Part Two: Francisco Solano Lopez: The Worst Military Leader In Human History

Behind the Bastards - Cool Zone Media and iHeartPodcasts

This episode of 'Behind the Bastards' examines Francisco Solano López, the dictator of Paraguay, widely regarded as one of history's worst military leaders. The

Key takeaways

• Francisco Solano López's military leadership was so inept that it led to the near-total destruction of Paraguay, resulting in mass genocide.

Main topics

• Francisco Solano López's incompetence as a military leader
• The Lopez family's exploitation through slavery and economic plunder

Notable quotes

"He got his entire country genocided. It's I shouldn't be laughing. It's a really terrible story."

Conclusion

Francisco Solano López's reign exemplifies how unchecked power, personal incompetence, and

Transcript preview

Speaker 4 (0:04) Welcome Speaker 1 (0:05) back once again to Behind the Bastards, a podcast where we tell you everything you don't know about the worst people in all of history. And this week we're telling the story of Francisco Solano Lopez, the dictator of Paraguay, probably the worst military leader in all of history. The only person I've ever read of who was so bad at being a general that he got his entire country genocided. It's I shouldn't be laughing. It's a really terrible story. People suffer horribly. But the level of incompetence is just like it's honestly like almost awe inspiring. Like I've never read about anyone doing this badly at war. And that includes Hitler. Speaker 8 (0:42) Anyway, James Stout, welcome back to the show. Sorry to say thank you a bit before introducing you. I'm excited to see to hear about so many people dying. Always what I expect Speaker 5 (0:51) when Speaker 8 (0:51) I come on. Always a good time. Always a good time. Human death and misery. That's that's the James Stout. I don't know. James, you have a podcast? I do, yeah. I'm sorry? I have. Speaker 5 (1:02) Thanks, Robert. I have covered human death and misery for many years. But when I'm not, unfortunately, covering horrible things, I like to go outside, touch a bit of grass. And my new podcast is called Natural Causes. And it's about going outside and the politics behind going outside. Speaker 8 (1:21) Excellent. Yeah. I'm going to get to the bottom of Mike Lee and why is he like this. Why is Mike Lee like this? What does everyone get wrong about fire suppression? All the important stories. Who's evicting the buffalo from public lands? Who's evicting the buffalo, right? And in their defense, buffalo haven't paid rent in a long time. It's true that they Speaker 5 (1:43) predate Speaker 8 (1:44) the concept of rent. Speaker 5 (1:45) Yeah, they don't understand money also. Should we be calling them buffalo? So I'm sure somebody has strong opinions and they're already logging on to Reddit to tell me that they're called bison. I don't Speaker 1 (1:54) know. All I know is that there's cows and bigger cows and smaller cows. And all animals are one of those three things, including sharks. Anyway, let's continue talking about Francisco Solano Lopez. Speaker 4 (2:07) This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If Speaker 2 (2:44) your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Speaker 6 (3:14) On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Speaker 7 (3:50) I'm Nick Turturro. You probably know me from NYPD Blue, The Longest Yard, or Spike Lee's Black Klansman. And on my new podcast, Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, I deliver pizza to a new guest. I've shared a slice with everyone, from Seth Rollins. What are you doing with my belt? To Bill Burr. I don't think I've ever met somebody so exactly out of their mind as I am. And now we even have more great guests coming up, including the great John Turturro. It's called happiness. Delivering happiness. And many, many more. Open your free Hi Heart Radio app. Search Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro. And listen now. Speaker 1 (4:29) So I just said Francisco, but we're still in the in the reign of his father, Carlos Lopez. And as I said last episode, Carlos Lopez is for the most part a relatively peaceful. He's certainly peaceful. He's entirely peaceful. He does not start shit beyond his borders, really. And he's generally even at home, a pretty retiring and almost tolerant, semi-tolerant tyrant. Again, tyrant still, but semi-tolerant. Because he's lazy. He doesn't like to do much. And while every single – I mean he works hard, but he doesn't like to – he's not like an active suppressor of the people. That takes a lot of work. He likes to outsource some of that. He doesn't like to go too hard because I think he understands also if you crack down on people too much, it fucks Speaker 8 (5:11) them Speaker 1 (5:11) over. Because one of the things – I've just talked about how kleptocratic the Lopez regime is. And under Carlos, they are stealing like 25 % of every dollar off the top at least. But everyone's also making shitloads more money than they ever had before because he just opens the country up and that's really good for the economy, no longer being a hermit kingdom. Like that helps a lot. Speaker 1 (5:33) People don't mind generally, right, that both that there's secret police and that he's routing a lot of the money through his like family because things are so much better than they were under the last dictator. And people don't tend to think in terms of absolute like is this fair or not? They think like, well, the last guy, we were all poor as shit and now I have some Speaker 8 (5:49) money. Speaker 1 (5:50) Yeah, Speaker 8 (5:51) now Speaker 1 (5:51) I Speaker 8 (5:51) can buy shit. It's a Speaker 1 (5:52) powerful Speaker 8 (5:53) argument. Speaker 1 (5:54) Now, again, these still are not nice people because one of the chief ways the Lopez family plundered Paraguay was through trafficking enslaved people. Benigno Lopez, Francisco's younger brother, had a thing for purchasing children of Afro-Indigenous extraction. And he's believed to have been a pederast at a pretty massive scale. Like he is buying kids from the government to molest is kind of what Sager insinuates, right? That's not as uncommon as you want it to be in like world history. Many of these slaves specifically Speaker 8 (6:25) - Speaker 1 (6:26) This is always bad, but one of the things that makes this even a little grosser is that most of the slaves Benigno buys are of a – and Francisco is buying slaves too. I don't think he's raping them as much, but he's still buying a lot of slaves. And most of the slaves they both buy because they're cheaper are called liberto. Like that's a legal category of slave. And liberto slaves, you're supposed to free them when they hit 24 or 25 depending on whether they're male or female. And the Lopez family just doesn't do this. They're just buying these slaves because they're cheaper and kind of breaking what's supposed to be the law. Now, I should also note that because no one else is allowed to take payment from like the Lopez brothers for the slaves they buy from the government, they're pretty much Speaker 8 (7:03) just free slaves as far as I can tell. They do it for the love of the game. They're doing it for the love of the game. Jesus Speaker 1 (7:09) Christ. So Carlos, again, not a nice man, but his documented moments of direct violent evil are few, and the worst of them were committed as acts of nepotism in support of his fuckhead son, Francisco Solano. After Lopez returned from Europe, he's the clear frontrunner to be his aging father's successor, right? There'd been a little bit of debate still, I think, beforehand, because people wondered, well, if he's incompetent enough, they could still bring in like Benigno, maybe. But after he gets all these treaties signed, everyone realizes like, oh, it's definitely going to be Francisco. So the two Lopez's put together a plan to bring European immigrants into Paraguay. Now, there's some racism in this. They want to people the Chaco, which is this like desolate region of the country. And there's indigenous people there, but they think they're an inferior kind of native, right? filling the region with Europeans would improve the prestige of Paraguay and the honor of the Lopez's. The problem was the Chaco is a terrible place to farm. Like even the indigenous people who'd lived there for a long time had kind of mostly given up farming because it's a really bad Speaker 8 (8:10) place to, if you have any other option, you don't want to farm in the fucking Chaco. Speaker 1 (8:15) So about 500 Europeans do agree to move there and start farming with Paraguayan governmental support. But these volunteers are, per historian James Sager, gullible French citizens without the necessary skills. So they Speaker 8 (8:27) don't know how to farm. They don't know what they're doing at all. Speaker 1 (8:30) And they settle in like the worst territory to farm in the entire country. The colony collapses and the settlers who don't go home wind up strewn across Paraguay and in many cases are arrested by Carlos for breach of contract because he's like, you said you were going to farm. Speaker 8 (8:44) That's Speaker 5 (8:45) a Speaker 8 (8:45) pretty douchey thing to Speaker 5 (8:46) do right there. Speaker 8 (8:47) And they're like, but you said you were going to support us as farmers. And he said, well, there's no judiciary, so no one's going to hold me to that, really. Speaker 5 (8:55) Yeah, a contract only works one way. It reminds me of the Scots who tried to establish a colony in the Dariens. Yeah, not a good idea. Yeah, Northern European people in jungle. Yeah, always works. It's Speaker 1 (9:06) not Speaker 5 (9:06) a natural habitat. Speaker 1 (9:08) Always works. I was just reading a book that was like a countervailing narrative to the explorer Percy Fawcett's life. And one of the things this guy, he reads a quote from like, I think it was in like the 50s or 60s, like an ad for an Amazon cruise that's like, now you won't die coming. Like Speaker 8 (9:22) we have antibiotics now. You'll probably live. Visit the Amazon. Perfect. No longer a distance for Europeans. On Speaker 1 (9:29) a Speaker 8 (9:29) holiday. Yeah. Speaker 1 (9:31) Yeah. So this contributed. The uncertainty and anger as a result of like how this colony goes and in general, the fact that a lot of these Europeans who come over realize the country is not quite as nice as they thought. It contributes to an undercurrent of resistance to the Lopez dictatorship that starts to brew through the 1850s as Carlos gets older. In 1858, several men are arrested for conspiring to assassinate the president. They probably weren't. It's probably more likely to say that these guys were mostly Europeans who pissed off the regime by causing problems for it, right, in part as a result of business disputes and stuff. And the Lopez's wanted to get rid of them. I think that's more what was going on. One RST was James Kanstad. who is a British citizen with Uruguayan citizenship as well. He's like mixed race. And I think the issue is that he'd been in some sort of business relationship with a Lopez that soured. And the same was true of the Deco brothers, one of whom worked for Francisco Lopez and then embezzled money and fled the country. Now, his brother. Carlos de Coe, had done nothing wrong, but he had gotten engaged to a woman that Francisco had a crush on, and she'd turned the future dictator and current vice president down, and he'd gotten enraged. Sager describes what happened next. It was widely believed that the government persecuted young de Coe at the insistence of Francisco, who liked to flower young women of the best families of the nation, not a breach of the honor code. His position made him unaccustomed to rejection. Thus, the Lopez's had the de Coes executed, perhaps the only great atrocity committed during the reign of Lopez I. is how it's often described. I know that I'd say only, but that's like kind of the most visibly bad thing Speaker 8 (11:05) he does. Yeah, that's like textbook dictator, evil dictator shit right Speaker 5 (11:09) there. Speaker 1 (11:09) And the fact that he does his first real textbook evil dictator thing to support his son wanting to like rape ladies shows you how the Francisco Lopez regime is gonna go in a lot of ways, right? Now, James Canstat, the British guy, stays alive because the British government protests immediately and says, well, if he's done something illegal, he needs to have a fair trial, which can't exist in Paraguay because the Lopez's are the judiciary, right? And so that conflict brews. And Carlos, as this is kind of like going on, Carlos sends his son over, well, not quite overseas, but sends his son to Argentina in 1859 to secure what would prove to be Francisco's greatest diplomatic achievement. So for most of the last couple decades, Argentina had been quarreling with Brazil for regional dominance, often over Uruguay, where both nations had intervened militarily at least once and through other means constantly. Both Argentina and Brazil also disputed their borders with Paraguay. Brazil thought they were entitled to parts of North Paraguay and kept moving settlers over to try to claim it because Brazil's attitude towards like borders is, well, if we have people there, then it's ours. Speaker 8 (12:13) Right? That's kind of the argument Brazil's making. Speaker 5 (12:18) Right. And an argument that would never again be made in history. Speaker 8 (12:22) Never again be made. Not relevant to today's politics. No settlers doing that anywhere. Speaker 1 (12:28) So Argentina wanted some of southern Paraguay and refused to give them unrestricted river access. Partly this is a broader fuck you to the Brazilians because like, well, if you're letting Brazilians into your waters, Paraguay, then we can't give you control of the river because you could let Brazilians into Argentina, I think is. kind of the issue. I'm Speaker 8 (12:45) not an expert on politics in this period. I'm trying to give you the Speaker 1 (12:50) overview here. So in 1852, Argentina has a split because there's also a lot of disagreement and instability within the nation of Argentina. And there's like a civil split between the capital, Buenos Aires, and a bunch of provinces that are united under a guy named Jose de Urquiza. In 1859, the dispute between these two sections of Argentina escalates to civil war. And after some very bloody battles, both sides decide to bring in a neutral intermediary. And for reasons that never really make a lot of sense, Francisco Lopez gets the job. He Speaker 8 (13:22) does surprisingly well. There's a temporary treaty that secures peace. And everyone seems to say like he did a pretty good job helping to negotiate it. Actually, he's not bad. Speaker 1 (13:33) Lopez, though, is proud of this achievement way out of proportion to what it represents, because it's good to help broker peace between two sides that don't want to go to war anymore. But if they've already decided, they're Speaker 8 (13:45) kind of done being at war. Speaker 5 (13:46) When they've asked for arbitration, I do feel like the biggest hurdle has been crossed, that they've stopped killing each other. Speaker 8 (13:52) Yeah, if they've already wanted to, well, they're not going to Speaker 1 (13:54) keep to that. But Lopez is really proud. And when Urquiza, the Argentinian leader, offers him his sword, Francisco insists, your thanks are the only reward that I need. And then when he gets home, he has a gold medal made for himself and he puts it on display in the Speaker 8 (14:10) Capitol. Speaker 5 (14:12) Perfect. Speaker 8 (14:14) He's such a funny little man. Speaker 5 (14:15) He didn't think it was sufficiently blingy enough. It didn't have enough gold grain. Speaker 8 (14:19) What are you looking at this thing? It's got Speaker 5 (14:21) scrapes on it. Speaker 8 (14:22) It's been used. No, thank you. They've Speaker 5 (14:24) been Speaker 8 (14:24) using that shit. That's not what that's for. Is it gold? No, thank you. Speaker 1 (14:27) It's not all gold. In 1861, Speaker 8 (14:29) the treaty collapses. So just after two years, and Argentina goes back to war with herself. So not the best treaty ever either. Yeah, real peacemaker shit. Still, for a couple years, it's a big success, and it's marred only slightly by the fact that as he's trying to leave Argentina, and he's in Buenos Aires trying to go back to the flagship of his entire navy, and the British Navy sails in and impounds it. You're like, no, you're not getting on this boat. Sorry, we're taking this fucker. We're the British Navy. Have you heard of the Royal Navy in 1859? Yeah, Speaker 5 (15:06) they are not to be fucked with. I bet he wished he had the sword. No. Could have gone on there giving it some personal bravery like Speaker 8 (15:12) Napoleon. You want to fuck with us? Oh, okay, sure. Well, we'll just take, we'll shake out literally the change in our wallets and blow you out of the fucking scene with it. We're the Royal Speaker 1 (15:22) Navy in 1859. Now, obviously the British are pissed because of the arrest of that British Uruguayan dude, right? And so they're taking his capital, his flagship. hostage to be like, look, we won't give your fucking boat back unless you let our man go, which Speaker 8 (15:37) is pretty effective power politics to give the British Empire credit. Yeah. Back in the day, they went hard for that shit. They sure did. And they're in the right here, right? This guy probably did Speaker 1 (15:47) nothing wrong. Francisco is a giant asshole. Yeah. And what has to be, again, this should say something about the kind of asshole Francisco Lopez is that like the British Empire are consistently like the most reasonable people in this story. Yeah. Yeah. Speaker 8 (16:02) The British Empire and the Brazilian Empire are like consistently rational actors here. Speaker 1 (16:10) So in what had to have been a humiliating scene, though, Francisco is forced to order James's release. And, you know, this is this is a massive L for Paraguay and for him. But he gets his big, stupid boat back, even though it's outdated at the time and not very good anymore. Now, by the time this all goes down, that he's negotiated this treaty and kind of the 1850s are ending, the 1860s are starting. Francisco Lopez has developed a new theory of South American geopolitics. And because of all of the conflicts Brazil and Argentina had had over Uruguay, he comes to see Uruguay as he calls it the great Gordian knot that's like locked in all of the political machination of the powers of the Plata region of South America, which is where Paraguay, Uruguay, Brazil and Argentina are either in habit or touch. All of them are kind of wrapped up in Uruguay. It's this Gordian knot. And if you can cut it, then you can take real power, right? You know, that's kind of his idea. And I think he believes this mainly because Brazil and Argentina can't stop fucking with Uruguay in politics. And previously, like his dad doesn't seem to really want to get involved. Dr. Francia certainly didn't. But he's going to be convinced that like, well, if Paraguay wants to be a player, we got to start Speaker 8 (17:19) fucking around with Uruguay. Yeah, it must be something that is worth it. Yeah. And this is this gives us another beautiful moment of shade from Sager's book. Although no executive before or since has thought that Uruguayan affairs were so essential to Paraguay's security, Francisco saw Brazil's intervention there as an insult to his nation and himself. Speaker 1 (17:38) Like Speaker 8 (17:39) the only man who ever considered this important. Speaker 1 (17:41) Yeah. So while he strategized, Lopez continued to obsess over his army, and he begins increasing conscription rates to a level that would have eventually made the state go broke. He starts conscripting so many people that, like, it is completely unsustainable, even as good as the economy's been. So if there isn't the war that's going to come, Paraguay would have gone bankrupt because of him building up his army to such an extent. And part of the reason why Paraguay's army becomes so abnormally large for its size is that Francisco hired a really incompetent asshole to do a census. And so he thinks Paraguay has like a million people in it Speaker 8 (18:20) and it has maybe 450,000. I feel like that's going to not pass the sniff test. At some point, you're going to be like, I know this guy's not full of shit, man. Maybe we should get somebody who can count better. Yeah. One Speaker 1 (18:32) thing I've heard is that if Paraguay had like a million people, he would be conscripting too many of them for the state to be able to afford. Speaker 8 (18:40) And he's off by a factor of at least two. So he's drafting way too many fucking dudes. Now, Speaker 1 (18:47) that said, he winds up with a really good army. Probably man for man, it's the best army in the region at this point, right? By like a meaningful level, you know? That said, one of the issues is it's still small in objective numbers. So even though it is a really good army for its size, if it starts suffering casualties, these really good soldiers