How to Support Your Teen's Mental Health (Part 2 of 2)

Focus on the Family with Jim Daly

Counselor Michelle Neidert joins Jim Daly to discuss practical strategies for supporting the mental and spiritual well-being of teenagers an

Key takeaways

• Michelle Neildert recommends moving from being a teacher to a coach by asking curious questions rather than giving lectures.
• Parents should prioritize 'presence' and emotional regulation during family crises, such as the anecdote regarding lost school shorts.

Main topics

• Teen mental health
• Parenting strategies

Notable quotes

You do not put a kid who's got a broken arm... in a canoe to swim upstream with one paddle.

Conclusion

The episode provides actionable, faith-based psychological tools for p

Transcript preview

Speaker 2 (0:01) You do not put a kid who's got a broken arm, let's say they're struggling with anxiety or something already, you do not put them in a canoe to swim upstream with one paddle. They need other people on the boat to help them move that boat along the upstream of our culture today. Speaker 4 (0:21) That's counselor and mom, Michelle Neidert, and she's back with us today on Focus on the Family with Jim Bailey. I'm John Fuller, and thanks for joining us. John, this is such an important topic. How Speaker 3 (0:32) do we strengthen our children, particularly our girls, in this book, Strong and Secure? And Michelle's done a great job raising the right issues for us as parents to be... kind of over the target on, right? A girl's identity, her sense of self-worth, her relationship with Christ, all kind of the foundations so that the other things culture will throw at them can be managed in those contexts. And if you didn't listen to the broadcast last time, get the app. It's the best way to do it. You have access to everything that we do, both the podcast and the broadcast. If you do that, it's just focus on the Family Broadcast app and you can find that in your app store. Speaker 1 (1:14) But Speaker 3 (1:14) I'm looking forward to today. We're going to continue the discussion with Michelle and talk more about securing your daughter's spiritual well-being, emotional well-being, Speaker 4 (1:24) and physical well-being. Yeah, I really liked how she framed it in terms of helping our kids grab on to the Father heart of God, and He's our source. Now, you mentioned the book, Jim, and we have it. It's called Strong and Secure, 100 Devotions for Young Women. And as a listener, you can learn more about Michelle and this devotional on our website. Speaker 3 (1:44) Michelle, welcome back. Thanks. It's Speaker 4 (1:46) good Speaker 3 (1:47) to have you with us again to continue this discussion. You know, I feel like my whole parenting experience is just kind of... In my brain, things I need to remember to do, kind of a creation of a list, I guess, is how I would express it. Make sure we're reading the Word together, and we did that when the boys were younger more often. Now it's in their 20s. I'm sending them more scripture every few days. Hey, this caught my attention. Here's why I thought it might apply to you. So you've got to find ways to keep bringing the Word in front of your young people. whatever age, high school or college, I think. What do you do to try to keep that connection spiritually, especially with your daughter at a distance? She's in college, but your son's still at home. Speaker 2 (2:33) Yeah, yeah. I think it is. The other day, Nolan came in, and he was just overwhelmed. He had woken up late, and he needs uniform shorts, and we don't know what happened to him, but they weren't in the house. Gym bag, gym bag. Speaker 3 (2:50) And so Speaker 2 (2:51) we do think maybe the gym bag, he runs track right now. And so, but he just woke up in a mood. Now, and this is what I want to tell parents. This is why you stay grounded while your kids are having that mood. And it was a little tough. I was up that morning and by the grace of God, I had already listened to some scripture. Speaker 1 (3:09) And Speaker 2 (3:09) so I said to him, as he was in my room, kind of frantically looking, I said, I got you. You need to go take your shower. But before you do, I just said, Alexa, open the Bible app and read us the word of the day. And we just listened to that together. And he was like, Mom, how did you know that was going to fit? And I said, well, I happened to hear it a couple minutes ago. So I had already done that that day. But then he went up and took a shower. We did not find the shorts. So we had to get to school early to borrow some out of Lost and Found. Borrow, I use lightly. And so we got there. And on the way there, he said, Mom, thank you for staying so calm. when I was so upset. So Speaker 1 (3:46) he Speaker 2 (3:46) noticed. He noticed that I was a spiritual extension cord of God's peace to him in the midst of that difficult time. And he expressed some gratitude, which is rare. That doesn't happen all the time. But I will tell you, I think that is so important. And then I looked at him and I said, now I know I need to pray you find shorts when you get inside there, but how else can I pray for you today? And he's like, I got a test. I think I'm ready, but I got a test. And I'm like, okay, thanks. And so I think, Especially with my daughter far away, I ask her a lot, how can I pray for her? Sometimes I will notice things and I will, you know, you got to be careful with that so you don't sound like you're preaching at them or correcting them because kids take advice as criticism in this when they're in college. And I think it's really important that we be aware of that. So I think we continue to share God's word. If God lays a scripture on your heart, I love especially they like the memes. So they like you to find the photo with the scripture and share it with them. And so I do that a lot with them as well. I say a lot in the office. to people who are not believers that hope deferred will make the heart sick. In fact, that's how kids, a lot of times teenage girls end up depressed is they're struggling with some anxiety or some external pressure. And then they all of a sudden think they can fix it and they try to fix it. And then they can't fix it. They try to get their friends to help them fix it. And then their hope gets deferred and it makes their heart sick. And they end up sometimes even clinically depressed because of it. So I think we can weave that scripture in. But if we're going to do that, we as parents have to do to be in that word, knowing that word, letting it come. I really believe it's meant to breathe life in and through us. Speaker 1 (5:20) it. Speaker 1 (5:27) I Speaker 2 (5:28) do have some parents who are reading this devotional themselves. I had a mom ask me, how could I use this devotional? Because I don't think my daughter will read it when I give it to her in college. I said, what if you look through it? Because I'm writing about the difficulties teens are facing and young adults that we treat in our counseling center all the time. What if it just gave you words to say and questions to ask? And she came back to me and said, I've had the best conversations with my daughter. I didn't realize one of her friends was going through a bad breakup and how much a bad boyfriend can affect you. And so she learned some of the topics that they're living through better. Especially when it's your first. Your first is always difficult. Speaker 3 (6:08) Yeah. Let me take us back to that reaction when your son was kind of out of sorts. And I think it's really important because the other response, I'd like to describe it and then have you respond to it. Because in that environment, you as the parent can be sucked in and you now are anxious about. the poor planning that your teen has displayed and it's pushing your buttons. Oh, it is. Not only Speaker 2 (6:37) that, like I didn't train him