360: Unlocking Neurodivergent Potential in the Workplace with Alex Partridge

Allyship in Action

In this episode of 'Allyship in Action,' host Julie sits down with Alex Partridge—founder of UNILAD and Lad Bible, ADHD Chatter podcast host, and author of 'Why Does Everybody Hate Me?'—to explore how

Key takeaways

• Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) is a core challenge for many with ADHD, often stemming from years of micro-rejections during childhood that shape emotional responses into adulthood.
• Employees with ADHD may overcommit, avoid difficult conversations, or work excessively to perfection due to fear of criticism—behaviors rooted in deep-seated anxiety rather than laziness or disinterest.

Main topics

• Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) in ADHD
• Managerial strategies for supporting neurodiverse teams

Notable quotes

"Rejection sensitivity dysphoria is, I truly believe, the hardest part of ADHD."

"When there's any ambiguity whatsoever, rejection sensitivity dysphoria will jump to the worst-case scenario. And it will assume that your world is about to end."

Conclusion

The episode underscores that supporting neurodivergent employees isn't just about compliance or ethics—it's a strategic advantage.

Transcript preview

Speaker 2 (0:00) Welcome listeners. I have Alex Partridge with us this week. He is founder of Unilad and Lad Bible, host of ADHD Chatter podcast and author of Now It All Makes Sense and Why Does Everybody Hate Me? And the subtitle I love, Living and Loving with Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria. So Alex, let's start there. RSD for short, Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria. What is that? Speaker 1 (0:31) It's such a good question. And thanks, Julie, for the invitation. Such a pleasure to be here. Rejection sensitivity dysphoria is, I truly believe, the hardest part of ADHD. I spoke to a psychiatrist called William Dodson. He coined the phrase after speaking to thousands of his patients with ADHD. And he noticed there was this trend in all of them. And that was there was this catastrophic. disproportionate response in their lives emotionally to criticism or rejection. And he told me something fascinating about ADHD children, and that's that children with ADHD are exposed to 20,000 extra micro rejections in their formative years. Comments such as, you're too sensitive, you're too much, stop fidgeting, stop biting your nails, be normal. Why are you doing it like that? You're so emotional, you're too dramatic, be normal. Even non-verbal rejections like an eye roll. And over a child's life, they add up, they compound, and they create an adult who suffers from what we're talking about now, rejection sensitivity dysphoria. And it causes extreme emotional pain. when someone criticizes you or rejects you as an adult. And the more I've learned about it since speaking to William and writing the book, I see its effects all around me. And I'm a recovering alcoholic. Perhaps we'll go into that later. But as part of my sobriety, I attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and I share this story with absolute permission. And I've changed her name. I was in a meeting. a couple of weeks ago and there was a lady she said my name is bethany i'm an alcoholic i have adhd and i was sober for seven years but last weekend i relapsed and bethany said she was sat in her office at work friday afternoon ready to clock off for the weekend and her email pinged and she read the email and it said bethany have a lovely weekend can we have a chat on monday morning and that's all it said and she instantly catastrophized She filled with horrible thoughts such as everyone in the office hates me. Everyone has simply tolerated me all this time. And I'm definitely going to get fired on Monday morning. And of course, she drove home. She got a bottle of wine. She got absolutely drunk on Friday night. She drank again Saturday night. She didn't sleep Sunday night. She went into work Monday morning, trembling. She opened her boss's office, sat on the chair. And the boss said, Bethany, I hope you had a nice weekend. I would like to offer you a promotion. Now, you could argue that's got a happy ending, but it's just an example of how in the absence of context and clarity, when there's any ambiguity whatsoever, rejection sensitivity dysphoria will jump to the worst case scenario. And it will assume that your world is about to end and it's enough to derail someone. even after seven years of sobriety. It's catastrophic and by far, I truly believe, the hardest part of ADHD. Speaker 2 (3:42) That is so, I mean, that story I think is so harsh, like seven years sober and the 20,000 messages she likely absorbed during those formative years that has led to worst case scenarioing out. Speaker 2 (4:01) especially ambiguous emails like that. And I know you talk about that in the book, you know, the ping of, can we talk is like, oh gosh, this is, I'm losing my job. Like, just tell me now I'm being fired. And it makes sense though, if you heard all of these messages, I'm too much, I'm too emotional. I just need to be normal. Maybe like everybody else fit in. If you heard all those messages as you were. your brain was developing and your world lens was developing, of course, that sensitivity is going to be heightened later on in life, Alex. So I'm wondering, well, I know I've had employees with ADHD. And the first time I managed someone, I honestly did not know what to do. And I hear this a lot from managers right now of like, what do I need to do? Because I want to be inclusive. I want to be an ally, but I'm not sure what support looks like for them, which I think is always a great starter question, but I'm sure there's more, Alex, that you would offer for folks that are managing neurodiversity in the workplace, but specifically attention deficit hypersensitivity disorder. I think I got that right. ADHD, as we often shorthand it. Like, what would you recommend when you're working with folks in the workplace? Like, what are some helpful strategies? Speaker 1 (5:22) Yeah, it's a super important question. I think there's three things. Having an awareness as a leader, what ADHD is, the complexities of the different sub-compartments of it, for example, RSD, like we just talked about a moment ago. But not only that, it's recognizing how something like RSD can manifest in your workforce. If you are someone like Bethany, who I've just described, and I very much count myself in this camp as well, and I'm yet to meet someone with ADHD who doesn't relate to this behavior, is when you're living your life constantly expecting criticism or rejection around every single corner, because that's what you're, you expect it because your nervous system knows nothing else. And you know how painful it is when you experience it. You put up a guard to protect yourself from it. It means you can't do anything unless it's perfect. You'll stay in the office four hours later than everyone else, or you'll stay up all night simply to complete that work to such a high standard because the thought of your boss even making a tiny correction to it is so painful. You have an intense fear of disappointing people, which turns you into a people pleaser. You will sacrifice your own wants and needs in order to satisfy the wants and needs of others. You'll often suffer in silence because you don't want to appear, you don't want to be a burden to anyone or you don't want to let anyone down. Or you will avoid making difficult conversations because your nervous system has learned that it feels safer to avoid them. So you might not apply for that promotion or you might continue to let that friend walk all over you. or you might stay in that abusive relationship. All of these things protect you, but they stop you reaching your potential. And I think as a leader, it's so important to recognize if you observe someone... portraying or doing any of these manifestations. If someone's saying yes a lot, if someone's saying yes to everything, if someone is,