Milan Patel: Growing Up Running a Motel

Breaking Bread with Tom Papa

Host Tom Papa sits down with comedian Milan Patel to discuss his upbringing in the motel industry and his journey through the comedy scene.

Key takeaways

• Milan Patel grew up in a family heavily involved in the motel and hotel industry.
• The speakers joke about the structural suitability of Cybertrucks for use as hearses.

Main topics

• Comedy career
• Motel industry upbringing

Notable quotes

I think we should convert cyber trucks into hearses.

Conclusion

A lighthearted, anecdotal episode that finds humor in the shared stres

Transcript preview

Speaker 1 (0:01) Like I think we should convert cyber trucks into hearses. That's a brilliant idea. Because Speaker 2 (0:06) they're not really, nobody's using it for anything good now other than like people like plaster their small business on their cyber truck. Yeah, Speaker 1 (0:14) they wrap Speaker 2 (0:14) it. Yeah. Yeah, they wrap it. Yeah. It's like. I don't know. It's for businesses that you can't really comprehend either. They're just like, yeah. We sell Bitcoin to plumbers, okay? Speaker 1 (0:25) I don't know how to get involved with that. But if it's on the side of that, maybe I shouldn't call. Speaker 2 (0:30) Yeah, but those would be... No, you're right. That's a Speaker 1 (0:32) brilliant idea. I think they're structurally Speaker 2 (0:35) sound in terms of like, yeah. Perfect body Speaker 1 (0:37) size. Exactly. I think that's maybe what it is. I've never been in one, but my dog has. It's breaking bread. Thanks for being here. Thanks for having me. Yeah. This is, you made a good impression already. Speaker 2 (0:50) Okay, good. Speaker 1 (0:51) Yeah. There are a lot of comedians that have been on this show that have been at it way longer than you have. And they don't bring me bread. Yeah. And you just walk in with this beautiful focaccia right off the bat. Speaker 2 (1:03) Yeah, because it can't be one way. It can't just be like you make all the bread. Nobody gives you anything. That's lame, right? You're Speaker 1 (1:13) saying all the right things. Brown nosing. Thank you so much for being here. I baked you this bread last night. Oh, thanks, man. And it really came out great. Yeah. So I think you're going to enjoy it. You get to bring it home. Speaker 2 (1:30) That's great. And Speaker 1 (1:31) also cookies. Our new venture are these cookies. Whoa. Yeah. You can break those open right now if you want to. Okay. Speaker 1 (1:40) They're mama-papa cookies. My wife is diving into it. I think it's going to be a national sensation. My Speaker 2 (1:49) girlfriend bakes, too. Oh, yeah? She made cookies recently. Uh-huh. And, yeah, these are awesome. I love tiny cookies. That's the thing. People don't make tiny cookies anymore. Exactly. Tates, tates, like those tiny tates. I mean, I'm not saying those are good, necessarily, but... Speaker 1 (2:06) No, I respect hates. But, you know, they went flat and big and flat. And that was a cool thing. And then it came out with these minis, which are too mini. Speaker 2 (2:17) Yeah. Speaker 1 (2:17) They're really too small. It's like eating a Speaker 2 (2:19) cracker. Yeah. Speaker 1 (2:20) I wanted this bite size. That's perfect. Yeah, two bites maybe. Yeah, exactly. And you just get a bunch and you just eat a bunch. Speaker 2 (2:27) I think you're going to like them. Okay, cool. Thanks. Yeah. But I'm Speaker 1 (2:31) really glad that you're here. This is very cool because you are... You are a very funny human being. And everybody that I bring your name up to is like, yeah, everybody signs off that you're like one of the legit funny people. Speaker 2 (2:48) Cool. Speaker 1 (2:48) So congratulations on that. Thanks. So if you ever just wanted, if you ever feel like you just want the respect of your peers and no financial success or anything, you've done it. So you can get out after this podcast. I was going to say, who are you like polling open micers? A lot of open mic, very big on the open mic scene. Speaker 2 (3:07) My parents. Speaker 1 (3:09) Your parents. No, it's legit people. I mean, we ran into each other the very first time I ever saw you. was that that netflix thing yeah the taping yeah what was that for Speaker 2 (3:20) netflix introducing so they they tape your set and then they put it on their youtube right the netflix youtube the netflix youtube yeah which sounds weird the netflix is a joke not even the netflix youtube it's Speaker 1 (3:33) a Speaker 2 (3:33) netflix is a joke youtube right the comedy yeah portion of netflix yeah on youtube yeah Right. So when people will be like, hey, you've been on Netflix. I'm like, I mean, I just say yes. Yeah. I'm nowhere near the platform. They won't let me. My name will never touch that platform. I can't even get an account. My credit's too bad to get an account. They Speaker 1 (3:54) know that you're just scamming off your parents' account. Yeah. But yeah, that's where we met. That's where we met. And you, I had to host it. And I say had to because I did. Speaker 1 (4:06) Was it during the festival? No, it wasn't during the festival. It was just a random thing. They were just doing a new comedian's night thing. And there's probably, I don't know, 10 people on it. Speaker 2 (4:19) Yeah. Speaker 1 (4:20) Enough people where I had to go up and start the show and then do something in between everybody. Yeah. Way too much to ask of Speaker 2 (4:33) anybody. Speaker 1 (4:34) You, I mean, you had the Speaker 2 (4:35) most stage time. Speaker 1 (4:36) I had the most stage time. Half Speaker 2 (4:37) of the show was you, I think. Like three quarters of it. Speaker 1 (4:42) And we were all asking ourselves, why are we on YouTube? And, you know, whenever you do those new comedy things, there's Speaker 2 (4:51) different levels of people. Speaker 1 (4:54) everybody's doing Speaker 2 (4:55) the thing. And it was, it Speaker 1 (4:55) was a good group. Like it was, it was, I really was, uh, inspired by it because I don't get to see people that are like just emerging. And, uh, but there was maybe like two or three that had like really good sets. So you're like, Oh yeah, these are legit jokes. And, uh, you were the top of it. Okay. Speaker 2 (5:13) Thank you. Speaker 1 (5:13) Yeah. And then I didn't see you for a long time. I don't know what you were doing. I went underground. I had a controversy after that came out. I had to go into hiding. Where did you start stand-up? Seattle. Nice. I went to school there, like college, Speaker 2 (5:32) and I started while I was in college. UW? I went to UW, yeah. Nice. And, yeah, I was, I don't know if you ever did like people. people's republic of comedy or like the laugh hole stuff back in the day no anyway those i kind of started with those guys yeah laugh Speaker 1 (5:49) hole's a weird name laugh Speaker 2 (5:51) hole yeah yeah has anything with hole in the name yeah it's Speaker 1 (5:55) unsettling Speaker 2 (5:55) yeah it reminds me of other things what kind of place was this yeah Speaker 1 (6:01) so you were in college and uh did you live grow up in that area I grew up near Portland, Oregon. Okay, so it wasn't out of depression from the rain and stuff. You just wanted to be funny. Speaker 2 (6:14) Yeah, yeah. I think I just liked comedy. I don't think I was too depressed. Too Speaker 1 (6:19) sad. Yeah. I toured UW with my daughter, and it was on a sunny spring day, and there were flowers blooming on all the trees. Yes, cherry blossoms. Yeah, and that main... quad thing. That's when they do all the tours. Speaker 2 (6:32) That's Speaker 1 (6:32) when they did all the tours. That's when Speaker 2 (6:33) I did my tour too. Yeah. Cherry Blossom season. It's like two weeks out of the year. Speaker 1 (6:37) And they took us in a room and said to all of the kids, just so you know, it's not like this. Speaker 2 (6:44) That's good. Don't come here thinking this Speaker 1 (6:46) is what it's going to be and you need this because it's not going to be this. It's going to rain. Yeah. It's going to Speaker 2 (6:51) be Speaker 1 (6:51) dark and you're going to be sad. Yeah. So just know that this is not how we live. No, but we give you vitamin D pills, Speaker 2 (6:58) supplements. Do they? Speaker 1 (7:00) I Speaker 2 (7:01) wish. That would have been nice. A lot of kids Speaker 1 (7:03) just under lamps. Speaker 2 (7:05) UV lamps, tanning beds and UV lamps, yeah. I think a lot of kids did have those, though. Yeah, I would imagine. The UV light things, yeah. Speaker 1 (7:13) Every time I go to that area, I always get lucky, and it's always pretty decent. Speaker 2 (7:16) Yeah. In the summer, I think Pacific Northwest is... the most beautiful place yeah and then yeah if you don't like the rain the rest of the year it's it's not great but you're gonna be really Speaker 1 (7:27) sad yeah were you funny when you were in third grade in third grade no Speaker 2 (7:32) no Speaker 1 (7:32) i Speaker 2 (7:32) was Speaker 1 (7:33) funny in like Speaker 2 (7:33) eighth Speaker 1 (7:34) grade eighth yeah that's when i was that's when it kicked in Speaker 2 (7:37) that's when i kicked what was going on in third in third i would say starting in maybe not third but fourth i liked comedy so i had no interest in um being funny i was consuming it Right. Rabidly. Right. Did you have friends? Yeah, I had some friends. Every grade I had one friend at least. That's Speaker 1 (8:00) good. Speaker 2 (8:00) Like, I don't think I went through any grade with zero friends. That's strong. Yeah. But not like every, not like a friend group necessarily. Right. Not a group of friends. Yeah. One dork. One dork always wanted to be my friend. It's true to this day. You can always find one. That's Speaker 1 (8:19) all Speaker 2 (8:19) you need. Yeah. You Speaker 1 (8:20) don't need a big group. Not really. But then it gets confusing. Yeah, Speaker 2 (8:23) it Speaker 1 (8:23) does. Speaker 2 (8:24) One kid in Speaker 1 (8:24) fourth grade and you're like, we're going to watch Saturday Night Live Phil Hartman clips. Yeah, that's fine. We have one interest. We have one friend, each of us, and that's enough. What was the comedy that you, were your parents funny? No, they're Speaker 2 (8:39) not funny. I mean, they Speaker 1 (8:41) think Speaker 2 (8:41) they're funny, Speaker 1 (8:41) but they're Speaker 2 (8:42) not. Oh, really? Yeah, they're just, you know, they're like loud and they're whatever, expressive, but I don't think they're that funny. They're loud. Yeah, yeah. Because Speaker 1 (8:49) you're not loud. Speaker 2 (8:50) No, no. My dad is quiet. I'm kind of like quiet like my Speaker 1 (8:53) dad. Speaker 2 (8:54) Oh, okay. So who was loud? We're talking about mom? Mom, mom, aunts, uncles, everybody else. They're all loud. They're pretty loud, yeah. Speaker 1 (9:01) Yeah. I like loud families. Speaker 2 (9:03) Yeah, it's nice. It's like there's something going. It's like. TV. It's like the TV's on all the time. Right, exactly. It's Speaker 1 (9:10) like Speaker 2 (9:10) you're not bored. Someone's Speaker 1 (9:12) yelling about something. Yeah, just that this is how they talk. Yeah, pretty Speaker 2 (9:17) much, Speaker 1 (9:18) yeah. Because my girlfriend was visiting recently Speaker 2 (9:20) and she was like hearing my mom and my aunt talk to each other. They're just cutting cucumbers and they're screaming. And she's like, are they mad at each other? And my mom's like, no, I was just telling her that she was cutting the cucumbers too thin. Speaker 2 (9:34) It's like, okay, so you are mad. Right, but I don't hate her. I don't hate her. And we're not mad at each other. We just scream all the time and critique each other. You Speaker 1 (9:47) have siblings? Speaker 2 (9:48) Yeah, I have an older brother and older sister, half-brother, half-sister. Speaker 1 (9:54) Half-brother and half-sister. Where'd the other half come from? Speaker 2 (9:57) The other half is a different mom. Different mom. Yeah. Speaker 1 (10:01) Got it. So you Speaker 2 (10:02) got the better mom? They're both equally good moms. The dad sucks. He's good. He's Speaker 1 (10:12) a Speaker 2 (10:12) good guy. Speaker 2 (10:14) What Speaker 1 (10:15) did Speaker 2 (10:15) your Speaker 1 (10:15) dad do? Speaker 2 (10:16) Everybody in my family either owns motels or hotels. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Or before that, they had other small businesses like dry cleaners or Speaker 1 (10:25) stuff Speaker 2 (10:25) like that. But now everybody's in the motel, hotel industry. Speaker 1 (10:30) Wow. So as a comedian, are you starting to tour? Do you go out on the road? Speaker 2 (10:37) Yeah, I did this year and a little bit last year, and that was just my first time doing it. Speaker 1 (10:42) And what does it make you think of your family's hotels when you're out on the road and other hotels? Speaker 2 (10:46) Oh, I mean, the places I'm staying are way better than the places that we had growing up. I mean, they're like 10 times better. Speaker 1 (11:01) Did they ever have those like ranch ones where it's just a line of rooms? Speaker 2 (11:07) Yeah, I mean, ranch style, like, one story, like, motel. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Speaker 1 (11:12) Those are always scary. Speaker 2 (11:13) Yeah, they can be. But once you're inside those rooms, like, you think they're scary, but some of them are kind of the same as if you were at, like, a Best Western or something. Sometimes, like, Holiday Inn, Best Western, they suck. Yeah. But they just look nicer because the sign is new. Right. You know? Or whatever. But, like, I don't know. Speaker 1 (11:29) Yeah. And No Country for Old Men, do you remember? That's, like, the Speaker 2 (11:33) type of motels. Speaker 1 (11:35) That's Speaker 2 (11:35) what Speaker 1 (11:35) you would have. Because you could hide money up in the vents. Speaker 2 (11:38) Yeah. And I like watched that movie. I was like, oh my, I could have done so much more with the, because the rooms Speaker 1 (11:44) do connect. Speaker 2 (11:45) If you know the internal, like whatever blueprint of the rooms, you're like, oh, this room goes to this room and nobody knows that except for me. How Speaker 1 (11:53) funny would that be? your dad's walking around checking the property, and then you're just looking through the grate. Shot a cow brain blower in my hand, whatever that thing is. Where'd Speaker 2 (12:08) you Speaker 1 (12:08) get that? I don't know. I found it in the garage in the back. I think my wife just got in my head about the little strip ones, because she's like, we can just be attacked. They don't have to Speaker 2 (12:18) go through the lobby. They can Speaker 1 (12:20) just come right for us. Speaker 2 (12:21) I guess so, yeah. Because it's like, car meaning parking lot straight to door so yeah i feel you feel vulnerable yeah Speaker 1 (12:30) and Speaker 2 (12:30) there's like weird people at night like skittering around too sometimes so yeah sometimes i'm not saying did Speaker 1 (12:36) you have places that rented by the hour no no never i think my dad like refused to do that but i did have got i mean i had Speaker 2 (12:43) experiences where a dude would check in and then come back in an hour and return the key and then give me a wink. And I'm like, and I, and I just said, you can leave the Speaker 1 (12:55) key in the room. Speaker 2 (12:55) Like you don't have to like tell him, brag to me that you. Yeah. But then Speaker 1 (13:00) how would you know what I did? Yeah. I Speaker 2 (13:02) was Speaker 1 (13:02) like, well, I'm not impressed. Speaker 2 (13:04) Why would I be impressed by Speaker 1 (13:05) that? I just had my pants off. Yeah. In your room. Yeah. Okay. Fine. Yeah. Congrats, dude. Did they put you to work? Did you have to work the... Oh, yeah, yeah. You did? Speaker 2 (13:18) Yeah, I worked there from... I feel like me and my siblings were renting rooms when we were 10. Really? Yeah. And then people get mad because they're like, why do I have to talk to a child when I am the authority in that situation? It's true. Whenever you run into Speaker 1 (13:32) a little kid that's working the hostess desk or there's waiting tables. Speaker 2 (13:37) People hate it, Speaker 1 (13:38) yeah. No, but they're usually so on it. Yeah. Because they... I know, like, if this runs well, I can get out of here. I can go back to Speaker 2 (13:45) playing. That's true. There's a bigger incentive to getting out of there. Yeah, exactly. I remember, yeah, like, going into the office. My sister and I were the only ones there. She was, like, cleaning a room or something. And so a customer came in, and I... I'm four and I had to like, like, you know, like look up at the lady and she's like, my car just broke down. Can you help me? I'm like, I, I have no skills to help you. She just like started screaming. She's like, what the fuck Speaker 1 (14:10) is Speaker 2 (14:10) it? Like, what is this establishment? And I'm like, I don't know. It's run by children. It's Speaker 1 (14:14) run Speaker 2 (14:14) by children. It's like, well, my sister, I was like, how old is she? She's 13. I don't know. She's crazy old. I don't know. She probably has jumper cables. Speaker 1 (14:23) Yeah. Speaker 2 (14:25) I don't know. So yeah, a lot of experiences like that. All Speaker