Bobby's Moana Birthday! w/ Stavros Halkias

Bad Friends

In this chaotic and humorous birthday episode of Bad Friends, Bobby Lee celebrates his birthday with co-hosts Andrew, Stavros Halkias, and o

Key takeaways

• The hosts use humor to explore complex emotions like schadenfreude, showing how joy can come from others' misfortunes—even in extreme cases like a child crying after a major sports loss.

Main topics

• Bobby Lee's birthday celebration
• Schadenfreude and emotional responses to others' failures

Notable quotes

"What can I say except you're welcome? For the sun, the sky, the tides."

"I have schadenfreude. I do it because I... You're never whole."

Conclusion

The episode ends with a mix of heartfelt appreciation and comedic absurdi

Transcript preview

Speaker 4 (0:00) No, it doesn't go on your head. It goes over your right shoulder. Everything Speaker 3 (0:04) has to be ninja with you. Speaker 4 (0:07) I actually think that looks awesome. Moana, the Japanese soldier. The tale they haven't told yet. Speaker 3 (0:17) The Japanese Moana soldier? They haven't told this tale yet. With drunk Tommy Lee. I didn't know drunk Tommy Lee was with us. Speaker 2 (0:25) Who are these Speaker 3 (0:27) two idiots? Speaker 5 (0:29) Dude, I'm an Asian dude. You two Speaker 2 (0:32) are... Speaker 2 (0:35) We're bad friends. Speaker 4 (0:37) Can I say except you're welcome for the tides, the sun, the sky. Hey, it's okay, it's okay. Let me give a shot. You're Speaker 3 (0:47) welcome. Speaker 4 (0:47) Can I give a shot? I'm Speaker 3 (0:48) just an Speaker 4 (0:48) ordinary demiguy. Speaker 3 (0:52) Okay, I can't give a shot. Speaker 4 (0:53) That's the chorus. Hey. Hey. Speaker 4 (0:58) Hey, what Speaker 3 (0:59) has two thumbs and pulled up the sky? When you're waddling, yeah, hi. Speaker 3 (1:12) That's real bad. Really bad. This guy, when the nights got cold, who stole you fire from down below? I got it. What are you doing? You think you got it? That's the song, no? Yeah, no, it sounded actually perfect. Okay. So I don't know whose choice was this more honorable. It's my birthday. I get what we're doing. Happy birthday, Bobby. What can I say Speaker 4 (1:38) except happy birthday to a sweet little Chinese boy? Yeah. What can I say except happy birthday? Do this Speaker 3 (1:47) and then Speaker 4 (1:48) do this. That's drunk Tommy Lee. This is from a fan. Happy birthday. Look at that. Did you see what I just threw on the table? Happy birthday. That's from a fan. That is too. Speaker 3 (2:00) Thank Speaker 4 (2:00) you. Speaker 3 (2:02) Thank you. You got two of them here. Yeah, these have been here. Speaker 4 (2:07) No, we just got Speaker 3 (2:08) them. No, no, no. These have been in the... I've seen this in the studio before. Speaker 4 (2:11) We literally just got them. So today, my girlfriend said that I have a disease. Which one? Marcelo Hernandez just texted me. He called me. Should I call him back? Sure, give him a ring. All right. Speaker 3 (2:21) It's Speaker 4 (2:22) your birthday, man. You want to do whatever you want on your birthday. Speaker 4 (2:25) You gotta tell him you're on the show. Speaker 3 (2:27) Oh, Speaker 2 (2:28) wow. Speaker 4 (2:29) Congratulations, Speaker 3 (2:29) but are you above us? Because you're on Bad Friends with Andrew right now. Speaker 2 (2:34) Oh, no. Speaker 3 (2:35) Yeah, say something. Hey, man. Hey, Speaker 4 (2:37) man. Well, I love Andrew. Andrew Speaker 2 (2:39) is just a great guy. And honestly, Bobby, how often do you say thank you to Andrew for making your career? Speaker 4 (2:45) What can I say except you're welcome. Oh, Speaker 2 (2:47) my Speaker 4 (2:47) God. Speaker 2 (2:48) It's my Speaker 4 (2:49) birthday. Speaker 2 (2:50) How often? Oh, my God. Bobby, it's your birthday. How old are you now? 69? Speaker 3 (2:56) I regret calling you, Marcelo Hernando. Speaker 2 (3:00) Oh my God. Listen, Bobby. What do you want? What do you need? I'll Speaker 3 (3:04) get you anything you want, baby. You want black market pineapples? What do you want? Speaker 2 (3:08) On Saturday, I'm doing a show in like a cool place in LA and I was wondering if you could wait tables for it. You know what? I'm Speaker 3 (3:18) going to hang up now. I'm going to hang up now on you. Speaker 2 (3:22) I love you, Bobby. I love you. Andrew, I just want to say, when the whole industry stopped, Bobby was finished. Thank you for taking a chance on him. Thank Speaker 4 (3:30) you. Thank you, brother. I appreciate it. Talk to Speaker 3 (3:32) you later. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Okay. Speaker 4 (3:34) We love that kid. He's fantastic. He's on your side every time. He's the man. All right. So I'm going to tell you what I have. What do you got? Your disease is now your girlfriend says you have a couple of diseases. I have one disease. Speaker 5 (3:43) Only one? Speaker 4 (3:44) No, only one that's verified. This is a true Speaker 3 (3:47) one, though. And I regret to have it. And I don't want it. But I think I have it. It's got to be HPV. No, that's not HPV. What is it? First of all, can I just say something about my sexual juices? Speaker 4 (4:01) Small Speaker 3 (4:01) lies. What Speaker 4 (4:03) are your sexual juices? What do you mean? They're pure. Pure. Oh, okay. Go to my doctor. Check my juices. I'm Speaker 3 (4:12) not Speaker 4 (4:12) going to go to your doctor. You go to a guy at a Korean spa and he's your doctor. I know, but he has juice machine. Everything look good. He does blood work. That's all he says. He looks at you in Speaker 3 (4:20) the spa. Speaker 4 (4:20) Can I just say what I have? What do you have? God, dude. Schadenfreude. Schadenfreude. Yeah, you're Schadenfreude. What is it? Schadenfreude is when you love the demise of others. Here's why. It's feeling joy or satisfaction when you get something bad happens to another person. I know what Schadenfreude is. So there's this one game. Speaker 3 (4:40) It was. Germany versus Brazil. Speaker 4 (4:43) So Schadenfreude was very appropriate there. Speaker 3 (4:45) Yes. Yeah. It was 2014, I believe. And they beat Germany. No, Germany beat Brazil, I think 7-1. And there's always in the, if you see the highlights, they always cut to a kid who's in a Brazilian jersey. He's crying. And he's crying so deeply. Bring it up. And I watch that video all the time. Because when I see the kid cry, it makes me laugh. And Speaker 4 (5:10) is that schadenfreude? It's pretty on the nose. He's a Brazilian fan. Yeah. Schadenfreude. This is great. We watched a little boy cry at the stands. This kid. Speaker 3 (5:21) I have schadenfreude, Speaker 4 (5:22) dude. Dude, this. I mean, that's dark to laugh at that poor kid. I know. But they lost 7-1. 4-0 right there. That's when they were at 4-0. Oh, wow. It got worse and worse and worse. Is that Speaker 3 (5:34) sketch? It just grew up to be sketch. So funny. But anyway, I Speaker 4 (5:40) have schadenfreude. I do it because I... You're never, because you're not whole. Speaker 3 (5:45) No, that's not why. I'll watch Tottenham, like they lost today, and I'll watch reaction videos of Tottenham fans watching the game and then being devastated Speaker 4 (5:55) when they're getting scored on. And it brings me joy. What about when people watch you when Arsenal loses? Arsenal doesn't lose. We don't lose. Well, that's the problem. So no one gets to do that to you. Because even when we lose, we win. No, right. Of course. Because you're Arsenal. No, because we tried our best. Speaker 3 (6:12) So stupid. Yeah. We gave it 100 % effort. You could tell it on the pitch. The sweat, the tears. The blood? The blood. The blood. It runs through the stone. Well, I want to say. Speaker 4 (6:28) And that's the street is what they're talking about. Speaker 3 (6:30) Stone Speaker 4 (6:30) Street? Eric Stone Street? Eric Stone Street. Speaker 3 (6:32) By the way, can I just say something about Eric Stone Street? Yeah. Fuck that guy. Okay, why? Because he called me. He's like, why weren't you at the wedding? What wedding? And he goes, I hung out with your friend Andrew at the wedding. Oh, Speaker 4 (6:47) yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's the man. Why would he call me to rub that in my face? Speaker 3 (6:52) Because Speaker 4 (6:52) that's funny. That's schadenfreude, bitch. That's schadenfreude in my face. That's a little taste of your own medicine. Oh, shit. And then you guys feel the glee. Yeah, then he called me and he's like, dude, I bullied Bobby about that. And I was like, yeah, fuck him. And he was like, yeah, he stinks. Yeah. What can I say except you're welcome. Yeah. Go back to the lyrics. Hey. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday. Go again. Happy birthday to you. Okay. Happy birthday, dear Bobby. Happy birthday. Happy birthday to you. I wanted to do it like Travis Scott in Odyssey. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you, Bobby. Yeah. Speaker 3 (7:29) Yeah, Speaker 4 (7:30) you loved it. No, I loved the movie. I didn't like that. Oh, ghetto Speaker 3 (7:34) fucking banana cake. Okay. Speaker 4 (7:37) Banana bread from a ghetto place. Where's this place from? That's Vons, I think. Ralph's. Ralph's. Yeah, even worse. You couldn't go to like, Air One? No, dude. They didn't have it at Air One. These coconuts, he said he bought at Air One. The coconuts are from Air One. Wait, did you make a wish? I did. Did it come true? You're still alive, are you? Yeah. I'm kidding. I love you. No, that'll be funny. That's not funny. No, it's funny. Speaker 3 (7:58) No, it's my birthday. Speaker 4 (8:00) Yeah, Speaker 3 (8:00) it Speaker 4 (8:00) should be nice. You should talk about what you're grateful for. So what'd you think of The Odyssey? Better Speaker 5 (8:03) than Moana, finally? Speaker 3 (8:04) No, Moana's number one. You never saw Moana, dude. Speaker 4 (8:07) This Speaker 3 (8:07) is so stupid. What can I Speaker 4 (8:08) say? It's so stupid! You're welcome. For the sun, the sky, and the birds. What can I say except you're welcome. You're a silly little Korean turd. You don't even know. The other day we were Speaker 3 (8:22) talking about the storyline. You had no idea what the storyline was. Yes, I Speaker 4 (8:24) do. She saves the sea. Okay. Sea saver. She's the sea saver. I'm a sea Speaker 3 (8:31) saver. Speaker 4 (8:31) By the way, now we got a love from Hawaii. Now they're going to be mad at us and not want us to go. Why? Because now we're all about Moana now. Speaker 3 (8:38) It's not a Hawaii. Is Moana set in Hawaii? Speaker 4 (8:42) It's not. It's in the Pacific Islands. But where is Moana set? Tell me. It's not in Hawaii. It's in the South Pacific. Then who gives a fuck? It has nothing to do with them. It matters. The Hawaiians matter. Hawaiian lives matter. No, I believe no. Speaker 3 (8:55) I'm number one. Bobby is anti Speaker 4 (8:57) -Hawaiian. Dude, Speaker 3 (8:58) when a Hawaiian's being kicked, I kick back. For the person that kicked a Hawaiian. Who's kicking Hawaiians, man? I know who's kicking the Hawaiians, but if somebody kicked a Hawaiian- You guys better Speaker 4 (9:08) cut it out who's ever done that. Cut Speaker 3 (9:10) out the kicking. Speaker 4 (9:10) Who's ever kicking the Hawaiian. Yeah. They're Speaker 3 (9:11) laying down, Speaker 4 (9:12) relaxing, drinking their acai juice. What are you drinking? That little mini can. Is that just- Oh, my Speaker 3 (9:19) dear. Speaker 4 (9:19) Bubbly water? I was parched and under the bridge, so scared. Oh, my little Moana. Oh, my little dandelion. Speaker 3 (9:28) Very nice to see you. So stupid. Speaker 4 (9:31) Gross, dude. We got to commit you to a psychic. Very nice to see you. Good Speaker 3 (9:36) evening. Speaker 4 (9:37) Do you think that's what Moana sounds like? Yes, I'm Speaker 3 (9:39) Moana, the queen of the sea. I saved the sea. Speaker 4 (9:43) That's like if Moana was played by Natasha Leggero. Yeah. My darling. My darling. Oh, my God. My Speaker 3 (9:49) darling, Speaker 4 (9:49) welcome to my island. Speaker 4 (9:53) What are you going to do when I'm gone in Atlanta shooting? What's going to be going on? What's your plan? Speaker 2 (9:57) He has to go on the road. Speaker 4 (9:59) Oh, you're going back on the road. I'm Speaker 2 (10:00) going Speaker 4 (10:00) to go back on the road, young man. Speaker 2 (10:02) Hello. Speaker 4 (10:05) I think you're Speaker 3 (10:06) getting nervous. Speaker 4 (10:07) He's getting nervous. About what? A lot of stuff. You got a lot coming up. Back on the road special's coming out. I'm nervous. I don't know. Speaker 4 (10:19) It's like Speaker 5 (10:19) Moana went to, you know, Godzilla minus one and somehow. Yeah, we merged. Yes. Speaker 3 (10:25) You think that that's what it is? Speaker 5 (10:27) You Speaker 3 (10:28) think we were watching Moana and all of a sudden Godzilla minus one happened? I mean, it'd be a cool combo. That's a great combo. And put Jaws in it. Speaker 4 (10:37) Yeah. Why not? You Speaker 3 (10:38) might Speaker 4 (10:38) as well Speaker 3 (10:39) put all the C elements in it. That, Kraken, Kraken, Loch Ness, any C-Roller. The Speaker 4 (10:47) Meg. Speaker 3 (10:48) Michael Phelps. Speaker 4 (10:49) Phelps Speaker 3 (10:49) has to Speaker 4 (10:50) be in it. He's fighting jaws. He's the king human version of whatever that is. Whatever that is, we need in the water. Yeah, we need that. Speaker 5 (10:55) The Pirates of the Caribbean. What Speaker 4 (10:57) are you doing for your birthday? Is anything special happening? You guys are going to be on the fucking road for your birthday. Yeah, Speaker 2 (11:02) he's flying to Portland. Speaker 4 (11:04) So dumb. So you and Carlos are going to have a birthday night together? No, he's flying alone. No, Speaker 3 (11:09) in Hawaii the night... Okay, so what happens is on the 16th, if you're in Hawaii, come check it out. But on the 16th, I have a show, I believe, on the 16th? Speaker 5 (11:18) September Speaker 3 (11:19) 12th? Yeah. Okay, so on the 16th, I had already done my show. Adam is playing the blue note, Adam Ray. Yeah. So I'm going to have dinner with him. It works out where on the 16th, I get to have dinner with Adam Ray. That's great. He's your birthday boy. Speaker 4 (11:35) And you're going to have your little birthday together with Adam. That's actually very sweet. Speaker 3 (11:39) It'll be sweet. You were supposed to be there, but you're a disappointment. I Speaker 4 (11:42) got to go shoot a movie. Speaker 3 (11:44) Congratulations. Speaker 4 (11:45) Thanks. Speaker 3 (11:46) I'm super happy for you. Speaker 4 (11:49) You seem like it. Speaker 4 (11:52) Hey man, it's not tires, but I'm trying, you know? I know it was terrible on that show. No, you're very good. We told you you were very good. Speaker 3 (11:59) That's coming from your mouth. You're not a truth. Sometimes you'll say, I did a good job or Speaker 4 (12:06) something. What if I told you you did a good job, but you didn't do a good job? There's nothing you've done. Some shows. Borderlands. Speaker 3 (12:13) You Speaker 4 (12:13) did a bad job and the movie was bad. Two for two. The movie was almost unreleasable. Speaker 3 (12:26) Can I take my bandana Speaker 4 (12:27) off? No. It's throwing me off. Speaker 3 (12:28) No, Speaker 4 (12:29) it's awesome. Speaker 3 (12:29) It's literally throwing me off. You Speaker 4 (12:31) look good. Well, put it over your shoulder like a sash. That's what she has. Speaker 3 (12:33) Okay. Oh, cute. Speaker 4 (12:40) You honestly would be a cute little Korean girl. Hi. Hi. Speaker 3 (12:44) I'm Uruk. Oh, hi, Uruk. This is my village. Speaker 4 (12:50) Oh, I'm in your village? Welcome to my village. Thank you. Yeah. Do you want... Oh, I'd love a poke poke. Yeah, how many poke poke do you want? How many usually fills up a man? Fifteen. Oh, I'll take fifteen. A dozen plus three of tok toks. Okay. Okay. Speaker 3 (13:05) Okay. A dozen plus three. All Speaker 4 (13:09) right. Who's coming? Oh, Speaker 3 (13:10) I Speaker 4 (13:10) thought it was Speaker 3 (13:10) you. Speaker 4 (13:10) Making. Oh, it's a lot of makings. Do you want? I love, yes. Come Speaker 3 (13:15) get. Here you Speaker 4 (13:18) go, eat. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. Eat. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah. Speaker 3 (13:25) Chalky, huh? Yeah, what's in this? Well, there's, you know the dead toads on the riverbank? Oh, is that dead toad riverbank? You know, the famous, by the beach. Yes. Hi. Speaker 4 (13:39) Oh, bad girl. Little girl. I love how he's like, I didn't want to get in costume. He's so in character. Speaker 3 (13:47) How Speaker 2 (13:47) was your Tuk Tuks? Speaker 4 (13:48) It was delicious. Thank you for your hospitality. I must be going my way. Speaker 2 (13:51) No. No, Speaker 4 (13:53) I have to leave. You Speaker 2 (13:53) need to penetrate me. Speaker 4 (13:55) No, please, God, no. You Speaker 2 (13:56) need to penetrate me. Speaker 4 (13:57) Please, no. Speaker 2 (13:58) Please Speaker 4 (13:58) don't punish me. The food was bad enough. I need to pee. I don't want to. Speaker 3 (14:04) All right, so. Speaker 3 (14:07) So for my birthday, I want a special person here. Speaker 4 (14:11) Yeah, well, we got you a special gift. Well, I Speaker 3 (14:13) want to manifest him. Speaker 4 (14:14) Oh, okay, Speaker 3 (14:14) let's see. And the only way we can manifest him is do our tribal music. Oh, Speaker 4 (14:19) please do our tribal song. Speaker 2 (14:24) I Speaker 4 (14:24) was in Speaker 5 (14:29) my living room. Speaker 4 (14:30) Whoa. Whoa. Speaker 5 (14:33) Dude. Speaker 5 (14:36) What the fuck I was just on my couch watching 30 rocks. I know I was in New York something else. What did you do? Yeah, oh, he's the sexual desires of a miniscule Korean man specific desires That's what it feels like a diminutive Koreans some deep most deep-seated sexual fantasy on his birthday This is what I've been transported to Los Angeles for? Happy birthday, Bob. Oh Speaker 3 (15:05) my Speaker 5 (15:05) God. You think I would Speaker 3 (15:06) manifest a bird of paradise, a fat one? I don't Speaker 5 (15:10) know. Speaker 3 (15:10) I said Speaker 5 (15:11) I was in New York. A Speaker 3 (15:12) fat Speaker 5 (15:12) bird of Speaker 3 (15:12) paradise. That's what I desire. Not a hot chick. You piece of shit. You did it. You come to my fucking... You did it. You did it. You Speaker 5 (15:18) come Speaker 3 (15:18) to my fucking... Speaker 5 (15:20) It was your song! You Speaker 3 (15:21) accuse Speaker 5 (15:21) me Speaker 3 (15:21) of Speaker 5 (15:22) manifesting a sort of paradise. Now look, I wasn't here. I was in New York. But I feel like what you said was, let me manifest my deepest desire. That is what he said. I want a special purse that's Speaker 4 (15:32) exactly what I want. Speaker 5 (15:33) Hey, Speaker 3 (15:33) how you doing? I wish it was a hot chick too, huh? How the fuck Speaker 5 (15:37) am I going to get home? This is what you got. Can Speaker 4 (15:39) you sing me home back to New York? No, no, no, no. You stay here. Fuck, dude. Yeah, Speaker 5 (15:42) you're here the whole time. Well, luckily, Uncle Stav is on Netflix September 8th. Please listen to it. So the timing actually worked out really well. I said, listen to it. Please watch it. Please watch. Uncle Stav, can I Speaker 3 (15:53) ask you Speaker 4 (15:54) a question? Sure. Stavros is here, ladies and gentlemen. Hi. Speaker 5 (15:56) Hello. Speaker 3 (15:57) Hello. All right. Can I ask you a question? Yes. Speaker 4 (16:00) Yeah. And Speaker 5 (16:00) I hate to be confrontational. Oh, no, you don't. You love it. Something about our relationship. I don't understand why this is our relationship because I love you. I have nothing but unconditional Speaker 4 (16:07) love for you. I Speaker 5 (16:07) love you so much. Guess what, Speaker 4 (16:09) dude? It's like this with him with everybody. He's confrontational with every single human that sits in that chair. And they go, what is it about? Marcelo Hernandez called 15 minutes ago. And he was like, fuck you, Bobby. Even little sexy guys? Yeah, even sexy guys can't Speaker 5 (16:23) stand him. Speaker 4 (16:23) Because for Speaker 5 (16:23) me, Speaker 4 (16:24) there's something. He's mad I'm fat and I don't hate myself. That's Speaker 5 (16:27) really what it, Speaker 4 (16:27) at the core, is what Bobby's problem with me is. Well, he got off GLP-1. He's back. Oh, you're back? Look at his stomach. Show him your stomach. You look great. I said he needed to get on GLP-2 or 3. It didn't work. It was not good enough. You look great. You don't need to do anything. All right. Fuck you. Speaker 4 (16:46) Dude, watching him put that on and have his shirt off again, it made me, I was so happy. Why? Let me see. Because he got fat again. He's not fat. He looks great. No, no. Well, yeah, he looks great, but he still got fat again. Let's see your titties. Show them. Awesome. Not bad. Go down. Speaker 5 (17:00) One more. Dude, for your age, you look great. Disney myself. Oh, he's stripping. You're not miked, by the way. This is your podcast, so I'm just letting you know. Speaker 5 (17:08) That's fine. Dude. Soldier. The no-go. I'm going to have to say what he's saying. This is little no-go. Yeah, this is character little Speaker 4 (17:17) no-go. Yeah, she's a sweet little Korean girl. Hi. Go sit down. Okay. Yeah, see? Speaker 3 (17:24) Belly's not bad. Speaker 5 (17:25) Belly's not bad at all. It's not, Speaker 4 (17:26) but it was way, way better. No, you look great, Bob. This Speaker 5 (17:29) guy's trying to drag you down. Speaker 4 (17:31) They need to keep you just miserable enough so you don't improve Speaker 5 (17:35) your life. Correct. But not so miserable that you kill yourself. So that's kind of the... I think that's Speaker 3 (17:40) what's going on. They have you Speaker 5 (17:42) trapped? They have me trapped. I'm the only one who cares about you. Speaker 3 (17:45) I know. Only me. Speaker 5 (17:47) Fuck me. Speaker 4 (17:47) The sexual opress me. You listen to what he's saying. He has a poli-sci degree. He's going to manipulate you into fucking thinking whatever. No, Speaker 3 (17:53) this is a Speaker 4 (17:53) Japanese Speaker 3 (17:53) internment camp. Exactly. He knows Speaker 4 (17:54) history. Speaker 5 (17:55) This is fucking Emperor Hirohito. right here. You're an Speaker 4 (17:58) emperor, you think you're Speaker 5 (17:59) a Speaker 3 (17:59) sun god? You think you're a sun god? Speaker 5 (18:02) No! No! Yeah, yeah. He's the reincarnation of the emperor, dude. Hello? Hello? This is Teddy Roosevelt. That's Speaker 3 (18:10) right. Speaker 5 (18:10) Hello? Emperor here? Teddy Roosevelt! How you doing? I Speaker 3 (18:14) think you mean Speaker 5 (18:14) Franklin. Is it Franklin? His cousin, yeah, yeah. Yeah, hey! That's how his cousin sounds. Yeah, Speaker 3 (18:19) yeah, hey, I'm fucking Frankie Speaker 5 (18:21) Delano. Delano, how you doing? Oh, my fucking wife's a lesbian and she's my cousin. That