How Misty Copeland Turned Instability Into Ballet

Good Inside with Dr. Becky

Dr. Becky sits down with Misty Copeland, the first Black principal dancer at American Ballet Theatre, to discuss her journey from a childhood marked by

Key takeaways

Stability and routine can be healing after a childhood marked by chaos and unpredictability.

Main topics

Childhood instability and poverty
Finding safety in ballet

Notable quotes

"I was really craving that [consistency] because I did not have that throughout my childhood."

Conclusion

Misty Copeland's story illustrates how trauma can be transformed into strength through discipline,

Transcript preview

Speaker 1 (0:00) Here's a question parents ask me all the time. How can I help my kid take ownership of their routine? I love this question because owning a routine is such a good way for kids to build independence and confidence. It's why I'm excited to tell you about Yodo, the screen-free audio player for kids. In the mornings, your kid can wake up with Yodo's alarm clock. When your kid gets home from school, Yodo has focus tracks, audiobooks, music, and learning content. One of my kids really likes to write and record their own stories with the Make Your Own cards. Then at night, your kid can build a wind-down routine with Yodo's toothbrush timer, white noise, and nightlight. With the right sound, stories, and a bit of structure thanks to Yodo, mornings feel more manageable, homework time feels calmer, and winding down before bed becomes something kids can run themselves, making the whole school year feel a little easier for everyone. Use the code DRBECKIE15 for 15 % off your order at yodoplay.com. New customers only. Ends October 31st. Terms apply. Offer valid on select products only. You know that feeling when your brain is at full capacity, right? I mean, you have a reminder from the dentist in your email, a birthday party invitation on the fridge, and your kid just texted you about a soccer game they forgot to mention until that moment, and you just cannot remember one more thing. That's where Skylight Calendar comes in. It's an all-in-one digital smart calendar that syncs with Google, Apple, and Outlook to help your whole family see the days and weeks ahead. And I really love the tasks feature, which is designed to help your kid build routines around things like homework and chores. And when your kid can do those things independently, it's a huge win for everyone in the family. Skylight Calendar is so much more than just a calendar. It's something you can add to your routine to help your family work together. And right now, Skylight is offering our listeners $30 off their 15-inch calendars by going to myskylight.com slash Becky. That's M-Y-S-K-Y-L-I-G-H-T dot com slash B-E-C-K-Y for $30 off your 15-inch calendar. myskylight.com slash Becky. I had a really interesting conversation with my eight-year-old the other day. I was talking with him and my husband. And we were kind of talking about stories from when we were younger about things that we wanted and didn't have and kind of memories of like being at a dance and all the kids having a certain shirt and, you know, not being able to get that shirt, just kind of real life struggles of wanting and not having. He ended up asking a really interesting question. How much wanting and having versus wanting and not having is good for a kid? Like what's the right percentage in terms of developing kind of into an adult who's resilient, who works hard? Obviously, there's no answer to this question, but it's actually something that kept coming to mind today as I was talking with the absolutely incredible Misty Copeland. Misty grew up in real poverty, in real instability. Men in and out of her home, not being sure what food would be on the table, living in a motel. She started ballet at 13, which probably surprises a lot of us, given we know she's one of the greatest ballerinas of all time. She definitely had an extreme version of wanting and not having. And I'm not just talking about t-shirts. I'm talking about safety. I'm talking about connection. I'm talking about people asking her basic questions about her life and about her day. And then a lot changed in her tween years. And then here she is today, right? She's the first Black woman to become a principal dancer at American Ballet Theater. She is an icon. And she's more than that. She's married. She has a four-year-old son. She delights in the safety and stability of her home today and the love and attention she pours into her child. You're going to get so much out of this conversation I had with Misty today. It's one that left me with so many new thoughts and things that I want to do today in my home. I'm Dr. Becky, and this is another episode in the series, How We're Raised. This one with Misty Copeland. Speaker 1 (4:35) Miss Tisa, you've recently retired from dancing. You have a four-year-old. Just let's get started. Tell me kind of what a normal Tuesday Wednesday looks like for you. Speaker 2 (4:45) Oh my gosh. You know, it's so crazy because I've spent so much of more than half of my life with so much structure and, you know, being a classical ballerina and working for a company. And now I am in this interesting time where I call the shots and I create my own schedule. So every day looks so different that it's like hard to even say. I mean, I guess the consistent thing is waking up and taking Jackson to school, like getting him ready. So it's really, yeah, that's like the consistent thing is that, you know, he's up at 730. I'm making him right now. It's been like two months straight of challah French toast that he wants every morning. I mean, that's I'm when do I get the invite? Speaker 1 (5:35) Yeah, Speaker 2 (5:35) I do. I do. Because that is not my morning with my Speaker 1 (5:38) kids or me, you know, so that my children shall not hear this interview. Nope. I Speaker 2 (5:44) only have one, so it's a little easier. It's manageable. Yeah. And and taking him to school like this kind of like a non-negotiable unless there's, you know. There are Speaker 1 (5:54) certain Speaker 2 (5:55) circumstances if I'm traveling or something. And then I have a lot of meetings, whether it's for the foundation or for my production company, depending on if I'm in the midst of writing a book, there'll be time committed to that. I have a book coming out in the fall. So I try and squeeze in some kind of movement, moving my body. I'm kind of back in ballet class a couple times a week, doing some personal training, like weightlifting, things like that. Yeah. I travel a lot for like speaking engagements. So there might be something like that in the city or outside. So it's kind of all over the map, but I like that. I don't think I ever thought I would say that because I crave stability and consistency. Yeah. And I think I'm now. at a stage in my life where I'm like, I can function without that. Well, that's what I want to double click on. Like, I'm just thinking about. Speaker 2 (6:58) as Speaker 1 (6:59) an outsider to the ballet world. But what I would assume is a lot of structure, a lot of consistency, like even with raw talent, talent alone without the hours, without the routine, I'm guessing does not get someone, you know. And then I'm thinking about life with a four-year-old. You don't know what side of the way, you know, you don't know what side of the bed they wake up on or maybe they do like challah French toast for their favorite food for 40 days. And then one day they're like, I hate challah French toast. I've never liked it. Speaker 2 (7:25) And Speaker 1 (7:25) so, you know, you're like, oh my goodness. And so, Yeah. Can you tell me a little bit about that? I don't know that shift or this part of you, I'm guessing that can really lock into, you know, something planned and sticking with something in a routine. And then at the same time in parenthood, clearly this part of you that can roll with the flow or expect the unexpected. Yeah. I love this question. I feel like. Speaker 2 (7:52) classical ballet has prepared me for motherhood in so many ways. And I think it's because there has to be that balance of freedom within the form that happens in ballet. Freedom Speaker 1 (8:07) within the form. Speaker 2 (8:08) Yes. And so, you know, I think that initially with ballet, what I was so drawn to was Speaker 2 (8:17) that, that need for the consistency and the stability and, and knowing that I'm going to show up and like knowing what to expect every day, because I did not have that throughout my childhood, like throughout my youth, there was so much movement and, you know, moving different schools, different fathers. My mother married five times. I mean, there was, there was just so little stability and consistency that I was really craving that. But it's so as much as ballet, you know, you have to show up again and again. And I think that's something that I needed and wanted was to show up and know I'm going to do my plies and my tendus and my degages and it's going to be in the exact same order every single day. And there was a comfort in that, which I think children do crave. And, but at the same time, there's a creativity. And so it's kind of like the mix of these two things that exist, you know, coexist. And I think that as a parent, there's so much of that. It's like you want to create this stability and you want to have the consistency. But at the same time, you have to be ready to just be on your toes and not always knowing what's going to be thrown at you. And I think there's something about performance that does that. It's like as much as you prepare, you go on stage and there's so many elements you're not in control of. And I think I was always drawn to that, that I'm prepared and I know that I've got a good foundation. But there's an excitement in not knowing what's going to be thrown at you, whether it's like the orchestra and the conductor doing their own thing. And the orchestra might be faster or slower than you're used to. Or the lights might, something might happen or your partner might forget the steps. Speaker 1 (10:04) Like Speaker 2 (10:05) there's so many things that are thrown at you, but you've got this good foundation. Yeah. That I think is very similar to being a mom. But, you know, I think that so much of my like beginning years, like at American Ballet Theater, were kind of. Speaker 2 (10:25) There wasn't a lot of freedom in terms of creativity in my mind. Not that I was being told that. And not until probably around the time that I started working with Prince that he gave, Speaker 1 (10:40) he kind Speaker 2 (10:40) of. All of us can't. Like, Speaker 1 (10:42) I would like to say that it's not until I was working with Prince that, but I, it would just be a lie. I try to tell the truth. So sorry, keep going. Just Speaker 2 (10:50) have to Speaker 1 (10:51) note Speaker 2 (10:51) that like, Speaker 1 (10:52) you need to like caveat that, Speaker 2 (10:53) you know? It was, yeah, such an interesting time that I never imagined would happen, like, you know, that we would come together in any way. But there was something that he kind of like changed my perspective on in terms of, you know, what it means to just to be confident and proud of being different and being unique. And, you know, I never really experienced improv. Like in classical ballet, that doesn't really exist. Yes, there can be moments of improvisation in terms of like, how am I going to adjust to these elements that are, that might not happen on a daily basis. But in terms of actually improvising in the choreography, that's not something you do in classical ballet. You're performing hundreds of years old choreography that's been passed down and, you know, and you have to do it exactly how this ballerina did it and blah, blah, blah.