Are Your Boundaries Killing Your Love Life (and Social Life)?

Girls Gotta Eat

The hosts recap their summer highlights, ranging from Rayna's recent concert experiences to Ashley's encounter with the 'Gen Z stare' at the

Key takeaways

Ashley experienced a frustrating interaction with a retail employee at the US Open, which she labeled as the 'Gen Z stare'.
Rayna shared that she recently ended an amicable relationship due to a personality mismatch.
The hosts discuss how over-optimizing wellness routines can lead to a lack of community and loneliness.
A distinction is made between healthy boundaries (like work hours) and rigid, self-imposed routines that prevent spontaneity.
Ashley discusses her positive experience using GLP-1 medications in conjunction with Noom to manage 'food noise'.

Main topics

Summer Recaps and Personal Updates
The Gen Z Stare in retail
Impact of boundaries on dating and social connection

Notable quotes

Are my boundaries killing my love life?

Conclusion

The episode provides a reflective takeaway on finding the balance betw

Transcript preview

Speaker 2 (0:00) I feel for people who are like, I'm optimizing everything. I'm wellness routine and everything. I'm boundering everything and I'm not happy. This podcast is a dear media production. Hi, guys. Hi, guys. Welcome back to another episode of girls gotta eat. Welcome back. First day of fall ish. The internet says it's the 22nd and I just am a 21st first day of the season, garly. I don't want to fuck around. What day is it? It's the 21st. It's June 21st, September 21st, December 21st, March 21st. Yeah, that's it. Speaker 1 (0:50) Also, I thought the first day of fall was September 8th. So, you know, I got a little extra. I just, I thought the day after Labor Day summer's over. I didn't know. Yeah, that's unofficial. I feel like Speaker 2 (1:00) we do this every year. We do this Speaker 1 (1:01) every Speaker 2 (1:01) year. And summer is Memorial Day to Labor Day. I Speaker 1 (1:04) don't know. September 9th, I'm like, we should break out the Halloween decorations. Like, it's Thanksgiving. Basically, it's Christmas. September 9th. Yeah, that Speaker 2 (1:12) is how I also see it. Shashank started asking me, can we put the pumpkins out in July? And I said, we have to wait till after Labor Day. We have these, like, wire pumpkins. I don't know. They're still not out, though. So he was just playing with me because they're Speaker 1 (1:27) still in the garage. But I was like, yeah, after Labor Day. Is he really good at carving pumpkins? Can you remind me? I feel like this would be a skill he has. Speaker 2 (1:34) I'm glad you asked because it is a part of our story. Like we did carve pumpkins our first October together in 2023. I thought so. And we went to the pumpkin patch the next year. It's also like around his birthday, but he likes it in theory and he does an okay job, but I wouldn't say it's like a talent of his. He's not going to do some intricate, crazy pumpkin, but he's good enough. I'd say he's intermediate. I say he's not beginner and he's not advanced. It Speaker 1 (2:00) feels like a skill he would have, like intricate pumpkin carving. The first year we Speaker 2 (2:04) did carve pumpkins, we carved two and then we were going to do a third and then we just painted it. Speaker 1 (2:10) That's what you got to do. You paint it or you buy those fucking stencils. Those also seem like a good idea until you're like halfway into it. It's like painting your own house. It's like, I could do this. And then you get into it. You're like, I don't want to do this. I like to paint a pumpkin. Yeah, I think it's fun. You can paint it like silver paint, paint it gold. Much easier. I mean, I live in a building now. What am I going to do with pumpkins? You can put it outside your door. Actually, there's so many kids here. There's like a thousand kids on my floor. Do you think for Halloween I have Speaker 2 (2:37) to Speaker 1 (2:37) like open my door and do like New York City like Halloween candy? Listen, we'll cover it when we get to it, you guys. But I'll let you know what I decide. That Speaker 2 (2:45) would be Speaker 1 (2:45) cute. But you should get ahead of it and find out if that's a thing your building does. I'm going to leave town. I feel like that's... Speaker 2 (2:52) Actually, Speaker 1 (2:53) I will be out of town. Thank God. I actually will be out of town. So we're safe. Oh, yeah. RainyGreenberg.com for tour tickets. All right. Well, we have a lot of stuff to get into. We'll just thank our partners real quick and then we'll get into it. Thank you to Skims. Get our favorite cotton pieces at Skims.com slash GGE. And Noom, start a GLP-1 program for $39 and have it delivered in as little as seven days at Noom.com. At BetterHelp, get 10 % off at BetterHelp.com slash GGE. And The Secret Speaker 2 (3:17) Lives of Mormon Wives Season 5. Watch the all-new season of the original Hulu series now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. And thank you to Hungry Root. Get 40 % off your first box and a free item in every box at HungryRoot.com slash GGE with code GGE and Ladder. Get a free seven-day trial and $10 off your first month at Ladder.fit slash GGE. And Cody is here with us. He just wants to be on my love. So you guys probably saw him on Thursday as well, but he is back for his first Monday episode. Speaker 1 (3:54) Cutie. Could you just. No, I love him. I love him so much. I don't Speaker 2 (4:01) know Speaker 1 (4:01) what to do. Maybe you keep him. Speaker 2 (4:04) Maybe I need him. I'm really struggling with it. Maybe you keep him. Right? I really, I know you would fall in love with this dog. Like, but it's fine. Speaker 1 (4:12) That's not your truth. But I just know you would. How would Speaker 2 (4:16) I Speaker 1 (4:16) even get him? Speaker 2 (4:17) Well, I'll bring him. Speaker 1 (4:18) You're Speaker 2 (4:19) going Speaker 1 (4:19) to bring him across the country to me? Speaker 2 (4:21) Do you want to do that? Speaker 1 (4:22) No, you can't like transport a foster. Speaker 2 (4:24) I don't think I was thinking asking. So as we record, I am in New York, and I will just been in Boston for the weekend. And we will have went to the Dermot Kennedy concert, which is just one of our favorite artists. Our wedding song was Dermot Kennedy. Our first dance was to a song called Blossom. We weren't able to see him last year, just with like the tour or the wedding, all the things. So we were so excited to see him and see him in Boston, which just feels really special. So I'm sure that was amazing. And then be in New York this week, and we will be recording and running around and doing stuff. And then I will be in Delaware this weekend with my family. And today as we record. It was Jay's first day of school. My nephew, I can't believe it. He's starting like a little preschool and he got his little haircut. His first day of school fit. I'm just dying. So I'm excited to be there. And just, I can't wait to sit down and talk to him about school. Like his first week of school. I can't wait. No, I was like, should I come with her and go just to see Jay and Erin? You can. Speaker 1 (5:23) You know, I've had some separation anxiety lately. You know, I just like, don't like being away from you. You've been like hanging out with people without me. I don't like it. You have been. Yeah, I know, but I don't Speaker 2 (5:33) like it. Speaker 1 (5:33) You've been doing stuff. I keep, these things keep happening, and I'm like, I hate that I'm telling these stories without you. Like, I think we are so fun to tag team a story. Like, I mean, we've done this for a decade. We're storytellers, but like, there is nothing I love more than tag teaming gossip stories with you, and like, I don't get to do it all the time. I know. So. just Speaker 2 (5:52) a lot has happened this summer and we'll recap the highs, not so much the lows that like people in our life don't really like all know about. So you got to really recap with Andrew Collin recently. And I was just so jealous because he's so fun in that type of situation and his reactions. And I wish I could have been there with you. And then Rob, I got to be with him yesterday. We had this brunch and like right now, literally he didn't know anything from the summer. Like he is one of my best friends and I just miss him like as a friend, you know, like. he's traveling all over he's busy with work he's got two kids and so we are in communication like texting always but not like here's what's been happening in our lives like let's sit down let's have some drinks rob had four glasses of wine of course he did according to the day of course he did no one could drink more than this guy it's insane rosés this is a person who introduced me to rosé in like 2011 three rosés Speaker 1 (6:44) and then he ended with a red Speaker 1 (6:47) That's it's I mean, it's just I don't understand what it's like to be like that I'm envious of people that could just like drink that much and then go about their day I mean also he's like a rugby player. He's like six five So he's a little bigger than I am but two glasses it's lights out for me, baby I had two mimosas, but uh, yeah, it was fun. So Speaker 2 (7:05) we'll talk about some stuff from the summer as we get into it oh, I I had the best summer, but what's going on with you? Nothing Speaker 2 (7:15) Okay, that's it. We'll see you guys next week. Nothing's going on. That is so funny on a podcast. What's going Speaker 1 (7:22) on with you? Nothing. Speaker 2 (7:23) Hey, Speaker 1 (7:23) did you forget we were recording? Did you forget we prepped for this moments before on what you were going to talk about? I forgot this isn't a voice note. I just forgot that I have to tell you guys what's up with me. Well, last week I told you guys about staying at the Four Seasons. So right now I'd like to tell you about going to the U.S. Open. I had the craziest experience yesterday at the US Open. I experienced the Gen Z stare for the first time, Ashley. And have you experienced this in real life? Well, we talked about Speaker 2 (7:52) when I went to a restaurant and the hostess did not really understand what I was there for. It was a Gen Z stare. I don't know. She could have been a young millennial. I don't know how old she was. She looked... late 20s, 27, 28. But we talked about how she just kind of, yeah, there was a stare, there was just a refusal to communicate and do her job, I guess. But it was funny. You know, I wasn't like dragging her. I was like, this is a funny interaction to have when you roll up to a restaurant, and the hostess doesn't seem to understand why you're there. Speaker 1 (8:26) Like, yes, if you guys look up TikToks about the Gen Z stare, it's always like a millennial just like begging for niceness from a Gen Z employee. And it's like just this very funny standoff of like everyone's acting crazy. And like, I thought it was. was a joke. I didn't really think this existed in the wild. I forgot about the hostess situation and you didn't call it the Gen Z stare, but that's what it was. And I finally experienced it yesterday. So I was at the U S open. I wore these shoes that were so painful. They had sliced the back of my feet open and the front of my feet. And I was like bleeding from both of my feet. And I was like, I'm, I feel sick from how much pain I'm in. Like I will do anything. And then I was like, Oh yeah, there's like grounds outside of the stadium and there's all these stores. And I was like, I'll, I'll find the cheapest pair. of shoes I can find. I'll buy a pair of flip flops, whatever. So Alana and I went down to one of the shoe stores like on the grounds and I see this pair of slides. I'm like, great, I'll just buy these. They're cheap. And I grabbed the employee, like the store employee. And I'm like, hey, do you have these in a six? And she just looks at me and goes, I don't know. And I was like, is there a way to find out? And she's like, that's the smallest size probably. And I was holding like a 10. And I was like, okay. So I pointed to the next cheapest thing. I'm like, do you have this in a six? And she goes, I'm not sure. And I was like, okay. Situations are like, I'm truly like, Speaker 2 (9:49) am I on candid camera? Like, am I being filmed? Because how could this be real life? Speaker 1 (9:57) And like in shoe stores, they always have that thing in their hand and they like check. So I go, could you check? And she goes, what size are you? And I was like, a six. And she's like, okay, but what size do you want me to grab? And I was like, a women's six. And she walks away. She's gone for three minutes. She comes back. Ashley, I promise you I'm not making this up. If Alana hadn't been standing next to me, I would have thought I hallucinated it because I was so drunk. She goes, what size are you typically? What? I'm like, I have since said six three times. So I didn't say that to her. So I said, I'm a woman's six. And she goes, okay. So she walks away. She comes back. She's like, we don't have it. And I go, I realize I'm holding a size six, which means they do have a size six in the store. And I go, this is a size six. So do you just have the other one of these? And I'll buy this. And she goes, I'll buy the sample. I would have to ask a manager. Speaker 1 (11:01) And I was like, so can you? Am I hallucinating here? I have said my size four times now. And I was like, this isn't outside of the realm of what you normally ask people for at a shoe store. There's a display and you tell people what size and then they go to get the size and they either have it or they don't. Some would say that's your one job. That's it. It's just that. Speaker 2 (11:25) You're working the floor at the shoe store. Some would say that. Is your main responsibility. Like, Speaker 1 (11:32) I didn't know I needed to shepherd somebody through, like, when they said, like, I'd have to ask a manager. Like, I didn't know that I had to, like, do the extra work of being like, but could you? No, it's so funny when Speaker 2 (11:42) the energy is the audacity of you to request something of me. Like, I Speaker 1 (11:46) was so stupid. Yeah. Also, it's funny because, like, I just wanted to buy these shoes. Like, if I... If I owned the shoe store and I was like, this person is actively getting in the way of selling these shoes. Like, yeah, I was like, I could just leave here, I guess. But I'll keep asking questions. It's just it's so jarring when it happens. And if you guys if this happens to you and let us know where it happened. A friend of mine told me it happened in Sephora the other day. Like, I find these interactions so funny because you feel so stupid. You feel so dumb, but you're not doing anything wrong and do anything wrong. I was nice and kind. I was asking normal questions. Did you get the shoes? Yeah, they're great. I finally got the shoes. This was like a 10 minute back and forth to figure out, could I just like get a size six of slides? I think sometimes when I interact Speaker 2 (12:30) with Gen Z sales associates, I overcompensate with my energy. And that's, yeah, of course. But I usually do win them over. Like at the Vivrel Kiff store in the Hamptons, those girls behind the counter were, just did not want to fuck with work that day. And I get it. They're probably saying they're gossiping, recapping their night. And we come in, questions are being asked. They had to go get me so many sizes. And then they were like happy to do it. They went and got a bunch of sizes. But every time I needed like another size, there really was kind of a little bit of a... do I have to energy? And then I did like spend a lot of money. And then when I bought that little Prada bag that was really inexpensive, I think, cause it had been gently used. It was at Viverall. It's like I said, they have a Viverall and Kith women like did this little pop-up in the Hamptons. And now I sound like Raina. I'm just like, you know, when I was like in the Hamptons at the Viverall. And so it was so much less expensive than retail price and you didn't like it, but it's bright yellow and I love it. And it's this little tiny bag and they love that I bought it. And one of them at the end of me pain. She was like about the bag. She was like, I hate to watch her leave, but I love to watch her go. And I laughed. I was like, okay, we have some jokes. It was like a very funny, which is also funny if they make commission, like even Speaker 1 (13:47) funnier. Like I hate to watch her leave. Speaker 2 (13:50) Yeah. So I won them over. But then I'm like, am I spending a lot of money to impress them? Speaker 1 (13:55) Because you start overcommentating. I Speaker 2 (13:56) started literally spiraling. Speaker 1 (13:59) I was like, I'm so sorry. Like, I'll go to the stock room. I'll get the shoes. Honestly, like, can I talk to your manager? Like, I'll just ask them if it's okay to take these shoes. Like, I don't want to bother you at work at your shoe store. I'm so sorry. I'm telling Speaker 2 (14:09) you, this is, I feel like this is the point. They're like, if we just don't do anything, they will eventually leave or do it for us. They Speaker 1 (14:17) will embarrass themselves Speaker 2 (14:18) so badly. And this will be amusing for us. We'll tell our friends later that we held a straight face while they humiliated themselves. It's funny that their goal could be to try to get us to overcompensate. Like they're like, if we just keep treating them like this, they'll start to get a little uppity. Like, you know. Speaker 1 (14:35) It's funny because like, you know that you can make people do it sometimes. So we are having one of my best friends, one of your friends, one of my best friends on the show in a couple weeks, Emily. And I always like laugh because I'm like, I know that you will get so anxious about quiet space in a conversation that you will fill the space. So I always say to her, like when we're around people and I don't want to talk, I just get quiet and I know she'll take care of it because her anxiety will take over and she'll fill Speaker 2 (14:58) the space. Speaker 1 (14:59) She'll pick up the emotional labor. Yeah. She's like, fuck you right now. I know you're doing this. Speaker 2 (15:03) Okay. So, and you met somebody at the US Open? I met this kid, this Speaker 1 (15:07) man. Not the kid. Speaker 2 (15:10) So Speaker 1 (15:10) I was seeing somebody and I am not anymore. And I will address that later. Oh, not right now? I mean, I guess I could have just addressed right now. I mean, I was seeing somebody throughout the summer. He is- I'm carrying this episode on my back. And honestly, I'm not even really that hungover. Speaker 1 (15:26) I was like, I will talk about this later. It's like, why we're here. Why don't we just talk about this now? Speaker 2 (15:30) Set Speaker 1 (15:30) up all this equipment. I'm going to table that for now. Just tease the rest of the episode later. Well, I was, we always want to like, you know, update you guys, keep you in the loop. I'm not going to talk too much about it, but I was dating somebody. He's really wonderful. He's like the most wonderful person. It was a personality mismatch and we decided to go our separate ways. And it was really nice to have like a relationship for the time being that just made me feel like. calm and appreciated and he's just like a really nice wonderful person and um it's not gonna work out but there's like no hard feelings and that's it you know we had an amicable conversation and that's that um so this guy that I met yesterday so that's and that is that that's that I mean I just I I couldn't even possibly think of like one negative or like it's just not everybody is for everybody and it's like amicable and I like I mean anybody who ends up with this guy is like so lucky it really was like a summer Speaker 2 (16:22) romance. I don't want to say fling because I think there were real feelings there. But it's what it is, you know, Labor Day came around and new season. Right. I brought the hammer down. No, I'm just kidding. No, he's really wonderful. And, you know, maybe kind of at a later date, we'll talk about this in a broader scope of just like how tough it is for something to end. That's good. That's great. To people that are really good people. And there's no fighting and the sex is good. And you're just like, what are we doing? Speaker 1 (16:50) And it's just not. the right person. People are like, wait, that sounds amazing. Yeah. I mean, we never had like one conflict. It wasn't like, it's easy to end relationships when you like hate the person. I mean, what a gift. But yeah, I think as a broader topic, we'll talk about that at another date. Speaker 2 (17:04) Okay. Speaker 1 (17:05) So our friend Alana and I went to the men's finals game and our friend Hank was there, Salt Hank in New York City, if you guys have had his sandwiches, but he was like, I'm in this suite. Anyways, he was there with some friends and this guy starts talking to me and he's like very cute. And we talked for like a long time and I'm trying to figure out how old he is because he looked like pretty young. But like I couldn't figure out there was no like tells in terms of like I've lived in this place for X amount of years. Like I've been doing this job Speaker 2 (17:31) for X. No Speaker 1 (17:31) Gen Z stare. No Gen Z stare. So charming. Like couldn't have been more charming. He was so cute and wonderful to talk to. He's asked me all these questions. We just had like such a fun day. He was just like standing with me for the whole time. And then we all like drank a lot. We were like, we need to eat. So like we went out to dinner afterwards, me and him and Hank and his girlfriend and Alana. We went to this like fun place in Queens. And then I asked Hank, like, just like, like I, he like went to the bathroom or whatever. And I was like, Hank, how old is he? No, no, no, no. Speaker 1 (18:01) 21. Speaker 2 (18:01) Raina, no, he's Speaker 1 (18:02) not. No, he's not. 21 years old. Shut your Speaker 2 (18:07) mouth. I was like, she's going to say 23 or 24. 21? 21. Is he in college? Speaker 1 (18:17) He could Speaker 2 (18:18) be your son. He Speaker 1 (18:19) just got out of college. And I'm sitting there. A Speaker 2 (18:22) recent Speaker 1 (18:22) college grad. He might be Jet Alpha. I don't know what they're doing. I think he just graduated in May. I mean, he just graduated. And I am like, I am 20 years older than this person. Yeah, it does hit different. Like, Speaker 2 (18:36) it's crazy. Speaker 1 (18:36) And it's like washing over me that men do this all the time. I was like, this feels predatory. Like, I could literally be his mom. It wouldn't even be that crazy. I don't think it feels predatory. And I'm sure he was flirting with you and it would have been totally fine. Speaker 2 (18:50) Oh, Speaker 1 (18:50) he was super flirting with me. So Speaker 2 (18:51) then we're Speaker 1 (18:52) going to Speaker 2 (18:52) leave. And like, I... I need to see a picture because aren't all you guys wondering like Raina there must have been signs there must have been signs in the way this guy looked how did you think he was like 28 I thought 25 or 26 he's looks really young and you Speaker 1 (19:08) were like fuck it but I was like all right that's legal that's that's pretty legal okay do you want me to send you a photo of him now yes yeah so I can be the judge he's so cute actually oh my Speaker 2 (19:18) god I can't even rent a car Speaker 2 (19:22) Reina Speaker 1 (19:22) fucking Greenberg. Are you serious? He's Speaker 2 (19:25) cute, right? Speaker 1 (19:25) He's so cute, but he Speaker 2 (19:27) looks like a child. And you know what I never want to hear again? I never want to hear you say shit to me about the shows I like to watch that are about high school and early 20s. Because this looks like every guy on all those shows. And if you watch those shows, you would know. If you watch The Summer I Would Turn Pretty, if you watch Sterling Point, then you would know that that's what they look like. You don't understand because you're not in the culture. And anyone who watches these shows would understand Speaker 1 (19:54) that that's a fresh 21-year-old. He is giving Chalamet-esque. I mean, he was fresh out the box, but I was like, maybe he's 25 Speaker 2 (20:03) or 20. Speaker 1 (20:03) Fresh out the womb. Fresh out the bar. He can only barely drink. Also, Hank is 32 or 33. And I was like, he's probably closer in age to Hank. I didn't think he was like 11 years younger than Hank is. Well, right. That's so true. Like, because when we first met Hank, which was seven years ago, he was like a young baby. He grew up. So at the end of the night, Hank and his girlfriend are going to stay at the restaurant for a little bit. Alana had to go back to Brooklyn. And I was like, I'm gonna go