WANT THINGS LIKE A YOGI [q&a on fear, shame, victimhood & inevitable change]
GRACEPILLED with Hanna Williams - Hanna Williams
In this candid Q&A episode of 'Grace Pilled,' spiritual teacher Hanna Williams explores deep psychological themes including inner conflict, trauma recovery,
Key takeaways
- Self-aggression arises when we seek to eliminate parts of ourselves that no longer serve us; instead, we should set healthy boundaries without erasing those aspects.
- The shift from victimhood to authorship involves recognizing that there are always choices, even in the most limiting circumstances.
Main topics
- Inner conflict and self-integration
- Healing from trauma and overcoming victim mentality
Notable quotes
If you want to kill that part of me, you're saying I want to kill myself. That's self-aggression.
Conclusion
Hanna Williams concludes that true spiritual growth comes not from rejecting parts of
Transcript preview
Speaker 1 (0:00) Welcome to Grace Pilled, a podcast about the spiritual process and the mysterious forces shaping your life. My name is Hannah, and since 2015, I have been a practitioner in a classical Shakta Tantric tradition, which informs literally every aspect of my life, including the things that I like to talk about. I work with people to recognize the deeply spiritual patterns that are shaping their life so that they can start moving with those patterns instead of against them. This show is that whole conversation out loud again and again and again. You can work with me through my website, hannawilliams.com, or join my Patreon for deeper teachings and ongoing Q &A sessions, also a community Discord server. I also have a 100 % free human design resource on my website if you want to start your human design experiment. But for now, let's get into the episode. Hey guys, I'm currently recording this from bed. Fridays are very important for me. It's when I do what I call medicinal rotting, where I just choose to leave most of the day open and rot. And just like lay around in bed, eat a slow breakfast, kind of do nothing. And in that nothing space, in the pregnancy of that nothing space, something wants to be born. And I never know what it is. And what happened was I was watching episode six of the new season of Silo. Are you watching Silo? Like, what are you doing? You have to watch Silo. And then I stopped watching it because I suddenly got this insight where I was like, oh. Speaker 1 (1:56) I want to post a podcast episode, but I want it to be a Q &A. But I didn't want to post something on Patreon, from Patreon. I wanted it to be one of the Instagram Lives that I've done because I have so many of them saved. And I just wanted to pull the audio and share the Q &A session. So this episode today is Q &A from an Instagram live that I did earlier this year. And I hope that you find it fun and interesting hearing me kind of talk on the fly. And if you love this Q &A energy. And what I bring to the table here, just so you know, on Patreon, one of the core offerings on my Patreon is every two weeks we do a live Q &A session. And so I answer questions like this. But if you're in a different time zone or you're not able to make it, you can also ask me questions and drop them in the question bank. And that's how we do that. So this is kind of like a sampler platter of the energy that I bring to Q &A sessions. And if you enjoy that, feel free to... Join me on Patreon and the community that we have there. Also on Discord. I answer questions there too. So anywho, this episode is the result of my medicinal rotting, my radical laziness, and let's get into it. So here's the first question. So. I wanted to ask you, how do you deal with parts of your internal self who want to kill off the parts who can no longer come with you in your evolution, if that makes sense, as opposed to integrating them? There's a part of me who wants to kill off the one, like kill them, instead of just loving them and taking them with me, even though when they come with me, they're just not allowed to drive anymore. But what's up with that energy and that part of myself that wants to kill this part of myself? What is that about? So that's the question. Here's my answer. So if you imagine your inner world, all of the different parts of yourself, you're speaking to a part that wants to kill and parts that don't want to come along with you on your evolutionary journey. I want you to imagine your inner world as King Arthur's round table or queen or threats. round table. And I want you to imagine that around this table is maybe at the head of the table, King Arthur, in this case, is your higher self or an aspect of you that's guiding you now, like future you, like maybe the king of the table is future you or queen of the table. And you could even say that God is the queen at the head of the table. And then you are sitting next to the queen, your future you, God, whatever is sitting next to the queen. You're the jester of the court or you're the queen's confidant, whatever you want to assign yourself as, but you're up there sitting next to the queen, a pretty big player for the round table. And then all of the other parts of you are different council members that are gathered around this great table, okay? And so it's possible that with all these other council members around King Arthur's table, there are parts of you that you don't want. or parts of you that you don't want to come with you on the next evolutionary journey for the kingdom, right? This is your life. Your kingdom is your life. And there may be some parts for you that are helpful, some members that are helpful for the next evolutionary step, and there may be members that are not helpful, and those are the members that you are saying, these parts must be killed. And maybe the impulse for you right now, where the queen is at the head of the table, and you're the confidant of the queen, The queen sees these parts that are not going to be helpful for your evolutionary journey, and she says, off with their head. Like, she's like, kill these bitches. Like, we can't have these people. They're going to hurt our kingdom. They're hurting where we're going. But the problem with that is that I think that when it comes to, like, enjoying your experience of life... And it sounds to me like you're not really sure if you like this part of yourself. Like if you have off with your head energy and that feels correct with you, go off. But I have a feeling this question asker doesn't actually like this about themselves. And so if you want to have a healthy social environment, like a healthy social culture in your inner world, any part of yourself that you want to kill off is a form of self-aggression because that's all just a part of you. The thing that you think can't come along for your next evolutionary journey is still a part of you. So when you say, I want to kill that part of me, you're saying, I want to kill myself. And that's self-aggression. So what is the alternative to allowing that part of you to exist without yelling off with your head? So you're wondering, like, should I love this part of myself? That's an option. But another way of looking at it is having just like better mental and emotional boundaries around which parts of you get to speak the loudest at King Arthur's Roundtable and which parts can you genuinely recognize have been getting too much of the mic. for like a lot of years. Like they've just been standing there, like it's a toast at a wedding and it's your uncle who's just been going off for like 20 minutes and everybody's like, Paul, will you shut the fuck up? Like maybe that part of you, you just need to take the mic away from that council member around the table and just say, okay, you don't get the mic anymore. And with the help of the queen at the head of the table, you could just let this part know. that instead of killing it, you could say, you can't talk as much as you've been talking, but you can still sit at the table with us, for sure. You still belong here. Maybe there's a part, maybe there's wisdom in this part that was very helpful for you at a different stage of your evolution, but for now, it's not helpful anymore. And so you can't hold the talking stick anymore. You've had your time speaking, and now it's time for other parts of members of the table to have more of a voice. And so my question for you is, which members of your council around King Arthur's Roundtable do you want to have a new voice? And maybe empower those voices, and then disempower by taking the mic away the other voices that are not coming along with you and driving. All right, that's the end of that. Speaker 1 (8:19) How to move through and out of a victim mentality, especially after consecutive trauma. Okay, this is how I'm going to tackle this question. One of the defining characteristics of a victim mindset is the feeling that you have no choice. If you find yourself often thinking to yourself, this is all there is for me. I have no other choice. This life is what I'm stuck with. That could be evidence that you're caught in what we call a victim mindset. It's okay if you're thinking like that. Those are just kind of like symptoms of victim mindset. By contrast, I often talk about there's the victim and then there's the author. You take the V, you flip it over, and then it's an A. So it's an author instead. Or you could see the V is the valley of victimhood, and you're stuck down here and the walls are closing in on you. Author is standing on top of the mountain. It's a little corny. I got that from Jason Gaddis, but I find it very helpful. And so... The contrast between a victim and an author is that an author recognizes there's always a choice. Author never says there's no choice. There are always options and you're never stuck with just one thing. There are always at least two paths available. Always at least two. There's never one thing. There's always two. And there might actually be 15. You know, the more you open yourself to an author mindset, the more you realize actually there's like 15 things I can do at any given time. And while you may not like the options if there's only two or 15, an author recognizes that different paths exist and that they can empower themselves to at least take one and not be stuck with only one option or being totally futile. Now, I don't think that a victim mindset exists without consecutive trauma. I think it's a trauma response on some level, so that's just part of the deal. So that's just like, you know, especially with consecutive, yeah, it is, it's a result of consecutive trauma. And so, however, if you catch yourself thinking, this is it for me, this is all that there is. I have no other choice. I'm fucked. That quality of like myopic black and white thinking, I would start to question that and ask when you catch yourself doing that, okay, wait a minute. What actually are my options here? What actually are my actual choices here? Because there's always a choice. Like, even if you got immobilized by, like, a car accident, like, you're literally a victim, a true victim of a car accident, and you could no longer use your legs, you would still have choice in how you live your life, even if certain abilities have been taken from you, and you go through a whole grief process of losing your mobility. Like, you still have a choice. And so maybe you think, I can't move the way that I used to. And you go through a grief process around that, but then the author would say, well, how can I move now? Maybe I can get really good at pull-ups, you know? Or I'm going to be a fucking beast in that wheelchair. Like, you can choose to do that, you know? And so I think it's important to work through a victim mentality because everything is eventually taken from us. Speaker 1 (11:37) It's very wise to step out of the victim mentality as soon as you can, because if you remain a victim, how do you think you're going to feel when you're like 80 years old and your body is failing you and you need other people to take care of you in a way that's kind of humiliating, like wipe your ass or something. And this is my boyfriend's jumper. That's so funny. I also technically have Welsh roots. That's a whole other conversation. but you're 80 years old, your body's failing. You need other people to take care of you in a very humiliating way. So like that's gonna happen to you if you live to be that age. And if you're stuck in a victim mindset when you're 80 years old and saying, I have little choice in my reality, I have no options. Like you're gonna risk just feeling more and more beaten down by a life that is slowly grinding everything into sand. Life is grinding everything you love into sand and you're going to remain a victim to the fact that everything falls apart? Or do you want to like actually engage with life and engage with the fact that it's falling apart and become an author in the way that you navigate that? Those are your options, guys. Speaker 1 (12:53) And