Seriously, What is Going On with Mitch McConnell (w. Clay Aiken)

Brief Recess: A Legal Podcast with Michael Foote & Mélissa Malebranche

Hosts Michael Foote and Melissa Malebranche open the episode by discussing personal microaggressions and celebrating their producer CJ's new

Key takeaways

• Clay Aiken is releasing his first studio album in 18 years, titled 'Rewind'.
• Aiken discusses how the lasting fame of 'American Idol' has left his public image frozen at age 24.

Main topics

• Personal microaggressions
• Parenting and family life

Notable quotes

I don't hate enough to be good at this.

Conclusion

A deep dive into the intersection of celebrity, politics, and personal

Transcript preview

Speaker 7 (0:01) This is exactly right. Speaker 5 (0:06) Lisa, tell them about our new show. We have a new podcast. It's called Don't Lie to Me. I'm Lexi Iwano. We're two best friends, 22 years apart, but so close at heart. And I'm Lisa DiGiulio, the old one, which means we have wildly different references, occasionally different opinions. And at this point in my 50s, I've lived it all. Now in my 30s, being the founder of New Shoes, good taste is my business. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Speaker 6 (0:37) Hey, Portlandia fans. Carrie Speaker 4 (0:39) Brownstein and Fred Armisen here. The Speaker 6 (0:41) dream of the 90s is alive in podcast form. We're Speaker 4 (0:44) launching Podlandia AO Rewatch, our brand new podcast where we revisit every episode of Portlandia together, breaking down sketches, going deep on our iconic characters, and pulling back the curtain on how it all got made. Speaker 6 (0:55) And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life. guest stars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Kreisel, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin, legendary musician Amy Mann, and many more. Speaker 4 (1:07) Kyle is going for it here. You fully improvised not just words, but a song. Well, I thought Speaker 6 (1:13) you were all going to write a song. I Speaker 4 (1:14) remember you thinking that. Listen to Podlandia, A.O. Rewatch on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Speaker 4 (1:25) I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Speaker 3 (2:03) Welcome to Brief Recess. I'm Michael Foote. I'm Melissa Malbranch. Today we're going to talk about all our unhinged microaggressions. We're going to talk about Mr. CJ, our producer, who had a baby. A baby! We're going to talk about how I'm a drunk DM celeb sometimes, and that's how we got our guest today. Clay Aiken is in the studio. Is Mitch McConnell a marionette yet? We're not sure. We're going to find out. So stick around. Speaker 3 (2:28) Do you see that fire in the Speaker 2 (2:29) pines? Yes, I did. Are you devastated? Speaker 3 (2:32) No, I've never been to the fire. You've never Speaker 2 (2:34) been to the Speaker 3 (2:34) fire? Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I'm devastated by a fire on the pines. I'm not Speaker 2 (2:37) gay and I've been to the fire island many times. I mean, it's been quite a while, but I mean, still, I felt bad. Speaker 3 (2:45) I'm sorry, I'm not laughing about the fire. I'm just laughing. People are always like. So how was the pints this summer, Michael? No, I have never said that to you. No, not you, but people will say that. They're like, so you're in Provincetown, right? Speaker 2 (3:00) No, because I feel like I would know if you were going to P-Town. It's Speaker 3 (3:04) like if someone was like, so did you like In the Heights? Speaker 2 (3:09) Why would I? Okay, first of all, there are so many things. No, but like, exactly. No, no, no, no, no, no. Because so I'm not Dominican. Right. So, right. So I'm watching tonight. But if you were to say something else to me, Speaker 3 (3:27) that Speaker 2 (3:28) is sort of like black coded. Yeah. I may or may not understand. Speaker 3 (3:33) Oh, you're like, oh, Melissa, have Speaker 2 (3:35) you ever been to the inkwell? No, I haven't. I haven't. Speaker 3 (3:40) Let's get into a sidebar about microaggressions. What are some of the microaggressions people say to you? Because people say a lot to me. Speaker 2 (3:47) Oh, people have said, wow, Melissa, you speak very well. Speaker 3 (3:52) No! Speaker 2 (3:55) It's really bad. It's horrible. Speaker 3 (3:58) I mean, yeah, that's a macroaggression. I Speaker 2 (4:01) mean, it's like, you know what it is? It's one of those things that I think that people think is a compliment. Speaker 3 (4:07) Right. Speaker 2 (4:08) Right? Right. Like, I remember, oh, man. And this is like one of those, it's like a microaggression against fat people, right? Okay. So when I was overweight, somebody said to me, You move very lightly. Like I was live considering. Like Speaker 3 (4:31) the club footed Contessa. I mean, it was. And Speaker 2 (4:34) the Speaker 3 (4:34) thing Speaker 2 (4:35) is, it's like. Speaker 2 (4:38) Or one time I had a guy say to me. Speaker 3 (4:42) Not a man. First of all, a man should never say anything to me. First of all, not a man speaking. But I had a Speaker 2 (4:48) guy say to me. Oh, man. In a moment. Speaker 3 (4:55) Sure. Post Speaker 2 (4:56) moment. Uh Speaker 3 (4:56) -huh. Speaker 2 (4:57) That he had never been with a fat girl before. Speaker 3 (4:59) Oh, no. And I was, how was it for you? And you were like, your trophy's in the mail. Speaker 2 (5:05) And, you know, and so that's the kind of thing that in Speaker 3 (5:10) my Speaker 2 (5:11) head, Speaker 3 (5:11) I Speaker 2 (5:12) immediately want to say something really mean. Speaker 3 (5:15) Right. Speaker 2 (5:16) Like I've never seen that small of Speaker 3 (5:18) a Speaker 2 (5:18) penis before. Like, do you know what I'm saying? Like, that's the kind of thing that you want to say, but that's not very nice. Speaker 3 (5:24) Yeah, a short guy before. Yeah. Right. You're the Speaker 2 (5:26) shortest man I've ever been with. How's that for you? I Speaker 3 (5:29) love when like drunk bachelorettes ask me what their hair, like, what do I think of their hair? And I just say, I don't know, I'm bald. And I walk away. I don't know. But I do. What's annoying is that I do have a lot of opinions about people's hair. Well, you do. You do have a lot of opinions about people's hair, which is really funny. Which is really Speaker 2 (5:49) funny because I know that you do. Speaker 3 (5:51) And I'll be like, did you see her hair? Melissa will be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Look who got the Rachel. Or no, I know what you've said to me. You've Speaker 2 (5:59) said to me, she missed a spot with the flat iron. Speaker 3 (6:05) Let me tell you something. That one chunk of hair in the back. It's hard to see. Celebrities, though? You know who I'm talking about. I'm going to bleep this out. Speaker 3 (6:17) She misses. And I've hung out with her a couple times. And there's always a fucking clump. And I'm like, that clump of hair is marching for its rights. Speaker 2 (6:26) Right. It is unionizing. What it is, it's in protest of what's happening. Yes. Speaker 3 (6:31) It's Norma Rae. Speaker 2 (6:32) It's Speaker 3 (6:33) ringing the bell. Union. Union. Speaker 2 (6:38) Oh, so I have permission to say something. Okay. Speaker 3 (6:43) Are Speaker 2 (6:43) you ready? I'm Speaker 3 (6:44) scared. Speaker 2 (6:45) Don't be scared. Speaker 2 (6:48) Friends, Brief Recess has had its first baby. Our producer, CJ. And it's neither of ours. It's neither of ours. Our producer, CJ. Oh, my God. And his wife have welcomed a beautiful, bouncing baby, healthy boy. Mama and baby and dad are doing really well. Yes. And dad said the cutest thing. Hold on. I'm going to read it because I love it so much. Speaker 3 (7:12) Well, we were texting the group chat. Speaker 2 (7:14) Yeah. Speaker 3 (7:15) And he was like, oh, mom and baby are doing great. And I said, what about dad? Hello? Baby Speaker 2 (7:20) and mom are healthy and happy and amazing. And Michael says, um, dad. And he said, thank you, Michael. I am great. So happy and filled with pure joy. Could you just? And Michael knows this more than anybody, but like, I love babies so much. And when I tell you, if I know you or don't know you and you have a baby. I'm genuinely interested in seeing a picture of your kid and hearing you talk about your kid. And Michael knows that I am dead serious. And sometimes I feel like I say that to people and they think that I'm just being nice. I know. They Speaker 3 (7:54) really do think that Melissa is just being nice. I'm not. And she actually gets mad at me when I hang out with a new parent and I didn't get a photo. Speaker 2 (8:04) I get so upset. She actually gets really mad at me. I'm like, what do they have? I don't know. You don't know? I don't know. Speaker 3 (8:10) She really does. She gets really serious about it. And then I'm like, how Speaker 2 (8:12) much does the baby weigh? How tall is it? How long is it? And Michael's like, you know what? Do you want me to introduce you to this person? I'm Speaker 3 (8:18) like, can I just put you directly in touch with them? Because I don't Speaker 2 (8:21) know. Speaker 3 (8:22) I get so pissed off. Especially because you're childless. I think that people. Speaker 2 (8:26) I'm not Speaker 3 (8:26) childless. Oh, I'm sorry. I Speaker 2 (8:28) am child free. Child Speaker 3 (8:29) free. And Speaker 2 (8:29) there's a big difference. And there are, there is a big difference. I think child, child less is somebody who is sort of sad about not having a child and being child free is being okay with it. Speaker 3 (8:40) It's having both legs in the air in the Caribbean. Like on vacation, that's child free. Speaker 2 (8:45) I have been, I've said this to you many times. I've been lucky enough to have people in my life, including my husband and his ex-wife who have shared their child with me. And I have tons of nieces and you know, I'm obsessed with my nephew. It's true. Speaker 3 (8:58) So it doesn't feel like you're child free. It Speaker 2 (9:02) doesn't feel like that. Speaker 3 (9:03) I've got like six neatos in my house. I'm not child free. Like I don't have kids. But I'm not child free. No, you're not. You know what I mean? Like, I got all these kids everywhere. I can't swing my arm without knocking over one of my friend's fucking kids. Speaker 2 (9:15) No. And Speaker 3 (9:15) you do like Michael. And I do. And I love it. And he knocks. Speaker 2 (9:19) Michael's holiday card last year was a picture of him and his husband, Brad. Holding Speaker 3 (9:25) an Asian baby. Holding Speaker 2 (9:26) a baby. And I was like. Speaker 3 (9:27) Everyone thought we adopted. Who Speaker 2 (9:29) is this kid? It Speaker 3 (9:30) was my nephew. It was Speaker 2 (9:31) your Speaker 3 (9:31) nephew. It was my nephew, who's half Vietnamese, and he's so cute. He's really, Speaker 2 (9:34) really Speaker 3 (9:35) cute. The other Speaker 2 (9:35) one is really cute, too. Well, we Speaker 3 (9:36) did a full casting for the Christmas card, and he did come out. We only had room for one kid in the photo. And so the other one, we did let him down easy. We said, don't call us. We'll call you. Right. And so Lincoln made the photo. I don't Speaker 2 (9:52) know. It's like. Speaker 2 (9:55) But, you know. Sophie's choice is not a problem for you. You would have been able to choose real easy. Speaker 3 (10:01) Opening sequence. What's the choice? Roll the credits. Don't care. Just Speaker 2 (10:06) throw a dart and hit a kid right Speaker 3 (10:09) between the eyes. So we did. We did only have one kid on the Christmas card this year and everyone thought we adopted and I didn't. You know, I didn't really. And Speaker 2 (10:19) you didn't correct anyone. I didn't correct Speaker 3 (10:20) anybody. I didn't explain on the Christmas card who that was. I said, let's sow a little chaos. People are a little too bored out here on these streets. It's a boring news cycle. Speaker 3 (10:31) Oh my God. Let's get into algorithm is showing about Mitch McConnell. This man. Speaker 2 (10:38) At this point. I know. Speaker 3 (10:40) At this point. Let's have him headline the Super Bowl. Speaker 2 (10:42) Well, Speaker 3 (10:43) let's have him. You horrible, evil little man. We might as well. I Speaker 2 (10:47) am not somebody who likes this man at all. Yeah. Right. But this is the kind of thing that makes me wonder, why doesn't anybody love you? Right. Right. Who is taking care of you? What is happening in the home? Speaker 3 (11:02) Baby, I'm 38. Brad's already like, it's time to retire. You're getting a little long Speaker 2 (11:07) in the tooth. Speaker 2 (11:12) Yeah, it's. Speaker 3 (11:13) Yeah, no one is like, let's. Can we keep him at home? Speaker 2 (11:18) Keep him at home. I mean, it's giving elder abuse. It is. It feels almost cruel. Right. And I don't understand. I have no Speaker 3 (11:26) sympathy for him, but I. Speaker 3 (11:32) What is that bell? I cut you off. Keep going. Did I cut you off? Keep going. We're ringing the bell every time I cut you off. No, Speaker 2 (11:37) no, no. Keep Speaker 3 (11:37) going. Go, go, go, go. I didn't even see that bell there. I haven't slept at all. Yeah. No. But he... No, I'm so distracted by the bell, you bitch. Speaker 3 (11:51) You bitch. What is the fucking bell? Every time I interrupt you. Speaker 2 (11:57) Keep going. Speaker 3 (11:58) I don't remember. I can't keep going. What do you mean you Speaker 2 (12:01) don't remember? Roll the Speaker 3 (12:02) credits. Roll the commercial. Cut to commercial. Speaker 2 (12:04) Brief recess. Speaker 3 (12:07) Elder abuse. What's going on in the home? Speaker 2 (12:10) It does feel. I mean, I don't know. I remember when Dianne Feinstein was also sort of on this downward spiral. I don't understand. I used to work for somebody. I used to work for two people. And one of my bosses was older and not doing well at all. Sometimes I would see him and he looked really confused. And my other boss said to me, she's like, you know what, Melissa? Some people don't know when it's time to exit stage left. Speaker 3 (12:39) Girl, get the hook. Speaker 2 (12:41) And I don't know why people feel like. They need to stay. He's 84 years old. Isn't he tired? It's Speaker 3 (12:52) unbelievable. And it's also, did you see the video of him voting yes? Speaker 2 (12:56) Yes. Speaker 3 (12:57) He's voted. So they're taking a vote. He says the wrong vote. Speaker 2 (13:04) And then the other guy is just like, say yes. Speaker 3 (13:06) And the handler is like behind him, like tapping him on the shoulder. Speaker 2 (13:10) That's not right. Speaker 3 (13:11) They're like, yo, yo, yo. No, no, no, no, no. You're supposed to, you're voted the wrong way. We're at the point where he's got a string on one arm with yes or no and the little sign. And we've got the Walton family pulling. And then the other arm is the Koch brothers. That's how they're deciding. But no, Speaker 2 (13:31) how many times – and I'm going to say this, but I'm kind of serious. Mitch McConnell has been reset many times. Just control-alt-delete and putting him back together again. The factory Speaker 3 (13:44) reset. Speaker 2 (13:46) And if you are somebody who is in that position and you are worried, say, about legacy, now when we think about you and your career, that's all we're going to remember. I know. Is you sitting in that, whatever, the assessor ride and looking like you are a marionette. Speaker 3 (14:07) It's not. I am not even kidding. It's not funny, but the image was so insane. I mean, and he's just like, Speaker 2 (14:14) look, I felt I almost felt bad. Almost felt bad. Almost because he's a terrible person. Do Speaker 3 (14:22) you Speaker 2 (14:22) think it's Speaker 3 (14:22) actually him? Paid actor. I'm serious. Like, it's about the Internet theories. Like, my algorithm is all like, it takes three months to recover from facial reconstructive surgery. Speaker 2 (14:32) Is that how long it's been since we've seen Speaker 3 (14:34) him? People who are like, they got some guy and they fucking yanked Speaker 2 (14:39) his Speaker 3 (14:39) face back and Speaker 2 (14:40) made him look Speaker 3 (14:41) like Mitch Speaker 2 (14:41) McConnell. Speaker 3 (14:42) Do you Speaker 2 (14:42) remember in Game of Thrones when Arya became... And she had all those faces. Arya of many faces. Maybe it's Arya. Speaker 3 (14:50) What did I text you this week about Game of Thrones? I said, every time I feel like I'm failing, I just remember that finale of Game of Thrones. Oh, you said about how somebody worked Speaker 2 (14:59) really hard on that. And I responded, no, they didn't. Speaker 2 (15:04) That Speaker 3 (15:04) finale was chopped. It was chopped on, as the kids Speaker 2 (15:08) say. Speaker 3 (15:08) It Speaker 2 (15:08) was just Speaker 3 (15:08) really Speaker 2 (15:08) disappointing. Speaker 3 (15:09) It was so bad. Speaker 2 (15:10) It was so bad. Speaker 3 (15:11) Coming in with a hot take 10 years later, Melissa and Michael, we didn't like the finale of Game Speaker 2 (15:16) of Thrones. Speaker 3 (15:16) We didn't like the finale. That was really crazy. Especially because we had, what was it, seven years of slow burn? I Speaker 2 (15:23) think what it is is also like it's. Especially for somebody like me, I am not that loyal of a television watcher. Sometimes I'll just get tired of a show somewhere right before the end of it. I stuck it out. And I was very patient. There Speaker 3 (15:39) was attrition. A lot of people. Speaker 2 (15:42) And I was patient and I was hopeful. Speaker 3 (15:44) And Melissa would come into work every day on Monday. Speaker 2 (15:47) So mad. Speaker 3 (15:50) And she would have these theories. She'd be connecting the dots. Speaker 2 (15:54) You know what? We got married on a Sunday. That was the first day of that, whatever season that was of Game of Thrones. And I apologized to our friends and family. I'm like, thank you so much for being here. And I know you must really love us to have missed Game of Thrones. And people were like, yeah. Speaker 2 (16:20) Anyway. Speaker 3 (16:20) Like a bridge over troubled water, I would like to get to our next segment with our special guest. Yes. Clay Aiken's in the studio. He is in Speaker 2 (16:29) the studio. Speaker 3 (16:30) So get ready for, I honestly have no idea what we're getting ready for. Speaker 2 (16:35) We're just ready. Just get ready. I'm excited. I'm Speaker 3 (16:39) excited too. Yeah. I haven't met him yet. Speaker 2 (16:41) Nor have I. Speaker 3 (16:42) I just DM people sometimes. Speaker 2 (16:45) You know, Michael, I always say this. Sometimes my Speaker 3 (16:48) alcohol intake. Ring the bell. I interrupted her again. Sometimes my alcohol intake leads to some great guests. Because I will be in the back of an Uber at 3 in the morning just DMing celebrities to come on the show. And sometimes they answer. Okay, what were you going to say? Speaker 2 (17:06) I don't remember, Michael. Okay. But I will say this. Well, I need a bell. I have one for you. Oh, okay. I bought two. Okay, Speaker 3 (17:12) you Speaker 2 (17:13) bought two. Well, to be fair, they came two in a box. I would have only bought one for myself, but since there were two. Speaker 3 (17:23) Submit the receipt. Speaker 2 (17:25) To who? Speaker 3 (17:26) Exactly right. Speaker 2 (17:30) Did Georgia and Karen not know that we're submitting receipts? We'll be right back. Speaker 5 (17:37) Lisa, we should tell them about our new show. Oh my God, Lexi, we have a new podcast. It's called Don't Lie to Me. I'm Lexi Iwano. We're two best friends, 22 years apart, but so close at heart. And I'm Lisa DiGiulio, the old one, which means we have wildly different references, occasionally different opinions. And at this point in my 50s, I've lived it all. I'm not getting there fighting. That is wild. I learned that about you today. Now in my 30s, being the founder of New Shoes, good taste is my business. And I've always got something to say. If men were just honest about this, there would be so much more peace in the world. We're going to talk about dating, relationships, beauty, getting older. And a little wiser. We're best friends, but we don't always agree. Because you told us how