I Think I Was Kidding

ill-advised by Bill Nighy

In this episode of ill-advised by Bill Nighy, the host answers a variety of listener questions ranging from London sidewalk etiquette to the

Key takeaways

• Bill discusses his personal rule of walking on the street side of the pavement to protect women from splashes or traffic.
• He advises a listener facing corporate euphemisms like 'Service Prioritisation Event' to simply embrace retirement and salsa dancing.

Main topics

• London sidewalk etiquette
• Corporate jargon

Notable quotes

If you enjoy dinner parties and are good in bed, there's nothing for you here.

Conclusion

A whimsical and anecdotal journey through life's minor irritations and

Transcript preview

Speaker 2 (0:00) Bye. Speaker 1 (0:03) Good morning, good afternoon or good evening, depending on where you are on the planet. This is Bill Nye and this is ill-advised by Bill Nye. And remember, if you enjoy dinner parties and are good in bed, there's nothing for you here. you came to the wrong place. If you enjoy long, wintry walks in appropriate footwear and maybe popping into a pub along the way, you've come to the wrong place. I have nothing for you. But we are here, all of us here are in good faith. So that's not nothing in the modern world. And I will attempt to answer your questions without actually making things worse. So, in other words, put the kettle on and let's talk inconsequential tosh for however long a podcast is, which I have no idea. Speaker 5 (0:56) Hi Bill, this is Marie, who recently moved to London. As an American on your shores, I have come to accept the need to look right, then left, then right again, before crossing the street, given the custom of driving on the left side of the road. I also deeply respect the sanctity of the British queue and publicly lining up for everything. That said, I remain deeply confused as to the rules when walking down a sidewalk in London. Frankly. it's a bit chaotic does one walk on the left like one drives or is it the accepted custom simply to panic mirror each other twice and mutter sorry I know you walk around town a lot, so please help me before I collide with someone carrying a coffee, or worse. Thank you. Speaker 1 (1:57) Marie, good question. And something I've never, I have considered because there's a couple of things I know. When you're walking along the pavement and you're hugging the shop side of things or the house side of things or the, in other words, the left hand edge. If you see someone coming in the other direction who is also hugging the inside lane. It can turn into a standoff, like who's going to give up the inside lane? I don't know if this happens to anyone else. I am tenacious, and I always look down at my feet as if I don't know they're coming, so they therefore have to break out and go into the middle of the pavement to let me go by on the inside lane. I know, I know. It's pathetic. I should never say these things in public, but I have now, so it's too late. The only other thing that springs to mind is that my father, taught me that I should always walk. If you're walking with a woman, the man, and this I understand is deeply now and then sexist, but it's physically uncomfortable for me to be on the inside track if I'm walking along the pavement with a woman. I have to be on her left. And it was explained to me, you know, should a driver lose control of the vehicle and mount the pavement, I would take the hit. This was explained to me by my father. And also, if there was rain that day and there was water in the gutter and a car came by and it splashed in the water in the gutter, which would spray up, I take the hit. Because it's more important that the woman is not splashed with muddy water than it is if I'm splashed with muddy water. That was explained to me. And I know it's bonkers, but I actually now do feel. physically uncomfortable on the wrong, what my father would have called the wrong side of a woman. Mind you, I've always felt uneasy being on the wrong side of a woman, but that's another story. The other thing that I was taught by a great friend of mine also about where to sit in a restaurant, a female friend, where to sit in a restaurant in terms of two people sitting at a restaurant table, that the woman is always given the chair. with her back to the wall and her front to the rest of the restaurant so she can see what's going on. And the man always sits opposite her with his back to the restaurant. And you sit down second. The woman sits down first. All of these things are archaic and probably now offensive. And I'm not giving you the, you know, it used to be all right and we were all happy. I'm not giving you that thing. I hate when people say, you know, if I'm allowed to say that. I cannot bear it when people say, if it's still okay to say that, it makes me want to buy a gun when people say that stuff. So I'm not giving you that. But it's still tricky for me because I'm quite old. I'm very old. And I've been sitting on that, you know, I did that for a long time. So now if I'm sitting on the inside chair with a woman having her back to the restaurant, I don't feel comfortable. It's just because it's just you know, it's like if I leave the house without a book under my arm I can't work out what's wrong, but I have to go back in and get the book and put it under my arm because I made a rule years and years and years and years and donkeys years ago that you always take the book because you never know. Somebody may cancel for dinner. The train may get, you know, canceled entirely or it may sit on the tracks. You might get hung up in a tunnel for hours. You've got to have the book. But I'm now physically. Speaker 1 (5:48) disturbed if I haven't got a book under my arm, literally under my arm. I mean literally, of course, under my arm. It's the physical thing. There's a space where the book should be. It's a physical sensation. Anyway, there you go. But there are no rules. You came to a reckless country where there are lots and lots and lots and lots of rules, but they forgot when it came to what you call the sidewalk. Please don't call it the sidewalk anymore. At least not until you get back to America. Speaker 2 (6:23) Hi Bill, it's Phil from Glasgow. Having worked in local government for 40 years, I've found my tolerance to corporate speak and those who use it has significantly diminished. As I rapidly approach retirement, we've been asked to attend a meeting called a Service Prioritisation Event. It's going to be about cuts and I can't be arsed to go. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks. Speaker 1 (6:48) Phil? You've been in Glasgow all those years and you still speak like you come from somewhere else. My mother came from Glasgow, just for the little bit of background. We've discussed it in the room here. And we all think that if you're near retirement, why would you go to something that's been euphemized out of existence? Why would you go to something hosted by people who can't bring themselves to speak plainly and truthfully? Does it affect your retirement plan to any degree? I doubt it. So why don't you go? salsa dancing instead. That's what I do. As you know, you may know or you may not know, and I think I've discussed salsa dancing before. I can't salsa dance because you have to send messages to your hips that suggest you might be good in bed. And I'm not