Has There Ever Been A Better Advert For Anusol? | The Battle of Waterloo (9/10)

Fin vs History

This episode covers the climode of the Napoleonic Wars, focusing on the strategic maneuvers leading up to and during the Battle of Waterloo.

Key takeaways

• Napoleon Bonaparte returned from exile in Elba to reclaim power in 1815.
• The Duke of Wellington utilized 'reverse slope' tactics to shield his infantry from French artillery.

Main topics

• Battle of Waterloo
• Napoleon's Hundred Days

Notable quotes

The Battle of Battles.

Conclusion

A highly irreverent but historically dense exploration of the battle t

Transcript preview

Speaker 1 (0:10) Welcome back to Finn vs. History. Horatio Gould's here. Hello. And it's the Battle of Waterloo. The greatest battle of all time. The Battle of Battles. The Battle of Battles. Yeah. The Club World Cup. Sure. Of Battles. Yeah. This does not get any better than this. Cole Palmer's involved. Cole Palmer was at Waterloo, famously. Speaker 2 (0:30) That's why he speaks like that. Yes. Because the injuries sustained. The injuries Speaker 1 (0:34) sustained to his brain when he fell off a horse is why Cole Palmer speaks like that. This, dads, if you've been with us the whole way, I don't know how you're going to cope going into normal life after the series ends. Speaker 2 (0:47) This is almost granddad stuff. This is the dad of dads. This is the dad of the dad dads. Speaker 1 (0:52) This is your dad's dad. This is your granddad. How are you going to re-enter normal life after you've been in Speaker 2 (1:00) the Speaker 1 (1:00) Napoleonic Wars for a month, 10 episodes, and now you know that when you get that sad train into Waterloo Station, you know why it's called that now. Because of this battle. We needed a name for a station for the saddest franchise of British trains, Southwest Rail. Yes. It is the most depressing franchise. Everyone on those trains looks like they want to kill themselves. Where are Speaker 2 (1:26) you going on Southwest Rail? Speaker 1 (1:27) We should replace wherever, Chertsey with Belsen and just give them a break. They all want to die on those trains. Speaker 2 (1:37) Restart the camps for the type of Australian franchise. Speaker 1 (1:40) For commuters. Yeah. Speaker 2 (1:42) Right. Yeah. I think it is. That's a compassionate Holocaust. Yes. Right. Holocaust is the wrong Speaker 1 (1:47) word for it. Speaker 2 (1:47) Yeah. Yeah. Jolly cost. Speaker 1 (1:49) Jolly cost. The Jolly Corst. Horatio Gould, Circus 2026. The Jolly Corst. His words. The Jolly Corst. And in many ways, Waterloo is a Jolly Corst. Yes, it is. Because it's a bloodthirsty battle. But it's glorious. But Speaker 2 (2:07) fuck Speaker 1 (2:07) me, it's good reading. Speaker 2 (2:09) Yeah. My God. Has a battle ever been more glorious than this? Speaker 1 (2:12) No, I really don't think it has. Yeah. And it's after this. that, you know, this is where we start. All Britain and London's sense of itself comes from Waterloo, basically. The architecture, the victory monuments. Speaker 2 (2:26) Yeah, the victory monuments, for sure. Speaker 1 (2:29) So now, we left off... Sorry, World Speaker 2 (2:31) War II, part of the reason why we love World War II is because it has such a satisfying narrative, right? And Napoleon at war, which I wouldn't posit as being more interesting than World War II. I would never say that. but it is underrated and it has a very satisfying narrative. And this is, as the culmination of all these years, it is sort of the perfect ending. Speaker 1 (2:49) Yes. World War II's ending is slightly too frantic. Whereas this is a, I mean, it's like, Speaker 2 (2:56) ah, oh no. It's more like, and then he woke up sort of, you know, when you're writing a story, something you're taught. Early on is don't end. It was all a dream. It's too easy. And it's kind of like that when you're like night night. Speaker 1 (3:15) In our last episode, Napoleon was defeated at the Battle of Leipzig. He then fought a fantastic rearguard action. Yes. Because he's French and they're the gay side. And then he was sent into exile in Elba. He was cucked while he was there because he's cucked wherever he goes. And he is now. Escaped exile. You Speaker 2 (3:36) can Speaker 1 (3:36) take the Speaker 2 (3:36) cuck out of France, but you can't take the cuckoldry out of the Frenchman. Speaker 1 (3:39) Thank you. You've nailed it. Say it again. Speaker 2 (3:42) You can take the cuck out of France, but you can't take the cuckoldry out of the Frenchman. Speaker 1 (3:45) And also the jolly-caused. Two huge ghoulisms early on in the episode. Speaker 1 (3:53) So, Napoleon is on the march through the south of France. My Speaker 2 (3:58) mother's born in Cuckfield, by the way. Speaker 1 (4:00) Yes, Cuckfield. There's a great antiques fair near Cuckfield called Ardingly, but we're getting sidetracked. We're very much getting sidetracked. Look, men have had eight wanks in a day. It's Red Raw. And they're now like, no, please stop. What do you mean a ninth? Well, we're giving it to you fellas. The moisturizer has run out. Yeah. And they look. Speaker 1 (4:22) We're going Speaker 2 (4:22) to have to do it dry. There's no more spit left. I'm going to have to beef Wellington Speaker 1 (4:28) myself. I'm going to have to shit on my own cock and then... Speaker 2 (4:35) A lot of us are such filth. It's all been filth. We've gone straight back in. Speaker 1 (4:39) Right. Napoleon is coming back from exile. 20th of March, 1815, one year after the Allied armies have marched into Paris, Napoleon rides back without a single shot being fired. How does he do this? What? We already covered that. We covered that. Hey? Horses. Horses, onions, you know the drill. He's fast because he just is. That's the key thing about Napoleon. Because he is. He's fast because he is. Onions, horses. The three tenants of Napoleon's victories. Now, Louis XVIII, the fattest king France had had. Fat pig. Fat pig, that was his words. He declared two days before Napoleon comes into Paris, I would rather die defending my throne than flee like a coward. 48 hours later, he's on the boat. He's back. He says that to Speaker 2 (5:28) huge cheers. Yeah. He's sat on a throne where his feet don't even touch the ground. Speaker 1 (5:33) And Speaker 2 (5:33) yeah, 48 hours. How dare you suggest Speaker 1 (5:36) I run away? Yeah. Fucking two days later. He's been rolled away. Rolled away. Now, very quickly, Napoleon knows that he's come back and they're not going to like this. Yeah. Right. So he immediately forms an even more ragtag army. What? Speaker 3 (5:53) No, it just sounds like... I was reacting to what you said. You Speaker 1 (5:56) can't do that when you're the producer because it sounds like none of the cameras are on. That was such a visceral oh no. That was I've lost my job oh no. Also, when have you ever reacted to the story? Episode 9, you've never reacted. Speaker 2 (6:09) You Speaker 3 (6:09) only Speaker 2 (6:10) just found out Napoleon was French. Yeah, and you thought he died because loads of rabbits attacked him. Remember? Is that how he died? Yeah. Speaker 1 (6:19) Fucking hell. Speaker 3 (6:21) How did he get away with that, Speaker 2 (6:22) though? What? Speaker 3 (6:23) How did he get away with the rabbits? Speaker 2 (6:25) I imagine it was not a lethal amount of rabbit attack. Speaker 1 (6:27) I think he just gunned them all down. Just massacred them. Speaker 3 (6:29) They've all got myxomatosis now. Speaker 3 (6:32) Do you know that? Speaker 1 (6:32) What? Speaker 3 (6:33) Myxomatosis. It's like a unique disease. I know. What's Speaker 1 (6:37) your Speaker 3 (6:37) point? They've all got it now apparently. Rabbits. Yeah, we artificially introduced it into the wild to cull populations but it's got out of hand. Speaker 2 (6:44) Listen. So while Napoleon sweeps into power maneuvering like no one else in history, I think we are kind of the opposite of that. Yeah. Where every single hurdle we fall over. Speaker 1 (6:52) This is World War I. This podcast is World War I. We're trying to advance and then we just push back back to the trench. Anything Speaker 2 (6:59) that can Speaker 1 (6:59) go Speaker 2 (6:59) wrong will go wrong. Speaker 1 (7:00) Yeah. So this is their ninth wank of the day. They're having to do it dry. We cannot start talking about myxomatosis. Come on. Come on. Come on. So Napoleon reclaims Paris. Immediately, a 12-nation coalition, the seventh coalition, Nick Clegg's coalition, declares war on Napoleon, not France, on Napoleon. Yes. Okay. You fucked it. You've had seven chances. No more. Speaker 2 (7:29) To be fair, they've given him a lot of chances. Fool Speaker 1 (7:31) me once. Fool me twice. Fool me seven times. What the fuck are you doing? Why are you still here? We gave you a model village off the coast of Italy. Meanwhile, the British man who'd been mean to guard him, I mean, he must be thinking, oh, fuck. Speaker 2 (7:45) I mean, that's sort of the definition of you had one job. Yeah, it is. And he was Speaker 1 (7:49) too busy beef wellington-ing his Italian girlfriend. So, France is rearming, but... We all know the strategy by now, okay? The strategy is we need to strike at the Allies before they can amass and unify. That's the classic. At the Congress of Vienna, 1815, they declare Napoleon an enemy and a disturber of the peace of the world. Speaker 2 (8:13) Yeah, if you're attacking a polycule, you've got to sow seeds of discontent. Yes. You've got to attack them individually. You cannot deal with them as a group. Speaker 1 (8:20) She's your least favourite. Start sowing discord amongst the polycule. That's the problem. with a polycule, is that it's too many troops to defend. Right. You know, you're oversized. Yes. You're going to get outflanked. Yes. You know, your rear. The Speaker 2 (8:35) couple Speaker 1 (8:35) is Speaker 2 (8:35) nimble. Speaker 1 (8:35) Your couple can defend its own rear, as we said, back to back in bed. Speaker 2 (8:38) A miserable married couple could defend its rear. No Speaker 1 (8:42) one's getting bummed. No one's getting bummed. You know? This episode of Finverse History is brought to you by Surshark. Woohoo! Guys, look, you've heard it from us before. Yeah. No homo. Speaker 2 (8:54) No homo. I love Surfshark. Yeah, that's fair enough. He said it. He said no homo. No homo. I'm gay. No Speaker 1 (9:00) homo. I want to go down on Surfshark. Because public Wi-Fi is dangerous. They're like the public toilet to the digital world. Ooh. It's what took down George Michael. It's what took down... OJ. OJ. I don't know. I don't know. Surfshark protects your data while you're using public Wi-Fi. It also offers antiviral software. So if you catch AIDS, digital AIDS, take Surfshark. It's like prep. Surfshark is like prep for the digital world. If you're going out body surfing, you Speaker 2 (9:32) need a trolley dash Speaker 1 (9:33) through Brighton or wherever. You need Surfshark to act as prep for your online proclivities. Your dutty hole. Dutty hole is another way of saying it. Speaker 2 (9:45) Thank you. Speaker 1 (9:45) Please secure your digital life. I am sick of people coming up to me complaining that they always Speaker 2 (9:50) call up to you. Speaker 1 (9:51) I, my digital life's insecure. Yeah. Well, grow up and get Surfshark. Be Speaker 2 (9:56) confident. Speaker 1 (9:57) Come on. Stop being insecure. Speaker 2 (9:58) Stop Speaker 1 (9:58) being such a wet little drip and get Surfshark. It's the digital condom for men. Real men. Yeah. There's nothing manlier Speaker 2 (10:06) than a male. Surfshark. VPN Speaker 1 (10:08) is like creatine. It's like a truck. monster trucks it's like doing weights in a prison yard it's surf sharks cool Speaker 2 (10:18) There I said it. I said Speaker 1 (10:20) it. VPNs are cool. Speaker 2 (10:22) Yeah. All the kids hanging out at the skate park. What are they talking about? They're Speaker 1 (10:26) talking about VPNs. I got a special belt for my VPN. I carry it around. I go, hey kids, look Speaker 2 (10:33) at this. And they can't believe it. They're like, whoa. Fuck, that's cool. Whoa, can I shake your hand? Achingly cool from Finn Taylor. Speaker 1 (10:39) I've got a t-shirt with my VPN on it. That's how cool it is. Yeah. And I wear it. There is a risk-free 30-day money-back guarantee if you use the code FVH. Sing it with me. Foxtrot Vagina Hotel. We run the Foxtrot Vagina Hotel and you get four extra months of Surfshark. Don't let these online threats catch you off guard. Speaker 4 (11:02) It's time for race rankings. We've ranked Pakistanis high recently, but let me tell you about Kerolean Indians. Oh, they're performing well at the moment. Listen, they are hot. sexy Indians. They are some hot property. And they are top of my list of my favourite races of people right now. Speaker 2 (11:17) Wow. I mean, this is big news. I mean, you're finding out here that this is the Screen Rock Speaker 4 (11:22) podcast. Speaker 2 (11:22) This Speaker 4 (11:22) is a Speaker 2 (11:23) regular feature we do. We Speaker 4 (11:24) do a bit of race rankings. It's kind of like woke racism whilst talking about Speaker 2 (11:27) social media, really. That's our vibe. Speaker 4 (11:29) Exactly. We pretend that we want to talk about social media. Really, we want to talk about whether we prefer people from Pakistan or Brazil. And right now, Pakistan are winning, baby. Speaker 1 (11:37) So listen to the Screen Rock podcast if that's the kind of thing. We'll see you there. But a polycule is vulnerable to being outflanked. Now, just one of the many reasons I'm not in the polycule. Speaker 1 (11:48) Is it someone's bum? Yeah. Is it steak? Yeah. The Congress of Vienna, the Allies agreed, this time, you know, the eighth time lucky, we're going to get him. Okay. Now, this is Britain, Austria, Russia, and Prussia, and a bunch of other Italian and German fucking states. England, England. England and England, of course. Austria Speaker 2 (12:09) and Austria. Speaker 1 (12:11) Now, because the monarchs were quite bored during this Congress of Vienna, The Austrians hosted hunts in imperial parks. They slaughtered over 10,000 animals. Speaker 2 (12:21) It did shock me hearing this. I don't quite understand. So yeah, they funneled animals to be in front of... Like a cricket pavilion where Speaker 1 (12:27) they were just sat outside drinking. Shooting it. Speaker 2 (12:29) Yeah. 10,000 does seem a Speaker 1 (12:31) lot. Yeah. Speaker 3 (12:32) Have you ever killed an animal? Speaker 1 (12:33) Like Speaker 3 (12:34) a Speaker 1 (12:34) mammal, a proper mammal? Yeah, I moved a deer off a road and as I moved it, its neck broke and I sort of felt it die. Speaker 1 (12:43) What did you want from that question, Charlie? Speaker 3 (12:46) What did you want from that question? I don't know. I didn't think you had that in you. My friend Nelson drowned a pig. Speaker 1 (12:56) What? Go on. I'll bite. How? It's just six words