#401 with Jessie Cave - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale

The hosts and guest Jessie Cave dive into a wide-ranging comedic conversation spanning personal health updates, political satire, and parenting debates. The episode opens with lighthearted banter about

Key takeaways

• Adam Rowe jokes about his wife undergoing hormone replacement therapy for perimenopause symptoms like brain fog and libido changes
• Jessie Cave discusses her diagnosis of sleep apnea and how she manages it with DIY mouth taping to prevent swallowing her tongue during sleep

Main topics

• Perimenopause and HRT
• National identity and ancestry testing

Notable quotes

"I think you're too placid to be Russian. You're a spy."

Conclusion

The episode delivers a blend of personal vulnerability and sharp comedic satire, offering listeners

Transcript preview

Speaker 6 (0:00) What's happening lads? Welcome to this week's episode of the Have A Word podcast. I'm here to quickly tell you, before we start, I am now on my national tour, adamrowe.co.uk for all tickets. That'll take you to livenation.co.uk and you can get tickets for me in Cork, Dublin, Bristol, London, Rhyl... Cardiff, London again, Middlesbrough, Newcastle, Glasgow, Sheffield, two nights in Liverpool, York, Manchester, Birmingham and Nottingham. That takes us all the way through to the 3rd of December. From this week right now until the first week of December, I'm on tour. Come and see my brand new hour to stand up. I'll see you on the road. That's adamrowe.co.uk for tickets. I'll see you out there. Enjoy the episode. It was fantastic. Speaker 3 (1:05) Oh, Speaker 4 (1:10) episode 401. Roughly. 401k pension in America Speaker 3 (1:17) here's to my wife who is going to get bigger boobs get HRT yeah Speaker 3 (1:26) She's getting knighted. She's getting knighted. She's going to be Laura Night Girl. Royal tits. Royal tits. Speaker 6 (1:33) What's HRT? Speaker 3 (1:34) Huge. Huge rat. Remade titties. I mean. Huge rat, Tina. I'm going to start calling her Tina. You get bigger tits, you get called Tina in our house. She'll wear the wig and it's what I want. Or is it like a Speaker 6 (1:45) new weekly thing where she doesn't shave and you'd have hairy rat Tuesdays? Hairy rat Tuesdays. Speaker 3 (1:52) How Speaker 6 (1:52) do you make it just Tuesdays? Because before that, you wouldn't notice how much it had grown. Speaker 3 (1:57) Bald muff Wednesdays, but she has a fast regrowth. Is that BMF? BMF, they're the rap gang. They were naughty then. She's going to see a specialist for the old perimenopause. She's getting diagnosed. Speaker 6 (2:12) I don't understand. What's going on? She's getting hormone replacement therapy. Speaker 3 (2:17) She's getting hormone replacement therapy. Hopefully, if they think the symptoms are enough. Speaker 6 (2:21) And Tony what? Speaker 3 (2:22) From what I've seen on the internet, they fucking are. Speaker 6 (2:25) So what's been going on? Speaker 3 (2:26) What's been going on? She's just getting a Speaker 6 (2:28) bit whingy, isn't she? Speaker 4 (2:29) Yeah. Speaker 3 (2:31) A little bit. A little bit. A little bit. There's things. You know, there's a list of symptoms. Brain fog is pretty serious. Isn't she smelling smoke, love? She's smelling smoke. Have you been smoking? Yeah, that's my... I'm lying about it. Speaker 4 (2:48) What are Speaker 3 (2:48) you on about? Speaker 4 (2:49) Fucking Speaker 3 (2:49) perimenopausal, you. You're fucking Speaker 4 (2:52) losing Speaker 3 (2:52) it. Speaker 4 (2:53) Yeah, but you know what I'm like with the bifters. Isn't it mad how smelling smoke and it's also a sign of having a stroke? Toast, isn't it? Not smoke. Isn't it burnt toast, though? Speaker 6 (3:03) No, it's toast. It's not smoke. Is it specifically toast? Speaker 4 (3:06) There's no smoke without toast. Speaker 6 (3:08) It's always toast. I'll tell you the brilliant Liam Bolton joke that I seen him do last week. You'd have loved it. You'd have not heard the rest of the set. You'd have still been laughing at it. It was so fucking stupid. I do love Liam Bolton. Speaker 3 (3:17) Yeah, so it's just the buildup of stuff. It happens. It's the five-year buildup to menopause. I didn't know anything about this a few years ago. Is Speaker 6 (3:24) that Speaker 3 (3:24) what the Speaker 6 (3:25) perimenopause? Speaker 3 (3:26) Perimenopause is the buildup to the menopause. Right. Yeah. So we have to put up with that and then the menopause. Yeah. And then afterwards. But then if HRTs, you know, sorted. You're basically just balancing out everything that you've lost. It's just getting your hormones. It's not anything new. It's just getting them replaced. Are you on HRT? Yeah, I'm on... I suppose so, yeah. TRT, yeah. It's a form of it. Yeah. But she's going to get a spike in libido. Pray God she gets a spike in Speaker 4 (3:51) libido. Speaker 3 (3:51) Go that album, man. Oh, mate. I'm just going to have this horny, tested-up wife. Speaker 6 (3:56) It's Speaker 3 (3:56) what I've been dreaming of. Is that posting? In a non-coercive, controlling way. I've been very encouraging. What if she Speaker 6 (4:02) doesn't want to fuck you with it, though? What if you come home and she's just rubbing herself on the arm of the couch in there? Or if she just uses it to fuck all the inanimate objects you own. Speaker 3 (4:10) Yeah. So genuinely, I follow quite a lot of things. I think one of the things with perimenopause is like sometimes a spike in libido, but not for your partner. It's, yeah. For other people or for? You just, honestly, without one, I'm talking out of turn really, because this is. something I don't know loads about, but because this has been going on for a bit, when has it ever stopped? You're absolutely right. I've, I ended up following, watching a lot of reels about perimenopause and is it Sarah Barron has got an on-street perimenopause thing and it's really good content. And she was talking to someone and yeah, like she had started having like urges, sexual urges, but for everyone but her partner. Wow. Can we use that as an excuse? Not me personally, but men who Speaker 4 (5:05) cheat. Speaker 3 (5:05) Can we say we've got petty menopause? Well, that's the thing with men. We basically go through almost no developmental changes in our adult life. I have Speaker 4 (5:13) one day a month where I go, oh. Speaker 3 (5:17) Puberty, and then maybe when you're 75, you're dicks. You have one day a month where Speaker 4 (5:20) you feel like maybe you're a bit unbalanced and you feel like a bit shit. You don't know why. Your menstrual cycle. Never have that, no. Genuinely, like once a month, I wake up and go, ugh. Is that not just life? Yeah, maybe, but like... A lot of people attributed to men going through a little bit of a shift in there. Because we've got hormones too, obviously. Yeah, a little bit of a shift. I Speaker 2 (5:36) didn't used to like sprouts, and I don't like sprouts. Is that like a developmental thing? I don't think it's Speaker 4 (5:42) hormonal, Harry. You develop the like for sprouts. Speaker 2 (5:46) Yeah, but it only happens once. I only eat them at Christmas. So we can never really know when that happens. That's because you don't cook. No, the sprouts are always there. Speaker 4 (5:56) Would you have a sprout now? Yeah. So you like sprouts? Yeah, but I used Speaker 2 (6:00) to like sprouts. Do you know what I mean? So like, that's a developmental change. You think it's like hormonal? That's a thing, isn't it? Children don't like sprouts and then you get hit sprout, peri-sprout age and you start having sprouts. No, I Speaker 4 (6:12) think Speaker 2 (6:12) children Speaker 4 (6:13) don't like being forced to eat veg. So they're like, I don't want to eat that because you're making me eat it. Because they smell of boff, don't they? I Speaker 2 (6:18) don't like sprouts Speaker 4 (6:18) now. I love sprouts. See, Speaker 2 (6:20) things not Speaker 3 (6:20) developed Speaker 4 (6:20) yet. Speaker 3 (6:21) So we'll know you're going through some sort of male menopause when all you're eating is sprouts. Do I need to get on the HRT because I like sprouts? No, I think there is a lot of development as a person. You know, like people change and grow and, you know, develop. Speaker 2 (6:33) Is there postmenopause? Yeah. You ever seen Fleabag? Speaker 4 (6:37) Yeah. When she speaks to you, she's like, she's like postmenopause. And she's like, she's just the happiest. Speaker 6 (6:42) Postmenopause is just, you know, when you see women just sitting down watching the telly and they're not moaning. Like that old women. And they're just like, I like me telling me. That's, they're done then. Speaker 3 (6:51) Like Speaker 6 (6:51) they're just Speaker 3 (6:52) rollerblading Speaker 6 (6:52) and fucking. Speaker 3 (6:53) And that's Speaker 6 (6:54) why Speaker 3 (6:54) I'm trying to avoid. I want a horny, what do we call it? HRT, big tits, Tuesdays. Oh no, that was hairy ratchets. Huge ratchets. I'm just, Speaker 6 (7:04) you know, Speaker 3 (7:04) I'd like to avoid the, I think actually what happens is if hormones are imbalanced and you get like postmenopausal, that's when the crazy Karen stuff starts happening. that's when it all gets really up and down. Speaker 4 (7:17) Isn't Carl a slayer now? It is, yeah, but it's not one anyone takes seriously. No. Speaker 6 (7:22) Apparently Speaker 4 (7:22) it's a slayer. Speaker 3 (7:23) Don't say Speaker 4 (7:23) that. Speaker 3 (7:24) Honky's not Speaker 4 (7:24) a slayer. It sounds so lovely, doesn't it? Speaker 3 (7:27) Sounds like the Ice Cream Man's coming. Try going to the police and reporting someone from an ethnic Speaker 4 (7:32) minority calling you a honky and Speaker 3 (7:33) see how far you get. Speaker 4 (7:35) Exactly, I wouldn't. It's not real, is it? Like mayo or whatever they call me. El Hajdiyof. That's one. Speaker 3 (7:43) Don't call someone ill-adjusted. Called an Everton ball boy a honky at one point. And Everton reported him for racism. That Speaker 6 (7:49) is Speaker 4 (7:49) so funny. Speaker 3 (7:50) Oh, that is a disgrace. That's how much of a cunt he is. Is Speaker 6 (7:54) there Speaker 3 (7:54) anything Speaker 6 (7:54) an ethnic minority could call you that you'd like, that would take genuine racial offence to if someone was like, you white devil? Speaker 4 (8:01) No. No, because I've never lived through any oppression because of my race, have I? Totally. What about anti-Spanish stuff for you? Not like S-P-I-C. I know the word. Spicy Speaker 6 (8:13) without the Y. Yeah. Speaker 4 (8:16) Spice. Speaker 4 (8:19) I'm sorry. No, that's what I'll be eating. It's a hard C. Yeah. No, I don't... I got told I was Spanish. Obviously, my mum's not lying. I don't even know that I am. Do you know what I mean? Speaker 4 (8:34) I can't claim it until like... Do you remember when you first Speaker 6 (8:37) found out and I called you that word like repeatedly and you did initially be like... I Speaker 4 (8:42) think I'm offended by that actually because I actually am. And then... I don't know him. Speaker 6 (8:47) And then you just wore him down. I just told him to shut up. It doesn't matter. Speaker 4 (8:50) I can't be offended by a race that I've never been even in contact with. You're not 100 % sure. You Speaker 5 (8:56) spoke to Speaker 4 (8:56) Spanish Speaker 5 (8:56) people. No, but I mean Speaker 4 (8:57) as in what I'm made up of. And I've never experienced Spanish culture as a half Spanish person. And he's never experienced Speaker 6 (9:04) anti-Hispanic racism. Because there isn't really much there yet. Like, if you meet the Spanish guy over here, you're like, fucking hell, I bet you he can dance and make some paella. You Speaker 4 (9:12) Spanish crones! Speaker 4 (9:15) What's his name? Bootlegger. Bootlegger, yeah. Speaker 6 (9:19) It's more offensive in America, isn't it? Because they use that for Mexicans Speaker 4 (9:24) and Mexican adjacents. Mexican adjacent. Speaker 2 (9:29) You Speaker 6 (9:29) know Speaker 2 (9:29) what Speaker 3 (9:29) I Speaker 6 (9:30) mean? Yeah. All the countries Mexicans come from. The hizzos. Speaker 4 (9:34) Yeah. Could you be offended by anti-Turkish stuff? I think he's been offended by us on the anti-Turkish stuff. I mean... No, I mean, like, somebody who's actually throwing hatred towards you, like vitriol, like, using that Speaker 2 (9:47) word. Speaker 4 (9:47) If they were Greek. Speaker 5 (9:48) If they were Greek. Speaker 2 (9:49) Yeah, if a Greek person called you, like, a kofta muncher. Speaker 4 (9:51) Whoa. Speaker 2 (9:53) That's Speaker 4 (9:54) not Speaker 2 (9:54) a Speaker 4 (9:54) slur. Speaker 2 (9:54) What did you call him? A kofta muncher. Oh. But it's not a slur. Would Speaker 4 (9:57) you Speaker 2 (9:57) be offended as Speaker 4 (9:58) a Speaker 2 (9:58) fucking vegetarian Speaker 4 (9:59) on that, mate? Would you genuinely feel, like, offended in, like, your heart? Or would you be like, can't say that? Your Speaker 6 (10:05) little hummus gimp, something like that. That's more Greek. No. Yeah. Speaker 4 (10:10) No, they sell that in a leaf, and that's Turkish. Emre, who's the goalkeeper? Kog as well. What? Must do Rechbe with shit. Whoa. Speaker 5 (10:18) That's not me doing that. I don't think so. What's Speaker 6 (10:20) Turkish then, like food-wise? Baklava. Speaker 5 (10:23) Baklava, yeah. Speaker 6 (10:24) Yeah, you little baklava twat. I love baklava. Yeah, of course you do. It's a response. I'll fucking bet you do, mate. Yeah, it's dead nice. Speaker 4 (10:31) It's not offensive, it's lovely. Speaker 4 (10:34) Would you take more offence from anti-Welsh gentlemen? Speaker 5 (10:38) Yeah, when people do say stuff about Wales, I do get more. You sheep-shagging, back Speaker 6 (10:42) -level-oving twat. That's confusing. Speaker 5 (10:45) I take Speaker 4 (10:45) more offensive anti-Scouse sentiment than English. Speaker 5 (10:47) Yeah. I mean, a million times. Speaker 4 (10:50) It's because Scouse is the most important identity to you. Yeah, yeah. When people say it's not a real country and they mean it, I'm like, fuck off. It's bang out of order, man. Everyone means it, though. They don't. Speaker 5 (11:02) They don't mean it. Do you mean Turkey or Wales? Wales. Turkey's definitely... They're both real countries. Speaker 3 (11:10) There you go, we've got it all here. Now go get your fucking back lever. Speaker 4 (11:16) You said all fucking white boys aren't you? I can't even ask you. I've said we need to do these ancestry things. I'd love Speaker 3 (11:24) to see it. I think I'm so painfully, Speaker 5 (11:27) painfully Anglo-Saxon. Speaker 5 (11:30) No. You're going to wasp aren't you? Would it change who you are if you found out you were like from the Caribbean really? The new M.R. Speaker 3 (11:39) I'd probably ask for a refund or a retest on that. Or a rewind. Or a rewind. That'd be a surprise. What white Speaker 6 (11:47) country or white in your head country is like the one you'd be most surprised? To find you from. Because you're easily, you could, if it comes back and you're Icelandic, none of us are going to be like, oh my God, that's mad. We'd be like, yeah, sand. Do Speaker 3 (12:01) you Speaker 6 (12:01) know what I mean? Speaker 4 (12:02) There's probably a bit Speaker 6 (12:02) of Nordic in you Speaker 3 (12:03) anyway. There's got Speaker 4 (12:05) to be. Speaker 3 (12:05) After all the Russia slander, if I came back like 67 % Ruski, I'd be a bit gutted. I don't think Speaker 6 (12:13) you've got like the natural aura of intimidation that comes with Russian ancestry. Speaker 3 (12:18) Yeah, because they are rude cunts. You know what I mean? Speaker 6 (12:19) Yeah. Speaker 3 (12:21) I think you're too Speaker 6 (12:22) placid to be Russian. You're a spy. Speaker 3 (12:26) I'm kind of chilled. But if I take more testosterone, I reckon I'm getting more and more Russian. I wonder if that affects you. Anglo, I think I'm probably the Germanic. I would guess it goes back to the Germanic sort of... Yeah, the Germanic Germany. The Angles and Speaker 4 (12:45) the Saxons coming over. Speaker 3 (12:46) I Speaker 4 (12:46) think it's going to be pretty quiet. I can imagine that, George. Yours is just going to go back to Ireland. Yours Speaker 6 (12:53) is Speaker 4 (12:53) Ireland, surely. Speaker 6 (12:54) I've got a bit of iris for sure. Yeah. But then I don't know whether like, like, so me. Me dad's mum and then his dad's grandparents, I think they're Irish. So I think there'll definitely be some Irish there. But I don't know. My mum could have had like some Argentinians or something. There could be a medic in Ivitadish Speaker 4 (13:14) because surely Speaker 3 (13:14) there's links there. Hang on. She fucked some Argentinians or some Argentinian heritage. Heritage. Oh, Speaker 6 (13:20) right. Maybe a great grandad was, you know, called like fucking Juan. Speaker 6 (13:26) There Speaker 4 (13:26) you go. That'll do it. It's Juan Sebastian Verón. He's thinking of it. It's Speaker 3 (13:30) Juan Speaker 4 (13:30) Sebastian Verón. Speaker 3 (13:30) My great-grandad is Juan Sebastian Verón. I bet he did some shagging. He Speaker 5 (13:35) could be anything. I could be Icelandic. Speaker 3 (13:36) He could be anything. Speaker 2 (13:37) What? Look at him. I am looking at him. My grandad looked like... The pasty Speaker 4 (13:42) motherfucker. Speaker 2 (13:43) No, my grandad looked like Mo Salah. And I tan on holiday. Was your grandad English? I think, Speaker 6 (13:49) honestly, yours could come back and the company could just be like, we don't know. Speaker 2 (13:53) Or the planet. Speaker 6 (13:54) Do you know when you go to the dog rescue centre and it's like, what breed's this? And they're just like, oh, fuck knows. Maybe. Speaker 2 (14:01) Because my granddad didn't know his dad. And the rumour, although I don't know, was that it was an American GI or a Canadian GI that came over because his mum may have gone around a bit. A GI? Like a... Like GI Joe? Yeah, like a... Yeah, because it's your mum. Speaker 6 (14:21) Yes. Speaker 3 (14:22) A man of action, Speaker 6 (14:23) an Speaker 3 (14:23) American soldier. Yeah, because they came over with all the... They had better rations, didn't they? They were over... What was it? To flex, I don't know. Over here, over sex, something like that. They famously came over and like... Towards the end of the war, before D-Day, before we attacked mainland Europe, there was, especially around East Anglia, I think there was like so many American GIs, soldiers, waiting to... to do the invasion. Why did they go to East? They had East. Because it's the Speaker 6 (14:54) closest to Speaker 3 (14:55) Germany. Speaker 6 (14:56) Yeah, but it's furthest from America, I think was his point. You'd expect them to arrive at like, you know, Plymouth. Speaker 6 (15:04) I think a lot of them flew over in planes. Speaker 5 (15:08) I thought you meant by ship. They went Speaker 2 (15:09) swimming. Also, my granddad was from Bootle, so I think they came from Matthew Street or something. Speaker 5 (15:14) Yeah. Speaker 2 (15:14) The GIs Speaker 3 (15:16) had loads of cigarettes. They had better rations. They had chocolate. And they just wanted Speaker 6 (15:19) to go and see where the Beatles started. Yeah, the Beatles had to start again as well. Speaker 3 (15:23) They want to go and see the Cavalry Speaker 6 (15:24) Club. Speaker 3 (15:24) We're going to change all this. Oh, my God. Take a picture. It's probably going to be here. Who? The Beatles. Who? Shut up. Speaker 2 (15:33) But the old photos of my granddad, he looks the spitter, Mo Salah. Big afro. So what's that got to do with American GIs? Speaker 4 (15:39) Because Speaker 2 (15:39) he's not all white, I don't think. There's a bit of herbs and spices in Speaker 4 (15:46) there. Speaker 6 (15:48) Who would have been the famous scouser back then? Was there anyone before the Beatles? Was Speaker 4 (15:52) Jimmy Tarbuck before the Beatles? Tudor Black and Jimmy Tarbuck were knocking about before then. They were probably children. Ken Dodd? In the 40s, famous scousers, probably footballers. No, well, is it the 40s or is it the late 30s? What are we talking about? Oh, yeah, Speaker 3 (16:05) late 30s. World War II. Speaker 4 (16:07) Who were the Speaker 3 (16:08) famous scousers? 1939 to 1945. Tommy Henley. Oh, Speaker 4 (16:11) Tommy Henley! On the wing. The Speaker 3 (16:13) definitive voice of Speaker 2 (16:14) wartime Britain. Was he a scouser? Yeah, Speaker 4 (16:17) apparently. Speaker 2 (16:19) Hitler's nephew as well was born where content is. On that road Speaker 4 (16:23) up the street. Speaker 5 (16:24) Who's Tommy Handley? Spell Handley. H-A-N-D-L-E-Y. Speaker 4 (16:33) That's Speaker 6 (16:33) my mum's Speaker 4 (16:34) maiden name. Speaker 4 (16:36) It's not his first dog's name though, so, you know. Speaker 6 (16:40) But he got one. I'm pretty sure I don't use that as a security question anymore. Speaker 5 (16:45) Hi, boys. He was born at Toxteth Park in 1892. Who was he? He was the voice of the war. So he worked for BBC Radio? Yeah, very popular. Speaker 2 (16:59) He Speaker 5 (17:00) did what Alfie said. Speaker 2 (17:01) Sorry. Speaker 5 (17:02) He was a comedian. He was keeping up the morale in Britain during the Second World War. He was Speaker 6 (17:10) Robin Williams from Good Morning Vietnam. Speaker 5 (17:13) Sick. Did he have a Speaker 3 (17:15) radio show? Speaker 5 (17:16) Yeah. He had a radio show called It's That Man Again. Speaker 3 (17:24) That's sick. Speaker 4 (17:26) Don't worry, Mr. Hitler. Speaker 3 (17:27) We're not giving up. It's that man again, Tommy Handley. Who else Speaker 4 (17:32) was there back then? Speaker 5 (17:33) I'd love to know his other characters. Bessie Braddock. who is a Labour MP and helped make the NHS. And then it is footy players, really. And Arthur Askey, another comedian. I've actually heard of Arthur Askey. Tommy Speaker 6 (17:53) Hanley, Speaker 5 (17:53) man. Speaker 6 (17:53) There we go. Comedian as well. Comedy's been in my lineage, so... There we go. Speaker 3 (17:58) Mad. And, you know, good midfield play from Veron. What a heritage. Speaker 4 (18:05) I'm half on it, I'm half Tommy Huntley. Amazing Speaker 3 (18:07) timing Speaker 4 (18:07) on a joke and a pass. It's Adam Rowe. Speaker 3 (18:12) So can we do the heritage one? What does it come back? Speaker 2 (18:15) It comes back with Speaker 3 (18:16) like percentages of what Speaker 2 (18:17) you are. It comes Speaker 3 (18:17) back with a Speaker 2 (18:17) world Speaker 3 (18:17) map Speaker 5 (18:17) and percentages of where you're from. And Speaker 2 (18:19) it gives you phone numbers and like emails or whatever of other people that are related Speaker 3 (18:24) to you. Yeah, Speaker 2 (18:24) you can find relatives. Speaker 5 (18:25) No, I'm all right with that. I'm Speaker 3 (18:26) not Speaker 5 (18:27) ringing Russia. Yeah, but what if you've got like a famous cousin in Tajikistan? Yeah. Is anyone famous in Speaker 4 (18:34) Tajikistan? Speaker 5 (18:36) Are Speaker 4 (18:37) they allowed to be? Speaker 6 (18:37) Of Speaker 4 (18:38) course they Speaker 6 (18:38) are. Speaker 4 (18:38) They're famous Tajikistanis. Yeah, well, that's all that matters, isn't it? No, but that one, I suppose. Speaker 2 (18:44) It's Tajikistan where they had that dictator. Is that Turkmenistan where he named every day after himself? You're thinking about the Ottoman Empire. No, I think he's right. I think it's... You're thinking Speaker 3 (18:52) about the Ottomans. Some of the crazy stans. Speaker 2 (18:55) It's either Tajikistan or Turkmenistan he named every day after himself so no one knew what day it was or something. Or like Aladdin. Yeah, that's why they got that off. Speaker 4 (19:05) Today is Aladin. Speaker 2 (19:06) Yeah. Aladin, Speaker 4 (19:08) bloody Aladin. Speaker 2 (19:09) And Speaker 4 (19:10) he had a Speaker 2 (19:10) book that he wrote that was like his Bible and everyone had to, but it was like his memoir. It's like funny stories that he'd done at golf and that. Speaker 4 (19:16) Do you reckon it's possible to get that big now? Hitler got big, didn't he? Just by like constantly chatting shit and everyone was like, yeah, all right. Do you reckon it's possible to rise to that level of power now? Like Donald Trump, maybe. Yeah. Speaker 4 (19:29) Dizzle Trump. He's probably the last of his breed, though, isn't he? Dizzle. I mean, in the Western world, surely. I think people would have said that after Speaker 3 (19:35) Hitler, Speaker 4 (19:36) wouldn't they? I Speaker 3 (19:37) think in the wake of Donald Trump, they're going to make some changes to how, you know, things like the Supreme Court, and I think they're going to put in provision, so... They're Speaker 6 (19:45) probably going to make it so that, like, electing the president isn't done on the same voting system as, like, American Idol. Speaker 3 (19:51) Yeah, but they nailed that with Kelly Clarkson. So we could get it right. I'd take Kelly Clarkson as president any day. Yeah, I don't think so. But in a smaller country, you've got more chance, eh? Randy Bum Bum's changing it, isn't he? He is. He wants to change it Speaker 6 (20:07) from the first-past-the-post system to a percentage thing. Our man Randy Bum Bum. He's Speaker 5 (20:13) changing it all, man. He's splashing it. His speech in Liverpool yesterday. He loves the North, doesn't he? He bloody loves the North. He's taking a Speaker 6 (20:20) bit of dough off the old biddies, isn't he? He's getting rid of the triple lock, which is a sentence that has been said loads and no one really knows what it means. It's Speaker 3 (20:28) a Speaker 6 (20:28) wrestling move, I think. But Speaker 4 (20:29) basically, Speaker 6 (20:29) he's gone, look, we can't really afford to keep giving all these fucking old biddies loads of dough. And they're all going, oh, what? And then the internet's reacted by going, well, why don't we just treat them like they've treated like Gen Z and go, well, if you stop buying all the way there's originals and make tea at home, then you can just fucking afford whatever you want, can't you? There was like, and obviously Twitter's just full of bots now. So there's like someone complaining going, oh my God, this is disgusting. My nan's like, whatever. And like the last tweet about a nan was just being to see me nan with all me cousins. And she just gave us all rolled up notes. Oh, love me little nan. She just can't do that anymore. Speaker 4 (21:06) And Speaker 6 (21:07) he's trying to, he's nationalising Avanti West Coast trains. Yep. And he's getting rid of VAT on electricity and they are looking to nationalise care. Like they're making, they're treating social care for the elderly when people need to be looked after and going to homes in the same way that the NHS is run, which is. They're making the Speaker 5 (21:28) NCS, National Care Service. Speaker 3 (21:31) Okay. Speaker 4 (21:32) He's shaking it up, isn't he? Speaker 3 (21:33) So he's taking money away from biddies, Speaker 5 (21:34) but then looking after the really elderly biddies. Essentially, yeah, taking the money from there and putting it into social care to help put less strain on the NHS. Interesting. Is the theory of that, so pensioners that fall over would have the NCS instead of the NHS and then that. Oh, okay. The country Speaker 6 (21:53) and just generally like everywhere, I mean, it's not just this country, but the country is... has been so successfully divided by powers that be that there's going to be so much anger about what he's doing from one side of everything anyway. And it's just because they see him as on the other team. So no one really listens to what the other side are doing anymore, certainly on the extremes. But I think there's going to be quite a lot of sort of, you know, without a country, politically homeless people. who feel like they have been for a while, who are in the middle and don't really like the extremes of the left or the right or whatever. I think he is appealing to a lot of sensible people. He's trying to make sensible policies that just... And he's also showing that he is willing to back down. Like, he said he was going to get rid of the ban on alcohol at football games. I don't know whether you've seen that. I don't know how much you know about that because you don't go to footy that often, but, like, football is the only sport. and the only stadium events in the UK where you're not allowed to have an alcoholic beverage in the stadium bowl. Because Speaker 3 (22:57) of the history of Hooliganism. Yeah, Speaker 6 (23:00) partly. And there's a lot of criticism of that saying there was much more contributing to it. And the fact that you can have a pint before, like just before in the pubs, you can have a pint on the concourse at halftime, it doesn't really sort of affect. Speaker 6 (23:15) Like if that was the thing causing hooliganism, it would still be going on because it hasn't impacted it enough for it to be taken away. Anyway, I'm not bothered about discussion or that. A lot of people who go to the match went, please don't get rid of that ban because I can't be arsed being covered in a fucking pint of Carl and every time someone scores or whatever. And pretty much immediately they've gone, all right, no worries. If he's actually don't want me to get rid of that then. Speaker 4 (23:36) When I heard that, I was like, oh, that's sick because he's changing the rule positively towards football. And then I went, oh no, I don't want people to drink beer on the... And apparently like a vote, it was 65 % against it and they've gone, okay. Speaker 6 (23:50) I'm a pretty, I think the word for what I think I am is libertarian. Like I'm kind of like. Speaker 6 (23:58) like socially socialist, like I want everyone to be all right and want everyone to be able to live sort of without having to, you know, break the bollocks to just stay alive. Everyone should be okay and have a decent standard of living regardless of how much effort they put in. I also believe that if you do put a lot of effort in, you should be allowed to work to amass a bit more than people who can't be arsed. As long as the people who can't be arsed are looked after and they're fine. That's what I believe. Sounds like Speaker 3 (24:21) social democracy. Speaker 6 (24:22) Totally. And I also think that... Although I don't want people having pints in the stadium because I can't be asked getting covered in beer and it means I can't wear a nice jacket to the match because it's going to get ruined when someone gets fucking blathered and throws it everywhere. I do think it is ridiculous that the government can tell me I can't have this specific drink while I'm doing this specific activity. I think it's a stupid fucking rule, but I'm glad it's there and I think I'm allowed to have both opinions. Speaker 4 (24:49) I think a lot of people are like, we want the ability to do it even if we don't want to do it. Yeah. We want to be able to go, well, it's my decision. Speaker 6 (24:58) Also, when it's a really big game, I just sneak it in. Like, if I want a drink in the stands, Speaker 4 (25:04) I just... We could get a beer into our seat. So, it wouldn't be a problem at all. Champagne. I could get champagne. At the Speaker 6 (25:14) Tottenham game last... Not last season, the season before, the day we won the league, I went onto the concourse at half-time and... Speaker 6 (25:23) ordered a beer and the girl went, do you want me to put it in a Coke cup so you can take it up? Yeah. She was just like, Speaker 4 (25:28) sound you. Back Speaker 6 (25:29) on. Speaker 4 (25:29) But yeah, it's the throwing thing that's become like culture now in British football. We've scored, I'm going to throw my beer in the air and then it gets reeled up by VAR, then what, they're going to get another one? No. It's fine the way it is. It's fine the way it is. It's a difficult spot Speaker 3 (25:43) for this Labour Prime Minister to be in. He's not got much of a mandate, has he? He's not been elected. He's got to do what Speaker 4 (25:52) he thinks he's got to do. He's Speaker 3 (25:54) not calling anyone. Speaker 4 (25:54) He's said, I'm not. Oh, really? I'm not. He's Speaker 6 (25:57) using the time he's got to rack up loads of little wins. Sensible Speaker 3 (26:02) politics. Moderate, essentially moderate politics. Although some people go, it's left wing to do an NCS. Speaker 6 (26:09) Yeah, I think that's a really left wing policy. And then pretty much everything else he's saying is pretty centrist and sensible. He's trying to rack up like a hundred little tiny wins. so that when he comes round to having to put a manifesto together and then campaign on the back of it, he can go, hey, you know the people we're competing with? They're all... Because he's basically going to be competing with... It's Speaker 3 (26:30) reform. Speaker 6 (26:31) Reform. He's going to go, they're all former Tories. They fucked the country. Do you remember how sad you were two years ago? That was all them there. I've got these 100 small wins, so imagine what I'll actually do if you give me four years in the plan to enact this. He's just trying to get, like, little scores on the board so that... is really sort of favourable when it comes around. I think both politically and tactically, I think he's actually doing a really smart job at the minute. Just to seem moderate in the face Speaker 3 (27:00) of what reform are going to be offering at an election, which is just, there's got to be a middle ground where people aren't as obsessed with votes. Like every other policy and every other part of that mandate from reform is going to be gut the NHS, tax breaks for... billionaires. Like, a sensible middle ground politics will look like a really good alternative to what reform is going to be offering. Totally. Speaking of politics... And he's a toffee as well. Speaking of politics, Speaker 2 (27:27) by the way, me and Finn were on Sky News the other night. On what? Part of what? As political commentators? Sorry, what? Speaker 6 (27:34) Why? Who wasn't available? Everybody else in the city. We Speaker 2 (27:38) were walking through the street. How Speaker 6 (27:39) far into their phone book did they have to get here? We're Speaker 2 (27:42) walking through the street and one word, hi, I'm from Sky News. We're talking about the House of Lords and me and Finn went, God, we're so passionate about the House of Lords. So we, we'd get, they were like, what do you think of the House of Lords? And I was like, and when she said that, I was like, I don't really know. I was like, these bloody lords. Speaker 5 (27:58) He let me take the first answer. Because Speaker 3 (27:59) we were like... The first question was, what do you think of the House of Lords? They were Speaker 5 (28:03) talking about whether people think the House of Lords should be moved up north, which I've not seen anyone actually say, and whether they need... This Speaker 3 (28:14) is the thing with Burnham, isn't Speaker 5 (28:14) it? Speaker 3 (28:15) He's going to move the royal family to Wigan. Speaker 2 (28:17) The National Speaker 3 (28:18) Ballet will be... Speaker 5 (28:21) And whether the House of Lords in general needs updating and changing the system. So they said, would you talk about the House of Lords? And we were like, yeah, we know what it's like to vox pop people. Like us three did journalism. So it's horrible doing that stuff. So we were like, yeah, we'll do it. And then she asked the question. He looked at me like a puppy and went, you take this one, please. So I took the first answer, gave some waffle about how. I don't think it's like democratic and that people that have family shouldn't be allowed. And then he took the second answer and said the word. What did you say? So basically in Speaker 2 (28:56) my head, I was like, Speaker 5 (28:56) do Speaker 2 (28:57) you know what? I'll say antiquated. That sounds like Speaker 5 (28:58) a word. Did you say Speaker 2 (28:59) landed gentry? So at one point he said antiquated and then I was like, I need another big word. So I said antiquated again a couple more times. He Speaker 5 (29:05) said antiquated three times in one answer. Oh no. Speaker 2 (29:08) That ruins the antiquated. Come Speaker 5 (29:10) on. Speaker 2 (29:11) Sometimes I'm Speaker 5 (29:12) a Speaker 2 (29:12) bit ditzy. We had coffee around it. I mean like how. And yeah, I said, I'm crazy a couple of times. And she was like, they're going to bring it up North. And we went, to be honest, we don't really care. Like if the- We dropped the Speaker 5 (29:24) act after the second Speaker 4 (29:25) question. Speaker 2 (29:26) Because we were like, we'll give a passionate answer because they need soundbites. We're going to be in a montage with loads of other people. Did they use you? I don't know. You should have just gone in the Speaker 3 (29:35) paint the other way, knowing that they need a soundbite. We love the House of Lords. Just be like, I think it's such a shame that like- Peers aren't just, peerages aren't handed down because the ruling class, the upper class, the aristocracy, they just know better. They know better and they should still be leading us in a second house. See, Speaker 6 (29:53) my instinct would have been to go, I just think it ended so abruptly and, you know, now that the allegations have been refuted and just go on about house of cards for 10 minutes and then see at Speaker 2 (30:02) what point they go, no, the house of law. Last Speaker 4 (30:06) season Speaker 3 (30:07) wasn't Speaker 4 (30:07) the Speaker 3 (30:07) same without him. Speaker 2 (30:10) Is Alan Sugar in the House of Lords? Yeah. Speaker 4 (30:12) I just went with him. I'd have gone with Alan Sugar. I'd have talked about The Apprentice a bit. Speaker 6 (30:16) Well, Finn got me a lordship for Christmas the other year. He bought me some land in Scotland and I'm a lord, so I think I'm allowed to go. Yeah, see, that's what confused me. Can we do the Patreon special where he tries to sit in the House of Lords? Speaker 3 (30:28) How Speaker 6 (30:28) are Speaker 4 (30:29) we all? Speaker 3 (30:30) Got a piece of paper. Have you got it with you? No, but Finn bought it. He's got a receipt probably on his email. Let me in. Can we Speaker 4 (30:35) have Speaker 3 (30:35) a pint on the Speaker 4 (30:36) terrace? Have a Speaker 6 (30:37) pint rolled here. Do you know, like, the wigs and that? Do they give you them there, or do you have to get them before you go? Speaker 2 (30:42) So at one point I was going to be like... What? Do they have wigs in the House of Lords? No. They're Speaker 3 (30:47) all wigged up, man. No. Like, wigging? Are you thinking about the old Bailey? The court? Bill Bailey. You're thinking about the High Court? No, they've all got wigs on them, fucking, like, staffs in there. Uh... Speaker 5 (30:57) Are Speaker 4 (30:58) you thinking of, like, Speaker 5 (30:59) the start of Parliament with Black Rod, where it's all a bit fucking formal? Oh, what a fucking dude. Speaker 4 (31:04) Who the fuck's Black Rod? He opens... Speaker 3 (31:06) You've Speaker 4 (31:07) seen Black Rod when he comes to the door. Speaker 3 (31:11) knocks it three times and they close the door in his face. You've never seen the Speaker 4 (31:15) opening of Parliament? I do anything else with my day than watch the opening of Parliament. Speaker 3 (31:20) It's on every day. They have to Speaker 2 (31:22) shoo them out as well, don't they? That's like a thing. They do Speaker 6 (31:25) that every day. No, Speaker 2 (31:27) it's pretty stupid. How often do they do it? Speaker 3 (31:29) Once a year. You know when the Queen makes a speech in the House of Lords? She's not in the conversation. She's Speaker 4 (31:34) in the Speaker 3 (31:34) House of fucking Speaker 4 (31:34) hell now, mate. Speaker 4 (31:36) Oh, sorry. Welcome to it. I haven't let her Speaker 6 (31:41) go yet. Can you imagine, by the way, if there is a heaven and hell, right? And it is literally done like this, the universe decides whether you're a good person or a bad person, like the good place, right? And then because the royal family have hoarded so much wealth and, you know, essentially acted like they're better than everyone for the entire time, the queen gets... put in hell. Can you imagine that juxtaposition for the queen? She was just the queen and now she's getting Speaker 5 (32:12) like fisted with Speaker 6 (32:13) pineapples by Hitler forever. Speaker 5 (32:15) She had like, what, 95 years of niceness. If it was worth Speaker 6 (32:20) it, Liz, open Speaker 4 (32:21) your arsehole. I always wonder when eternity becomes you're not arsed anymore. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, on the two trillion pineapples. Yeah, Speaker 6 (32:29) but I think they probably just, as soon as you're like that, they do something else to you. So they stop putting pineapples up your arse and they're like, right, here's a Skype phone contract. One orgasm and they change your health. Did you say Hitler's the one fist Speaker 2 (32:40) in there? Speaker 6 (32:41) I imagine he's probably on Speaker 4 (32:43) the staff now. Speaker 6 (32:43) Isn't Speaker 4 (32:43) that Speaker 6 (32:43) Hitler's heaven then? What if he loves fisting old women? Well, then he wouldn't Speaker 4 (32:47) be allowed to do it. But I'm assuming he's probably like, I don't want to do this. Speaker 6 (32:51) So Speaker 4 (32:51) someone's hell has Speaker 6 (32:52) to be fisting old women and they just go, Speaker 4 (32:54) you're together over Speaker 6 (32:55) there. Speaker 2 (32:55) Sorry. Speaker 6 (32:56) Yeah. But he's been down there long enough. Do you know like in prison, like, you know, the people who've been there a while, it's like how he gets to do the cooking him. Speaker 3 (33:04) He's one of the cooks. Oh, you think he's a... We can trust him. I think... Isn't he in solitary in hell? Surely. They're not letting him... No, he's Speaker 4 (33:11) a Speaker 3 (33:11) fucking gaff. He's the king of Speaker 4 (33:12) hell. Oh, Speaker 3 (33:13) he's running the gaff. Hell isn't Speaker 4 (33:14) punishing bad people. It's basically a gaff and some old fucking... I think hell is Speaker 3 (33:18) exactly punishing bad people. Speaker 4 (33:19) Well, why is the devil a bad guy then? What do you mean? Isn't he a fallen angel? Because the devil's a bad guy. Why would he punish bad people? Because he likes it. That's his job. Oh, hang on. Speaker 3 (33:28) You think you've got to be a bad person to go to hell, but once you're there, it's just a fucking... The devil's like, my guy. It's Speaker 4 (33:35) like bad person heaven. The devil wouldn't be punishing bad people if he's the bad guy. I think you need to Speaker 5 (33:41) get in your scripture there, Karl. What, do you reckon it's just like a BDSM party? Speaker 4 (33:46) Why would the devil... The devil's the worst guy ever, isn't he? I have had this Speaker 6 (33:50) thought before. I'm Speaker 4 (33:50) getting Speaker 6 (33:50) deja vu Speaker 4 (33:51) that we've said it on the pod. Why would he go, Hitler? brother that was bad shit that like you're getting fisted for 3000 years he'd be like lad you've smashed that brother go and play fucking five-sided I Speaker 3 (34:01) think famously that's not what Hitler loved to do it's five-sided Speaker 4 (34:05) Jagen Press Speaker 3 (34:06) you're saying there's more holocaust in hell There can't be. No, because Hitler loves it. That's what he wants to do. He don't want to play five-a-side. You want Speaker 6 (34:15) to play five-a-side. Maybe that is happening for people who are really bad. They're still down there getting holocausted, like really bad people. But he's not allowed to watch it because he'd like watching it. Yeah. Speaker 4 (34:26) Hitler, that's happening. Don't look at that. Face that way. Morning. Morning, Satan. Speaker 3 (34:32) Can today, can I just leave the pineapples? I've feasted a lot of queens. I want to watch a Speaker 4 (34:38) little bit of Holocaust. Speaker 6 (34:40) It's near the five-a-side Speaker 4 (34:41) pitches. Speaker 6 (34:41) Maybe they let him watch it on his birthday. Speaker 6 (34:45) Happy birthday to me. On his birthday, right. It's like a kid with an iPad. It's like, right, you can have 10 minutes. Go on. You've been quite good today. Speaker 6 (34:57) It's the Speaker 3 (34:58) best part of the year. Speaker 4 (35:04) Biggie says it best. He doesn't want to go to heaven. He wants to go to hell. What's the point in going to heaven with the goody goodies? He wants to dress in black Timbs and black hoodies. He wants to Speaker 3 (35:13) go Speaker 4 (35:13) down there with all the cool dudes, man. Speaker 3 (35:14) Yeah. Biggie said it best. Speaker 4 (35:16) Didn't Speaker 3 (35:17) you Speaker 4 (35:17) ever? Up Speaker 3 (35:17) there Speaker 4 (35:17) with Speaker 6 (35:17) fucking Jane Fonda. Didn't you Speaker 4 (35:18) ever? Speaker 6 (35:19) Why would you want to go to heaven with Christians who were right? Is that your line? That's Speaker 3 (35:24) my idea of hell. An eternity with Christians. Who were right. Told Speaker 4 (35:28) you! Speaker 4 (35:32) Christ. No, you can't say Christ. No, Speaker 5 (35:35) you can. You can. He'll Speaker 4 (35:36) be Speaker 5 (35:36) like, what's up? Yeah. Speaker 4 (35:38) Oh, so you say, every time you blaspheme, you go, I was just talking. Speaker 6 (35:40) I think that'll kill her up there once you're in. There's no rules once you're in. Speaker 3 (35:44) Oh, I guess Speaker 6 (35:45) this Speaker 3 (35:46) is, this is an amazing interpretation. You can say Ronald McDonald in McDonald's. So you can, once you're in heaven, you can do whatever you want. You can be evil. You're like, fuck off. I've Speaker 6 (35:55) got a Speaker 3 (35:55) lifetime membership. And once you're in hell, you're just doing all the things you love with the devil. Speaker 6 (36:00) Both sound sick. I'll go anywhere, mate. Sign me up. Speaker 3 (36:04) It's a good job I believe in all this. It sounds great. I can't wait to die. Oh, I've done say that. Speaker 2 (36:11) Let's have a break. Terrible. They've got a female Black Rod now. No, they've Speaker 3 (36:15) not. Speaker 2 (36:16) I think so. Randy Bum Bum's Britain, man. Female Black Rod. It's fucking utter woke nonsense, mate. Hang on. Sorry to bring it Speaker 4 (36:23) back to... Speaker 2 (36:24) You didn't even know it existed two minutes ago. Was his name Speaker 4 (36:26) Rod? Speaker 3 (36:28) It's like a ceremonial name. It's like a ceremonial position. Speaker 4 (36:32) He's like the caretaker. Is the Black Rod sounds like a porn star? Speaker 3 (36:36) Doesn't he? Yeah, it does. He doesn't bang on the door with his dick. Who's that Speaker 4 (36:39) on the door? It's Black Rod. That's a good porno Speaker 3 (36:42) though. The House of Horse. Sell that Speaker 6 (36:43) to someone. Sell that as an idea. Speaker 4 (36:45) It's Black Rod. Dick, dick, Speaker 6 (36:47) dick. Speaker 5 (36:48) The House of Dicks. It's a guy called Ed, so I don't know where you got that from. Speaker 2 (36:53) There was a female Black Rod. Made the news. Yeah, Sarah Clark. She's my black rod. It's like my Doctor Who. Speaker 4 (37:00) Oh, it's a Speaker 2 (37:01) good thing. Yeah, Speaker 4 (37:02) I'm a cartoon. Have you heard there's probably a trans black rod? Who's my black rod? Like 97 when I was growing up looking at the black rods on the telly. Black rod, 1997. Speaker 3 (37:10) Black Speaker 2 (37:11) rod with Speaker 3 (37:11) a Speaker 2 (37:11) Ronaldo haircut. Black Speaker 3 (37:12) rod, 97. Speaker 5 (37:14) Oh, no, ignore that. I can't find it. Sorry. Do Speaker 6 (37:20) you remember when we were growing up? Like sort of the Blair and Brown era? Like you'd put the telly on and obviously there was less TV channels and there was no streaming and stuff. And like, it felt like Prime Minister's Questions was always on. And it looked box office. It was shaking all, Speaker 4 (37:35) it Speaker 3 (37:36) was Speaker 6 (37:36) always going off. Like whoever was fucking leading the Tories that we could come up and be like, well, I think all this is Tony Blair. Come on, be like, hey, man. Speaker 3 (37:43) Yeah. Smell your man. Speaker 4 (37:46) They're going, not Speaker 5 (37:47) bad. Speaker 4 (37:49) Does that happen still,