Tricked-Out Cars w/ Jeremiah Watkins!

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

The hosts interview comedian Jeremiah Watkins to discuss his new YouTube special 'Crazy Pizza,' which strips away crowd work for pure stand-up

Key takeaways

• Jeremiah Watkins promotes 'Crazy Pizza,' a new one-hour special featuring pure stand-up material without crowd interaction.
• Watkins describes his childhood Y2K bunker in the basement, complete with canned food, ramen, and pellet guns for looter defense.

Main topics

• Stand-up comedy specials & crowd work
• Y2K prepping & childhood bunkers

Notable quotes

"It's just jokes, baby. If you want someone talking to the crowd, tune into America and garbage."

Conclusion

The episode delivers lighthearted comedic banter blending personal sto

Transcript preview

Speaker 3 (0:00) Stop the presses, gang. The American Garbage Special is out on YouTube right now. Numbers are cooking. We thank everybody for their support. Keep sharing it. Keep telling everybody about it. We Speaker 2 (0:09) love you. Yeah, and if you like what you saw, we are on tour right now. We're going to be in Appleton, Wisconsin, San Jose, San Diego, Tacoma, Atlanta. Philly. Hello. Springfield, Fort Wayne, Connecticut, Phoenix, Arizona, Timonium, Maryland, Milwaukee, Chicago, Cincinnati, Columbus. All tickets available at RUGarbage.com. If you've got a garbage question, come out and see the boys. Yeah. Speaker 3 (0:31) Welcome to another exciting edition of RU Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Speaker 2 (0:45) Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Speaker 3 (0:51) Everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage? You sure about that? It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that it's a group to be classy. Yeah. Or just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm Speaker 2 (1:04) your Speaker 3 (1:04) host, Ace Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. Aunt Tootie wants everybody to know that, let me see what she got, that she has two tickets available for the Parks Casino Show. December Speaker 2 (1:15) 19th. Where'd you get those? That feels like it's coming out of the bottom line. Speaker 3 (1:19) With VIP access to Kevin Ryan. Exclusively with Kevin Ryan. At Denise's house. At Denise's house. Two tickets. Okay. Six grand apiece. Speaker 2 (1:30) Sounds like an H-foldly scam for being honest. Mike Coase is Speaker 3 (1:35) coming Speaker 2 (1:35) at you from right next to me. Should have been Johnny Grant. Speaker 2 (1:39) That's Speaker 3 (1:40) funnier. Come on. He's the CEO Speaker 2 (1:41) of Are You Garbage? Speaker 1 (1:42) Oh, bitter boy. Speaker 2 (1:43) International businessman. He's in his bag. Did you like that? He did not. Speaker 3 (1:49) Likes to hold a grudge. Speaker 2 (1:52) Kevin Ryan, ladies and gentlemen. My best pal in the whole wide world. Thanks a lot, Nips McGee. I asked Speaker 3 (1:58) for Speaker 2 (1:59) a 2XL. Would you get a shmedium? What's up, everybody? Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube, and those numbers are through the fucking roof, dog. Let's go. And obviously, also, I'd be remiss if I didn't say Spotify. The boys are climbing the charts. Probably top. I call it top 20 at this point in the comedy charts. Top 100, all podcast. Check that out. And then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. Go over there. You join over the seven. This is a crazy number. The 17,000 paid subscribers over there. Goddamn. Army of garbage, baby. Speaker 3 (2:35) About to go on the Army of garbage tour. Yes. And American garbage on YouTube. Check it all Speaker 2 (2:40) out. Speaker 3 (2:40) Check it out. And gang, we could not be more excited. Speaking of specials. to have one of our favorite people in comedy here with us today. Triple OG. He's back again. It's been a minute. We're Speaker 1 (2:50) going Speaker 3 (2:50) to put him through the ringer. Speaker 1 (2:52) We Speaker 3 (2:52) know he's trash. Yes. Your mom's dishes. What's the... Pizza boats. Pizza boats. Got a brand new special out right now entitled... Crazy Pizza on his YouTube page. You know him. You love him. You've seen him just about everywhere. Speaker 2 (3:08) Yeah. Kid's working. Speaker 3 (3:09) Jeremiah Watkins. Hey! Speaker 2 (3:11) Look at him. Speaker 1 (3:12) Good to be Speaker 3 (3:13) back, Speaker 1 (3:13) boys. Speaker 3 (3:14) We love it. Speaker 1 (3:14) Love you, pal. Love you guys. Good Speaker 3 (3:17) to see Speaker 1 (3:17) you. Good to see Speaker 3 (3:18) you. Speaker 1 (3:18) Fantastic to see you. Speaker 3 (3:20) I'd say more, but I can't really breathe. Yeah, Speaker 1 (3:23) are Speaker 3 (3:23) you getting lightheaded right Speaker 1 (3:24) now? Speaker 3 (3:24) No. Speaker 2 (3:25) I prefer to break the fourth wall. And the chair. He kippies back at it. You're my best pal. Don't touch me publicly. Speaker 3 (3:37) I like the feel of sweat pant material, sweatshirt material, against my skin. Speaker 1 (3:42) Well, yeah, you asked if you could go skin to skin with it. I was like, okay, sure. Speaker 2 (3:45) I also, listen, this was just very. You know. Impromptu. Impromptu. But this is how, this is just very funny how you move. You're like, oh, do you think that would fit me? And then I turn around and. You don't have an undershirt on, and you're going, you've got your arms, and you go, is it cool if I go skin to skin? Like, you put people in position. Like, that's a shirt he's probably going to wear all week doing promo, and now he's got to be like, all Speaker 3 (4:08) right. Well, he wanted to hang it in the back. I know. Speaker 2 (4:12) I'm just saying it was a— It's the people talking. Sure. Of course. We were trying to find the best place to put it, and once it got on, we said, that's the best place to put it. Put it on the guy. Do you think when Speaker 1 (4:20) I wear it later, there's going to be the permanent nipple mark? A couple of swings. Speaker 2 (4:26) I didn't know nipples could get boners. Like a radiation shadow? Yeah, Speaker 3 (4:30) yeah. You were very Speaker 1 (4:31) supportive, though, Speaker 3 (4:32) when I put it on. Speaker 1 (4:33) Yeah, Kevin and I made eye contact, and we're like, sure. No, I just, I believe Kevin Speaker 3 (4:37) turned around and said, man, you're really fucking feeling yourself. Speaker 1 (4:40) Because when I said XL, he's like, what size is it again? I go, it's Speaker 3 (4:43) an Speaker 1 (4:43) XL. Does Speaker 2 (4:44) it look Speaker 1 (4:44) bad? Yeah. Speaker 2 (4:45) Well, you go, it's Speaker 3 (4:46) an Speaker 2 (4:46) XL, and you go, you think I got it? And then the other fucking three grown men in the room have to go, oh, yeah. Sorry, I have to call out if the 340-pound guy goes, you think I can get in this XL? 320! Also, with the confidence of your shirt already off and going, I might have to puff it out a little bit. Yeah, I think that you're feeling yourself a little bit. Speaker 1 (5:04) Hey, does Speaker 2 (5:05) this hoodie come Speaker 1 (5:06) in leotards? Speaker 1 (5:11) It's a Lululemon, right? Speaker 2 (5:12) I was supportive when you got it on. I said it even looks better than I anticipated. Speaker 3 (5:18) Which doesn't say it much. Speaker 2 (5:22) I was surprised you got it around your neck. I think a nipple just fell off. By the way, we're cutting him out of that. Speaker 3 (5:31) It's not coming off through the head. I always wanted that. I know Speaker 2 (5:35) you're in a bad spot when that happens. Yeah. Speaker 3 (5:37) But I always wanted that or wanted to do it. What? You cut somebody out of something. I did. I don't know if you've ever done this. I Speaker 2 (5:44) did it to my son because he had shit and it blew out over everything. And then you got to go over the head and I'm like, this is just going to be significantly worse. What did you Speaker 3 (5:53) use? Scissors? Speaker 2 (5:54) No Speaker 3 (5:54) shit. Chainsaw. What the fuck do you think? Jaws of life. Yeah. Called in the fire department. That wasn't about a deuce. Speaker 2 (6:00) No, it was just more of like. What are you going to do when you're like, just cut them off? Speaker 1 (6:04) Have you been cut out? No, I've been cut out. Yeah. Really? Yeah, because I've done so many characters over the years where sometimes when I go costume shopping at a Goodwill or Salvation Army, I'm like, I'll force this to fit. And then it's a sad day when your wife has to cut you out of a dress. Speaker 2 (6:22) I Speaker 1 (6:23) thought this would be going the other way around. Yeah, I thought I was going to be helping you. But yeah, can you take some out of the back, please? George owned a grocery store. I could have married him. Shut up Speaker 3 (6:33) and get me out of these panties. Congrats on a new special. Speaker 1 (6:36) Thank you. Yeah, very cool. Thank you. You guys too, man. You guys are crushing. Thank you. Let's do Speaker 3 (6:40) go Speaker 2 (6:40) on. I Speaker 3 (6:41) saw you last night at the Cellar, and I was talking to some friends that I was with, and we were just talking about you, and they were saying that the first time they saw Kill Tony at the store years ago, you were there. Yeah. And we were just talking about all the things that you've done. How much you've been around, how talented you are, how amazing you are, how funny you are. Oh, it's very kind. We couldn't be happier for you with the special. Oh, Speaker 1 (7:08) thanks. Crazy pizza. Crazy pizza, yeah. I'm super excited. For me, what's unique about this special is you guys have both done stand-up on the spot over the years many times. Love having you on that. And I put out so much riffing content that this special is just pure material the whole time. I Speaker 2 (7:23) don't Speaker 1 (7:24) talk to the crowd at all. It's just jokes, baby. If you want Speaker 2 (7:27) someone talking to the crowd, tune into America. and garbage. There you go. We're both going the other ways there. Yeah. So let's Speaker 3 (7:35) discuss. Now, I got to tell you, you sent us a picture of fresh pizza boats that came out of the oven not that long ago. Yeah. And they looked pretty goddamn good. Speaker 1 (7:48) Yeah, they're delicious. Describe it again. It's basically French bread that's like cut in half. Slice it. Sliced it. And then you put like the... the marinara or it's usually just pizza sauce from one of those jars. Speaker 2 (8:02) A Speaker 1 (8:02) jarred pizza sauce. Jarred pizza sauce. And then you put like some mozzarella cheese. Wasn't there meat on there? Didn't they use ground beef? Yeah, ground beef, some pepperoni, and sometimes green peppers. When did you move Speaker 2 (8:15) here from Speaker 1 (8:15) Sicily? Very recently. My English, I'm still working on it. I live in Canamari. Speaker 3 (8:22) Have you had our authentic pizza botta? Speaker 3 (8:27) From Naples. So we want to run you back through the ringer just a little bit. You know, it's been a while. We got some new stuff we want to talk to you about. Mostly what's going on now. Sure. Kevin? Okay. Excuse me. It's a guy who's done his prep. Speaker 1 (8:44) All right, and we're going to kick it over to Kevin, who did his job today. All right, Kevin over in sports is going to take this one now. I panic. What, huh? Speaker 2 (8:53) Well, you know, it's been, I just, look, 2023 Speaker 1 (8:55) was the last time you were here. Speaker 2 (8:58) Oh, wow, it has been a minute. Three Speaker 1 (8:59) years. Speaker 2 (9:00) Yeah. Were you in this studio? Or was that the old one? I think I may have been here. I think you guys had just moved in because I think that you Speaker 1 (9:07) were dealing with some frequency issues or something. Oh, Speaker 2 (9:10) yeah. Speaker 1 (9:11) That was old school. Speaker 2 (9:12) Yeah. No, we Speaker 1 (9:13) weren't. Still Speaker 2 (9:14) kind of dealing with them. If you're on the Patreon, Speaker 3 (9:16) you can check it out. Speaker 2 (9:18) Hold on a second. Speaker 2 (9:22) Let's see. A few things started off real. Jesus Christ. This guy's doing his own show. Speaker 3 (9:31) I'm sorry. Speaker 2 (9:31) I get giddy when he's here. Sure, of course. He's Speaker 3 (9:34) a Speaker 2 (9:34) good time. He's a good hang. You can always tell because you came, obviously. You can tell when we're really friends with people because you come and go, sit down. Speaker 3 (9:41) Other Speaker 2 (9:41) people were sitting here waiting, being like, he's a minute late. Yeah, I Speaker 1 (9:45) enjoyed that. That doesn't happen on many pods where you just get to catch up and hang a little bit before going into it. Speaker 2 (9:50) You got to get it going. You got Speaker 1 (9:52) to Speaker 2 (9:52) get the Speaker 1 (9:53) gears going. If Speaker 3 (9:54) he would have got here, we would have ordered a pizza. Got the sleeping bags out, went over to the lounge, thrown on a Ghostbusters. I would have been totally okay with that. Oh, yeah. Would have been sitting there hanging. Speaker 1 (10:03) Sleepover pod has to happen. Ooh. Speaker 1 (10:07) I was the house where we would have the best snacks. Really? I was the snack house. Speaker 2 (10:14) Give us a rundown of what was in the pantry. And what did you Speaker 1 (10:17) call the pantry? Did you call it the pantry? Well, we had something called at one point, we had the pantry, but we called it the Y2K closet for a while. Oh, God. You Speaker 2 (10:26) guys were kind of preppy. I forgot that. You were preppy. We were doomsdayers. Speaker 1 (10:30) There's Speaker 3 (10:30) no way that you can have the snack house and have the Y2K Speaker 1 (10:34) closet. Yeah, you can have both. You guys want Speaker 3 (10:36) some dried deer meat? Do you ever have Speaker 1 (10:38) goldfish crackers underground? Hey, can I grab you a Capri Sun or a gallon of water? Speaker 3 (10:45) A tin of black olives? Yeah. Speaker 1 (10:48) The Y2K Club. Speaker 2 (10:49) Okay. How did that start? What year did that start? Do you remember? Did that start way ahead of time? Speaker 1 (10:54) 2004. Speaker 2 (10:58) We were behind on the times. It's Speaker 1 (11:00) good, man. Chinese calendar. Speaker 3 (11:02) Yeah. Speaker 1 (11:04) Go ahead. That was like late 90s. That was late 90s. Give Speaker 3 (11:09) us dimensions. First of all, where is it located in the home? It Speaker 1 (11:11) was in the basement. Speaker 3 (11:12) It was in the basement. Obviously. Any good Speaker 2 (11:15) bunker is going to be subterranean. How deep Speaker 3 (11:19) was it, or was it just on shelves in the basement? Speaker 1 (11:21) Yeah, shelves Speaker 2 (11:22) in a closet kind Speaker 1 (11:23) of area. Speaker 2 (11:24) Gotcha. Speaker 3 (11:24) Now, what's the door between the basement and the rest of the house? Speaker 1 (11:28) Anything that can fend off looters. Speaker 2 (11:30) Oh, no. It Speaker 1 (11:31) was a living room door. and then garage door and then straight down the stairs and then pretty close was the Y2K closet. So if there was looters, it would be the first thing to go. Was Speaker 2 (11:42) it just the normal closet door or anything reinforced? No, no. No, no. We had guns for that. Speaker 1 (11:48) We had guns for that. Did Speaker 2 (11:49) you guys have nickel in Speaker 3 (11:49) the house? Yeah, they grew up with guns. Oh, yeah. I grew up with guns. We Speaker 1 (11:52) would sometimes... Well, my mom wasn't thrilled about this, but my dad would have us shoot guns in the basement sometimes and that was a little crazy. What? Speaker 3 (12:00) What are you guys, in the mob? Speaker 1 (12:01) That's how Clement... that train Michael to kill Speaker 3 (12:04) fucking salons. We'd shoot Speaker 1 (12:05) pellet guns and stuff down there and we'd set up targets. Speaker 2 (12:09) That's fun. Speaker 3 (12:10) I have a question about this, but let's go back. What is in the Y2K basement? Speaker 1 (12:18) There is every canned food imaginable, tons of ramen noodles, tons of gallons of water, but also our other fun stuff, Doritos, Pop-Tarts. Now Speaker 2 (12:31) would you... dip into them at all if you ran out of Pop-Tarts or Doritos. But, you know, upstairs. We Speaker 1 (12:37) would keep, like, reloading it. Gosh. That was kind Speaker 2 (12:40) of like the walk-in closet. Yeah. The walk-in freezer. Yeah, we Speaker 1 (12:44) didn't have, like, the space for it in the actual kitchen. Put Speaker 2 (12:46) it Speaker 1 (12:46) down Speaker 2 (12:47) in Speaker 1 (12:47) the bunk. We put it down in the bunk. You Speaker 3 (12:48) were in high school or whatever before Y2K, right? Or no? Speaker 1 (12:54) No, I was in high school. Oh, oh, four to seven. Oh, Speaker 3 (12:58) so this was after. So you guys knew it was cool. So you had a surplus of everything. Speaker 1 (13:01) Yeah. Yeah. So, well, it was when we prime Y2K. You're Speaker 2 (13:08) probably like 10 or something. Yeah, Speaker 1 (13:09) that was. Yeah, I would have been like around 10, 11, 12 right before. Yeah. Speaker 3 (13:13) Okay. Yeah. What'd you guys do on New Year's Eve that year? Speaker 1 (13:18) We were over at a friend's. Really? Yeah, we went over to a friend's. Speaker 3 (13:22) I Speaker 1 (13:22) thought you'd be Speaker 3 (13:22) down there cleaning your guns and shit. Speaker 1 (13:24) No, we went over, and I'll never forget. There was the dad. He turned on the faucet, and he goes, water's still running. Speaker 2 (13:33) That's a good bit. Speaker 1 (13:34) Were they in on it, too, or no? I mean, I think that they were, like, it was, like, half joking, half, like, is everything going to, like, actually crap Speaker 2 (13:41) out? Speaker 1 (13:41) That Speaker 2 (13:41) was Speaker 1 (13:41) a scary time. Right. Especially Speaker 2 (13:43) if you were a young kid. That was scary. Yeah, I was going to say, Speaker 1 (13:44) were your parents, like, tense that night? I think everybody's like, all right, it's New Year's, but is it going to be the end of the world? Your Speaker 2 (13:51) dad Speaker 1 (13:51) definitely had a gun on Speaker 3 (13:52) him somewhere. Probably. Speaker 1 (13:54) He probably had one in the car. He still does to this day. He usually has like a... I swear to God, everything better Speaker 2 (14:00) shut down. Speaker 1 (14:01) My dad lit his car on fire like a couple years ago on accident. He left incense burning in the car. In Speaker 2 (14:08) the Speaker 1 (14:08) car? In the car. He was going to try to clean out the smell. Why did it smell originally? He might have been smoking pot in there. Okay. Yeah. And so he's like, I'm going to clean it out with incense. And then the inside of his car... completely burned out where you could see the floor like and you could see through there's like sunlight going through the floor like Fred Flintstone style. Yeah. Burned out the center console. What Speaker 2 (14:34) kind Speaker 1 (14:34) of Speaker 2 (14:34) car was that? Speaker 1 (14:34) It was like a Nissan like a Maxima or Altima or something like that. That's Speaker 2 (14:39) a car. My dad Speaker 1 (14:41) flips cars like crazy. Speaker 2 (14:43) Of course he does. Speaker 1 (14:44) They're catching fire every other week. Kia boy. Speaker 2 (14:47) That's crazy. My dad, I've never heard flips cars. Yeah. My dad sells cars. My dad's into the car business. Flipping cars is a little different. Speaker 1 (14:55) Well, flipping means you don't have them for very long. Speaker 2 (14:58) Flipping means you hit it with some spray paint and keep it moving. Speaker 1 (15:01) He said he used to, way back in the day, roll back odometers, but then after... I Speaker 2 (15:07) wish I could do that. That's a lost art. It is. Speaker 1 (15:11) You can't do it on Speaker 2 (15:12) digital ones now, right? Speaker 1 (15:13) No, I don't think so. I think there might be ways to hack the computer system, but I don't think it's as easy. I'm sure you Speaker 2 (15:18) can, but that's a serious crime now. It used to be like... kitschy of like, ah, yeah, you go down to Pete, he rolls back Speaker 1 (15:25) odometers. He said, he said, I stopped doing it when you kids were born. Speaker 2 (15:28) What is the big deal? Speaker 1 (15:30) I mean, it's a series of events. Why? Speaker 2 (15:32) Because if it's like 100,000, if it's 100,000 miles and you roll it back to like, hey, it's got 25,000 miles, you just took essentially, I'm making up a number, $20,000. You Speaker 1 (15:41) can Speaker 2 (15:41) sell it for $20,000 more. Yes. Okay. So you're like really ripping people off of hard Speaker 1 (15:45) -earned money. For example, all the time. I try to buy a Prius. Print money. Yeah, oh, no, for sure. It's not Speaker 3 (15:51) because the car becomes more unsafe. Speaker 1 (15:54) I mean, one, it's Speaker 3 (15:54) unsafe. Speaker 2 (15:55) Yeah. Well, it's like, I think it's really, I mean, Luke, do you have anything on the... Yeah, you can get up to three years per count. Whoa! So it's like per car. Speaker 1 (16:03) Oh. So if you do it for multiple cars, you can get up to ten years, they say. Speaker 3 (16:07) I wonder how a guy who rolls back odometers would fare in prison. I feel like if someone like Murderer was like, what are you in here for? Rolled back odometers. Everybody like... Speaker 2 (16:15) I did. It was kind of like, it's like a kitschy crime. Speaker 1 (16:18) Oh, you like rolling back? All right, get on your back now. I actually would hope not. I'll put some miles back on you. Fuck! I walked Speaker 3 (16:26) right Speaker 1 (16:26) into that. Yeah, I tried to buy like a Prius years ago when I was... You're bragging. I know when I was a... Also tried as well. Speaker 3 (16:36) Can Speaker 1 (16:37) you Speaker 2 (16:37) roll the odometer up a little bit? Yeah. Knock a couple of bucks off this thing. Speaker 1 (16:42) I'm paying cash. Does that matter? I was going to buy it from this guy. And then I was like, my gut was like, there's something off about this car. It's too good of a deal kind of a situation. Right. And then I did a Carfax report on it and Speaker 2 (16:55) he Speaker 1 (16:55) had rolled back the odometer on me. No Speaker 2 (16:57) shit. Yeah. Speaker 1 (16:58) It had like... 250,000 miles and he was selling it for like a price for five grand and it was like 73,000 miles on it. And I was like, this is an amazing deal. And then I was like, I'm going to spend the 150 bucks on the Carfax report. And then I was like, hey man, I just did