How Alcohol Slowly Took Everything From My Life | Ep 216

Get a Grip Podcast

Jason Gardner shares a raw and vulnerable account of his lifelong struggle with alcoholism, tracing it from childhood embarrassments to high

Key takeaways

• Jason experienced childhood trauma in fifth grade that fueled a lifelong fear of being alone.
• His drinking escalated from middle school 'liquid courage' to significant high school incidents, including wrecking his parents' car.

Main topics

• Alcoholism recovery
• 12-step programs

Notable quotes

I'd rather be an alcoholic in recovery than a non-alcoholic.

Conclusion

A powerful testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the tra

Transcript preview

Speaker 2 (0:00) You know, I Speaker 3 (0:00) mean, we're talking about getting married and all this kind of stuff until the time I found out she was decided she wanted to date somebody else and want to break up with me. And dude, I just I lost it. I really thought we were going to be together and all this kind of stuff. I lost it. I started drinking. I think I went on an eight day bender where the only I would I was either passed out or drinking for eight days or driving to go get more. Yeah. Stupid. Right. And so. I confronted her and her new guy at her place of work. And I wasn't a regular there. And so he was. So the rest of the regulars made it known that I wasn't welcome by helping me out the door, Speaker 1 (0:48) throwing Speaker 3 (0:49) me out. Yeah, Speaker 1 (0:49) so you go in there and some bullshit. So Speaker 3 (0:51) I sat there and I seriously thought about ramming the car into the place of business. Speaker 3 (0:57) Thankfully, I didn't, but I decided to drive home. And the road goes to the left. I go straight. I land in a cornfield or wheat field or some field, hay field, whatever it was. Car stalls, airbags deployed, Speaker 2 (1:17) smoke coming out of it. Speaker 1 (1:32) Hey, Lou, I've got a story I want to share on the podcast. How do I do that? Speaker 2 (1:35) Well, you can email us at getagrippodcast614 at gmail.com or fill out the form, fill in our link tree. Speaker 1 (1:40) What about if I just want to show our boys some love and support the podcast? You can Speaker 2 (1:43) follow us at official getagrippodcast on TikTok, Instagram, or Facebook to follow our short clips or YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts for our long forms. We're also on iHeartRadio. We're everywhere. What Speaker 1 (1:54) about a behind the scenes look at getagrippodcast? Snapchat's the place for that. I heard all the kids are doing it. Smash Speaker 2 (1:59) that Speaker 1 (1:59) like button Speaker 2 (1:59) and subscribe. Boop. Speaker 1 (2:01) All Speaker 2 (2:01) right. Welcome back to another episode of Gittiger Podcast. Aaron's here with us. We are in studio today. We have Kevin Gardner from Medina, Ohio. Is that right? That's right. Yeah. Right up, right down I-71. Thanks for coming, man. We appreciate you coming to studio and doing this with us. We're going to dive right in, kick it off with childhood. Tell us how childhood was for you and kind of what led you down the road that you ended up on. Speaker 3 (2:27) I mean, I don't have any like crazy childhood stories, really. I mean, it was just kind of normal middle class upbringing. Parents married and still grew up in Medina. I did. I grew up in Medina. You know, it's funny. So as I later in life, when I was in going through my step work, because I'm an I'm an A.A. guy. When I was going through my step work. I did find out that there was one thing that happened to me in my early childhood that kind of triggered a lot of my fears. And that was something that happened to me in fifth grade. But other than that, I just had a normal, played baseball, played, you know, basketball and, you know, just didn't have any real. Are Speaker 2 (3:17) you willing to share what happened in fifth grade? Yeah, Speaker 3 (3:21) it's Speaker 2 (3:21) more Speaker 3 (3:21) of a funny story than anything. So, you know how if you're in fifth grade, the teacher will like bug out and write something on the board, like read these pages or something like that. And we'll talk about it when I get back. Probably go grab a coffee or smoke or whatever they do. And so my fifth grade teacher did that. And needless to say, you know, I'm with a group of friends. We're cutting up, man. We're just, you know, making each other laugh and laugh and laugh until the point where I had to fucking piss and I couldn't hold it anymore. And I just went. Speaker 1 (3:59) In your pants? Speaker 3 (4:00) Yeah. Damn. Well, I was a rule follower, right? Yeah, Speaker 1 (4:03) yeah. Speaker 3 (4:03) I didn't, the teacher wasn't there to ask where can I go to the bathroom? And I was like, come on, get back, get Speaker 2 (4:09) back, Speaker 3 (4:09) get back, get back. I just couldn't hold it anymore, man. Damn. I Speaker 1 (4:13) just Speaker 3 (4:13) fucking pissed. Speaker 2 (4:14) And then she comes Speaker 3 (4:14) back a little bit later and I'm like, I'm sick. I got to go, you know, all this kind of stuff. And yeah, so I come, I was gone from school, man. I was embarrassed. Did Speaker 1 (4:23) anybody see it? Speaker 3 (4:24) Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. They had to call in a janitor to fucking clean it up, man. Oh, Speaker 1 (4:29) that's the worst, buddy. Oh, it Speaker 3 (4:30) was terrible. It was terrible. I didn't realize what impact that had on my future life until I went through like the AA stumps. And, you know, there's a section, talk about your fears. And my fears were being alone and not fitting in. And I traced it back to that event because I was hot shit then, man. In fifth grade, I was dating a sixth grader, man. And when she heard, you know, me piss myself. Kevin Speaker 1 (4:58) Piss Speaker 3 (4:58) Pants Speaker 1 (4:58) Gardner. She couldn't. Yeah, it Speaker 3 (5:00) was actually Pee Pants. That was the correct nickname. She was like, nah, man, we're done. We're done. So I went from like hot shit fifth grader dating a sixth grader, right? Yeah. As much as you can date at that age. To, you know, being like ostracized and shit like that. How Speaker 1 (5:15) long does that follow you in your school career? Is it forgotten about like at the end of the fifth grade year or are you piss pants or pee pants like the next year or two? You Speaker 3 (5:22) know. Speaker 3 (5:24) I didn't forget about it until I started drinking in middle school, you know, and that's why I started drinking was to fit in. Speaker 1 (5:32) Yeah. Right. Speaker 3 (5:33) And I was apprehensive about talking Speaker 2 (5:35) to women. I mean, girls at that point. Right. You're in middle school, seventh, eighth grade. Yeah. But that's the worst time to fucking do it. That's when it's the most like anxiety ridden. Yep. Yeah. I was afraid this was Speaker 3 (5:48) shit. Yeah. Hanging over Speaker 2 (5:49) my Speaker 3 (5:49) head and all this. And I was nervous to talk to girls because in the back of my mind, they're sitting there going, oh, there's a dude. There he is. Yeah. Right. And all that. And so I just once I found booze, man, it was like, oh, yeah, this gave me the courage to talk to the women. It made me feel like I fit in because everybody was experimenting with booze at that time. And so I figured I can fit in better if I drink more than anybody else. Right. I can set myself apart from the other guys looking for these girls if I'm the best drinker. And so. And this is in Speaker 1 (6:25) middle school. Middle school. Oh, yeah. Middle school. Speaker 3 (6:28) We used to sneak booze and we had some older friends. And you got to remember, I'm a little bit older than you guys, man. Speaker 3 (6:36) the driver's license were easy Speaker 2 (6:38) to Speaker 3 (6:38) manipulate. And so even our older friends who, you know, were maybe in high school, um, brothers of, of guys that we hung out with. I mean, it was easy to change a four to a one and a five to a three. I actually had a buddy of mine who had like a little business on the side doing that for, you know, everybody in school. And, uh, yeah, that's, that's what it was like. And it was, it was easily accessible and. Every chance we got, we just drank and I needed it. That was the courage. And I didn't realize until later that that's one of the reasons I kept drinking was, you know, and always jumping into relationships quick, way too quick because I was afraid of being alone. Right. What's your first Speaker 1 (7:23) drink? What do you have? Like some nasty shit? All Speaker 3 (7:27) right. So. I took, so we had this plan. The first time we were going to drink was at a football game. Speaker 1 (7:35) In sixth grade. Speaker 3 (7:36) Well, this would have been probably seventh or eighth grade, right? Middle school at that point. When I went to school, it was sixth grade was elementary and then seventh and eighth. And then, all right. So it's changed a little bit since then. But no, we were going to go to the Friday night football game. And every single one of us was going to sneak booze from our parents throughout the week. and put it in a little plastic bottle and Speaker 2 (8:01) take Speaker 3 (8:02) it with us. Speaker 2 (8:03) Well, shit, man, I'm a seventh, eighth grader. Speaker 3 (8:07) I don't realize that you don't mix. vodka and scotch and tequila and rum. Is that Speaker 2 (8:14) what you did and mixed it all into one bottle? I took a little Speaker 3 (8:17) bit each day from a lot of different bottles to put it into that thing. Into Speaker 1 (8:22) the Speaker 3 (8:22) one bottle? So I was drinking out of that, and it was all those things mixed together. What did that taste like? That Speaker 1 (8:29) had to be ungodly. I Speaker 3 (8:31) don't remember, but the effect took place pretty quick. It Speaker 1 (8:33) did Speaker 3 (8:33) what it Speaker 1 (8:33) needed to do. Yeah. Speaker 3 (8:35) I mean, I do remember I got sick that night at home. And tried to blame it on bad pizza, which mom probably didn't believe. And probably looked at it as like, well, it's kind of a rite of passage. Maybe a little young, but yeah. So that was my first drink was just an assortment of everything. And Speaker 1 (8:53) even after all that, you're like, got to do that again. Hell Speaker 3 (8:56) yeah. Why not? Speaker 1 (8:57) It gave me the courage. It gave me the courage to talk to. Speaker 3 (9:00) You know, to talk to other people. And my, my, at that time, my group of guys, we were all doing it together. So you fed in, you know, I felt like I fit in. Speaker 2 (9:09) Yeah. Speaker 3 (9:10) Yeah. I Speaker 2 (9:11) mean that. I can relate. Yeah. I can relate. It makes you feel good. It makes you feel wanted, needed. Yep. All of the above. Yeah, life of the Speaker 1 (9:19) party. Yeah. Speaker 3 (9:19) It's, you know, what's the saying? Liquid courage, right? Yeah. Exactly what it did for me. It was absolutely liquid courage. Speaker 1 (9:26) And then are you like off to the races after that? Like you guys drinking more and more? I mean, most of Speaker 3 (9:31) the weekends. And then as we got into high school, we drank more. And then one of my friends, his parents got divorced. His mom was always out. So they had this little barn on their property and we would go over there in high school and we would just drink and play cards nonstop. We built this beer. beer can pyramid that was probably six feet tall from Speaker 2 (9:52) you Speaker 3 (9:52) know just stacking beer cans up and everything like that classic Speaker 2 (9:56) yeah yeah Speaker 3 (9:56) and uh you know we'd count the number of days in a row that we were able to drink and we would just crash at his at his parents house because his mom was always out and you know by the time you know the next day came around we were sober up again Are your parents wise to like the amount you're drinking, how often you're drinking? I don't think they're wise to the amount. They knew I drank, especially when. So here's another childhood story. I was working at a golf course and by this time I was already 16. And my parents, one of the things I did at the golf course was I set up kegs. Right. So they have an outing. I'd go set up the keg. Got to make sure it's high quality. Got to. Speaker 1 (10:40) Keep Speaker 3 (10:40) hitting it. Every time I drive around the course, go back, hit it some more. And then they took it down to this pavilion where they had finished the parties off and all that stuff. And I decided I needed to go pick up some of my friends because, you know, here's all this free beer. So I went and picked up a few friends. And then as I'm driving back to the golf course. went off the road. I was going through these S turns and I was just fucking hammered. I should have never been driving. But, you know, at that age, you think you're fearless. You're into, you know, nothing can harm you. Right. Right. And so I did. And I was like, Speaker 2 (11:19) hey, watch how fast we can go through this. And then fucking smoke coming out. You had a golf cart or a car? Car. Speaker 1 (11:25) My parents' car. Speaker 3 (11:26) It was relatively new car. Speaker 1 (11:27) Oh, yeah. Speaker 3 (11:28) And my dad showed up in a little bit. Man, he was pissed. You know, honestly, I... I think I'm still grounded from that. I don't even want to ask because they were pissed. I mean, you know, so needless to say, my money went to paying the deductible. And yeah, so that was probably the first time I should have been like, oh, Speaker 1 (11:46) yeah, maybe that's not right. But it didn't matter. Do they know you're drunk while you're driving that car? Oh, yeah. Speaker 3 (11:51) Well, after I wrecked it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Speaker 1 (11:54) Wow. Yeah. Speaker 3 (11:56) Yeah. Speaker 1 (11:57) And then what? Speaker 3 (11:57) Are you Speaker 1 (11:57) grounded or? Oh, yeah. I Speaker 3 (11:59) was grounded. But luckily, thankfully, and this is, I don't know what it is, but I never had any legal issues. God knows I should have. I mean, this car's smoking and all that. But I got it onto the golf course property. The police weren't called. Nobody was harmed. And so no legal penalties. Speaker 2 (12:22) sure as Speaker 3 (12:22) hell my parents were, you know, pissed. And, uh, yeah, I had to pay the, I remember I had to pay the deductible, um, their insurance deductible. Um, and then, uh, I was grounded for, fuck, I don't know, man. At least a month, probably. Speaker 1 (12:38) That's it. I only got you for the whole remainder of your high school career, man. Speaker 3 (12:42) Yeah, well, it just worked out that way. Speaker 1 (12:46) They Speaker 3 (12:47) thought I learned my lesson, right? I mean, you know how good we are after we've been in a shitstorm coming back and saying, I learned my lesson. It'll never happen again until it happens again. Yeah. Right? Speaker 3 (13:01) um yeah so that was that was my high school career you Speaker 1 (13:04) graduated high school right i Speaker 3 (13:05) did graduate high school i wasn't so fortunate to graduate college though because uh the first year i went to college um again man i went to a college small school was smaller in my high school i knew one person there i'm trying to fit in how do you fit in you find the people that are drinking so i found the people that were drinking and we drank all the time And one night we went out to the parking lot and there was a car that wasn't parked in a spot. We decided we'd move it. How the fuck do you just do that? It's a small car, and the guys that were with me were big guys. Were you Speaker 1 (13:47) picking it up? So we're trying to pick Speaker 3 (13:48) it up. The