From Dancing With The Stars to Rock Bottom: Amy Purdy on Grieving Who You Used to Be

Good Grief with Amanda Kloots

In this episode of Good Grief, Amanda Kloots sits down with Paralympic medalist and author Amy Purdy to discuss the profound grief associate

Key takeaways

Amy Purdy experienced a massive identity crisis when a prosthetic injury led to ten surgeries and the potential loss of her remaining left leg.
The concept of 'surrender' is defined not as giving up, but as letting go of specific outcomes while remaining active in the journey.
Amy describes how her body miraculously created a new artery to restore blood flow to her leg after medical interventions failed.
She utilizes 'presence' and focusing on immediate surroundings to manage panic attacks and anxiety during recovery.
Her book, 'Bounce Forward,' contains 21 tools for resilience, many of which were recorded as notes during moments of intense turbulence or hardship.

Main topics

Identity loss through health crises
The practice of surrender and presence
Medical miracles and physical resilience

Notable quotes

The hardest part of grief is detaching from who you are, how you think things are supposed to be.

Conclusion

A deeply moving testament to human resilience, offering listeners prac

Transcript preview

Speaker 2 (0:00) The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Speaker 1 (0:07) On today's episode of Good Grief, I sit down with Amy Purdy. She is an Olympian. She is a New York Times bestselling author, an inspirational speaker, dancing with the stars, runner up. I mean, just the most inspiring person, you guys. In this episode, you're going to hear talking about a lot about the grief of losing your identity. I think this is something that can be very, very relatable to all of us at some point in our life. And I just really think she's a special person. You're going to love this episode. Our community question today is from Claire, and she asks, what do you do when everyone around you thinks you've moved on, but parts of you are still grieving? Such a great question, Claire. Thank you so much for writing in. All right, everybody. I hope you enjoy this episode. Speaker 2 (0:59) Okay, guys, we have Speaker 1 (1:02) the fabulous, the inspiring Amy Purdy on the pod today. We've never met in person yet. We've talked on the phone. We've DM'd. We've seen each other across the ballroom floor at Dancing with the Stars. But Amy, I mean, you're an Olympic medalist in the Paralympics, New York Times bestselling author. We're going to talk about your new book today. You are a speaker, right? An inspirational speaker and just all around great human. I'm going to start this off by saying before we talk about your book, we met because. When my late husband was in the hospital and he had to get his leg amputated. I think I'm saying this right. Although, again, forgive me if you remember something differently. Fill in details because I was in a fog. But you reached out to me. I did not know you. You did not know me. You just reached out to somebody in need and that had no idea what she was about to start to face or what her husband was about to face. And you got on the phone with me and you talked to me all about amputation. what that means, what that looks like, what my life is going to look like. And it was so, it's the definition of this podcast. First of all, community, sharing stories, helping people in the darkest times of their life. Like you literally were the definition of good grief for me that day. So A, I just want to say thank you because I finally get to see you in person and say thank you in person. But thank you. You were such a light to me that day. And you were so honest. I remember getting off the phone and being like, whoa. She was just really brutally honest about it. But it was so what I needed. Do you know what I mean? I didn't need somebody to sugarcoat anything for me at that moment. Right. Speaker 2 (3:02) And I mean, that's the thing about, honestly, about prosthetic legs, losing your legs. I lost both my legs when I was 19. I've gone on to do amazing things, having prosthetic legs. For a long time, I did sugarcoat it. I was like, it's great. You get your legs, you go. You know, I've danced, I snowboard, I do all this stuff. But I also have been through the really hard stuff too. And you don't want to just say, you know what? It's easy. You get your legs and you go. Because then what happens is... people get their prosthetic legs and go, why is this so hard? Why do my legs not fit? Like, why do I have to go back and figure them out? And because that's part of the process too. And we just kind of didn't tell you that part. But yeah, I try to give both sides when, you know, when somebody is going through this and doesn't have the experience of it, I say, it is amazing. You can absolutely live your best life. 100%. You can do things you never. could imagine right now that you could do. At the same time, it's a journey and it becomes a part of your life. And it's not something you go through, you get over and you move on. It's a part of your journey from this point forward. So the sooner you can kind of embrace that, the better. But yeah, I'm so grateful that I was there at that time. But I was following your story like everybody else. And when you mentioned that he was going to lose his leg, I thought, oh, my gosh, like, how can I help? Right. Everybody's thinking, how can we help? And I thought, well, maybe I can just Speaker 1 (4:32) help with some guidance here. And you did. And you did. And then it was so crazy because then I did Dancing with the Stars and you were like. Yes. We Speaker 2 (4:39) did it. And it's so funny because Dina was reaching out to me and she's like, you're friends with Amanda Kloots, right? And I was like, well, kind of. And she's like, we want her on the show. And so sometimes I'm like this person who goes like knocking down doors, like, would you ever do the show? Yes, I do that now. I like reach Speaker 1 (4:54) out to people. I'm like, you should do dancing with the stars. I love that you brought that up, though, like the you know, because I think people see like the loss or know that you had a loss of your two legs and your spleen, your kidneys and hearing. Is that correct? Hearing in my left ear. OK, so all at once, all at once at 19. And then you see like such the. inspiration that you are now. And I love that you're talking about that middle part where it's just icky and awful and hard. And I think that that is so much the grief journey in general. It's like you see somebody lose somebody and then you see them, you know, enjoying life at one point. Yeah. And you misconstrue the middle. What is. What was that middle like for you? How like on those on your darkest day, Amy, what what does that look like for somebody that I mean, you went through an extreme identity loss at 19 years old. I mean, you're a baby, basically. You know, I've Speaker 2 (6:04) I've experienced a lot of loss, actually. when I was 19, lost both legs, kidneys, spleen, hearing in my left ear all at once. Lost the life that I knew, lost my health at that point. Yeah, good Speaker 1 (6:17) point. Speaker 2 (6:17) And, you know, I had no idea what my life was going to be like. I really had no idea. I didn't have somebody else I could look at and say, well, look, they made it through. I was on my unique path that I had no idea where it would lead. Speaker 1 (6:31) And Speaker 2 (6:31) I'll be honest, I think a lot of people would... would expect that my biggest grief would have come from that time, losing my legs and losing everything that I did. But I really didn't grieve that much at that time, believe it or not. Oh, wow. My biggest grief really came 20 years later. And that is when I really experienced the depths of grief and identity loss. So I... about seven years ago. Actually, it was when you were going through everything that you were going through. Speaker 1 (7:06) I Speaker 2 (7:06) had just gone through a severe injury with my left leg. So here I spent 20 years rebuilding my life after I lost my legs when I was 19. And it really was a 20-year journey of rebuilding my life. But that led me to the Paralympic Games and Dancing with the Stars and doing all these things on my legs. And I really felt like this is who I am and what I'm supposed to do. You know, I made lemonade out of lemons. And I thought I'm living my purpose. I'm doing what I'm supposed to do. I was speaking on stages around the world. I was inspiring other people to, you know, figure out the possibilities. And then I got completely knocked off my feet when my prosthetic, it pushed into my popliteal artery and it shut down the entire arterial system of my left leg. Whoa. I ended up basically, I ended up damaging the entire arterial system. of my legs and my femoral artery, my popliteal artery, and every bit of blood flow in my left leg stopped. Were Speaker 1 (8:03) you worried that they were going to have to remove your whole left leg? Speaker 2 (8:05) Yes. Speaker 1 (8:06) I do remember this Speaker 2 (8:07) now because Speaker 1 (8:07) then you were back in the hospital for a very long time. Right. Sorry to interrupt, but keep going. So Speaker 2 (8:12) here, 20 years after, you know, my initial amputation of losing both my legs, I was possibly going to lose the remainder of my left leg. And I thought I didn't think I'd ever have to go through this again. Yeah. You know, and I went through it once and I thought I figured my life out. And now here I am. And and it was devastating because I had rebuilt my life to a place so much bigger than I ever could have imagined. And now it felt like it was all being ripped away from me because I know the journey of what it's like to have a prosthetic leg. I know the journey of what it's like to completely start over Speaker 1 (8:50) and Speaker 2 (8:50) have to figure out. how to just take one step at a time and where is that going to lead? It may not lead back to where I was, which is in a place that I loved so much. And it just made me realize that you become really attached to who you think you're supposed to be and who you think you are. And I think that's the hardest part of grief is detaching from who you are. how you think things are supposed to be. Okay. Say Speaker 1 (9:21) that again. The hardest part of grief, because I think you're so right. Yeah. Detaching from the person. You think Speaker 2 (9:29) you're supposed to be. Yes. And that you think you are. Yes. And we become so attached to who we are, what we do. This is who I am. Speaker 1 (9:40) And Speaker 2 (9:40) that's what I did when I went through this injury with my leg. I ended up having 10 surgeries. two new leg amputations on my left leg. That was all during COVID. So I'd be in the hospital by myself for like 10 days at a time. And it was so scary and it was so just devastating because I felt like I had lost this version of myself that I loved so much. Yeah, that you had worked so hard to build. Yes. Yes. 20 years to build. Speaker 2 (10:15) I was so, you know, I was so proud of myself and I, I, it's like I did it and then I, and then I lost it. And, and so I got to a place of where I was when I lost my legs when I was 19, which was who am I now? Who am I with, with everything stripped away? I don't have. my health right now. I don't have my career right now. I don't have who I thought I was. I can't even stand on my own two feet. Yeah. I don't even have my prosthetic legs. Exactly. So who am I underneath it all? And I think that is a really difficult place to be in, but it's also, it helps you really get to know yourself, right? I was just Speaker 1 (11:00) going to say, I'll tell you what really helps you how to get to know yourself. at the bottom of the barrel. Right. And you really have to go, OK, let's look. And I think that's one of the biggest gifts grief has given me. It's made me really question who I am. Yeah. Speaker 2 (11:19) And Speaker 1 (11:19) it sucks. And it's a battle. And it's like the worst battle. But like when you are on not another side of it, but when you're like can look retrospectively, you're like, wow. I'm really glad I did that work, though. Like, I am a better person that I did the work on myself to figure out who I am. And sometimes it sucks that we have to be taken down to that lowest low in order to go, who Speaker 2 (11:48) is Speaker 1 (11:48) Amy? What Speaker 2 (11:50) does Speaker 1 (11:50) Amy want? Who is Amy without all the fame or the talks and the books Speaker 2 (11:55) and the shows? And yeah, it's tough. I think that is, though. a gift of grief though, and a gift of challenge, right? Is it really does break you down to just your core part of who you are and your spirit and, and what really matters to you and what's important in your life when, when you have nothing else and, and then you kind of rebuild from there. And it's amazing where that can take you. Where did, what Speaker 1 (12:22) did you find in that low, low? I, Speaker 2 (12:25) you know, I, I did find grief. at its heaviest for sure. I mean, I really grieved my loss of identity. And I didn't grieve that quite as much when I lost my legs when I was 19, which is surprising. I think when I was 19, I was fighting for my life. When I, you know, 20 years later, when this injury hit, I was fighting for the quality of my life. Speaker 1 (12:54) And Speaker 2 (12:55) somehow that was even harder. Speaker 2 (12:58) fighting for your life. You're so grateful just to be alive. Yeah. And I was. And I think that's what I, that's really, you know, when I was 19 and I survived what I went through, I went through something that they gave me less than a 2 % chance of living. It's something that very few people survive. And even the condition that I was in, it was. You know, it was a huge blessing that I survived Speaker 1 (13:20) at Speaker 2 (13:21) a near death experience. I don't know if you know that. No, Speaker 1 (13:23) let's talk about that. We should. Hold on. I'll bookmark that for a second. Speaker 2 (13:28) Okay, keep going. Speaker 2 (13:32) I was so grateful to be alive that that's the energy that moved me forward. Yes. When people ask like, but how did you get through those dark days? For me, it was gratitude. I was grateful for my family. I was grateful for the doctors who were helping me. I was grateful for a second chance of life. And that is what fueled me. But 20 years later, after I built a whole life that I loved so much and then... got knocked off my feet, I couldn't find gratitude. I'm like, how do I even find gratitude in this? You know, how can I even get inspired about a future of like, oh, maybe your challenges lead you somewhere better. How? Like, how is this going to lead me better than where I already was? Yeah. And and so there was just this it just. It completely broke me down. And I remember, so I went through all these surgeries and I was at home. I couldn't put my legs on for months at a time. So I really was just kind of like, I went from being an athlete to not being able to stand. Speaker 1 (14:35) And listen, when you are used to moving your body and having that as like a key mental health component and then you have to not move your body, not only is that so frustrating, but it's depressing. It's depressing. It's really depressing. When Speaker 2 (14:51) it's your outlet. Yes. When movement is your outlet. And it is my outlet Speaker 1 (14:54) too, babe. Yeah. Speaker 2 (14:55) And then it's taken away. Yeah. It's... It was really, really difficult. And yeah, mental health wise, I was not good. People assume, oh, you're so inspiring and you're so positive and you're so motivating. And like, do you ever have hard days? Yes. And I have probably harder days. I have just as hard days as anybody else would have in this situation, right? Yes. Speaker 1 (15:19) But Speaker 2 (15:20) it's how long you sit there. It's what you decide to do with them Speaker 1 (15:23) that Speaker 2 (15:24) determines how you move forward. And the beauty of what I went through was that it taught me a lot. I mean, I learned presence, like just like I would find myself in these moments of grief and anxiety and kind of panic attack spirals. And then I would kind of calm myself down. And, you know, I'd look at my husband who's cooking in the kitchen. And I think. Speaker 2 (15:55) How, like, how beautiful