Grieving the Loss of a Beloved Family Member

Focus on the Family with Jim Daly

This episode of Focus on the Family explores the deeply personal journey of grief through the stories of Jane Daly and Jeremy Keeton, who sh

Key takeaways

• Grief is an expression of love that remains unspent; it's natural and universal.
• Faith can be shaken by tragedy, especially when expectations of divine protection are challenged.

Main topics

• The nature of grief as love without outlet
• Faith crises after tragedy

Notable quotes

Grief, I've learned, is really just love. It's all the love you want to give but cannot.

Conclusion

Grief, while painful, can draw individuals closer to God when approach

Transcript preview

Speaker 4 (0:03) Today on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly, we're going to be exploring a really tender topic, and it's going to affect all of us at some point. The topic is illustrated by a quote that was attributed to Jamie Anderson, who said, Grief, I've learned, is really just love. It's all the love you want to give but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat. and in that hollow part of your chest. Well, thanks for joining us. Your host is Focus President and author Jim Daly, and I'm John Fuller. John, Speaker 3 (0:40) I think grief is such a powerful and sometimes overwhelming emotion. It's one, to be honest, that I don't like going over to that door. Speaker 4 (0:47) I Speaker 3 (0:47) don't like opening it. You know, Jean and her family have had significant... Speaker 3 (0:53) Issues occur, and she's taught me a lot about going to that door. And I think one of the most fearful times in my life when she was at her depth of grief after losing her brother, and I was like, let's get going. We've got to pick ourselves up and go. And she looked at me and said, you know what? Not everybody's wired like that. You've got to sit with me here in my grief. It freaked me out. Seriously. I was like, I don't. like doing that. I don't want to do that. And why don't you come with me? We'll keep moving. And so it's been a really interesting experience for me to just do that as best as I could, as in perfectly as I did it. You know, the scripture, Isaiah 53 says, he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows. Isn't that awesome? And another great scripture that I love is Psalm 34, 18. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted. and saves those crushed in spirit. So there's something about this life that grief almost lays the groundwork for our receptivity. to the Holy Spirit and the Lord's work. It's a humbling thing. And I'm very anticipatory about this discussion today and how it's going to help many, many listeners. Speaker 4 (2:10) Yeah, we have a couple of really great guests to help us do this. Your sister-in-law, Jane Daly, is back here with us. She's the author of 16 books. And one we're going to hear more about today is called Whole in My Family Portrait. We've also invited our colleague Jeremy Keaton into the studio. And Jeremy is a marriage and family therapist and heads up our counseling team here at Focus on the Family. Now, both of these guests have great, powerful personal stories about grief. And if that's something you're going through right now, please reach out to us. We have a team of caring Christian counselors here. And it'd be an honor to talk with you, listen to where you're at, pray with you. And they're a phone call away. Our number is 800, the letter A in the word family. Speaker 3 (2:56) Jane, welcome back. It's always good to have my sister-in-law here. 16 books? 16. Wow, you've written more books than I have. Oh, Speaker 2 (3:04) come on. Speaker 3 (3:05) I am going to bow to you, oh author. Finally. You've been waiting for that day. Let's call my brother. We'll all celebrate. Speaker 1 (3:14) Jeremy, good to have you in here too. Jim, it's good to be here. I've loved growing up at Focus on the Family in my career. 25 years here. It's just special to be a Speaker 3 (3:23) part of. Speaker 1 (3:23) 25 years. Speaker 3 (3:24) Special to be a Speaker 1 (3:24) part of. of what we do here. Speaker 3 (3:27) Darrell Speaker 1 (3:27) Bock Yeah. Speaker 3 (3:27) It's really – it's all part of the healing process. That's what's so good about that when you talk to Speaker 2 (3:32) folks. Speaker 3 (3:32) Jane Speaker 2 (3:32) McAlevey Well, the Speaker 3 (3:32) loss is Speaker 2 (3:32) universal. Everyone is going to experience loss at some point in their life. Speaker 3 (3:37) Darrell Speaker 2 (3:37) Bock That is true. Speaker 3 (3:37) Yeah. We often say that here as well. Jane, let's get into it. So – Let's start with your story, which involves your son, my nephew, Bobby, who I often said, Bobby, that's the one family member I would definitely hire. That guy was, he was good. He was a hard worker, just a really great guy. But you describe him. Speaker 2 (3:58) All of that. And he was also really difficult to raise. And I often said that if he would have been born first, he would have been an only child because he was so strong-willed. But I think that that strong-willed personality was what drove him to be successful as an adult in his chosen field, which was to do home theater and wire and stuff. Security. Speaker 3 (4:23) He did our home. Speaker 2 (4:23) He did. And he had a great personality. He was funny. The thing that warmed my heart as a mom is that he seemed to befriend those who were maybe a little awkward, maybe not in the same social circle as he was because he was so popular. He really was. And I remember that about him. That's the thing that stands out is that he wanted to make those people part of his group to make them feel special. That was so good. Speaker 3 (4:55) Somewhere around 17. And what happened? He encountered some peculiar things. He Speaker 2 (5:00) did. He was complaining about some pain in his back. He was a football player. So pain in the back was normal. You're going to experience a lot of pain when you're getting hit. But he also said, hey, mom, I've got these swollen glands in my neck. And I said, well, you know, don't worry about it. You probably have a cold. just tell the doctor when you go in for your physical. So he went in for the physical and the doctor was alarmed. Mike took him, which was good, but they did some biopsies and it came back as being stage four Hodgkin's, Speaker 1 (5:35) which Speaker 2 (5:36) was kind of just pulled the rug out from under us. Why would our son at 17 be diagnosed with cancer? Speaker 3 (5:44) Right. In that... just that portion of it. We're going to get into more of his story, but how did that communicate to you faith-wise? I mean, did you have the fist to God saying, God, how could you do this to me? Speaker 2 (5:59) It wasn't so much of anger. It was more confusion because we had been going to a church at that time that was very much you lay hands on somebody and they are healed, and if they're not healed, you obviously missed. something in your faith journey. You didn't pray hard enough. You didn't cover your son with prayer. You missed something. So there was a lot of... My faith was questioned. I questioned my faith in that, how could this have happened when I was so diligent to read the Bible, tithe, pray? How could this have happened to our family? Speaker 3 (6:35) And I mean,