Travis Barker: The ‘Wound That Almost Never Heals’

All There Is with Anderson Cooper

Travis Barker, legendary drummer of Blink-182, shares his profound journey through loss, trauma, and healing in this deeply personal episode

Key takeaways

• Early loss shaped Travis's identity and became his anchor through trauma.
• Suppressing grief for decades led to substance use and emotional numbness until therapy in his 30s.

Main topics

• Grief after early parental loss
• Surviving a fatal plane crash

Notable quotes

She did that. Because she wanted to help you. Yeah, I think her thought process was she didn't want me to get home and not understand something.

I feel like when a parent passes like this, I feel like they're an angel and they help you so many ways, you know, guide you.

Conclusion

Travis Barker's journey reveals how grief, when acknowledged and honored through creative

Transcript preview

Speaker 2 (0:00) Welcome to All There Is. Wherever you are in the world and in your grief, I'm glad you're here. My guest today is legendary drummer Travis Barker. He's probably best known as a member of the band Blink-182. Travis's mom, Gloria Barker, died from complications related to Sjogren's syndrome, which is an autoimmune disease, in 1990. Travis was just about to start high school when she died. It was Gloria who bought Travis his first drum kit and did whatever she could to make sure that he used it. In 2008, Travis Barker got on a private plane in South Carolina after a concert with his friend and collaborator Adam Goldstein, known as DJ AM. Also with them was Travis's close friend and assistant, Chris Baker, his security guard, Charles Chastil, and two pilots. The plane, however, crashed on takeoff. Travis, Adam Goldstein, were the only survivors. Though he was badly burned, Travis spent months in a hospital and burn center and underwent 27 surgeries. Less than a year later after the crash, the only other survivor, Adam Goldstein, DJ AM, died of an overdose. He'd been sober for 12 years. Travis was born in 1975 in Fontana, California. He's been married to his wife, Kourtney Kardashian, since 2022. Over the last 10 years, he's been working on a documentary about his life, which has just come out called Louder Than Fear. I spoke to Travis a few weeks ago. Speaker 3 (1:23) I wanted to talk about early loss with you first. Your mom, Gloria, died right before you started high school. Speaker 4 (1:29) Yeah, day before high school. The Speaker 3 (1:31) day before. Is it true that she took drum lessons with you and learned to read music with you? Speaker 4 (1:36) Yeah. So it started with Pots and Pans when I was four. And I had seen Animal from the Muppets on TV. And that was it. I was in love with drumming. And then it turned into my mom and dad realizing he's really into this. My mom loved The Police, The Beatles, Elvis Presley. My dad raised me on Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, Buck Owens. They really wanted me to pursue the drums. So it came time I took lessons, and my mom was watching everything, like learning paradiddles, learning flams, learning basic beats. So up until the time she passed away, she was as good at drums as I was. Speaker 3 (2:18) Wow. Speaker 4 (2:18) Yeah. She did that. Because she wanted to help you. Yeah, I think her thought process was she didn't want me to get home and not understand something. When did she get sick? It's all kind of a blur to me from the time I was born until, what, I was like 13. It's kind of a mystery. I don't remember a lot of it. Me neither. You don't either? No. We also didn't have like a video camera growing up or anything. So I don't have any videos of my mom. I have a few photos. And then once she was sick, she didn't want anyone to take photos of her. I understand and how it was explained to me. It was only a few months after she was diagnosed with cancer that she passed away. Did you know she had cancer as a kid? No, because they misdiagnosed it forever. They didn't know what was going on. And then finally someone said, this is cancer. Did you know she might die? No. I had no clue that that was going to happen. No one had talked about her? No, I mean, my dad worked at a steel mill, and he was there like 60 hours a week, you know, providing for our family. He was basically at work all day. My mom was at home, and she had a daycare, so she would take care of kids. So long story short, yeah, I had no idea. And I had never experienced loss before that. Were you there when she died? Right before, right before. And I remember they were like, you got to get down there. And luckily I got down there the day she passed and had a chance for her to say, like, pursue music. Like, I really want you to pursue music. I still didn't think those were last words. But those were her last words to you. From the time my mom said that to me, it was like tunnel vision. I feel like when a parent passes like this, I feel like they're an angel and they help you so many ways, you know, guide you. You feel that. You feel your mom in that way. 1,000%. I do feel like... Speaker 4 (4:12) To me, she's not just dead and gone. I do feel her presence. It's almost ignorant to think I could just... Be so blessed to have everything I have now without her and a lot of people that have passed My son's two and a half. His name's rocky 13 Barker He's so funny and I'll play with his hair and it's like the one thing I remember my mom used to just put her hands through my hair and It was like So soothing and I would fall asleep So there's little things like I don't know how I remember that, you know of all things after she died Did did you talk about her? Not really. I remember even being at her funeral and I was like just trying to be so tough, you know? My dad always taught me to be tough. Did you cry? Yeah, but I tried not to. for so long, you know? And then one of my aunts walked up to me and it was, I just broke down. And then after that, nothing really changed. My dad still had to go to work 60 hours a week. My sisters were doing their own thing. I just, I showed up to high school the first day of high school and tried out for band and made marching band, snare line, which was like a big accomplishment. Joined jazz band, joined orchestra, just... head down, no one to talk to, but played the drums. Speaker 3 (5:32) You went to school the day after your mom died. Mm-hmm. Do you remember that? When my dad died, I was in fifth grade. And I had a sense of shame about it for some reason. Like, I remember a kid wanted to come over. I remember a kid wanted to come over to my house. And I was angry about it because I didn't want him to see, like. Yeah, I didn't want him to see it. I didn't want him to see me like sad or I didn't want him to see me Yeah, just I didn't want anyone to acknowledge it. Speaker 4 (6:28) Yeah, same But Speaker 3 (6:36) he tried out for music right away Yeah Speaker 3 (6:40) Was that because of what your mom said? Speaker 4 (6:42) Yeah, and it's pretty much all I knew, right? I didn't really know a next step or a step to take after that happened except to pick up where I left off and keep playing drums, you know? Yeah. So that's what I did. That was like your anchor. Yeah, that's all I focused on, like head Speaker 3 (7:00) down, play the drums. Your manager, Lorenz, said every time he hits a drum, there's a part of his anger that comes out. Speaker 4 (7:07) Do you think that's true? Maybe it's not anger. Maybe it's like his hurt, you know, like what he's what he what I've been through and it's Therapeutic for me. You said his hurt my hurt. Okay. Yeah my hurt I thought maybe you meant like the little boy you were oh, yeah for sure Everything cuz I think years of not talking to anybody like your mom passes you don't talk to anyone How are you dealing with it? You're not right. You're just like Speaker 4 (7:35) muscling through it. And that's what my dad taught me to do. He's like, be tough, you're strong, whatever. So that's what I told myself a lot. So I think years of not talking about it, probably until like my first therapy session, which was in my 30s. And that was... Speaker 4 (7:55) to help me stop using drugs and then a ton of things come up. Speaker 3 (8:01) You didn't