The One With Valerie Tosi's DNA Plot Twist

Everybody Knows But Me

Comedian and actress Valerie Tosi joins Season 2 of 'Everybody Knows But Me' as the first guest, sharing her deeply personal journey through

Key takeaways

• Family trauma is often more common than individuals realize, and sharing stories can foster connection and healing.

Main topics

• Growing up with parental addiction
• Self-parenting and emotional maturity at a young age

Notable quotes

"I found him on Facebook. I sent her the link to it. And I was like, all right, like, let's figure out, you know, this is him."

Conclusion

Valerie Tosi's story underscores how family secrets—however shocking—a

Transcript preview

Speaker 2 (0:00) Next Chapter Podcasts Speaker 3 (0:04) Somebody in our family decided to do Ancestry.com or as I like to call it, Ancestry.com. We know what you did. My mom's like second cousin or something like that had done it. They found out that basically it had all roads led to my mom having a brother that she didn't know about for over 50 years. What? So I found him on Facebook. I sent her the link to it. And I was like, all right, like, let's figure out, you know, this is him. Like, let's figure out. what we want to do. She didn't listen to me. And that night she drunk messaged. Stop. I swear to God. Speaker 4 (0:38) We are back, baby, for season two. And after one colossally epic, heartbreaking, shocking, hilarious first season, I've got just one thing to say to each and every one of you. Speaker 1 (0:52) How you doing? Speaker 4 (0:56) Joey, you slut. I'm trying to have a heartfelt moment here. No, really, though. How are you all doing? Well, I hope you're ready. Because this season we're serving up even more family drama to take home to your mama. Or if you're like me, to take home to your dead mama's dog. Where my fellow orphans at? Speaker 4 (1:21) We've got incredible guests revealing shocking family secrets, total generational chaos, and the bizarre ways they somehow survived all of it. Because what I've learned is that as soon as you start sharing your own trauma, people with similar experiences will flock to you, like the bees swarming that giant pile of sugar Homer Simpson was keeping in his backyard for some reason. Speaker 1 (1:46) I want it all, the terrifying load. The dizzying highs. The creamy middles. Speaker 4 (1:51) When I finally started investigating my own family's ridiculous secret for season one, I was terrified to talk about it. I was worried people would think I was too weird. Too broken. Too much. Somehow, my dad's deathbed confession that he had a whole secret family gave me shame. But then, I opened that door. And... All of you walked through it with me. It turns out there are so many more weirdos out there. People finding secret siblings. Thank you, 23andMe. People uncovering decade-old family lies. People with stories that sounded too unbelievable to tell because surely this only happens to my family. Nope! Everybody has a made-for-TV season of life that feels stranger than fiction. And that's my favorite kind of story. It's what got season one praised by The Guardian, included on Apple's best-of list, and listened to hundreds of thousands of times. And what made me the most qualified family secret detective. I've been training for this podcast my whole goddamn life. Speaker 5 (3:08) I'm a natural-born killer. Speaker 4 (3:10) Season one was my fucked up family sitcom. Season two was all of yours. Every week, we're bringing on special guests like sitcom writers, Emmy-nominated comedians, and more with stories so wild they'll either make you look at your own family and think, you know what? You guys aren't all that bad. Or remind you that you were never the only one living through what felt like sitcom levels of insanity. And from time to time, We'll also be digging into our inbox to share and discuss some of the truly unhinged stories you guys have so graciously sent in to us so far. That's everybodyknowspod at gmail.com, by the way, if you've got some ludicrous family lore that might help other people heal by hearing it. Speaker 4 (3:59) If you're new here, welcome. You can totally dive right in here, or you can have your finger perfectly on the pulse of family trauma and go back and listen to season one. That's where I unravel the story of my dad's secret family and all the twists, turns, millennial pop culture references, and emotional damage that came with it. Speaker 4 (4:24) But today's guest is the perfect person to kick off the 90s-inspired talk show that is this new season. All my little everybuddies have actually already met her. She's been a huge part of being able to tell my own story. And she doesn't have one, not two, but three shocking secret family stories of her own. Our first guest is none other than a voice you know and love, my sitcom mom, comedian and actress Valerie Tossey. Speaker 4 (4:58) You might know Valerie from her stand-up on Conan, from Stand Against Evil, or from producing the popular all-female mermaid comedy hour at the Hollywood Improv. She also hosts the new podcast, Millennial Mood Board, where she and her co-hosts hilariously dissect all the wonderfully ridiculous things that made us millennials who we are. Seriously, if you remember MTV's Spring Break or the lyrics to the All That theme song, you will fit right in. Speaker 2 (5:27) Home of the good burger. Home of the good burger. Can I take your order? Speaker 4 (5:34) Valerie shares what it was like growing up with parents struggling with addiction, how quickly she had to become the adult in the room, and one of the most unbelievable secret family reunions I have ever heard. Oh, and by the way, don't forget, you can actually support the show now starting at just $5 a month by going to patreon.com slash everybody knows but me. All right, so let's get into it. From Next Chapter Podcasts and Companion. Here's the one with Valerie Tossie's DNA plot twist. Speaker 5 (6:08) Oh my gosh, Valerie, I'm nervous. Why? I don't know. So many reasons. You're the first official interview. I'm honored. This season two that we're doing, diving into other people's stories. Also, I just respect and admire you so much. Oh my gosh, get out of here. Back at you. I'm just so happy to have you as our first guest. But before we jump into everything that is you and your crazy stories that... I remember you afterwards, after I was filming something one day, you were like, Holly, we got to talk. Because I kept finding out stuff about Speaker 3 (6:43) you. And I was like, wow. It's because, you know, when you when you live through so much crazy stuff, you think your experience is so singular. And then the more people that you actually like tell. that stuff too you're like oh it's not I'm not so isolated yeah it's a weird feeling to Speaker 5 (6:58) be Speaker 3 (6:58) like I'm not unique Speaker 5 (6:59) yeah also want that yes Speaker 3 (7:02) yeah your part of you is like oh I'm not special the other party's like oh thank god more people in my club well Speaker 5 (7:07) before we jump into all that I want to introduce you to everybody uh you are a stand-up comedian you're an amazing stand-up comic that I have been friends with for so long now you are an actress and you're also a um podcast host. Yes. Of a new show that listeners of this show will absolutely devour called Millennial Mood Board. And so I wanted to talk about that for a second before we dive right into everything because that show is just like the sister to Speaker 3 (7:35) this show. It's so funny that they came out like around the same time and in like. similar worlds, but not like very parallel, I think. Yeah, totally. Speaker 5 (7:45) Because I feel like what ours is doing is diving into like a very specific story, but yours is offering like a lens into an entire generation. Yeah. Speaker 3 (7:52) You Speaker 5 (7:52) know, and so can you just quickly to talk about what Millennial Mood Boards is out? Because it's just so intrinsically tied to this show. I just want everyone to listen. Speaker 3 (8:01) It's we've had a blast doing it. So I'm one of three hosts. It's myself, Paula Viganolin and Jasmine Ellis, two other. very funny standup comedians. And the three of us were all millennials, but we're all, we all had very different experiences growing up because, um, as they will, uh, roast me for almost every episode, I'm the oldest. And so I think we're like four years apart. So, um, and I'm obviously you can see me YouTube. Uh, I'm Speaker 5 (8:25) a Speaker 3 (8:25) white woman. And so, and it's cool because they're both, um, women of color. And so they have very different experiences than I do. Speaker 4 (8:32) So Speaker 3 (8:32) it's funny, like where we line up and where we don't like our, um, our podcast, we kind of dive into different things that happen throughout, uh, that makes us millennials basically. And so it's been so fun because like it will, sometimes we'll take a really big topic and then sometimes we'll take a really small one. So there's kind of no limit to what we can cover, which is really fun. And yeah, I'm so excited for everybody to check it out because we really do have a great time. We pop Speaker 5 (9:00) in, you know, we do a lot of sitcom references on this show, Speaker 3 (9:02) but Speaker 5 (9:02) we also do pop culture references in general. And so When you want more deep dives on those pop culture references that we do on this show and more, listen to Millennial Mood Board right now. It's a fantastic show. And support Valerie. Because my guest Valerie here, listeners, you know her already. You're intimately familiar with Valerie. If you caught the last episode of season one, then you might have seen her at the top of our video intro. But Valerie plays my mom in the show of my sitcom life. Surprise! Surprise! Speaker 3 (9:35) Surprise someone way too young in Hollywood is playing my mom. Fun fact, I have been playing a mom since my early 20s. Oh, really? Wait, what? I had a joke for a while that I was like, the industry wants to see me with a kid as much as my mom does. It's been out of control. I booked a thing for Golden Plump Chicken and was on Speaker 5 (9:52) a bunch of billboards when I was like 24 years old as a mom Speaker 3 (9:55) for the mom squad. And everyone's like, wait, what? Speaker 5 (9:59) And I'm like, I don't know. Speaker 3 (10:00) That was like 20 years ago. Out of control. Yeah. I Speaker 5 (10:03) mean, I will say, I think interesting that you're doing it if you're doing it for 20 years. And this says something about the fact that like you look the same, baby. Oh, my God. Thank you. Well, you know, you are the voice of my mom. And I obviously you had a hard job. I would say you had by far the hardest job of anybody in the cast because you were playing a character that we wanted to make funny. That was also dealing with. horrific things, you know, like you would have my bread and Speaker 3 (10:28) butter. Speaker 5 (10:30) But I wanted to ask what it was like to play that kind of character. I Speaker 3 (10:35) mean, I you nailed it. It was it was fun. And I think, too, because I come from a family riddled with addiction. So it was said Speaker 5 (10:45) as a child coming from a family with a little sing songy tune behind it. I come from a family of trauma. Speaker 3 (10:53) Very trauma. Trauma, trauma, trauma. Trauma Speaker 4 (10:55) cupcakes. Speaker 3 (10:56) Yeah. So I think it wasn't hard for me to kind of pop into that headspace because I also talk about that type of stuff on stage too. So I'm not unfamiliar with it. Yeah. Yeah. And I think too, because just being in the comedy world, like you can read a script and you know where the beats are. And I've always, one thing I've kind of tried to explain my family to people when they're like, well, what are they like? I'm like, it's kind of like. The Simpsons on crack meets shameless is kind of like my family dynamic a little bit where. So, yeah, so I think I can see how it would be hard for somebody that didn't have that experience to pull from to do it. But for me, I was like, oh, yeah, I know. I know where this is. Like, I know that it's that it's funny, but I absolutely Speaker 5 (11:40) know where the humor is. And you did it so well. Like you did. You made me laugh so much harder than I expected. Well, I love writing scenes about my mom's deadly addiction. I'm like, what the hell? It was. So thank you. Thank you so much for being a part of that. And it's just such an honor to have you as our first guest because you're part of the family of the fabric of the show and part of the family of the show. Speaker 3 (12:03) So Speaker 5 (12:03) that leads me to our first official question. Speaker 3 (12:06) Yes. Speaker 5 (12:07) You know, this show obviously inspired heavily by sitcoms. Yes. If you could live in a sitcom world, what sitcom would you live in and why? Speaker 3 (12:16) Okay. So one of my favorites growing up would, was I love Lucy hands down. However, um, the fifties were not kind to women. So we're going to bypass. I love Lucy. Speaker 5 (12:26) Um, Speaker 3 (12:27) and honestly, my like favorite show that was of, of its time and in that it aired when we were kids, like, and there were new episodes, um, the nanny, the Speaker 5 (12:38) nanny, I've never seen the nanny. Speaker 3 (12:39) Wait, what? Speaker 4 (12:40) I know. Maybe I should not Speaker 5 (12:42) be Speaker 3 (12:43) admitting this information at all. Speaker 5 (12:45) That was my Speaker 4 (12:45) blind spot for some reason. Speaker 5 (12:47) Obsessed. Interestingly enough, my mom, my mom later went on to, to date the composer of the nanny's theme song. Who like, boy, oh boy, was he royalties galore. Wow. But he, I don't know. I think I've never seen the show. He's supposedly in the show, the piano player that's in the show. Anyway. Oh, does he Speaker 3 (13:07) play like the accompanist? Yes. Okay. So that is my mom's ex-boyfriend. Wow. That she Speaker 5 (13:12) dated Speaker 4 (13:12) later in life. That's wild. Later in life Speaker 5 (13:14) after my dad passed. So have a connection to The Nanny. I've been meaning to watch it. But why is that the show that you'd want to live in? For one, they're rich, baby. Oh, hell yeah. You can live in a Speaker 3 (13:23) sweet, smart move. Yeah, yeah. I love how that's your Speaker 5 (13:25) criteria first. You're like going through. That's Speaker 3 (13:27) what Speaker 5 (13:27) happens when you grow up poor. Speaker 3 (13:29) I'm Speaker 5 (13:29) reevaluating the sitcoms that I decided I want to live in. I'm like, why didn't I choose rich people sitcoms? I'm telling you. Yeah. Speaker 3 (13:35) Yeah. And so it's like a fish out of water scenario. She's so funny. I think I identify with it too, because she's not Boston, but she's New York. I mean, you've heard Fran Drescher speak. You know, she has a very thick Queens accent. And, right? Yes. Flashing Queens. There it is in the theme song. And it's, because it's also like, it's, they are rich, but they're not rich people you hate. They're very cognizant of the fact that they're rich. And you can laugh at some of Speaker 4 (14:04) the Speaker 3 (14:04) things where you're like, okay, you're being ridiculous. But they're also, they're so funny. There's a lot of love in the show. Family members that remind me of my own. It is. even now like I go back and watch it and it's still one of the funniest sitcoms and then one uh cc babcock is one of the characters um sorry is that the name of a character that's Speaker 5 (14:25) the Speaker 3 (14:25) name yes cc babcock Speaker 5 (14:27) oh Speaker 3 (14:28) my god does she do Speaker 5 (14:29) they enter every scene and take glasses off wait do Speaker 3 (14:32) you watch it because she's very uh Speaker 5 (14:34) she's very up Speaker 3 (14:35) she Speaker 5 (14:36) sounds like someone would have killed somebody in clue cc babcock oh I can Speaker 3 (14:39) see oh with Speaker 5 (14:40) a pipe Speaker 3 (14:40) the pipe in the library in Speaker 5 (14:43) Mr. Sheffield. Oh my God. I know. That's the extent of my knowledge. I was going to say, oh, at least you know a character name. I know Mr. Sheffield. Mr. Sheffield. Speaker 3 (14:52) Which also, by the way, was so funny when Fran Drescher was president of SAG because I would all of a sudden have a voicemail that's like, hi, it's me, Fran Drescher. And I'm like, oh man, childhood me is losing my mind right now. Speaker 5 (15:03) Wow. Oh my God. Okay. Well, you know, we talk a lot about family already. Speaker 4 (15:10) You Speaker 5 (15:10) talked about like, oh, you see your family in the nanny. And I feel like, you know, after one of the, I mentioned at the top, after one of the tapings we did for an intro, you pulled me aside and you were like, Holly, Annabelle Brown. Speaker 5 (15:25) we need to talk, which I found fascinating because, you know, obviously you knew in the scripts that my mom was a drug addict, but it's like when you, when you were listening to the show, that's when it felt like something was activated in you that you were like, let Speaker 3 (15:37) me also compare notes with Holly. Yeah. And as I've been listening to it, like as each episode has been rolling out, because obviously as somebody that's in, in the cast, but only in the sitcom portion of it, all of the other stuff was all new to me as I was. So I was finding it as, your audience was finding it. Speaker 4 (15:55) And Speaker 3 (15:56) so listening to it all, I mean, there are times where I love a good, I love a good walk and I'll take a walk and I'll listen to the pod. And also you should know that your podcast is the only podcast I don't speed up, but listening to it. I mean, there's a few times that I would just like, I would well up and I would start crying because I, there was experiences that I identified with so much things that were brought up that I had forgot about or like things that made you feel less alone. And yeah, so we have, we definitely have. Some kinship and a lot of that stuff. Isn't that funny when you find that out about someone that Speaker 5 (16:27) you've... always liked and you've always just like had a rapport with that felt easier and natural and then you're like oh that's why oh yeah yeah Speaker 3 (16:34) oh we're not just cool oh we're Speaker 5 (16:38)