30. Listener Questions, Series Highlights & Previously Unheard Bits | Series Finale
Hold or Fold
In the series finale of Hold or Fold, hosts Ben Howard and Steve conduct a comprehensive Q&A special, reflecting on listener questions while sharing unheard
Key takeaways
- Ben highlights Jar Digger's emotionally charged poetry reading from a prior episode as a series standout, noting its powerful message on healing and self-acceptance.
- Steve recalls his conversation with Ian Edwards in HMP Bowen, whose transformation from severe gambling addiction to working with probation services serves as a testament to structured support.
Main topics
- Prison routines and recovery structure
- Unchecked gambling trajectories without intervention
Notable quotes
"I'm healing from so many addictions. I'm healing from PTSD."
Conclusion
The episode delivers a poignant reflection on addiction recovery, emphasizing that sustainable
Transcript preview
Speaker 3 (0:01) Hello, Steve here. And Ben. We hope you're loving Hold or Fold and enjoying the stories being shared. Before we start this episode, we would like to ask you for one small favour. Speaker 8 (0:11) Hold or Fold is created by the charity Prison Radio Association, so we need to feed back to our funders what you, our listeners, think of the podcast. Speaker 3 (0:20) So what we are asking from you is to complete a short feedback form to understand the impact the podcast is having, how we can make it better, and also to ensure we can get funding to keep podcasts like this one going. Speaker 8 (0:35) The survey will only take you a couple of minutes, is completely anonymous, and we would be extremely grateful. The link to our survey is in the show notes. Thank you so much. Thank you very much. Speaker 2 (0:56) From National Prison Radio. NPR. You're listening to Hold or Fold. I'm Steve. Speaker 3 (1:02) And I'm Ben. Speaker 3 (1:09) Welcome to the last episode in this series of Hold or Fold, a Prison Radio Association podcast exploring gambling harm through the lens of the criminal justice system. Speaker 8 (1:19) We've had some amazing conversations this series and your messages, your honesty and your poems have meant a lot, but we've not been able to fit them in any of our episodes until now. Speaker 3 (1:30) Today is a Cards on the Table special, where we answer your questions openly and honestly. But before we get into the mailbag, we wanted to look back over the last nine episodes and each pull out a personal highlight that has struck with us. So over to you, Ben. I Speaker 8 (1:47) really enjoyed the interview with Jar Digger and the poem that he read, actually. Just to be in the room while he delivered that poem with such charisma and confidence was breathtaking. It was almost, you know, the hairs on my arms were standing up. It was delivered in such a powerful way. So that's definitely my serious highlight so far. Speaker 3 (2:07) Right, let's hear a clip of that then. Speaker 5 (2:12) Personally, Speaker 5 (2:14) Adversity made me the man I am today. And what was meant to bring out the worst in me actually installed a strength inside that works for me. Even though I was raised on these dirty streets surrounded by guns, drugs, murder scenes in the first degree from early B, I felt something inside a yearn to search for peace. I've been at the lowest of lows. Felt worthless. Weak. I've been as high as a kite in the sky, the word is free. But until we embrace ourselves internally, we'll forever be seeking outside validations and concerns are deep. I'm just a poet off the ends. The diversity of my friends go from bad man with skengs to nerds helping me get my MacBook on the mend. Love is love, let's not pretend. We've all got desires. We've all been reminded that nobody's perfect and we all can get tired. But until we connect with what's inside us and embrace this very moment, then why? It's timeless. You see, I need you to listen. Speaker 5 (3:14) There's a peacefulness in the silence. It's vibrant. The power of right now can have you rise up from the ego's nobody to a giant. I want you to try it. Forget about yesterday. And don't worry about tomorrow, because it's not quite that time yet. The intricacies of my dialect will outlast my decomposing body in that pine box. So I try not to speak unless it's with the impeccable word. Let's not get sidetracked. I'm healing. I'm healing from so many addictions. I'm healing. I'm healing from PTSD. I'm healing. I'm healing from an impulsive condition. I'm healing. So if you ain't about building up this community, then please leave us. We're healing. You see, sometimes I sit back and I recap, looking back at the history of my patterns on how I used to relapse back into my old ways. Speaker 5 (4:00) Suffering of addiction like Coltrane, knowing that trauma can bring back pain. And I'm not talking about old age, it's concerning on how many of us have been undiagnosed due to the stigmas of our upbringing. Suffering with mental health but being told to suck it up and put up with it. It's okay to not be okay, how cliche. But these days, even when we're going through a week phase, we chod along throughout the weekdays. We need to talk. We need to stop trying to run before we can even walk. You know the meaning. I'm healing. I'm healing from so many addictions. I'm healing. I'm healing from PTSD. I'm healing. I'm healing from an impulsive condition. I'm healing. So if you ain't about building up this confidence and building up this community, then please leave us. We're healing. Speaker 8 (4:46) Yeah, so even hearing it there again, it just gave me that same initial response. It was such a powerful, powerful piece of poetry from him. What about you, Steve? What's your highlight? Speaker 3 (4:56) Lots to choose from. Some really good stuff and really good conversations that, you know, we've both had this series. But I think my highlight was the conversation that you had in HMP Bowen with Ian and Ara. I just thought it was so powerful. And it just highlighted the good piece of work that is happening. And Ian explains it a lot better than you or I about the impact that it can have on people. So that for me was the highlight of the season. How did you first meet Ian? Speaker 7 (5:32) I met Ian. He came through as a referral for me. So I just had his name on a piece of paper and we met to do our first assessment. So that was in 2024. Speaker 6 (5:48) Hi, my name's Ian Edwards. I met Rebecca in HMP, Berwyn. Very hard to speak about my addiction at first. I've been gambling 47 years. Didn't know where I was going. Lived in a tent for 17 months. Was working, spending all my money, everything on gambling. Speaker 7 (6:10) When I first met Ian... I knew instantly from the work that I do and the amount of people that I've seen come through that this was someone that was very much at the end of his tether, if you like. He was very emotional. And what I would say is there was no hope in him. He told me that there was nothing that I could do as a service that was even going to touch the sides with his level of addiction to gambling. Speaker 6 (6:42) I used to go to bingo with my mum. I was about 11 years of age. Couldn't play the bingo, so I used to watch the fruit machines all the time. And then it just started then. Started off playing two-pinch machines, and in the end I was spending £10 a spin on them. It was that bad. I was robbing people, robbing friends. I robbed my father, took £42,000 out of my father's account and I spent that in three weeks. And I knew then it was prison. I needed help. I had nothing. Then I met Rebecca. Speaker 7 (7:25) What I see now and how he progressed in the weeks that we worked together, that he came to groups, huge progress, even in his ability to share his story. I'm just so proud of how far he has come and the support that he now has in place, which is largely due to his own character. That Speaker 6 (7:48) just changed my life for the best, working with Ada. Unbelievable. I just like to thank Rebecca. Because I know... Speaker 6 (8:01) If it wasn't for Rebecca, I think I'd be dead by now. I am grateful for the help I've received. Speaker 7 (8:10) He's built a massive network of support, whether that is through services like ours or that is through people with lived experience that now support him and each other. He's done some amazing things and I think if anyone's listening and you feel there is no hope for me, Ian is an inspiration to those people. He has changed his