A Different Take on Screen Time - Revisit

Good Inside with Dr. Becky

In this revisited episode of Good Inside with Dr. Becky, host Dr. Becky sits down with screen time expert Ash Brandon to challenge common pa

Key takeaways

• Screen time should be evaluated not by arbitrary rules but through the lens of what works for the whole family.
• Shame around screen use prevents meaningful change; empowerment comes from focusing on skills rather than fear.

Main topics

• Reframing screen time from guilt to empowerment
• The role of screens in supporting family life and reducing caregiver burden

Notable quotes

"When we're focused on the potential of what could go wrong or thinking like, well, I need to minimize this as much as possible because that's what I am thinking of as healthy. Healthy doesn't always mean minimal."

Conclusion

By replacing fear with intention, parents can create screen habits tha

Transcript preview

Speaker 1 (0:00) Here's a question parents ask me all the time. How can I help my kid take ownership of their routine? I love this question because owning a routine is such a good way for kids to build independence and confidence. It's why I'm excited to tell you about Yodo, the screen-free audio player for kids. In the mornings, your kid can wake up with Yodo's alarm clock. When your kid gets home from school, Yodo has focus tracks, audiobooks, music, and learning content. One of my kids really likes to write and record their own stories with the Make Your Own cards. Then at night, your kid can build a wind-down routine with Yodo's toothbrush timer, white noise, and nightlight. With the right sound, stories, and a bit of structure thanks to Yodo, mornings feel more manageable, homework time feels calmer, and winding down before bed becomes something kids can run themselves, making the whole school year feel a little easier for everyone. Use the code DRBECKIE15 for 15 % off your order at yodoplay.com. New customers only. Ends October 31st. Terms apply. Offer valid on select products only. All right, picture this. You've just cooked your kid dinner. It's nutritious. It smells amazing to you. And then your kid goes, oh, gross. Okay, we've all been there. I definitely have. And then you feel rejected by your kid. And on top of it, you're feeling anxious that your kid isn't getting enough nutrients. And when this inevitably sends you on a walk down the vitamin aisle, you end up thinking. All right, but will my kid even like any of these? Which one has what my kid actually needs? That's when you can turn to Smarty Pants Vitamins. Smarty Pants Kids Plus Multi and Omegas delivers 33 % more nutrients than the next leading product and includes omega-3s. That's part of why it's the number one best-selling kids' gummy multivitamin. You can shop Smarty Pants Vitamins at Target, Walmart, or Amazon today. This week, I'm joined by Ash Brandon. Ash is an educator, a researcher, and a former middle school teacher who's on a mission to help families rethink screen time. You might know Ash from Instagram as the gamer educator, where they share practical, compassionate tools to help parents set boundaries without shame or power struggles. And exciting news, Ash's brand new book, Power On, hits bookstores everywhere on August 26th. This conversation really stuck with me. gave me so much insight into some of my own triggers around my own kids' screen time. That's one of the things Ash and I talk about. And I can't wait for you to hear this conversation because I know you will also learn something new, have a reframe for how you think about screen time, and also feel empowered to deal with screen time with your kids in a way that feels good instead of ridden with guilt. I'm Dr. Becky, and this is Good Inside. We'll be back right after this. Speaker 1 (2:57) Hi, Ash. Hi. I'm so excited to have you here. I am so thrilled to be here. Thank you so much. Okay, we're going to talk about so many different things, screen time and misconceptions and reframes. I know you love all those things. I do too. But I was thinking about the time of year. And I feel like I hear from parents in this kind of summer to fall transition all the time. Just like, I feel like I had a lot of screen time over the summer. I feel like it's time to tighten up. Just in this moment of time when I think that. thought is in so many parents' heads. Like, where do you go from there in terms of even how parents are thinking about it, tightening up, what that means, summer to fall, screen time in general this time? Tell me your thoughts. Speaker 2 (3:36) Yeah, I think summer is that like kind of wonderful time where we can get more relaxed and flexible. And then we see sort of the like the coming reality of, oh, yeah, and then we have to go back to the school year and all the things that that entails. And I They feel like a lot of caregivers want to, you know, prepare so that we are setting ourselves up for success. And when it comes to things like technology, I think it is helpful sometimes to think about, well, what maybe was or wasn't working for us before? Or what are some things that maybe came up over the summer where we've relaxed a bit? Maybe there's some things with that that actually were kind of nice, maybe felt kind of good. Maybe we... gotten a routine of having a family movie night or, you know, eating dinner on the couch and we picked a movie and actually it really was a lovely thing. Yeah. Maybe that's something we can continue to incorporate. And then maybe there are things where we know, okay, but we still got to get out of the door on time or something like that. And then we think about, okay, if that's the need of our family. How do I make sure that we're incorporating the need of our family and starting from that place when I'm thinking about our relationship with screen? Speaker 1 (4:54) Yeah. So I just want to double click on something because I do think you're right away doing something. I think that happens for me a lot, too, like almost shifting the question before you answer it, because I think especially with screens, there's just a lot of what's the right amount. What's the wrong amount? What's good screen time? What's bad screen time? We did too much in the summer. We need to cut back. And I think what you're saying is you're starting not with those questions, but from something around like what's going on in your family? What does your family need? What works? It's kind of a little more personalized or a little more focused on the family first. So can you just like flesh that Speaker 2 (5:32) out a little? Absolutely. So when I've been doing like this kind of focus on Instagram for the last few years, I've said that I have three main tenets. And first is that screen time is in many ways a social inequity issue, which I'm happy to come back to and drag out my soapbox. The second is that screens can be a part of our lives without being the center of our lives, which I think is what many families really want for their kids. And then the third is that screen time should work. for the whole family. We should be considering the whole family. I think we often get kind of myopically focused on our kids for good reason, right? We're thinking about what this could do to them or how it could be helpful to them. And the reality is, is that in many ways, screen time is often functioning to help alleviate burden for adults. And But a lot of that is not necessarily avoidable. If I'm a single parent or I have a caregiver who is working like swing shift and so I'm alone for big chunks of my parenting, there are going to be things that need help. Like I need a tool that's going to help me lift that burden. And if I don't have other things available to me, something has to fill in that gap. And oftentimes it's going to be something like a screen. And we might wish that that's. there's something else to fill in for that. And that I would as well. It's not great that we sometimes have these gaps. And if this is something that can fill in those gaps, then instead of focusing just on a child, sometimes it helps to instead think, okay, not what is this doing to my child, but what is it allowing me to do for them? And I think that that can often guide. what the purpose of it is and if it is working for all of us in the family. Speaker 1 (7:25) Well, one of the things I hear a lot from parents is, okay, I feel like my kid's on the screen too much. And then I feel like I'm such a bad parent. I'm so embarrassed. I don't want anyone to know there's so much shame, right? And the irony also there is the things that we hold a lot of shame around, we actually can't even change. We might want to change them, but the shame keeps us so stuck. So what I'm responding to what you're saying is, Let's put the shame to the side here. Screens, you know, in our busy world can do a lot of different things for the family. It's not just about a kid. There's a lot going on. And maybe you do want to shift screen time. But thinking about it more from a place of what actually works for my whole family? What will I feel good about going to bed at night? Not what's right, what's wrong, what's my neighbor doing? Like not from kind of such a place of judgment. Speaker 2 (8:16) Absolutely. And I think when we come from that place of fear, fear is not empowering. I'm not going to make my best decisions when I'm acting out of fear or shame. And when we're focused on the potential of what could go wrong or thinking like, well, I need to minimize this as much as possible because that's what I am thinking of as. healthy. Healthy doesn't always mean minimal. And really what we want is something sustainable. And we also recognize that our kids are going to grow up to be adults in a technologically driven world that we can't even really fully comprehend, I think. It's going to be even different than the world that we're in and how technologically driven it is. So really our goal is to also make sure that we're raising kids who are digitally literate and can be digitally safe. Speaker 2 (9:10) That's hard to do if we are framing these things from a place of fear. I can give my kid and empower my child to have a relationship with technology that might work for them long term if I'm able to view them with a sense of neutrality. I think that that is really important. And I think that's very difficult for a lot of people because they associate, as you said. the amount of screen time that their kid has, it has some like an inverse relationship with their value as a parent, right? If their kid is on screens a lot, then they might think this is bad parenting. Like it might be benefiting me, but I shouldn't be doing that. I should be prioritizing my child. But that's where it comes back to what is it allowing? What is it allowing to have happen in our Speaker 1 (9:57) family? Let's go through a few kind of scenarios. Like let's get specific. Let's start with the parent who's saying, OK, maybe I'm not even judging myself hardcore, but I just think we've got to get school routines in order. You know, my kid, I'm making this up, but my kid starts their day with hours on the screen in the summer. It's been fine. It is what it is. It's obviously not going to work when we have to get out the door at 730, 645, 8 o'clock, whatever it is. And I'm nervous. Like my kids freak out when I change the rules. And how how do I go about that? Like, how do we start? Speaker 2 (10:28) Yeah. So in my book that's coming out, I have the kind of last third is really devoted to really helping families make a structure that's going to work for them and kind of walks through this process. But you already outlined some of what will go into it. So first we think about, OK, what's what's the need? And if the need is like we have to be out the door by 745, right, then that might already determine whether or not screens are going to happen in the morning. Speaker 1 (10:57) Yeah. Speaker 2 (10:57) Right. Maybe we know, well, my kid can barely get out of bed by 715. So I don't really think there's time in there. Or maybe they are a super early riser and there would be. And so if we know, OK, that's the need, then we can ask ourselves, what input can I let my child contribute to this? And I think that is so important. People, regardless of age, we want to feel like we're contributing to a decision that involves us. And that doesn't mean that we are necessarily guiding it. But if we feel like we have some agency and some input and we're being listened to or considered, it's going to go a long way to, I think, making a rule or a boundary that's going to have some buy-in. So I