How to Support Your Teen's Mental Health (Part 1 of 2)
Focus on the Family with Jim Daly
In this episode of Focus on the Family, counselor Michelle Nietert joins host John Fuller to discuss practical strategies for supporting tee
Key takeaways
- Adopt a bio-psycho-social-spiritual model to address holistic mental health in adolescents.
- Use the metaphor that emotions should be 'on the bus' but must not be allowed to 'run the bus.'
Main topics
- Teen mental health and anxiety
- Emotional regulation strategies
Notable quotes
Emotions need to be on the bus, but they cannot run the bus.
Conclusion
The episode serves as a compassionate guide for parents seeking to bri
Transcript preview
Speaker 2 (0:00) If you love Christian music, you'll enjoy Focus Live, a new station powered by Godcaster. Get the app today at focusonthefamily.com slash podcasts. Speaker 1 (0:11) I think the two things you look at with your kids is intensity and frequency. How often are they struggling and how bad is the struggle? But let me say this, if your kids are asking for help, get them help. Speaker 2 (0:22) Okay, Speaker 1 (0:22) and get them the right help. Speaker 2 (0:24) Well, when you think about your teenager, what comes to mind? Confidence or maybe confusion or peace or pressure? Maybe it's a little bit of everything. It seems that those years are marked by lots of everything. Today on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly, we're going to have an honest conversation about teen mental health and about how you can help your young adult to navigate things like anxiety and loneliness and more. I'm John Fuller. And I want Speaker 3 (0:49) to say thanks to the viewers and listeners for tipping in and spending time with us today. I think today's topic is going to be relevant to parents who are worried or concerned about where their teens and 20-somethings are at because this culture is really at their throat, no matter what it is. It can be too much screen time. It can be, you know, whatever. And we're going to discuss. ways to re-engage with your teen and help, particularly today, help your teen girl with issues that she's facing about identity and body consciousness and all those things. And I think it's going to be really important to give parents a peace of mind that you... can get through this. Speaker 2 (1:32) Yeah. And Michelle Niedert is with us. She's always a favorite when she's here in the studio with us. She's a professional counselor, an author, speaker, wife, mom of two. She has a podcast called Raising Mentally Healthy Kids. Check that out. She's also got a great devotional called Strong and Secure, 100 Devotions for Young Women. Michelle, welcome back to Focus on the Family. Speaker 1 (1:57) Thanks for having me back again. It's Speaker 3 (1:58) good to have you. No, I was going to use this scripture, 2 Timothy 1.7. I've used this as a parent. It says, for God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind. That is truth. How come as parents sometimes we struggle to believe that? Speaker 1 (2:15) I think because we're looking at the external circumstances around us. And if we just emotionally react, just like our kids and our teens, to those external circumstances, the enemy is going to take our focus and just create in us a lot of not only emotion in our hearts, but... thoughts in our minds about the future and things that we may even predict that aren't even going to happen. And then on top of that, then our bodies are going to react. And we're going to feel that in our gut. Just like our kids, we're going to feel that tightness in our chest. We're going to feel like we don't. And then sometimes it's going to, like I did yesterday, it's going to bubble up in not such a good way sometimes when the pressure gets too big on us and stuff. manage it well. Speaker 3 (3:02) You know, so often we kick around the terms mental health, emotional health, but from a clinical perspective, is there a difference? Are we saying the same thing when we say mental health or emotional health? I Speaker 1 (3:15) think it's similar for sure. Because really what I'm looking at as a Christian counselor, I'm looking at holistic health. At our counseling center, I've trained our AD counselors that have come through us on a bio, psycho, social, spiritual model. So I think it's the redoing your mind, and that is repeating that scripture, and maybe repeating other scriptures. When I get stuck, and I got stuck this weekend pretty hard with some grief. the Lord's Prayer comes to my mind, because I need that part, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. So I think even the memorization of Scripture, where I don't have to go find it. But this morning while I was getting ready, I'm not a good sitter. And I want to encourage you, if you have a neurodiverse kid that doesn't sit very well, sometimes we really want them to read the Scripture. I listen to the Scripture a lot. And so I was listening to Psalm this morning, and that was helping me with that. So I think we've got, you know, those of us, I think, who are really tackling this well, We're helping people with breathing and exercise and things that help their bodies. I think we're helping them be in community. I think we're helping them with the mind piece. And then I think the emotional piece, the key to that, especially for this generation is, and you're going to hear me say this probably in every time I'm here, but I think it bears repeating. Emotions need to be on the bus, but they cannot run the bus. I was working with this beautiful teenage girl recently, and she... is created that's just, I mean, they're very rare, but they are just all emotion. They can wake up one day and be like a girl on her cycle. I mean, if moms are going to listen to this, this is real and that's what they deal with. But she's like that on any day because that's how she's wired. And the thing that she said I've helped her the most to realize is sometimes that's just her emotions talking and that's not truth. And she's got to separate that out for that day. So she doesn't do something like try to harm herself or think about dying or think about. starving herself. We're in a critical mass with her. And it's super important that a clinician do that work and give her some coping skills. Speaker 3 (5:18) You know, one of Speaker 2 (5:18) the Speaker 3 (5:18) things I often ask, you know, psychologists, psychiatrists who are Christian, just that balance of, because some people watching or listening are saying, you know, you talk about personality profiles and... But God does organize how human beings behave. I mean, it's in his creation. And that's why it's so manageable in that we can create these quick, simple 10-minute quizzes that give you an insight as to how you tick, because God has put the pattern in humanity, right? He has. So it's not something to walk away from. It's something to kind of help better understand how God creates us. I Speaker 1 (5:57) agree. And not only that. It doesn't lock us in a box. My son won't take it. He won't take the quiz. He's being forced to in an organization, but he's refused. Gene doesn't like taking a minute. I don't want to be locked in a box. But I've told him, this doesn't lock you in a box. This helps me understand how you work so I can parent you better. But at the same time, I understand the gifts of the Spirit, and I understand spiritual gifts, and the Holy Spirit can manifest anything in you at any time. And I'm trusting God to do that too in your life. So I think it's a merger of both. Speaker 3 (6:26) You often say mentally. healthy parents raise mentally healthy kids. Now, I'm thinking of the teenage years. Our boys are now in their 20s. But can a parent truly become mentally healthy during the raising of teenagers? It seems contradictive. Speaker 1 (6:42) I think it's essential. I think it's essential. It may be contradictive, but I think it's really essential to a parent to have done their own work. I talked about this last time I was here with my dad, that I was raised by a father who loved well, but had a bad temper and probably had ADHD and impulsivity and didn't manage that well always in my childhood years. And I think if I hadn't worked through that,