2026 Update: James

Heavyweight - Pushkin Industries

In this heartfelt and humorous episode of Heavyweight, host Jonathan Goldstein reconnects with James, a man haunted by his father Douglas's final wish to have his ashes

Key takeaways

• Grief often manifests as unresolved tasks; fulfilling a loved one's final wish can be a powerful act of closure.

Main topics

• Grief and unresolved family obligations
• The power of memory and legacy

Notable quotes

"I can't fix the way he died, but this was his one request, and I haven't honored it."

Conclusion

The episode concludes with James finally fulfilling his father's wish, not through a grand gesture but

Transcript preview

Speaker 5 (0:05) Pushkin. Speaker 2 (0:10) Um, hi. Hello, hi. Back in the studio again. Back Speaker 5 (0:15) in the saddle. Speaker 2 (0:16) Today we're going to knock on the door of an old friend of yours named James. Speaker 5 (0:21) Ah, okay. This is a first season episode. Speaker 2 (0:25) Yeah, way back. Speaker 5 (0:26) To me, it's one of the funniest episodes. Speaker 2 (0:29) Yeah, it's very funny. Speaker 5 (0:30) And it's also one that I would come back to when I was kind of missing my friends. When I was missing both James and Howard, I would just put on this episode and felt like I could spend a little bit of time with them. It is funny that at the time when we, you know, went off on our mission for this episode, full of hope and shenanigans in our heart or whatever, we felt like kind of over the hill. You know, we felt like this is like kid stuff, you know, we're like. men in our mid-40s, you know, and what are we doing? But now listening to it from the vantage point 10 years later, I feel like, wow, were we ever so young? 10 years, my goodness. Speaker 2 (1:15) Yeah, a Speaker 5 (1:16) lot transpires, it turns out, in the course of 10 years. Speaker 2 (1:19) It certainly does. Speaker 5 (1:21) Yeah, and at the end of the episode, I check back in with James to see what his life has been all these years later. Speaker 2 (1:30) Well, enjoy. Speaker 5 (1:31) Enjoy indeed. Please make sure the volume is set at a temperate number. Oh, but first, a word from our sponsors. Speaker 2 (1:46) This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed Human. Speaker 1 (1:51) On August 4th, 1962, Marilyn Monroe died. Then the rumors started, and she died again. And now, we're going to set the record straight and learn about the way Marilyn Monroe actually died. The third way. I'm Jake Brennan, and on my podcast, Hollywoodland, I revisit some of the biggest stories from Hollywood history, separating the myths people want to believe from the reality underneath them. Hollywoodland is part of the Exactly Right Network. Listen to new episodes every Monday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Speaker 2 (2:29) Horrible timing. Six kids in my house, two Speaker 4 (2:32) parents, and getting kids ready for Halloween. Jonathan Speaker 2 (2:34) Goldstein calling for Dr. Jackie Cohen. Speaker 4 (2:38) I gotta go. Whoa, wait, wait. Speaker 5 (2:41) Hello? Jackie? You know Speaker 2 (2:43) what? Okay, you're a doctor, right? Speaker 5 (2:47) I'm starting to realize, like, in the past year, I'm pretty Speaker 4 (2:52) convinced Speaker 5 (2:54) I'm Speaker 4 (2:54) losing Speaker 5 (2:55) hair. Speaker 2 (2:57) You're bald. Speaker 5 (2:59) Balding. Bald. It's a process. So Speaker 4 (3:02) bald. Speaker 5 (3:03) Now, I'm trying to figure out if it's a symptom of something. I gotta Speaker 4 (3:05) go, John. I got to go. The party starts in 15 minutes. You're having a party at your house? Speaker 5 (3:11) Why didn't you invite me over? Speaker 2 (3:19) Um, do you want to just do the show? Or... From Speaker 5 (3:31) Gimlet Media, I'm Jonathan Goldstein, and this is Heavyweight. Today's episode, James. Speaker 5 (3:48) When he was a kid, James loved taking long walks with his dad, Douglas. Douglas was a film buff, and during these walks, he'd recount the plot to every movie he'd ever seen. Hitchcock, Kubrick, James loved it. And when he grew older and finally got to see the actual movies, as good as they were, they often paled beside the versions his dad told. Something of a dreamer and an eccentric, Douglas lived his life as though he himself were a character in a movie. He died that way, too. On his deathbed, he issued an unexpected Speaker 3 (4:22) final request. The request was that we scatter his ashes on the 18th hole of the golf course he loved. Speaker 5 (4:39) Each of Douglas' kids was handed a different task regarding the estate. James was put in charge of Speaker 3 (4:45) the ashes. My dad was probably the most important person to me, outside, obviously, of my wife and kids. When he died and when the will was recorded, I wasn't there. You were actually there, I think. I was there. Speaker 5 (5:02) Douglas was nearing the end and urgently needed to sign his will. And James, who lived out of town, couldn't make it in time. So he asked me and our other good friend, Howard, to go to his father's bedside and bear legal witness to the signing of the will. To this day, James still carries around a lot of regret about not being able to be there. Speaker 5 (5:26) Although I know it's unlikely, my memory of that day is of Douglas wearing an ascot tucked into his hospital robe. Regardless of whether he actually was, Douglas was the kind of man who always gave the impression of wearing an ascot. As always, he was gentlemanly and cordial. This in spite of the fact that he would pass away within the next 48 hours. Speaker 5 (5:55) Douglas was born an illegitimate child in a poor part of England and raised by a single mom. As a young man, he felt judged and carried with him the feeling of always having to prove himself, even going so far as to affect a posh, upper-class accent. For Douglas, golf was the domain of the wealthy and sophisticated, and having his ashes placed on the 18th hole of his beloved golf course, an event that James says he probably envisioned being accompanied by bagpipes and artillery. would mean finally receiving his due. But James is yet to honor his father's request. It's now been 16 years. Is it just procrastination? Speaker 3 (6:37) That's what I told myself. Yeah. I can vividly remember, you know, a day afterwards thinking, oh, yeah, it's the simplest thing. In fact, it seems so simple that we'll get to it. And now, 16 years later, it's very complicated. Speaker 3 (6:54) I think, to be honest with you, there's part of me that wants to hold on to them because it's my dad. Speaker 5 (7:07) And so the urn moved from mantles to closets. For a long time, it even knocked around in the trunk of James' car. It now sits on a shelf in his basement. Speaker 2 (7:20) Do you think it would be a load Speaker 5 (7:22) off your head if you were able to spread the ashes? Speaker 3 (7:27) The amount of times I cried, you know. Speaker 3 (7:30) going on about how, what a terrible son I was to not honor his request and the guilt I have about the way he died and, you know, I didn't deal with it well. And it's all, it's all a piece. He, as he got sicker and sicker, he wanted to go home desperately. And myself and my siblings decided he could not go home because he was a hoarder. Though it wasn't clear that he ever used them, Speaker 5 (8:03) Douglas had an entire room filled solely with golf clubs. Having lived through the war, he also saved empty TV dinner trays, old microwaves, and broken radios that he'd find on the street. Speaker 3 (8:14) We decided he could not go back there, and he was so upset about that, and he went out just really angry. He just wanted to go home. Speaker 3 (8:27) I can't fix the way he died, but this was his one request, and I haven't honored it. And not only would I be putting to bed something that's been just dogging me for years, I think I'd also feel pretty proud of myself that I'm the person I want to be. Speaker 5 (8:48) Since the person I want to be is the person who helps people be the people they want to be, I asked James if he'd like me to help him lay his father's ashes to rest. And James said, Yes. Would you want to do that? Yeah, of course I do. The objective? Infiltrate Douglas' fancy old golf course and scatter the ashes. The obstacles? Septuagenarian narcs with prying eyes. Not to mention the fact that scattering earthly remains is against the law. For this to work, we need the right team. James was the key man, our entry point into the operation. And I was the bank, bankrolling the green for expenditures. All that was missing was a front man. We needed a person of quick wit. Look at that. Right off the bat. Bat, cat, sat, fat. Someone cool under pressure. What's that on my arm? We needed... Oh, that's arm hair. Howard. Speaker 5 (9:47) Not only was Howard our oldest friend, but he was there with me the day the will was signed and the directive was given. And to top it off, Howard never met a grift, swindle, or flim-flam he didn't think was eggs-in-the-coffee okay. Fill your pockets with extra after-dinner mints at the local diner? Check. Avail yourself of ill-gained coffee refills through a counterfeit Russian seniors card? Double-check. Howard was always on the make and up for anything. Speaker 5 (10:19) The date had been set, Sunday, which also, as it happens, was Father's Day. The team was in place. We just needed to sort out logistics. Speaker 5 (10:30) Thursday, 8.48 p.m. Speaker 4 (10:33) Howard? Hey. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hello. Speaker 5 (10:37) Hey. I'm on the phone with James. Hi. I just wanted to get us all together to strategize a little bit. So, Howard, is there any wisdom or experience that you could bring to bear from, you know, past things that you've done like this? From my previous experience? Yeah. Speaker 4 (10:54) Well... We shouldn't do acid or get too high. Yeah. That's number one. Some booze maybe might help. Steal our nerves. Speaker 5 (11:02) So do you want to try to go there and play golf? Speaker 4 (11:08) No, I've never golfed. I don't know how to golf. I've Speaker 3 (11:11) never golfed either, and it's the 18th hole, too, so I wish it was the first hole because we could just go and suck and then do our thing. Speaker 4 (11:19) He specifically needs the 18th hole, right? 18th hole. It's the last hole. But if there's someone there watching us, how do we do it? The clubhouse is near