What an Ego Death Really Feels Like... | Anna Lindfors | DSH #2037

Digital Social Hour

In this episode of Digital Social Hour, Anna Lindfors explores the profound and often painful experience of ego death, linking it to modern societal issues like digital disconnection, porn addiction, and the erosion of authentic intimacy. She shares personal insights from her own transformative journeys, including trauma, biohacking, and psychedelic use, while critiquing how technology and escapis

Key takeaways

• Ego death is not a mystical experience but a painful dissolution of the old self, requiring surrender rather than control.
• Porn and dating apps distort intimacy, promoting performance over connection and contributing to loneliness and attachment issues.
• AI and technology use, especially among teens, may hinder the development of real emotional and social skills.

Transcript preview

One in three men under 25 didn't have sex in the last year. Imagine if we had sex in schools where we teach teenagers how to have difficult conversations, how to talk about your emotions, how to understand what's happening in your body when there's like hormones going all over the place and you just want to fuck everything that moves and it's like, wait a minute, how do I navigate this? What do I do and like how to do that respectfully? 70% of teenagers had some kind of intimate relationship with AI? getting worse. All right guys got Anna here today also known as the Viking Fairy she's got some Viking blood in her let's go that's awesome man thanks for happening I'm super excited absolutely she's speaking at this event she's a psychologist and a sexologist so thanks for coming on would be the disconnect between men and women which you've been looking into right yeah very much I mean if you if you look at what's happening in society right now we have massive loneliness massive loneliness massive loneliness epidemic you look at dating it's like 80% of people on dating apps are tired of dating we have one in four men actually I think they did new studied one in three men under 25 didn't have sex the last year with a partner. So that's an insel. You know, you could look at it like that, but it's just a data that they just didn't have sex with a partner. Yeah. And then it's like, and then one in four men think that they're unlovable. Women are tired of dating, women are disappointed in men. So it's just like, it's sad to see what's happening and everybody's lonely and all we want is connection really. Yeah. One in four men think they're unlovable. Yeah. Yeah. Holy crap. What do you think is going on with that? I think this is a lot of what if you look at it broader what's happening in society it's men are being told that men are bad being masculine is bad and then all the information that you receive is this manner's fear kind of insult movement of like you're unworthy you need to invest into my crypto to be a cool bro and like go to the gym It's like no wonder. No wonder men learn that you need to earn your worth you need to perform but nobody how to do that and then you're you're giving porn these cheap dopamine like ways to escape you're indoors all the time you're in front of a screen it's like no wonder yeah it's not it's more a miracle that you know three out of four men think they're loveable wow yeah a lot of men if you look at the you know lifestyle yeah a lot of men are addicted to porn or watching it pretty frequently these days no it's insane it's like they're the most they're the websites they receive the most traffic more than than all social media is combined, it's porn sites. Do you think they should be limited to a certain age? 100%. They should be limited. I think we should look at porn society, sociately of the way it's impacting us, because what it's doing, it's desensitizing men and it's demotivating men from actually going outside, developing themselves and dating women. Because you feel lonely, you want to lower your cortisol, you're stressed out. it's so much easier to just like search some porn, you know, jerk off and that's that you done. And you still feel empty afterwards. So we definitely should limit porn to, you know, 18 plus minimum. Because right now we have we have situations where there are teenagers having threesomes without no skills to do that because they learned that from porn. There was a choking epidemic happening in some schools in Finland, which is insane. Yeah, and teens don't have the skills. If you watch porn, it twists your image of what sex is and what sex can be like. So men get desensitized and you think that for you to be a good lover, women are going to moan in a specific way and like sex is this, you know, this like heavy strong pounding. And then when women don't function like that, you feel disappointed, feel let down. And then on the other side, women feel like we need to perform. as porn starts and we need to moan and it's like high-pitched and like do all these crazy stuff to be the cool girl to be desirable. It just honestly it's it's a mess and we should limit it and we should we should encourage people to move away from porn into actually dating people into actual connection and like deal with the uncomfortableness of getting to know somebody new. Yeah I was just gonna ask you where do you. people should learn sex how to have sex if it's not porn for me I was just kidding I'm just kidding I think they're incredible sex educators out there I think more than that we should change sex education in schools it's so bad we like I remember my class what did they teach you they brought the banana out I know a condom yeah and then like all these pictures of S. T. They showed S. T. T. They also showed a birth process for some reason. like you're just scared teenagers but it's like imagine if we had sex in schools where we teach teenagers how to have difficult conversations how to talk about your emotions how to understand what's happening in your body when there's like hormones going all over the place and you know you just want to fuck everything that moves and it's like wait a minute how do I how do I navigate this what do I do and like how to do that respectfully but I think also that we should okay and this is a bit of a deep topic but I feel like we we would benefit so much if we added more sacredness to sex because from my experience and from my profession sex is the most healing and most divine experience that we can have and it's the most primal when we're in our bodies and when we you know we're free and we're connected but right now what's happening is sex is cheap. Men are trying to have sex on the first day instead of getting to know a woman getting to know her building that emotional connection. So I feel like also we should take a step back, look at sex as a whole and just connect us as humans. Because what sex does is it's this cheap replacement for a connection. And in the beginning when you meet somebody and you're going to get and you're nervous and like your nervous system you just feel like, you know all these like, all these like ting-ting feeling, you know this feeling, all this, all these, all this, all this, all this, all this, all this, all this, all this, all this, all this, all this, all this, all this, all this feeling, And when you have sex with someone it creates this false intimacy of like oh not like my nervous system can relax we know each other and then you bond through the hormones but then you realize like wait a minute I don't actually know this person we don't have anything in common we're just we're just kind of we're playing this role of intimacy but it's like what if you what if you take sex off the table for a little bit just get to know them and like feel that uncomfort that uncomfortness of being with someone and then have sex as the emotion builds. Right. It's a completely different experience. That's how it used to be, right? Exactly. Yeah, I know. Now it's like first, second, third, fourth date. Pretty common now here. I don't know. And I hear myself, like, wait a minute, I sound pretty conservative. But it's, I believe in freedom of choice. Like, everybody can do what they want. Like if you want to have sex with someone, do it. If you want to have something casual, just do it, just do it. Just do it. Just do it. I just want to offer an alternative view like sex is sacred I think that's also where your psychologist hat kicks in when you see people having a lot of sex what is that doing to the brain right how is that affecting it's creating false intimacy hormone stopamine oxytocin and then you lead to these attachment issues you know there's a lot of people with avoidin and anxious attachment I'm not sure if I have avoidiners are familiar yeah I took the test I'm nice I'm secure I'm secure I'm secure to avoidant. Oh interesting so you're secure avoidant. Yeah secure but sometimes because it's like also they're dynamic like let's say you're avoidant but you meet somebody who's super avoidant even more avoidant than you you you're gonna become anxious. Okay. Yeah that's what I mean so it's like somebody who's like somebody who's super secure they're not as anxious. It's like we're all in dynamic with each other. Right. So it's like, hey guys even though I'm out here, biggest you know me I've never promoted a casino before not once that changes today because I finally found a team I actually trust legends that's legends with a z. These are real people I met them in person and here's what matters they actually pay out and they do it fast sports slots original games live table games it's all in one place they built a real reputation and right now you get a hundred percent match on your first purchase if