Diane von Furstenberg: How to Become the Woman You Want to Be

Aspire with Emma Grede

Emma Grede sits down with fashion icon Diane von Furstenberg for a deeply personal conversation about resilience, business, and self-belief.

Key takeaways

• Diane von Fursebberg views kindness as a 'currency' that compounds over time.
• The creation of the wrap dress originated from experimenting with jersey fabric in an Italian printing plant.

Main topics

• Self-belief and identity
• Entrepreneurial journey and the wrap dress

Notable quotes

The most important relationship in life is the one you have with yourself.

Conclusion

An inspiring masterclass on how to embrace authenticity and lead a lif

Transcript preview

Speaker 2 (0:09) Diane von Furstenberg is a fashion icon known for building one of the most legendary fashion brands in the world. No one has more self-belief than Diane. And today she shares how to keep choosing the woman you want to be through every season of your life. Speaker 2 (0:31) Dan from Flistenberg, welcome to Aspire. I am so happy to have you here today, Dan, because from the beginning, and in fact, I'm going to tell the story because from the inception of me thinking about having a podcast, you were there. And when I think about you, I think that you are one of the most iconic Speaker 1 (0:51) women in the world. Speaker 2 (0:53) It's true. I know you're going to be very, you're going to correct so many things that I say, but to me, you're one of the most iconic. No, Speaker 1 (1:00) no, no. I Speaker 2 (1:00) have to show some humility. You can start there. To me, you're one of the most iconic women in the world. And for so many women, you're that. You've built a brand that has defined multiple decades. And at 79 years of age, you are still building. But what I actually want to talk to you about today is... how you've lived, the lessons in love and in money and in building a business, the experiences that have made you who you are and the mistakes that you never shy away from talking about. I just don't think anyone has quite lived a life like yours. And my audience is full of ambitious people who can Speaker 1 (1:35) learn so much from you. Okay. Big advice, real advice. In three months, I'm going to be 80 years old. Eight-oh. Eight-oh. So... I am definitely in the winter of my life. I hope I'm going to have a long winter, but it is winter for sure. First of all, I want to tell everyone, age, I mean, I don't know what is this thing that people are afraid of age. Age means you have lived, lived. So nobody can take away what you have lived, right? So advice number one, For life, don't lie. The one thing I am so, so, so happy is that I have never lied. Therefore, no one can blackmail me. Not lying means owning it, you know, and that means being in charge, which is what I wanted to be. Now, age is every year is knowledge, experience, and wisdom. Layers and layers of experiences, layers of knowledge, layers of wisdom. And so the more layers, the more comfortable the bed is. Speaker 2 (2:58) It's true. One of the things that I find remarkable is that through everything that you have lived through, you still seem so genuinely excited about life. And I wonder what actually keeps Speaker 1 (3:09) you motivated. Listen, my mother was a prisoner of war. She was actually in the death camp, but because she did forced labor, she didn't die. She was 22 years old. And when she came back, she weighed 49 pounds. So she wasn't supposed to have survived, but she did. And her parents couldn't believe she came back. So my mother fed her like a little bird. Within six months, she was normal. Her fiancé came back from Switzerland. They met, they got married, and the doctors say, no matter what, you have to wait three years of a child because you will die and your child will not be normal. 13 months later, I was born. And in a sense, I was not normal. So my mother used to say, and I have a little thing that she wrote to me. She said, God saved me so that I can give you life. By giving you life, you gave me mine back. You are my torch of freedom. So I was born with a torch of freedom in my hand, which sometimes could be a little heavy for a little girl. But I'm happy I did that. So my biggest achievement, the most audacious thing I ever did was being born. So to honor life, that is the most important thing. That is what I have taught my children, my grandchildren. Above everything, you honor life. I Speaker 2 (4:45) don't think I've ever met anyone with more self-belief than you have. Self-belief. Self-belief. Maybe me. Maybe me. That's a compliment. Maybe me. Well, when I think about self-belief, somebody that really knows who they are and really lives in it. And I just wonder where that comes Speaker 1 (5:04) from. Okay. When I was a little girl, my mother had a big mirror in her bedroom, a big vanity. And I used to stare at it. Not that I liked what I looked like, because I looked very different than any other little girl in Belgium. They all had, you know, blonde hair, straight hair, and I had little curly hair, and people thought I was a little boy. But if I moved, the mirror moved. If I did this, she did the same thing. And I realized, oh, I have control of me. Speaker 2 (5:40) Oh, that's Speaker 1 (5:42) a big Speaker 2 (5:42) realization. How old Speaker 1 (5:43) were you then? I don't know, maybe five. And still to this day, when I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and I pass by the mirror, I either, you know, say hello, I wink at myself. I mean, I have a complicity with myself. And I count on myself. It's really counting on myself. It's not that I'm always secure. Many, many, many days I wake up and feel like a total loser. You know, you always do that. But then I get up and I go on. But my relationship with myself, you know, your relationship, the most important relationship in life is the one you have with yourself. Once you have that, Every other relationship is a plus, a luxury, but not a must. It's Speaker 2 (6:35) maybe one of the best things that you ever said. I quote you all the time on that. I'm like, my friend Deanne says, but I do want to just stop for a minute there because it's such an important thing to have a relationship with yourself. Yes. But so many people find that so difficult. And especially now in... The culture that we live in, there's so much distractions. We're all looking at everyone else. Speaker 1 (6:57) Don't compare yourself with anyone. I never. I remember years ago, I saw a movie with Marisa, my friend, and it was somebody that made wishes. And all the wishes happened, but they hadn't thought about something. So don't ever envy anyone. Don't ever. And also, remember. You know, you go in a room and you look at the woman across the room and she's so cool and she's so put together. But for her, you are the woman across the room. Speaker 2 (7:30) It's absolutely true. I know, and I read somewhere that you said your mother raised you to believe that fear was not an option. But what did that actually look like Speaker 1 (7:39) for you growing up? Oh, it's very simple. If I would tell my mother I was afraid of the dark, she would take me, put me in a closet. Today, she could go to jail for that. But as a result, I'm not allowed to have fear. And I don't. I mean... not fear. I mean, I don't want things to happen. I'm cautious. But even to my children, I don't say, be careful. I used to say, if you do that, what happens? You know, the consequence. The most important things you can give your children is independence. Love and independence. I really agree with you on that. But what do you say to women? She has the best children. Speaker 2 (8:22) They're great. And they love you. My daughter still walks around with those sunglasses you gave her. And the in-charge necklace. Speaker 1 (8:28) They have cute, very cute. Speaker 2 (8:30) They're very cute. But you have a way with people in general, but kids tend to really gravitate to you. Yeah, yeah. I mean, they all sit around. You know why? Because I treat them as grown up. There's that. That's the truth. You have none of that baby talk. Yeah, no, you're like, what Speaker 1 (8:44) do you want? I mean, Speaker 2 (8:44) when I was a little Speaker 1 (8:44) girl, the people who patronized Speaker 2 (8:47) me, I hated them. It's very attractive to a kid to be. spoke to like an adult. Yeah, Speaker 1 (8:52) but that's why you have to make them independent. No, you're right about that. But I'm interested Speaker 2 (8:57) to know what you say to women, because again, you've done so many things that you have, that should have brought fear, right? Starting your own business and coming back from, you know, bankruptcy and starting over again. What do you say to women that are full of fear? Because it's so crippling for so many. Speaker 1 (9:18) Listen, you live your life day after day, minute after minute, right? I did not know what I wanted to do, but I knew the kind of woman I wanted to be. When you start life, there are all these doors in front of you. The door that ended up being my door was the least glamorous of all. I mean, professionally, because personally, I did marry a prince. So it's hard to be more glamorous than that. But you open, you have to be curious. You have to look, you have to invent. First of all, all we are is energy. That's it. All we are is energy. Oh, I'm going to say something. This, I write my diary and I know you do too. I write my diary. I've written my diary all my life. Because I'm born on New Year's Eve, I have a new book on January 1st and I pick three words for the year. This year I picked up, it really, it was really very helpful. Wisdom, because now I have wisdom. Imagination, because you have to imagine, you know, you have to take the color pencil. You have to be creative, you know, imagine. But the most important thing is magic, Speaker 2 (10:37) magic. Speaker 1 (10:38) But in order to see magic or capture magic, you have to make space. meaning you have to be on your own, you have to make space, but also you have to talk to someone. I walked in here, I talked to somebody and be intimate very early on because you may give something to that person, but they may give something to you. So you have to be very open. Speaker 1 (11:07) But of course, the thing that, you know, my big thing was being in charge, being a woman in charge, being the woman you want to be. I promoted that all my life. But now it's kindness. Now my thing is kindness is a currency. And like money, it compounds. To be kind is not being stupid, is not being weak. It's a tool. It's a muscle. It's almost a trick. I Speaker 2 (11:37) love that you say that like that, Diane, because it's one of the truest things that was ever said, that kindness compounds. If you're someone that believes in karma, if you're just somebody that has lived for any amount of time, you know all the good things that you do come back around to you. Speaker 1 (11:53) I know. And never, I mean, if you told me that when I was 20, that I would end up promoting kindness and talking, and right now I'm writing a book on kindness, I would say, what? you know, but it's incredible. And, you know, if you have a relationship with yourself and you do, for example, every morning, I mean, this is my advice to you, to anyone, every morning, try to make a miracle by introducing one person to a person who can change their life or be instrumental in their life that they wouldn't have known without you. You don't need to speak. You don't need to disturb anyone. It just has to be thoughtful. and write a good email or a good text. And you make miracles. Why after all of these years has kindness been the thing that you've landed on? I don't know. I don't know, but it's a wonderful. And so, you know, I make it provocative because I make everything provocative. That's how you Speaker 2 (12:50) get people's attention. Absolutely. Is kindness an easy thing to promote in the current culture? Speaker 1 (12:55) I don't know. I just, I just go on. I mean, I got a prize. They gave me an award in Davos, right? Davos is absolutely not my crowd. They're all men and they all finance, you know, they're all interested in money. And I go and I thank them for my award. And I said that, by the way, since you're so powerful, because you should always flatter people if you want to get their attention. Since you are all so powerful, I want to share something. with you that I do every day. And you know, I stayed five days, a dozen men must have come to me as I did it today. Speaker 2 (13:32) That's incredible. Before we go on, I think it's important that you tell your origin story of the business and the brand. So much of what has happened to you and the lessons that you've had kind of come from this unbelievable life that you've made for yourself. So will you talk just a little bit because The wrap dress was so unbelievably successful that in a way, it almost nearly sort of destroyed the business. And I want you to give some thoughts around what other founders can learn from your journey. Okay. I was Speaker 1 (14:05) doing an internship. I mean, barely an internship in a printing plant in Como, Como, Italy, the Silk Road. That's where they weave. Okay. And this man was doing scarves. He was printing scarves for Valentino, for Ragamo, all these big brands. I walked in there and I learned everything about how you print. Artists and illustrators would come and sell their drawing to make scarves. And timing has a lot to do with it. At the time, he was very successful, so he needed more room. What year was this, roughly? Oh, 69. Okay. So there was a factory next door where they made