our insane texas trip: homophobia, cheating & childhood trauma - Ep.20

Brand Safe

The hosts recount their recent trip to Texas, discussing the intense heat, humidity, and their experiences speaking at Texas Christian Unive

Key takeaways

• The hosts recently held a Q&A session at Texas Christian University where students submitted provocative questions via QR code.
• A flight to Texas was delayed for hours because the President's plane required priority landing.

Main topics

• Texas Travel
• TCU Speaking Engagement

Notable quotes

The humidity, it lubricates everything. It lubricates life.

Conclusion

A humorous and unfiltered exploration of personal history and the cult

Transcript preview

Speaker 1 (0:00) All right y'all we're back in Texas and we are so so brand save. Speaker 2 (0:13) We're from Texas, you can tell by the set. Speaker 1 (0:18) We are staying. Honestly, I can't be Southern right now because every time I'm Southern on anything, the top comment will be like, had to click off. Speaker 2 (0:28) Well, because you also like stick to it for so long. I feel like it is one of the easiest accents to just like get stuck in. Like I remember there was one night you guys were packing for something and you, Meg and Ashley were all just like speaking Southern for. So long the entire time and I remember I was on the phone with Adam and he was like damn They're really like going like sticking to this like it was just going for so long and I was talking normal and I was just like what's going on? Speaker 1 (0:54) Like having a psychotic break you're Speaker 2 (0:56) like Speaker 1 (0:56) why is everyone Southern? Honestly, we use it to cope like when we're really miserable like an accent just really does help and I love me a good southern accent now Let me tell you something. I Speaker 2 (1:06) mean it is fun. It's Speaker 1 (1:08) a beautiful Speaker 2 (1:09) accent, but the people hate it no Speaker 1 (1:11) i think it's a mixed review there's some people who enjoy it but like genuinely i do understand though because i take it there i make it as annoying as possible and Speaker 2 (1:19) that's not what they're coming to the brand safe podcast for but Speaker 1 (1:22) like why not they Speaker 2 (1:23) would take that to the branded safe podcast or something like you Speaker 1 (1:27) guys i have amari sitting with me oh wait yeah hi three p Speaker 1 (1:35) genuinely so that he can pick up this brand safe podcast and put it on his back. What do you Speaker 2 (1:40) mean? Like you, this is your podcast. You are so talented. Like you got this. This is your, this is your shit. Okay. This is your bread and butter. Speaker 1 (1:50) And the only bread and butter I'm thinking about right now is the pickle mama need. Some days I feel like I'm made for this, for content creation and for talking. And other days it's just like horizontal Speaker 2 (2:01) ceiling. Speaker 1 (2:03) Rot. Mute. I also, there's a new strain of COVID Speaker 2 (2:07) -19. Might be COVID-20. Wait, like actually? I remember there was an outbreak of some new shit. I forget what it was called. I Speaker 1 (2:14) woke up some days ago with just like shard glass throat. Speaker 2 (2:18) Oh, okay. I thought you were like literally saying there's some new thing. Arouse? What? Arouse? What? Speaker 1 (2:24) Are you aroused? No. Well, I'm on medical fear TikTok. Speaker 2 (2:29) Okay. Speaker 1 (2:29) I'm on, what's that called? Speaker 2 (2:31) Hypochondriac? Speaker 1 (2:32) Yes, but like fear mongering, like new pandemic. Like I'm on that side of TikTok. Like something will have seven views. Patient Speaker 2 (2:38) zero talk? Speaker 1 (2:39) I'm on patient zero talk. Literally, it'll have seven views and two likes and it'll be like new virus in the patella. unlocked in New Orleans on cruise ship kills family of four in quarantine. And I see that and I'm on like sore throat illness tick. Like everyone has it right now. And I'm just feeling a little under the weather. And I've been using my Synex. I've been taking my Z-Pak. Speaker 2 (3:01) I've Speaker 1 (3:01) been really snorting and hooting and hollering all the colors coming out of me. Like it's just Roy G. Bivving out, you know. I don't know when I'm sick or when I'm warm. I don't feel like I'm the best at being funny. And we're in Texas and... It is hotter than the devil. A Speaker 2 (3:18) jalapeno scoochie. Speaker 1 (3:19) Hotter than a jalapeno scooter. Speaker 2 (3:22) Yeah, it is really hot and humid here. My allergies are awful out here. So, so, so bad. And obviously when I got my allergy test done like years ago, it's like six pages long. Like three of those pages are just like different grasses and trees and everything. And of course, like that's all there is here because we're not just in like Fort Worth. We're in like, I don't even fucking Speaker 1 (3:40) know where we are. Okay. There's tumbleweeds outside and horses. I love being in Texas. I really do. Like I romanticize it so much, like the good parts of the South. I don't know, looking at the the creeks and the grass and the fields and like all those things. I love the one thing I just cannot get behind is the bugs. It is the only part of like areas like this of the world that I can. It's like cicada, cicada nation. Yeah. And like wasps. Speaker 2 (4:09) Yeah. Speaker 1 (4:10) and like june bugs the is a june bug you know what i also don't like i have a bone to pick with naming even ladybugs like that's a spotted beetle okay Speaker 2 (4:19) well you know what i found out about ladybugs actually so when i was little i used to love going to the park and collecting ladybugs me too and i found out that ladybugs are actually only ones with six spots the rest are just beetles Like it's just like a thing that people created bugs are my Speaker 1 (4:34) biggest fear I would 100 % if I were presented with two options like to sit and play Russian roulette or let cockroaches crawl all over me a mom has taken a chance on the bullet and it's not a joke it's not a joke it's so interesting fears or phobias I should say because they're irrational and people will always try to hit me with like it's just a fly I know it's just a fly it's irrational it's a phobia I can't for Speaker 2 (4:56) me Speaker 1 (4:56) it's Speaker 2 (4:56) like certain bugs because I hate bugs too not as much as you Like I feel like a fly freaks you out. A gnat. Yeah. Gnat Speaker 1 (5:03) this. You know that's my name backwards though? A gnat. Speaker 2 (5:07) This is off to a great start. Like no way. I never do that. When you put it that way, this makes so much sense. And Speaker 1 (5:15) it's like make the podcast equipment more expensive. Sincerely. But that's the only thing I can't get behind. Other than that, I really do love Texas. Speaker 2 (5:24) Yeah. It's humid as f*** here too. Like I remember when we got off the plane and came outside, I was like, It is so wet. And I was just in Jersey where like it's humid there. I got off the plane here and I was like, this is putting Jersey to shame. I Speaker 1 (5:37) like humidity, though. I think it's just like a drink for your skin. It feeds the soul. You're with the elements. Like growing up in Vegas for me, it was like, oh, my God, my lip just cracked off like prosciutto, like like dried, like everything's dry and cracking off. Maybe I think that's why my ankle. They were just too dry. That was crazy. That was crazy work. Speaker 1 (6:02) Like this. Like my bones just couldn't get the calcium to them. It was too dry. The humidity, it lubricates everything. It lubricates life. Speaker 2 (6:10) I don't know. Humidity makes my skin break out more. I think that's why you like humidity because you have dry skin. I have oily skin. So then I just run around looking like a motherfucking Prince Street pizza. There's nothing I can do about it. And it's so annoying. Obviously, like, thank you, Tart, for your powder. Speaker 1 (6:24) I've been getting zits everywhere no matter what lately. You can read Braille on my forehead like Helen. Water. Water, Braille, dee-doot, beep-boop. I can't, but I break out when I'm stressed. Not necessarily. When I start doing this new Speaker 2 (6:35) thing, I don't put moisturizer on in the daytime when I'm in humid climates. What did you say? The moisture in the air, the drink of water or whatever just hydrates my skin naturally. So I don't even need Speaker 1 (6:45) to Speaker 2 (6:45) put on the moisturizer. Speaker 1 (6:46) Isn't it funny how like 40 years ago people were going to war and now it's like, I don't put moisture on my skin when I'm in humid climate. They didn't either. Speaker 1 (6:57) I'm taking a page out of their book, okay? No, and honestly, it's a good skincare tip. Speaker 2 (7:02) Yeah. Speaker 1 (7:02) Like, yeah. Yeah. I do just, even my scalp, it just be flaking, you know, like I like the humidity. Yeah. Speaker 2 (7:09) And Speaker 1 (7:10) that makes a lot of sense. You lean dry. Very. But not this bussy. Speaker 2 (7:15) That's the only thing about me. You and Bussy. I know. Oh my God. And Speaker 1 (7:20) this is so brand safe, by the way. But we've been in like a couple year long back and forth about this. Bussy means boy pussy. Speaker 2 (7:27) Yes. But Speaker 1 (7:28) to me. Me Speaker 2 (7:29) looking in the camera. Yes. But Speaker 1 (7:31) to me, it means butt pussy. Like that's how I refer to my taint as my butt. Speaker 2 (7:36) Have you ever heard anyone else do that though? But Speaker 1 (7:38) I'm not like, I'm not an ordinary girl. Speaker 2 (7:40) Well, then if you are one less lonely girl. One less ordinary pussy. Then I think that makes you. Wrong. Speaker 2 (7:49) You know what I'm saying, though? Like, have you ever heard anyone else do that? Like, no. Exactly. But you hear all your gays say, come fuck this pussy. I'm trying to make pussy great again. Speaker 1 (8:00) It is great. Speaking of making things great again, we are in Texas. We spoke at Texas Christian University yesterday. So Speaker 2 (8:06) funny. Honestly, like, awesome. It Speaker 1 (8:08) was so crazy. Because even, like, when it came across my desk, I was just like, we've already talked about this. But I was just like, there's absolutely no way they are asking me to speak. At Texas Christian University. Originally, I thought that it was going to be like the other college speaking opportunities I had done where someone has pre-set up questions and they're asking me questions on the stage. Yeah, Speaker 2 (8:30) it's like super interview style. And Speaker 1 (8:31) then we found out super last minute. Yeah. That, thank you. You know who you are. That we actually had to make our own show. And they just gave us free reign to say what. we wanted on stage at TCU. Speaker 2 (8:45) Yeah. Speaker 1 (8:46) And I have really been enjoying the college town era, the college speaking era. Obviously, like I never thought I would set foot in any form of a college and it is an honor. I want to put that message out there to anyone that you can go from. I hate people. I love them to like speaking at Texas Christian University if Speaker 2 (9:02) you Speaker 1 (9:02) want to. However, I went into speaking at TCU. thinking that we were about to be like mega churching out that like we weren't going to be able to swear and like that everyone was Texas Christian. Yeah. Speaker 2 (9:13) And Speaker 1 (9:13) so the premise of the show was for the audience to ask us questions via QR code and then we would answer them on stage and discuss it with the audience. And that's what we did. And when I tell you, like even in comparison to like the one that I did, was it in New Orleans? Yeah. Speaker 2 (9:27) Tulane. Speaker 1 (9:27) Tulane. Even like these Texans are wild. Yeah. They were just straight up asking people's dick sizes. They were asking the craziest stuff. Yeah, Speaker 2 (9:37) and TCU is a party school, which I kind of thought so, but wasn't positive about. Like, Speaker 1 (9:41) with Christian in the name, y'all are going to act like that? I guess that's always kind of how the trope has been, right? Yeah. The Christians, really, they're not. Speaker 2 (9:49) Yeah, it's not BYU. Speaker 1 (9:50) Yeah. I honestly, it's funny. We were writing jokes for the show, and I was confusing, like, TCU behavior with, like, Mormon behavior. I was like, do they soak? And it's like, no, it's different. Speaker 2 (10:02) That is Speaker 1 (10:02) so funny. What do they say? There's no hate like Christian love? Speaker 2 (10:06) I've never heard that. Okay. Speaker 1 (10:09) I believe it, though. I'm Christian, I guess. I'm like, Speaker 2 (10:12) is that another one of those things that only you say? Probably. Speaker 1 (10:15) You know what it was for me yesterday? I had a lovely time. I want to start with that. Sorry. You're getting it. Speaker 2 (10:20) Getting what? Whatever it is. I don't have the fucking Zika virus, babe. It's my allergies. Who Speaker 1 (10:26) are you fighting with? Zyrtec? No, you. Zika. Speaker 2 (10:30) Tanzika. You're getting it. Speaker 1 (10:32) Lately, my favorite source of dopamine has been a concert. And honestly, SeatGeek has been carrying me on their back. I've seen Noah Khan a few times recently. And every time I'm like, okay, this is exactly why I love live music so much. The connection, the presence, the Speaker 2 (10:49) dopamine. Speaker 1 (10:49) Which is why- I want to give the sponsor of today's video, SeatGeek, a huge shout out. With over 35 million downloads, SeatGeek is the number one rated ticketing app and they have more than 70,000 events listed. Concerts, sports, festivals, literally everything. And everyone is touring right now too. Speaker 2 (11:04) Noah Khan, Harry Speaker 1 (11:05) Styles, Matilda, me down, Olivia Rodrigo, Make My Bed, Charlie XCX, Bruno Mars. There are so many options. And I love using SeatGeek because it makes finding tickets so easy. Every ticket is rated on a scale from one to 10 so you can actually tell if you're getting a good deal just look for the green dots green means good red means bad and every ticket is backed by their buyer guarantee concert season is here to make it even better you can use code brand safe 10 for 10 off your seat geek tickets that's 10 off tickets with promo code brand safe 10. click the link in the description to download the app and it'll automatically add the code to your account so you can use it later thank you seek geek knock on wood little miss woo woo and she's always like knock on wood Speaker 2 (11:47) Yeah. I'm like, go fucking chew on some wood. That's Speaker 1 (11:50) like, ooh, ooh, why? Why? You know what it is? It's I don't like when you're beefing me when I'm disabled. Like, you know today that I'm unable to fight the Speaker 2 (11:59) fight. Speaker 1 (11:59) Yeah, I'm going to kick Speaker 2 (11:59) you Speaker 1 (11:59) while Speaker 2 (11:59) you're Speaker 1 (12:00) down. All Speaker 2 (12:00) right, like you can do about Speaker 1 (12:01) it. Speaker 2 (12:01) Square Speaker 1 (12:02) up. It's one thing if, like, I'm willing and able and I'm ready. And, like, but you're kicking me while I'm Speaker 2 (12:07) down. Speaker 1 (12:07) Stay on the flow. Stay on the flow. Yeah, that's what I thought. It's you today. It's abusive. Here's Speaker 2 (12:12) what Speaker 1 (12:12) I want to go back to Texas Christian University. Oh, yes. Yes. So obviously we get there. We find out that they're raunchy and the show was great. Like so many of the girls and everyone in the room. They were so amazing. But there was one moment that really stuck out to me that I can't shake. And maybe I'm going to get in trouble for saying this. Like it kept me up last night thinking about it, I guess. So basically, obviously, everyone was submitting these questions in the front row. There was like this fabulous gay and his girl best friend. And he had written into the QR code. He was like, how do I stay positive? while I'm at this school and everyone is MAGA and homophobic. Oh Speaker 2 (12:44) yes, I met him. He was so cute. I loved him. Speaker 1 (12:48) He Speaker 2 (12:48) was so cute Speaker 1 (12:48) and so sweet. But when we read the question out loud, the whole room turned to him, right? Yeah. Like they all knew that he had written it in even before he like stood up. Who I am and how I am, I'm very observant. Yeah. Like it's just, I think. He calls himself a cute. Speaker 2 (13:03) Sexy twink too. Yes. I was like, I love that. I Speaker 1 (13:06) watched some people turn just like knowing it was him and some people laughing, but I also watched a room full of like at least 70 dirty looks. Speaker 2 (13:13) Which is so insane to me because like obviously you're fans of the girls and the gays. Like there were other gays in the room. There were a lot. Speaker 1 (13:19) And like, I'm on stage, babe. Come handle this. I watched some heads turn and like give a look to him that like felt. exactly what he had like written in yeah i don't know it's just so to see being here in the south and even like flying here so we're we we flew here and it's normally two and a half hour flight to texas and we're already delayed like two hours we finally get on the plane so now we've been delayed for two hours we're on the plane for two and a half hours and we're like close to landing and all of a sudden the pilot comes over the intercom and he says Speaker 2 (13:52) We can't Speaker 1 (13:53) land Speaker 2 (13:53) the Speaker 1 (13:54) plane. Speaker 2 (13:54) You Speaker 1 (13:55) know, I'm feeling myself back in 25B. I'm like, I'll land it. What do you mean we can't land the plane? Give me the sticks. Beep boop. Find the Speaker 2 (14:04) runway. Why can't we land the plane? And Speaker 1 (14:08) it's like a lull for a second. Like everyone's confused, whatever, right? And then basically he comes back over the intercom and he's like. There's a VIP client that has to land and we can't land. So we're just going to be doing circles in the air. And I'm like, is it Oprah? Like, why are we circling? You know, and there are certain people that I'm willing to circle for. Right. There are certain, you know, Miley wants to fucking spin the block. I'll stay up in the air. Like he finally comes back on the intercom and is like, no planes can land. No planes can take off because our president. Take Speaker 2 (14:41) off with the Air Force. They're like, we have Air Force on the ground, all this stuff. I'm like, no. The VIP, VIP, O-T-U-S. And Speaker 1 (14:48) it's almost like I'm watching everyone on the plane be like, oh, okay. Like, because we're flying into Texas, they're like, well, of course we'll stay up here all day. Yeah. Like, all damn day for our king. Speaker 2 (14:59) Make sure you Speaker 1 (14:59) get some Speaker 2 (14:59) fresh water down there. Speaker 1 (15:01) Just, oh, bless his heart. I wouldn't want him to suffer in his big plane. Like, had we been flying into like Los Angeles or something, the plane just would have been like different. Yeah. Like, I don't know. It's just been very. prevalent to me just that moment and like how divided we are as a nation not that I need to be like really on about that on the brand no one wants to Speaker 2 (15:17) get their news from Tana Mongeau but I don't know it just I Speaker 1 (15:20) love the romanticized parts of the south but it's so crazy living in Los Angeles such a like free and open and accepting place and like a melting Speaker 2 (15:27) pot Speaker 1 (15:28) Yes. And then