Love After 50-Baggage, Boundaries, Breaking the Rules

Guy's Guy Radio with Robert Manni

Host Robert Manni and guest Silke Schwarzkopf discuss the evolving 'rules' of dating and relationships for individuals over the age of 50. T

Key takeaways

• Relationship ROI should be measured by how a partner improves one's quality of life rather than purely financial metrics.
• Managing 'the X factor' involves setting clear boundaries with ex-spouses to prevent them from interfering in new partnerships.

Main topics

• Dating after 50
• Relationship ROI

Notable quotes

How does this person make you feel? That's where the value is.

Conclusion

The episode emphasizes that successful midlife relationships rely on h

Transcript preview

Speaker 2 (0:00) The views and opinions expressed by individuals on the following program do not necessarily reflect those of the network, Guys Guy Radio, and its platforms. Speaker 1 (0:11) It's Speaker 2 (0:12) Guys Guy Radio. Here's your host, Robert Manny. Welcome to Guys Guys Radio. This is your host, Robert Manny, welcoming you to the show where men and women can be at their best and everyone wins. Guys Guys Radio. We're here to inform you, inspire you. and get you to think, feel, and who knows, maybe even act by virtue of the journeys, stories, experiences, and insights of the guests I bring you each and every week to the show. Once again, this week is no exception. Today we're going to talk about love and dating after 50, or as we're going to call it today, something a little bit different than that. We're going to call it kind of love after 50 without the rule book. And our special guest is a return guest, Silke Schwarzkopf. the host and creator of the YouTube show Second Act TV, where yours truly, Robert Manny, has been a guest many times. We've racked up over 3 million views on Silka's show, so check it out and please subscribe there as well as subscribe. to Guys Guys Radio and Guys Guys TV. So what are we going to get into today? Because we've had Silke on the show a number of times and the numbers are always really good and we always have a lot of fun and hopefully we share some interesting and helpful information. So we're going to go into three areas as part of our kind of throwing out the rule book with Love After 50. And the first is getting into this thing called this concept of the relationship ROI. Is the person you're dealing with when you're dating somebody, meeting somebody new over 50, are they worth the relationship, the worth, the cost, the worth, the investment of spending your time, investing your time in them. And that's a, you know, it's not romantic and it's not fun, but it's something that has to be considered because when you're over 50, you are on the clock a bit. So we're going to get into that. We're also going to get into the X factor, and that is, can your past really stay in the past? Or do you have to bring your past into your current or new relationship? And if so, what's the best way to manage that? that, so that and the person, so it doesn't get in the way if it becomes an issue. And last but not least, we're going to take a little bit of a deep dive, probably have to show into the sexual reboot of rediscovering your sexual self. after age 50. And it's a little bit different for men and women, but we're going to get into it as Silke is going to help us out with kind of some of the issues that women have. And I'll get into some of the issues that men may have and how we can best communicate about them and how we can make it so everybody wins, because that's what we do here on Guys Guys Radio. So I think you're really going to enjoy our conversation. Silke Schwarzkopf right here with your host, Robert Manny on Guys Guys Radio. It's Guys Guy Radio. Okay, Guys Guys Radio. It is the interview portion of our show, and I'm delighted to welcome back one of our favorite, if not... our all-out favorite guest, Silke Schwarzkopf, host and creator of Second Act TV, the runaway hit on YouTube. And I'm a frequent guest there, so check out her channel and please subscribe. So, Silke, welcome back to Guys Guys Radio. We're going to talk about relationships over 50 again. Speaker 1 (3:25) Yay. Thank you, Robert. I appreciate the flattering introduction, and I hope you aren't making all your other guests jealous. Speaker 2 (3:33) No, well, listen. We've got some fresh ground to cover, as always, with dating over 50. You know, dating after 50 has changed. And honestly, some of the old rules don't apply anymore. At this stage of life, we've got history. We've got exes. We've got families, careers, financial realities, and maybe some pretty strong ideas about who we are and what we will or won't put up with. Interesting stuff. So what happens when you meet somebody you really like and you're over 50? Do you have to move in together? Do you have to get married? Do you have to combine your finances? How much baggage is too much? And are you actually looking for love or maybe something completely different? Today, we're going to go beyond the usual dating advice and get into the real world questions about relationships in the second half of life. So let's get on it. Silke, you're ready? You're ready to go? I'm ready. Speaker 1 (4:22) I'm ready. Yes. Give it to me. Well, Speaker 2 (4:25) let's start one that we talked about briefly off camera. And we weren't sure if we want to include it, but we decided that, yeah, it is very relevant. And that is the relationship ROI is the person worth the investment. You know, at this stage of life, time is arguably more valuable than money. How do you evaluate whether a relationship is more valuable? It deserves your time, rather. How do you decide? Because if time is money and everybody's busy and everybody's looking at dating like a business almost. How do you evaluate potential partnerships and how do you know how much time you should invest? Should you give somebody a second chance? Could you delete them right away if it just doesn't feel right? I mean, it's business. And the question, one of the questions is, is business right for how we approach relationships when we're on the clock after 50 or is business all wrong when it comes to romance? Speaker 1 (5:19) Yeah, I mean, that, as you know, that kind of struck me like, what do they even mean by this? I don't get it. And then it turns out that it's really, it's a big part of the conversation, because like you said, how some people, especially at our age, how we... approach relationships, almost like a business model. You know, the going out on dates become interviews. It's all very, very structured with the intent of not losing time, you know, not wasting your time. And I mean, to me, it's all about how does this person make you feel? That's where the value is, you know, and I guess. From my perspective, I want to clarify that none of this actually refers to money or financial transactions. This is about, do I want to invest time with this person because this is making my life so much better or I feel so good? My quality of life is improving versus the quality of my portfolio. That's how I see that. I mean, is that how you see it? Speaker 2 (6:25) Well, that's how I've always seen it, because I didn't want to get too businessy when it comes to relationships, number one. Number two, I always felt that a lot of times the first impression can be misleading, where we have a certain type, Speaker 1 (6:38) a Speaker 2 (6:38) certain something that we're looking for. And unless we get exactly that, we know we're not going to be satisfied. However, sometimes that turns out not to be right for us. If we've had other relationships and there's a certain type that we're attracted to, maybe that type. is not right for us. So that's another thing. And then I've also found that over time, you get to know somebody and the love, if you will, or the attraction, let's go, can open up, can expand, can blossom. And maybe somebody that you didn't think was your type. maybe exactly that. So I think we can be mindful of the fact that there is a business aspect that time is money and you want to make the most of your time when you're dating, particularly with all of the options that people have nowadays, if they do think they Speaker 1 (7:22) have Speaker 2 (7:22) exactly. But it's just, you know, you have to be smart about it. So I guess. I'm wondering from, you know, Silke's show interviews dating experts for over 50, just so many of them, and she gets so much information. That's super helpful. So what are your experts saying about are people over 50 more willing to walk away from relationships that maybe don't feel right at the beginning or just relationships that they're in that seem to be draining? I mean, they pull the plug faster because they're over 50 or they hang in there longer because they're over 50. Speaker 1 (7:57) I think that's very subjective or personal. I really do. It depends on where your confidence is, how you see yourself, how you carry yourself, what you want. Because ideally, yes, we would want to walk away from a draining relationship. Hopefully we've learned that in the past. What also happens as, you know, the ages or the years, I should say, add up. We feel like maybe there aren't that many more opportunities. And we certainly get that message, you know, the older you, especially women, the older you get, the less desirable you are. I mean, that sort of media message has played to us for years. And so I would throw that question back and have it be something that you yourself, you are viewers here, need to think about, you know, is. Would you rather have a partner or rather be alone? And again, that's difficult to answer as long as you can justify whatever it is, both sides, you know, that's going on. It's a really, really good question. I don't think there's a, here's the way to answer to it. Speaker 2 (9:05) Do you find, Silke, from talking to all your experts, I mean, how do you or how do they tell their... students or clients or whatever, how to evaluate whether a relationship deserves more time. Is there a little checklist to go through to determine, maybe I'll give them another chance? Or is it just a go by, as you said, how do I feel when I'm around this person? And that's it. Speaker 1 (9:30) Well, yes, there's different approaches to everything. Some are very structured. Some are more feeling-based. How does this make you feel? There are some smart things, if you will, to pay attention to. The spark, of course, that's what people usually do. And as you said just a minute ago, that can fade where maybe attraction can grow over time. And if we really look at... maybe past relationships, I know I have done that. The growth of a spark is much more prevalent, even though we don't want to admit that, than, you know, having this great attraction that can quickly, quickly go downhill. So I, I think, yes, how does this person make me feel? You know, am I walking on eggshells around? They, you know, if there's If there's kind of an uncomfortable feeling, I think that right away is a red flag, if you will, that, you know, something isn't isn't right here. You know, we that this might be worth not not continuing and not wasting our time. And just your, you know, obvious things like your values, mutual interests, you know, how much do you need that to align? So, again, it's not, you know, there's nothing earth shattering here. Again, I like to come back to, and I just want to qualify, I don't consider myself an expert. I'm offering you my opinion based on what I personally went through, what I hear from the experts that I interview, and then just kind of what makes sense. And that's really what makes sense to me is how do I feel and be really honest with that? Because women especially, we try to justify.