I feel that all the work I try and do today to try and help and serve the people online or wherever it be, through my books and my podcast, comes from, I feel I've just played that role my whole life. I remember doing it for my parents and recognizing that they were both beautiful, wonderful people. Wow. Had their differences. And Speaker 2 (6:49) to Speaker 1 (6:49) be able to recognize that at an early age, I think has allowed me to not have this divided thinking of it's one or the other. Speaker 3 (6:56) I'm just picturing 10-year-old Jay sitting down between mom and dad. Okay, now tell me what you're thinking here and what did you mean? But kids do find themselves with a level of sort of precocious empathy. You know, oftentimes kids do become the mediators in the family and that you were 10 years old doing that. And Speaker 2 (7:20) I would venture to say that there are more people who are in your position who turned out a mess because they were refereeing their parents. I mean, I think you got to feel pretty good about where you are given the position you were in. Speaker 1 (7:38) I would like to think that. I took good notes and that helped a lot of what to do, what not to do. And I think I'll be happy and satisfied if I figure out how we can help more people get to that. I think that's the hard part. And Speaker 3 (7:54) yeah, that's why I want to hear the reason we're doing these conversations is to talk. Speaker 5 (8:02) You know, Speaker 3 (8:02) to talk through things with people, to talk through things in person, you know, with us here, hopefully shedding some light, giving people tools and, you know, some kind of direction because everyone is looking just for a little bit of direction. It's like, how did you get here? How did you not mess that up? And as you know, we don't have the answers, but oftentimes it's just the conversation that people find helpful. Speaker 2 (8:29) That actually leads to our question from our listener, Adrienne. Speaker 4 (8:33) Hi, Michelle and Craig. My name is Adrienne, and I'm a 38-year-old man who works in tech. I've been considering recently whether to take a major career risk, which is starting a new company, or to stay in a high-paying job that will afford me the opportunity to have a family. These dreams seemingly are at odds. Given my experience in an emerging industry, I feel like I have a real chance at starting something big and making a difference. In the long run, I think it will pay off, but it will require years of hard work, long hours, and financial instability. Not the best circumstances for having a family. The alternative is putting my career dreams on the back burner and prioritizing financial security so that I can support a family in the future at some unknown time. I'm currently single, but I'm also serious about settling down when I do meet the right person. At my age and knowing I do want a family one day, how should I approach this decision? Should I prioritize my career dreams or financial stability and starting a family earlier in life? Thanks, Adrienne. Speaker 3 (9:45) Sounds like a familiar dilemma. You know, and the first thing I think about is, how I wasn't a risk taker. I think because of the stability that we had in our family, I thought that that was the way you led a life, that things were linear. If you did the right things, if you check certain boxes, that you were winning in life. And as a result, I think my view of what life could be was way too narrow. But I was off on that path, not really thinking about anything but checking the boxes. So I did what I was supposed to do. I went to grammar school, got great grades, went to the best high school I could go to, got great grades, applied to an Ivy League school, got in, did well. Never asking myself why, what do I care about after graduating from Princeton? Went to Harvard. Why? Because I got in. And I thought, well, maybe I want to be a lawyer. But it seems like it's a very linear thing. And it wasn't until I was practicing law that life hit me in a certain way. And I started to think about my why. And that sort of made me stop and think, wow, I've been kind of stuck on this path that isn't even mine. Thinking that what was important was a good job. the right salary, the right school, that there were like these answers and none of it had to do with happiness. Speaker 2 (11:27) I'm a big fan of furniture that's just as practical as it is good looking. For example, Kelly and I just went on Wayfair and got ourselves this incredible extendable dining table. Right now it's in our breakfast nook and it seats four people perfectly. But if we ever need some extra space, we can very easily just pull apart the two ends and add panels to make it seat up to eight people. We got it in the walnut varnish. but it also comes in natural wood and black. And that's one of the things I appreciate about Wayfair. 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