Ep 63: A PARADE OF HORRIBLES | Ch 33 - 38

Hello Crawlers - A Dungeon Crawler Carl Podcast

The hosts dive into chapters 33-38 of 'A Parade of Horribles,' highlighting dense, chaotic action and absurd humor. They reflect on their re

Key takeaways

• Chapters 33-38 are packed with rapid-fire, surreal events that defy logic yet feel intentional in tone.

Main topics

• Surreal action sequences
• Absurdist humor in fantasy storytelling

Notable quotes

"It was clutch in the final moments. He continued beaming with pride just as the anteater proceeded to pull him right into his mount."

Conclusion

The episode wraps with a mix of laughter and reflection, celebrating t

Transcript preview

Speaker 2 (0:16) Spa Day with Jamal. A frog, a badger, and a fire fairy enter a bar. Eris and the five-sided coin. And interrogating Akuma. Speaker 3 (0:28) Let's Speaker 2 (0:29) just say something about and crush it and ball crush. Speaker 1 (0:33) One Speaker 2 (0:34) ball Speaker 1 (0:34) is plenty. Speaker 2 (0:37) Hello, crawlers, and welcome to episode 63 of your Dungeon Crawler Crawl podcast. We are covering a parade of horribles, chapters 33 through 38 today. And I'm Grant. I'm John. And I'm Martin. And this is Donut down here on the table, if you're watching in video. And we, um... We are in for it because this is a, it's a short section, but it's dense. Speaker 1 (1:02) It's a dimple dump. So much, so much happens. I'm here for it. I'm loving it. But yeah, even going back through it again, I was like, oh, when it comes to taking the notes, what's Grant going to do? And I hop on this morning while you're in the middle of doing it. Because I was like, man, I got to go to this thing. I leave the house at 11. I'm going to miss the notes. And I was like, oh. He's got them here. And I get in there. He's like, oh, he's typing them right now. There are a few Speaker 3 (1:29) parts of this particular book, more than any other book that have like these Lord dumps, Speaker 1 (1:36) exposition Speaker 3 (1:38) Lord dumps. And I'm here for them. Like, I really like them. It's Speaker 2 (1:42) exciting. Speaker 3 (1:43) I was like, Speaker 2 (1:44) oh Speaker 3 (1:44) shit, because Speaker 2 (1:44) I thought we ended at 36. And so this morning I realized at 38, I was like, I have two more I got to write real quick. Okay, that's what happened because, yeah, the first thing I do Speaker 1 (1:54) is I do the whole like find and replace. And I'm just like, let me just capitalize Carl and Donut through all this. And it was like, oh, there's like seven Carl entries. Speaker 3 (2:06) Oh, you're Speaker 1 (2:06) talking about his notes. Yeah, Speaker 3 (2:08) his Speaker 1 (2:08) notes. Wait, what? And then I scroll down. It's like, oh, shit. He still has a long way to go. Speaker 2 (2:15) So much. I shouldn't have shared Speaker 1 (2:17) it with you guys. I try to keep my shame of my procrastination. Speaker 2 (2:21) But I was like, I'll Speaker 1 (2:22) share it Speaker 2 (2:22) with you now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you guys Speaker 1 (2:23) are Speaker 2 (2:23) going to want to Speaker 1 (2:24) see it. Yeah, that's Speaker 2 (2:24) fine. All right. Well, before we get into all that, guys, a few comments we got I wanted to note here. First one comes from Sam Boyd Reads, who says, absolutely a friend of the show. Shirts are badass. Thank you again. Nice. Shirts are incredible. And a new Speaker 1 (2:42) one Speaker 3 (2:42) every week. Yeah. Two or three sometimes. Practically. The space between the last couple of drops was like a month, but I'm back up to speed. Yeah, yeah, Speaker 2 (2:52) yeah. M.H. Johnston says, fun fact, kangaroos have forked dinks and the berries are above the twigs. What? Speaker 2 (3:03) Kind of explains why Carl chose not to look too closely when he finally had to take a leak. Yeah, that's... Fort? The Speaker 1 (3:10) more you know. It's like a Prince Albert or something? Speaker 2 (3:13) I don't know. I don't think so. Okay. That's Pierce, not Fort. Also... Oh, what's the Speaker 3 (3:18) one where you split it in half? Listen, we're so early in the show, I don't think we need to be traumatizing our listeners now. Or Speaker 2 (3:25) our co-hosts. Wait for later. Speaker 2 (3:29) Bardock Owens, 1985, says, My understanding is the AI doesn't have the power to do anything. As it has stated repeatedly, these are hard-coded rules and functions that it is shackled to performing. I feel a lot more sympathy for the AI than I do Cascadia, especially since I think we don't really even fully understand the details of its hard-coded rules. I'm not saying I think the AI isn't doing terrible things and very much in the wrong for it. I just feel more sympathy as I think Cascadia's actions were far more her own choices, while the AI was programmed with rules and purpose that have ultimately driven it toward insanity. Speaker 3 (4:05) Again, Cascadia. Speaker 3 (4:10) Has flippers missing because they were torn off by the AI who can't do anything? Yeah. Speaker 1 (4:15) It's part Speaker 2 (4:15) of the rules. You gotta, you gotta take off flippers. Speaker 1 (4:18) Yeah. I don't, I don't, I don't understand this. The AI can't do anything. It's making plenty of choices. It's, it's directing a lot. It might have parameters on it. It Speaker 3 (4:27) teleported a bomb into who knows where. Yeah. Speaker 2 (4:30) Do any of us really have free will? I suppose we can get into a whole philosophical conversation there. Speaker 1 (4:36) I'll save that for a deep crawl. Speaker 2 (4:38) This is too deep. Laura Altzman says, first of all, oh, sorry. Laura Altzman says, Dorota is a character from Gossip Girl. She's the Polish maid slash nanny for one of the main characters, Blair. Oh. So that being the caretaker, I guess other people also added to this, like Dorota was also like. A maternal figure and like looking out for the main character, Speaker 1 (5:04) Blair. Wait, I'm still trying to figure out which one is Gossip Girl and which one is Gilmore Girls. Speaker 2 (5:10) Yeah. Speaker 1 (5:11) Gilmore Girls has the mom and daughter. Right. Who talk like Speaker 2 (5:16) Sorkin characters. Speaker 1 (5:17) Right. And Gossip Girl is... I don't know. I mean... Speaker 2 (5:22) She's... She does tabloid shit? I don't really know what the show is. I never watched it. Speaker 1 (5:26) So when we're done with the Parade of Horribles, should we just start Gossip Girl? Gossip Girl. I Speaker 2 (5:31) think that even Matt admitted he's never really watched it. Oh, okay. So I don't think we have to. No. No. But Rubio kind of wants to, doesn't he? No, that's when I quit the show. Speaker 2 (5:44) Let's see. Aaron, one quarter crocodilian nightingale says, oh, you missed the best part of what happens to Harbinger. Back in book seven, around page 390, which thank you so much. The AI described exactly what it would do to him if it tried to hurt Carl outside the confines of the game. This is a scene that followed through on that promise. So I went and looked it up. And he says, if Harbinger does it again, he will pull his insides out through all of his hair follicles. Yikes. Oh, God. Speaker 1 (6:14) That makes it Speaker 2 (6:15) even worse Speaker 1 (6:16) what we saw happen. So that's like the old Play-Doh machine. Speaker 3 (6:22) Just do Speaker 2 (6:23) the hair follicles. And I think that's about it. I want to note that if you guys want to help support us, you can go to patreon.com slash hello crawlers. You can make a per month pledge, get access to the deep crawls and add free content. And you can also. Support us and help yourself out by getting some sweet merch at HelloCrawlers.com slash store, including hats like this and that one over there. Rubio's got a shirt that he designed as well. He also made this shirt, but this was a long time ago for our beer podcast. Speaker 3 (6:56) Long time ago. Speaker 2 (6:57) Oh, is that you? That's me. Oh. And I'm Mario jumping for a beer. Oh, cool. Yeah. I thought it was pretty cute. Yeah, yeah. Speaker 3 (7:05) I only made one of those for Speaker 2 (7:06) you. Speaker 3 (7:07) This is a Grant exclusive. You're also Speaker 2 (7:10) not going to find this on the site. Yeah, no. Speaker 1 (7:12) You'll have to pull it from his cold dead body. And Speaker 2 (7:15) then last, we also want to mention that once again, we're going to be at Cape Con in Cape Girardeau. I think a lot of people also told me how to pronounce that properly. They're like, we ain't fancy French. Girardeau. Yeah, Speaker 1 (7:28) it's like it's spelled. Speaker 2 (7:29) Okay. Speaker 1 (7:29) Well, shut up. You Speaker 2 (7:32) were joining me on Speaker 1 (7:33) that. You're a D-A-U-S. Speaker 2 (7:37) Cape Girardeau. We're going to be there November 6th through 8th, I believe. That's it. Yeah. So if you guys are in Speaker 1 (7:45) Missouri or you plan to make a little trip, we'd love to see you out there. It'd be fun. Especially if you're somebody who likes to tour the country in an RV. Why not stop by Girardeau, Missouri and check out Cape Con? Speaker 1 (7:58) Yeah. See us. Do it. Billy cat. We'll Speaker 2 (8:02) do some karaoke or something. I'm not going to follow through on that promise. Okay. And your homework assignment is going to be book eight chapters 39 through 44. Speaker 2 (8:18) So we're going to dive in now with chapter 33. The race has ended and we have these huffing noises in the audio book, at least, of Carl hopping back to the garage. He's tired and exhausted. Donut seems wiped out too. And they're both making their way back to the garage and there's no teleport, which Carl says is weirdly inconsistent. I had noted that on the last one. You did. So pat on my back there. Donut has to walk as well because she can't, I guess, be on Carl's shoulder while he's hopping. I feel like she could, but I feel like this is the most exercise she's had in like four books. Like I'm having to walk myself. It's bullshit. Speaker 3 (9:04) I Speaker 2 (9:05) don't have a sledge. I don't have a mango. Don't have a Carl. Speaker 2 (9:10) Carl points out to Donut that technically they both drove because Donut was pushing the pedals and Carl was reaching and holding the steering wheel during that race. And he's like, that's going to count for both of us. So neither of us can drive on the next race or maybe two races. Yeah. The next heat, I guess. I don't know. The Speaker 1 (9:27) next Speaker 2 (9:27) heat, Speaker 1 (9:27) I Speaker 2 (9:27) think. Speaker 1 (9:27) So, I mean, how does this, the whole thing that like you can't do that, is it, will you just get disqualified or will it, I just figured it would not let you do it. Speaker 2 (9:37) Explode them probably. Speaker 1 (9:38) Yeah. I Speaker 2 (9:39) don't know. Speaker 1 (9:39) We Speaker 2 (9:40) don't know yet what would happen. If Speaker 1 (9:42) they get disqualified, I think they explode. They Speaker 2 (9:45) die, yeah. Yeah. And... So they're going to need an additional Merc. In fact, I think later he requests two Mercs. So maybe that's even just having a backup for if one of the drivers goes down, they have an emergency backup because they really can't drive. So why not have a redundancy? Speaker 1 (10:02) Sure. And they had two Mercs last time. Speaker 2 (10:04) Yeah. Dong is there right alongside them and is offering to help drive the car. And they're like, we'll discuss it later. Leave us alone. Speaker 1 (10:12) Yeah. Speaker 2 (10:14) Like, Dong is getting shut out from any sort of agency and being able to help in any of this. Speaker 1 (10:20) I kind of feel bad. Speaker 2 (10:22) I Speaker 1 (10:22) only kind of feel bad. I mean, there's good reasons to leave him out of things. Speaker 2 (10:26) Yeah. You Speaker 1 (10:26) think he should be left out? No. Yeah, it's like his. Speaker 2 (10:30) Bring dog. Speaker 1 (10:30) Yeah. Bring dog along. That's a bad idea. Speaker 3 (10:34) Bring dog along. Speaker 1 (10:38) Bring dog along. I mean, it's probably worse if they won't tell him why. Right. So he's wondering, but they, I feel like they got really good reasons to keep him out of it. We should have a Speaker 3 (10:50) dong along. I'm not sure what it is. Hey, we're Speaker 2 (10:54) going to have a karaoke dong along. There you go. I don't know what the rules are. Dicks out for dong. Speaker 1 (11:01) Yeah, Speaker 2 (11:01) dicks out for dong. Usually when you're singing, you can like wave like fluorescent lights or whatever. Here. It's a little bit different. It's Speaker 3 (11:10) a Speaker 2 (11:10) little bit kinky. Speaker 3 (11:10) It might be a shut door Speaker 1 (11:12) policy. Speaker 2 (11:13) Sign a waiver. Yeah, sign a waiver. We'll figure out the rules. Speaker 1 (11:18) We're glowing the dark condoms. 21 and up. Turn on the black lights. That's kind of cute. It's slightly Speaker 2 (11:25) cute, slightly gross. Slightly cute. Not cute. Okay, not cute at all. Speaker 3 (11:29) It's a dong-a-long. Speaker 2 (11:32) Carl? And everyone else pauses while Dong was pleading his case to notice that the dog and bear mount get to cross the finish line. Like everyone's like, whoa, we thought those mounts died because their riders died. But they seem to get past the finish line just alone. And then they disappeared all of a sudden. Where do they go? We don't know. And I don't know why they would pause to point this out, except we're like, this feels kind of significant to me. Speaker 1 (12:00) Sure, sure. Well, I guess, okay, so when the writers lose, come in last, do they explode or do they just disappear? I mean, I thought they Speaker 2 (12:12) explode. But if like, where are these animals disappearing to? Because what we later learn in this whole segment is like more of this idea of this pineapple cabaret pocket dimension. Speaker 1 (12:25) Right, right, right. Speaker 2 (12:25) So now I'm starting to think if these things are disappearing, is this like another option, opportunity for a loophole? If you taunt on. some people inside of the bodies of these mounts and then they pass the finish line, maybe they disappear off to the pineapple cabaret. Speaker 3 (12:38) I don't know. They might explode inside. They might just be teleporting to like the stables or something. Yeah. Speaker 1 (12:44) Going back into cold storage. But we do Speaker 3 (12:47) have like examples of other pocket dimensions, right? Like your inventory is a pocket dimension. Oh yeah. Your, uh, what was the other one? There was a. Speaker 2 (12:57) Ah, I'm drawing a blank. The other little room, they could have like an in-between room between people's shared personal space. Yeah. Or the personal space anyway. Isn't that a pocket dimension? Yeah, I think so. Also, like pet carriers. Pet carriers. Or a pocket Speaker 3 (13:13) dimension. Speaker 2 (13:14) The nothing now we know exists as a pocket dimension. Oh, yeah, yeah. So Speaker 1 (13:17) there's lots of these. They're all over the place. Lots of pockets. It's like a... Like a... Pool table. I was going to say cargo pants, but yeah, pool table. Different types of pockets. Two very different generations Speaker 2 (13:29) of folks here. Dr. Metcalf chimes in. She's grumpy because her whole car thing is broken. Donut seems desperate to get her to like them, like the team. And Dr. Metcalf doesn't seem to be having any of it. She's like, who are you going to have drive next? A sex doll head? A dinosaur? I was like, maybe. Yeah. What's Speaker 1 (13:53) it Speaker 2 (13:53) to you? Speaker 3 (13:55) Metcalf is like, destroyed in pieces in a wheelbarrow. And Donna's like, well, at least we won. Speaker 2 (14:02) She's like, at least we won. Speaker 3 (14:04) So Speaker 2 (14:05) we get the next race details and other people also chimed in. I was like, hey, what are our hints that we're supposed to be looking at, our clues before each race? And people are like, I think the clues are actually what. um dr metcalf or your your navigator provides you at the beginning of each race that's your clue so it's not like oh there's a little item they passed on the road that's what i was thinking right right and Speaker 1 (14:31) with her laying this out they know what to choose for right the next you know uh wait wait that power up wait What do you call it? No, no. As far as their price. Upgrades. It isn't Speaker 3 (14:42) really a clue if somebody just fucking tells you what the Speaker 2 (14:44) next race Speaker 3 (14:45) is. Yeah, right? I guess not, right? No. Speaker 2 (14:48) But there's some vagueness also left in there. It's not like we knew sugar skulls were going to rain down on them. True. The last one. Speaker 1 (14:55) Yeah. But I feel like this one really laid it out. And it lays Speaker 2 (14:58) out a lot. There is a lot. Okay. What we know, it's going to be 99 kilometers. I looked it up. 61 and a half miles. Oh, thank you. So now we know how far that is. That's like us driving to Georgetown or, or a temple, I suppose. Yeah. In freedom units. Um, there's going to be a mandatory fuel pit stop, which sounds just like F1. And they're going to drive through the lost jungle city of Upano to get their, uh, pit stop. I also was curious what Upano is. And it's an actual valley in eastern Ecuador. It's a two and a half thousand year old network of ancient garden cities. Speaker 1 (15:40) Wow. I thought it Speaker 2 (15:41) was kind of interesting. The track is called the You're Gonna Die If You Go In Here Jungle Trail of Tremendous Cannibalistic Slaughter. Speaker 1 (15:54) That's a lot to fit on a sign. It's Speaker 3 (15:56) also part of the real world Dupano. Speaker 2 (16:03) So the track, there's going to be no asphalt on the track. Certain paths may have unique tasks, but we don't know what that might be yet. And the vehicle will have something called a special containment surrounding it. But that was also left a bit vague. I don't know what that means. Speaker 2 (16:20) and you are going to be sharing the track with three other heats. So there's going to be Ellie and Amani's heat, also Speaker 1 (16:29) fighting against Carl's heat and other people. But yeah, no asphalt. That means when you're choosing your upgrades, that's the thing you got to think about. Speaker 3 (16:37) Yeah. And Speaker 1 (16:38) does that mean like dirt? Does that mean clay? Does that mean grass? What does that Speaker 3 (16:43) mean? Just Speaker 1 (16:43) full vines. It seems like this being jungle, this would have been the time to have... a biological vehicle. You know, transportation. Speaker 2 (16:54) Repetente is patting himself on the back right now. Speaker 2 (16:57) They also learned that the theme, if it wasn't already obvious by the name, is going to be Grindhouse Exploitation Cinema. Speaker 3 (17:07) Racist Grindhouse Exploitation Cinema. The best kind, one might argue. Speaker 2 (17:13) Yeah, I don't know. Is this going to be Cannibal Holocaust in the Jungle kind of thing? I guess, Speaker 1 (17:18) because I was like, Grindhouse in Jungle and racist? I don't know what that connects to, but we'll see. Speaker 2 (17:24) Yeah. And then they're going to have 20 hours for the race and only seven hours until the race starts. Carl and Donut are both really exhausted. They can't even find a moment of peace or quiet. I think Carl's feeling that right now. He's just kind of sick of it, but got to keep pushing forward. Speaker 1 (17:45) Yeah, I mean, it felt like it was worse during Faction Wars without. any moment of peace. You know what? Because he even talked about that. It's like, oh, it's kind of nice to not have everything going all the time at once. So Speaker 2 (18:01) far, since Donut ate the ring at the end of the last book, Speaker 1 (18:05) we Speaker 2 (18:06) haven't heard from the river and we haven't seen him have any like panic attacks really. Right. But I mean, it's still feeling overwhelmed. Yeah. Speaker 1 (18:14) But Speaker 2 (18:15) I'm just wondering like, is it because the ring's gone or just hasn't had a moment yet for it? Speaker 1 (18:21) Oh, I don't know. Because he was talking about the river before he got the ring. Was he? I don't think he was. I feel like Speaker 2 (18:29) he Speaker 1 (18:30) was early on. Hmm. Speaker 2 (18:33) I know he talks about his mom and the water running, but I don't know if that was the river. Like, the water's running. Turn it off, Carl, right? Yeah. But do you know if the river was post-ring? Don't remember. I think Speaker 3 (18:47) it was, but I could be wrong. Speaker 1 (18:51) They'll let us know. Speaker 2 (18:52) You guys will let us know. Speaker 1 (18:54) No, you idiots. Speaker 2 (18:57) Dot, dot, dot. Speaker 1 (18:59) Please preface it with Speaker 2 (19:00) no, you idiots. I Speaker 1 (19:01) need Speaker 2 (19:01) that. So they learned that all of their buddies have survived Heat 3, but that other crawlers have died. Prepetente has managed to have no other team losses, which makes me think he's like putting everyone to sleep and just kind of dragging them all along the finish line each time. Speaker 1 (19:19) I mean, it's a great idea. They're like, hey, I got all y'all. I'm Speaker 2 (19:22) going Speaker 1 (19:22) to choose the Speaker 2 (19:23) order. Speaker 1 (19:24) Sleep, Speaker 2 (19:25) everyone. Speaker 3 (19:25) For as wild as he is with his personality and his needs and all these other things, he's extremely effective. Efficient. Speaker 1 (19:35) Yes. Yes. To the point of like, yeah, I'm going to do this to you against your will because it's what serves everyone. So it's happening. Right. Speaker 3 (19:43) It's almost annoying how good he is at everything. Yeah. Speaker 2 (19:47) Well, there's a later part in, after the whole prophecy thing or whatever, the five-sided coin happens with, what's her name? Eris. Speaker 1 (19:55) Yeah. Speaker 2 (19:56) That Perpetual Trinity is like, I'll think on it and see if I can figure out a solution. I was like, ooh, what a moment of relief. I felt, I'm like, if he's also Speaker 1 (20:04) helping, okay, good. Speaker 2 (20:06) Oh, well, you got this. Yeah, Speaker 1 (20:07) yeah, Speaker 2 (20:07) yeah. Handle it. Thanks, buddy. We also learned that there is another track. That's called Satan's Waterpark that both Prepetente and Louie's teams are going to be on. Which would you guys prefer? Satan's Waterpark or the Jungle Holocaust thing or whatever it's called? They Speaker 1 (20:26) all Speaker 2 (20:26) sound Speaker 1 (20:26) bad. I think I'd go with Satan's Waterpark, to be honest. Speaker 2 (20:29) Yeah? Speaker 1 (20:30) Yeah. Speaker 2 (20:30) You think it's just like blood tracks? You're going down a water park, water slide Speaker 1 (20:35) of blood? I don't know. I know water parks. I don't know jungles. Speaker 1 (20:40) You're like, Speaker 2 (20:41) I'm going to what I know. Speaker 1 (20:42) I know water parks. Yeah, yeah. Getting in a tube, you're going to have a great time. And in a jungle, I'm just like, I'm going to get eaten by a jaguar, aren't I? I know it. Yeah. Speaker 2 (20:50) But at Satan's Water Park, you hide some Speaker 1 (20:51) rum inside of a sunblock, then you're good to go. Speaker 3 (20:57) Don't they send you to hell for like masturbating? Who? Who's they? That Speaker 1 (21:03) is the million dollar question. Speaker 2 (21:11) I'm just saying, maybe Speaker 3 (21:12) Satan's water park is fun. Speaker 2 (21:15) It could be a good time. It's just Speaker 3 (21:17) a bunch of like reefer madness and cranking Speaker 2 (21:20) it. Speaker 2 (21:23) So Carl says to Rosetta and Tiffin, we want two new driver mercenaries and also a fence, I believe is what he says, unless you guys heard differently. What's a fence? He said, and a fence? And offense? Could have said offense. Offense. Probably Speaker 1 (21:39) offense. Yeah, Speaker 2 (21:40) why would they have a fence? I Speaker 1 (21:41) don't know! Like Speaker 2 (21:42) to go to sell stolen goods Speaker 3 (21:43) or something? Sometimes Speaker 2