Ant & Dec Are Related…To a Viking?!

Hanging Out With Ant & Dec

In this bonus episode recorded in British Columbia, Ant and Dec dive into a collection of listener mail from Canada. The duo shares humorous

Key takeaways

• Aaron Pollard shared a story about fish named Ant and Dec, including one named Stephen Mulment who passed away.
• Dec presented a five-category 'Bum wipe classification system' featuring types like the 'stand-up folder'.

Main topics

• Canadian Airmail
• Toilet paper usage methods

Notable quotes

Ant got Deck pregnant three times.

Conclusion

A lighthearted exploration of personal history and listener connection

Transcript preview

Speaker 4 (0:00) Are we rolling? Hello everybody. Welcome to the Canadian Hangout for another hanging out with him and me where we're just discussing what we're going to have for lunch. Well we've ordered our lunch. We've just got the, we've just had the menu in and we've just ordered. What have you gone for Ant? You're Speaker 3 (0:13) regretting Speaker 2 (0:13) it Speaker 3 (0:13) now aren't you? Well I am. I've got my tuna and pineapple salsa. Speaker 2 (0:17) So Speaker 3 (0:17) I don't know how... I don't know how local the tuna is to where we are, middle of the country. I Speaker 2 (0:24) think it's tin. Speaker 3 (0:26) Tin? Speaker 2 (0:27) Yeah. Speaker 3 (0:27) Why would it be tin? Speaker 2 (0:28) Tin tuna. Speaker 3 (0:30) Are you expecting a Speaker 4 (0:31) nice sea of tuna steak? Speaker 3 (0:32) Yeah. Doubt it. And pineapple. They don't really grow pineapples here, do they? No. Speaker 2 (0:37) In Speaker 3 (0:37) the middle of snowy British Columbia. What have you gone for? Speaker 4 (0:39) I've gone for whiskey and maple seared. No, whiskey and maple. Whiskey. I Speaker 2 (0:46) haven't seen them in me. Speaker 4 (0:48) Whiskey and maple. Whiskey. Glazed ham. Greeny pig. With truffle potatoes. Canadian pig. You're eating a Speaker 3 (0:59) lot of Canadian pig out here, aren't you? I Speaker 4 (1:01) am. You love it? I had a little slice of bacon again this morning. You're really big. How was the maple bacon, did you say? It was good. It was really good. This Speaker 3 (1:09) episode is a bonus episode and we're going to be doing letters, airmail letters again. Should we get the post back? One second. Yeah, get the post back. Speaker 4 (1:18) Oh, good. Speaker 3 (1:20) Why don't you just reach behind the wall? Speaker 4 (1:23) I did a full lap there. Do you need to show your Speaker 3 (1:24) boots off or something? I did a full lap. Do you get your boots for free? Don't do that. Ant Canada. And it got here. Can you believe it? It got here. That's all it says on there. Ant Canada. There's no other ants in Canada. Right. What are you saying? What are they saying? They're saying hello, Antec and team. Hello. Hey, my name is Aaron Pollard. And I thought I should tell you about my fish. Do you? Did you? I named them Ant and Deck. And Stephen Mulhern. When I first saw them, I didn't ask what genders they were, but it turns out Deck was a girl. And Ant, well, Ant was horny. Ant got Deck pregnant three times. Speaker 3 (2:15) Don't just clip that bit up and put that bit out. I went on holiday and before I had even left my own town, my mother messaged me saying she... Speaker 2 (2:23) I'm Speaker 3 (2:26) going Speaker 2 (2:26) to Speaker 3 (2:26) read that again because I read ahead. I went on holiday and before I had even left my own town, my mother had messaged me saying she'd found aunt dead. Speaker 4 (2:37) Why are you laughing? This is a dead animal, this. Speaker 3 (2:41) I go back from my holiday and found Stephen Mulhern stuck in one of the plants. Speaker 3 (3:01) Oh, God, I'm going to stitch it. I got back from holiday and found Steve Mullins stuck in one of the plants in the tackle with a pen pack. And I'm broken. So I took him to the vet and they told me he might have a problem. Speaker 1 (3:24) You told Speaker 3 (3:25) me that's not Speaker 4 (3:32) even a bladder infection. Speaker 3 (3:34) It's a goldfish. It's a Speaker 4 (3:35) goldfish. Speaker 3 (3:36) I separated Stephen from the rest and gave him some special drops. Oh my, they're all there. Really? Speaker 4 (3:45) There's more? The special drops killed him. Speaker 3 (3:53) The special jobs killed him. And that was the end of Stephen. Deck, though, is thriving. Yeah, I know. You see? Speaker 4 (4:00) I'm Speaker 3 (4:00) just Speaker 4 (4:00) about to say Deck's babies are doing great, too. Oh, well, that's good to know. Speaker 3 (4:05) Lots of love, Aaron. Oh, my God, Aaron. What a great letter. How unfortunate for Stephen. Funny. Speaker 4 (4:14) Very good. I've got one here from Nick from Pontypool. Pontypool? Isn't that out of Fireman Sam? Pontypridd. Pontypridd. Hey, Tony Mack and Double D. No, no, no. I've been catching up on the pod and only recently heard your discussion on bum wiping. Speaker 2 (4:31) When did we talk about Speaker 4 (4:32) that? We had a conversation on bum wiping. How disgusting. Speaker 2 (4:35) About, like, the tissues, how you... Oh, how you fold it. Yeah. Speaker 3 (4:39) Did we talk to Michael Sheen about that? Speaker 3 (4:42) I hope not. I hope not. Because we need to get more guests and we can't be having that level of guttiness. Speaker 4 (4:48) Anyway, it reminded me of a similar conversation I had years ago. Like yourselves, I'm a child of 1975. However, my life took a very different path and I joined the army. Again, like yourselves, squaddies spend a lot of time hanging around and talking nonsense. And we had the same conversation about bum wipe methods. And as a result, came up with what is now known as the internationally recognised... Bum wipe classification system. Oh, okay. Come on then. There are five main categories. Is there? The stand up folder. What? Somebody who stands up and folds the toilet paper. Speaker 3 (5:22) No, no, no. Standing up and wiping your bum. Stand up? Speaker 4 (5:24) Does anybody stand up and Speaker 3 (5:25) wipe their bum? Not that I've heard of. Do you? You don't want to talk about it, do you? She's not getting into it. Speaker 4 (5:33) Number two. The number two. Yeah, that's apt. The stand-up scruncher. Speaker 3 (5:39) Okay, so the same, but just... With Speaker 4 (5:40) scrunchy toilet paper. Yeah. Number three, the sit-down folder. Right. Number four, the sit-down scruncher. Yeah. And number five... The croucher. The mavericks. What's a maverick? These include folk who wipe from back to front. Ah, you can't do that! Or... Wipe using a polishing motion, for example. Speaker 3 (6:03) No way, that's disgusting. A polishing motion? Speaker 4 (6:07) That's not real. I'm a sit-down folder myself, although in my youth I was a stand-up folder. Really? Your scrunchers are deemed to be selfish types who do not care for the quantity of toilet roll that they use. Hope this all helps. That's Nick from Pontypool. And he says, please could you say hello to my daughters, Isabel and Lola, who are also listeners, but don't know I've written in. They will be mortified. I bet they will. Sorry, Isabel and Lola. But Nick, that is a very good categorization. I too am a sit down folder. Speaker 3 (6:35) Nick, if you could go back out into the field and get us numbers of people who do what category. You want some stats? Speaker 4 (6:42) I want some stats on what's Speaker 3 (6:44) the Speaker 4 (6:44) most common. Can we do a vote? We'll put it on the broadcast channel. If you're not on our broadcast channel yet, make sure you go to Instagram. Press on our profile. It says, hanging out with Atten Deck. Do something about that. What is it?