463: I’ve Signed More Books Than God

Dear Hank & John - Complexly

In this episode of Dear Hank & John, the brothers dive into personal anxieties around book publication, explore the etymology of 'you're wel

Key takeaways

• Authors often experience intense anxiety before book releases, even when they're excited—balancing anticipation with fear of judgment.

Main topics

• The emotional toll of book publication
• Etymology of common phrases like 'you're welcome'

Notable quotes

I'm so grateful for that version of myself that said no to the joke.

You're welcome means you are welcomed into the experience of having received something nice.

Conclusion

The episode blends vulnerability with humor, showing how personal fear

Transcript preview

Speaker 1 (0:01) You're listening to a Complexly podcast. Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. Or as I prefer to think of it, Dear John and Hank. It's a podcast where two brothers answer your questions, give you dubious advice, and bring you all the week's news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon. John, I had a time travel joke for you, but you didn't like it, so. Speaker 2 (0:25) I'm sure I didn't. Speaker 1 (0:26) I Speaker 2 (0:26) don't doubt that I Speaker 1 (0:27) didn't. Speaker 2 (0:30) I'm so grateful for Speaker 1 (0:31) that version of myself Speaker 2 (0:32) that said no to the joke. I'm fine. I am excited about Hollywood Ending coming out in September. I am nervous appropriately. And a lot of my energy is going toward planning the tour that I'm going to go on. You can get tickets at hollywoodendingbook.com. A lot of my energy is going into... starting to do press for the book, which as you know, because you've read it, is a very funny experience. It's funny to do press about a book about Speaker 1 (1:05) doing Speaker 2 (1:05) press. Speaker 1 (1:05) They're already Speaker 2 (1:05) doing press. They're Speaker 1 (1:06) doing press. Yeah, Speaker 2 (1:07) a little bit. Little bits here and there. Speaker 1 (1:09) Very embargoed press, I guess. I guess. Somewhat embargoed press, but Speaker 2 (1:15) the challenge of this book for me is I just don't want people to be spoiled. Like I want people to have a pretty cold reading experience, at least the people who have enough faith in me and the book to pre-order it. Speaker 1 (1:29) Yeah. Speaker 2 (1:30) And yet at the same time, you can't talk about a book without talking about its plot a little bit. And so balancing that is a little hard. I Speaker 1 (1:40) now have for many years had embargoed information. You know, they give you these, it's like, hey. we're going to tell you about this thing. Yeah. But you have to promise before we tell you not to talk about it until a certain date. Right. And that's what the embargo is. And, and I always feel really guilty when I get those and I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Send it over. And then I do nothing with it. It's like, Oh, so I've got this embargoed paper. That's not going to come out for two weeks. And it's pretty, it's pretty cool. But I think that's part of the thing. They want you to sign up for the embargo. So then you feel some obligation to do something with the information, which normally I would feel no obligation to. Yeah, Speaker 2 (2:22) totally. I have been in similar situations many times. I think technically there's a review embargo. But just for the record, if you've read Hollywood Ending, like if you got an advanced reader's copy somehow, which some booksellers have, break the embargo. I want to know what you thought. Speaker 1 (2:39) Post a quick Goodreads review. I can't handle it anymore. Speaker 2 (2:42) Oh my God. There's one Goodreads review from a nerd fighter to whom I sent the book. And it's great. Never mind everybody, Speaker 1 (2:54) stop. Nobody review it. I'm really grateful Speaker 2 (2:57) for it because until then it had just been a solid wall of no reaction. And so at least there's one and it's positive. Okay, good. But yeah, this Speaker 1 (3:07) whole thing is so stressful. Five-star rating on Speaker 2 (3:08) Goodreads, everybody. This whole thing is so stressful. God, I mean, it's fun. I'm grateful for it. Speaker 1 (3:15) I'm incredibly fortunate to be able to write books. But man, I feel nauseated all the time. I'm really worried about my, I shouldn't say this out loud probably, but I'm worried about my book because like I need to get stuff so right. Yeah. Speaker 2 (3:29) Well, with cancer, it's a book about cancer and you don't want to be wrong about cancer. Speaker 1 (3:34) Yeah. Not the medical parts, especially. And, or the other parts. That's also a thing that I worried about that so much with the comedy special where people were going to be like. Why would you tour a special about cancer when you have one particular experience? Yeah, that's that's that's a great experience as compared to my terrible experience. And and I just got like none of that pushback because, of course, it was a personal story about a personal thing. But this is broader than that. But it's also broader than that. You know, I don't just tell my story, but we shouldn't be talking about my book. It's coming out a year from now. Speaker 2 (4:07) Yeah, no, it's a complete waste of time and energy if it's not available for presale now at hollywoodendingbook.com. I am really excited for your book, not to continue telling people information about a book that they can't pre-order. But I also understand that worry. I think it is damn near universal among authors. And the authors who don't feel it, I'm a little suspicious of because they should. You should feel nervous. You should feel like I poured my whole self into this and it contains all of me. And so, of course, I'm terrified. It's Speaker 1 (4:43) so weird to be a YouTuber who also writes books where so much of my YouTube content is, ah, here you go. This is the labor of my four hours today on the day when I release it. Speaker 2 (4:59) Yeah. Yeah. Earlier today, I had an idea and now I can't wait for your feedback versus like for the last seven years, I've been working on a thing and now I've got to wait nine months for your feedback. Speaker 1 (5:11) Yeah. Yeah. I posted this thought that I had this morning and now I will never think about it again. Let's get to some questions from our listeners. Absolutely, John. This first question is from Ava, who asks, Dear Hank and John, why do we say you're welcome in response to thank you? Are we informing the thanker that they have indeed been welcomed? I find this baffling now that it's being said to me. I also find it baffling. Speaker 2 (5:37) You are welcome. You're Speaker 1 (5:38) welcome to the thing that I did to you or for you or gave you. Like, if it's a gift and you're saying thank you, then I get it. It's like, here's this. And you're like, thank you. And I'm like, well, you're welcome to have it. You're welcomed into the experience of, you don't have to thank me. You're welcome. I Speaker 2 (5:54) guess it means, maybe it just means in the broadest possible sense, you are welcome here. And so like, when you're saying thank you. Yeah, what you're really saying is like, no, no, no, you are welcome to this door opening that I did for you. Speaker 1 (6:13) As far as we know, this is, oh, interesting. So it looks like the welcome mat maybe came along right aside it. So your welcome is Speaker 2 (6:27) a Speaker 1 (6:27) formulaic response to thank you. This is according to the etymology online dictionary, is attested by 1907. And the welcome mat is from 1908. And the welcome wagon is from 1940. So possibly this came. from inviting someone into a home where Speaker 2 (6:46) you Speaker 1 (6:46) would say- Speaker 2 (6:46) Oh, like you are welcome here. Speaker 1 (6:47) Yeah. And then we were just like, that's also goes for everything. Every time I open a door for you, but also then every time I do anything that might be nice that I'm being thanked for. Speaker 2 (6:58) I've always found it better than like the French version where they say, it's nothing, derrière. Speaker 1 (7:04) Oh yeah, it's Speaker 2 (7:05) better. I Speaker 1 (7:05) think you're welcome. I Speaker 2 (7:07) like you're welcome because you're welcome at least means nothing. Whereas saying it's nothing is like saying like, hey, thank you so much for this gift. It's nothing. Speaker 1 (7:17) Actually, that wasn't a big deal for me and I didn't consider you at all. Right, exactly. Speaker 2 (7:23) It's nothing. Speaker 1 (7:25) It's nothing. You're Speaker 2 (7:27) welcome at least means like, you know, I acknowledge your thanks. Oh, Speaker 1 (7:31) man. Speaker 2 (7:32) I'm not trying to minimize or dismiss your thanks, which I think is important. We so often minimize and dismiss each other's feelings. John, do you want to do a little time travel right now? Sure, yeah, to where I didn't like your joke. Speaker 1 (7:43) Yeah, so here's the situation. I'm having an idea right now for a YouTube video. I have a crick in my neck at the moment. I've hurt my neck. And so I have what's called a pain in the neck. And we sometimes call people or events pains in the neck because a pain in the neck is bad. It's one of the worst pains. But maybe... worse is a pain in the butt. Right. Which I always sort of thought for a great deal of my life that a pain in the butt was just like a cute thing to say. Turns out a pain in the butt can be quite bad. It can be just as bad as if not worse than a pain in the neck. Sure. And so there are real pains in the butt that are about the butthole, which I did Speaker 2 (8:22) not get. Sure. Fissures and whatnot. That word is about the butthole. That phrase. Speaker 1 (8:28) Originally. I don't think that we think of it. We're not thinking about buttholes when we call someone a pain in the patootie. But Speaker 2 (8:33) I'm Speaker 1 (8:34) very curious because I was just looking at the use of your welcome over time. How this has evolved. And so maybe my Vlogbrothers video this week is going to be the evolution of pains in the thing. Where I will look at how – like at what point did butt cross neck? Because I bet, like my hypothesis is that it used to be like a pain in the neck and then that wasn't quite, you know, society. Visceral Speaker 2 (9:00) enough. Speaker 1 (9:01) Yeah, continued to sort of be less taboo about body stuff. Right. And then it became like pain in the butt took over for a thing that was a pain. Speaker 2 (9:09) That's your hypothesis, but it could be wrong. It could be wrong. Speaker 1 (9:12) It could be Speaker 2 (9:12) the pain in the butt like drastically predates pain in the neck. At any rate, I think it's interesting that your welcome is only from 1907. I would have thought that you're welcome was a permanent fixture of the English language. But in fact, it's about as old as like the oldest person. Speaker 1 (9:26) Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The oldest person currently was born in a world of you're welcome, but barely. Speaker 2 (9:33) I don't know that that's true, Hank. I think there's a person. Speaker 1 (9:37) 120 years ago? There's no 120 year olds. Speaker 2 (9:40) Yeah, there are. What? Google it. How old's the oldest person in the world right now? Speaker 1 (9:46) Yeah, I think it's like 117. Google it. It's my guess. Okay, Speaker 2 (9:51) that's your hypothesis. Speaker 1 (9:52) Her name is Ethel, which is perfect. Perfect. And she is, oh my God, John, you know how off I was? How? I was off by doing math. 13 days. Speaker 2 (10:06) Wow. She's 118 or 116? She's 116. So Ethel was born into a world of your welcome, but barely. Yeah. Speaker 1 (10:15) Yeah. And then the oldest man is 297. Speaker 1 (10:20) No, no. The oldest man is Speaker 2 (10:22) in fact younger than the oldest woman. Yeah, Speaker 1 (10:24) you're Speaker 2 (10:24) right. That's correct. That's correct. I wish Ethel a long and happy life. I guess she's already had a long life, but I wish her a happy one. In what days may remain to her. Emphasis on days. Speaker 1 (10:35) Yeah. I hope that she has had a healthy life. I don't know. When the rest of your life is measured in single digit percentages, it's really more about the past and Speaker 2 (10:47) the future. Just know that if I lived to be 117, I wasn't happy about it. Speaker 1 (10:52) No, I've got a crick in the neck now. Speaker 2 (10:55) I know. Imagine the discomforts of 117-ness. The Speaker 1 (10:59) first time this happened to me, I was in high school and I was like, what is this? I know. I know, man. Why? What happened? Why did that become a thing? You know what it was? What? I got a computer. Speaker 2 (11:11) Oh, you think so? I've been living Speaker 1 (11:13) that computer life ever since. Speaker 2 (11:15) Remember when I dislocated