Please Advise: What Happens When Your Family Doesn't Like the New You?

Becoming You with Suzy Welch

In this episode of 'Becoming You,' Suzy Welch addresses two listener questions that highlight the challenges of personal growth and identity shifts. First, Ana, a 44-year-old marketing professional returning from a sabbatical after burnout, struggles with

Key takeaways

• Personal growth often triggers resistance from loved ones who are attached to your former identity.
• Aligning career and life choices with core values leads to sustainable fulfillment, even if it disrupts familiar patterns.

Main topics

• Identity transformation after personal growth
• Navigating family resistance to change

Notable quotes

"I want the old you back." – A common reaction when someone begins living authentically.

Conclusion

True growth often disrupts relationships, especially with family, but it doesn't have to destroy them. By grounding

Transcript preview

Speaker 3 (0:00) There's this crazy moment that comes in everyone's life when suddenly someone calls you by a new identity marker. Like it happens right after you get married and you change your name. I remember right after I got back from my honeymoon with Jack, I was at the dentist and they were like calling Mrs. Welch, Mrs. Welch, Mrs. Welch. And I just sat there waiting for a minute until I thought, oh wow, that is now me. Speaker 3 (0:26) Although I have to tell you that now when they say Dr. Welch, I'm like damn straight because that, that doctorate thing, that was a new identity that I fought with like blood, sweat, and tears because getting a PhD is freaking hard. All right, that is not what we're here to talk about today. Not at all. We are here to talk about adopting a new identity or revealing your true identity to the world and what happens afterwards when the people around us who knew and loved the old us say, wait, what's going on? I want the old you back. And that can happen, and it happens all the time, especially when we start to really, truly live out our authentic values. Hello, welcome to the Becoming You podcast, where each week we walk alongside you on the journey to discovering and living your purpose. And where every now and again, we have a series called Please Advise, where I answer questions from real listeners with real problems, and I endeavor to give them real, actionable, no BS solutions. So we'll be doing that with two listeners today. The second of which is Brie. She's starting to live into her true values, and in particular, the value of eudaimonia, which is this value of self-care and join the moment and flourishing. And her traditional family is saying, wait, what about our values of achievement and work centrism? What was wrong with those? Here's the good news. I have seen this dynamic so many times that I think I actually have not easy, but tactically Very good advice for Bree. So I hope you stick around to see if you agree and maybe you can put it to use for yourself someday if and when you need it. But let's start with our first question, which is equally important. And it's from Anna. Anna is 44 and she took a sabbatical after some burnout at her old job with a big corporate setting. And she's back to job hunting again. And after a few months, it is not going swimmingly, let's say. She wants to know how to stay motivated when the silence is deafening. Ana, you are so not alone, but I have good news again, which is that I have tons of suggestions and I hope they're helpful. So let's get going right now, right here. So Speaker 4 (2:35) after listening to your episode on fear and sabbaticals, I felt compelled to reach out. I personally also took a sabbatical last year after feeling... burned out and kind of like lost on my career path. I'm grateful to have been in a good financial position to do it. I saved and kind of like planned for it. And I traveled, reconnected with myself, spent time with my family and read your book, of course, along the way, which gave me a lot of clarity. But here's where I'm stuck right now. My job search has been brutal. I've been networking, applying online, being intentional about what I want. I think I've only landed one interview so far. So my question is, how do you stay motivated and keep your confidence intact when you're doing everything right and still not seeing the results? First of all, thank you for your question. I'm glad that it sounds like your sabbatical was really fun. It was. How long did it last? I planned it for six months. Then I started looking for jobs and a business. applying for over three months now. All right. Speaker 3 (3:41) So before your sabbatical, what were you doing? I Speaker 4 (3:44) do marketing and I was doing B2B marketing for a global company. And so did you quit the company or were you let go? No, I quit. And why did you quit? Mainly because even though it was an amazing company and an amazing brand, I wanted to grow and kind of like have more responsibilities in terms of strategy. And that was kind of like not. the case in that specific company. You Speaker 3 (4:10) went to your boss and you said, I want to grow. I want to move more into strategy. I'm very much in operations. And they said, we'd like to keep you where you are. They Speaker 4 (4:18) said, basically, we would love to give you the opportunity, but we can't right now. And that was, of course, a long conversation, right? Like several months or even close to over a year of like, let's try something. But yeah. And it was the nature of the work. Speaker 3 (4:35) It wasn't anything about the company. It sounds like it was the actual nature of the work that you were struggling with. It was you were doing more blocking and tackling and you wanted to do more strategy. Speaker 4 (4:45) Yes, they had to shrink the team. So I ended up kind of like covering for what before was like different people's. work by myself, of course, not all, but like multiple tasks. So you were not actually enjoying Speaker 3 (5:02) the nature of the work anymore. Yes. How long had you done that for? I Speaker 4 (5:06) did that in total for about four years. Before that, had you been in marketing? Speaker 3 (5:11) Yes. Okay. So can I, give me a sense of how, of your age. So I'm 44. This is relevant because I just want to make sure what's not going on here is ageism. All right. So you're 44. You left. You had your sabbatical. And when you came back from your sabbatical, what did you set your sights on doing? Like, what is your dream? What is the dream job or career that you were looking for? Speaker 4 (5:32) Yes. So actually, I love marketing. And that's something that I reinforced during that time. I was like, I actually do like what I do. My dream job is to work with anything related to the ocean and ocean conservancy or anything related to ocean, even ocean sports. I am a surfer and I love the ocean. And sadly, that's a very small world. But yes, but I'm also open to other opportunities. Okay, so let's just do a little becoming you kind of stuff here. What are your, do you know your values? Yes. So first. should be radius, then belovedness. Speaker 3 (6:12) Your top value is radius. This is the value where you are impelled. You want to change the world for the better. And I guess this is part of your love of surfing and nature and wanting to take your marketing into places and companies that are doing good in the world. Yes. Now, the second value you have is belovedness. And this is the value of organizing your life around a romantic partner. Where are you with that in your life? It's great. I'm happily married. Okay, good. So check on that one. Your third value was? Eudaimonia. Eudaimonia is almost the universal value. 65 % of people have it as a top value. And it's a desire for self-care, personal flourishing. I mean, I hear this in your surfing. I hear this in you taking a sabbatical with your family. Do you feel like you're achieving that? Or you've been achieving that? Has that been a deficit for you? Or how are you on your eudaimonia? Speaker 4 (7:02) So I've been very happy with that after my sabbatical and maybe before that a little bit too, just because the company where I was working for, they were very flexible and I was doing remote work. But right now I feel that I'm balanced. I like my lifestyle and how I can also take care of myself. All right. What's the fourth value? The fourth value is family centrism. All right. This is the desire to be near and Speaker 3 (7:30) dear to your family and be available to them and to be able to organize your decisions around them. It sounds like your old job permitted that and your current life permits it. Yes? Actually, Speaker 4 (7:40) that's, well, not 100 % true because, so I'm originally from Colombia and all my family is back in Colombia. So I travel, I need to travel at least. twice a year to see them and help them. Of course, my parents are aging. So there Speaker 3 (7:58) is this kind of desire and need, it feels, want to have the kind of flexibility that allows you to travel to kind of fulfill your value of family centrism, right? Speaker 4 (8:09) Yes, but I also like, I have also found other ways to support them and feel close to them. So, yes. And then what's the final, what was the fifth value? It's place. Speaker 3 (8:20) Is your place Columbia or is Speaker 4 (8:22) your place Huntington Beach? I love Huntington Beach because, of course, I'm by the beach. And it's, you know, like ocean community all around. I love how there are like multiple opportunities for me to volunteer, to work with ocean related causes. Yeah, I like that. Speaker 3 (8:42) Becoming you has got three parts to it. We hear Speaker 4 (8:44) your values, Speaker