Seth MacFarlane + Harris Wittels (Carolla Classics)

Adam Carolla Show

This Carolla Classics compilation features highlights from multiple episodes, primarily focusing on comedic movie pitching segments and guest interviews. The first clip

Key takeaways

• Adam Carolla and Anderson Cowan pitch a rom-com where Drew Barrymore falls for Owen Wilson via Twitter, but he's actually being voiced by a schlubby Vince Vaughn.
• A second movie pitch imagines Taylor Lautner as a college football recruit in 'The Reckoning,' navigating shady agents, off-campus parties with Megan Fox, and emotional confrontations with Nick Nolte.

Main topics

• Improvised movie pitching and Hollywood casting
• Social media culture and humble bragging

Notable quotes

"She only meets Owen, she only knows him through Twitter. Right. Back to the Cyrano de Bergerac thing. It is Vince Vaughn who's doing the twittering for him."

Conclusion

The episode serves as a nostalgic retrospective of the show's classic comedy formats, blending rapid-fire

Transcript preview

Speaker 4 (0:15) Welcome to Corolla Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast where we play the best moments, highlights, and fans like the clips from all 17 years of The Adam Corolla Show. If you'd like to gain access to the ad-free archives of The Adam Corolla Show, The Adam and Dr. Drew Show, as well as the newer podcast, Be The Vow, make sure to check out Adam Corolla's sub-stack, adamcorolla.substack.com. And if you'd like to request a clip, please email us, classics at adamcorolla.com. Please note, we cannot play any material from Love Wine or the KLSX Adam Corolla Show that ran from 2006 to 2009 that immediately precedes this podcast. Select moments and clips from those shows have been played on the podcast, which we can then play from those episodes as fair use when they come up in old clips, but we can't play long-form clips or exact chunks from those shows. Only stuff Adam's commented on air and made it a transformer. If you have any questions about Old Loveline or the KLSX Adam Kroelstrom, I've been remastering and restoring the archive for both of those shows for over 20 years. I'm almost complete. If you have any questions or need more information, patreon.com slash Giovanni. I'll help you out. All right, let's get to the clips. But first, we have Adam Carolla Show 363 featuring Anderson Cowan, Teresa Strasser, and Brian Bishop from July of 2010. Speaker 1 (1:24) All right, Steve? Yeah. What do you got? Give us a made-up movie. What's that? Give us a made-up movie. Oh, okay. I'm on the air already. Yeah, just like the Speaker 4 (1:36) Loveland calls. Speaker 1 (1:39) Bitter, B-I-T-T-E-R, Twitter, T-W-I-T-T-E-R. We're not putting it on a marquee. We get bitter Twitter. All right, T, what do you got? Any thoughts? Oh, Speaker 3 (1:51) my God. Bitter Twitter. Speaker 1 (1:53) Can Mel Gibson please star in this one? How about a romantic comedy? Yes, Speaker 3 (1:57) definitely a romantic comedy. And this would be sort of the first movie that exploits Twitter as a medium for meeting people with 140 characters. Speaker 1 (2:06) Want to put Drew Barrymore in there? Oh, you've got to. Yeah. And Speaker 3 (2:10) I think she's got a really cold, career-oriented friend who's Kristen Bell. Speaker 1 (2:17) She's always uptight. Yeah, uptight. Yeah. Yeah. And let's put, like, Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson in there. And the new, who's the black guy, plays the piano and tells the jokes. Craig Robinson. Now, here you go. Now, occasionally, somebody Speaker 3 (2:35) becomes an overnight Twitter sensation like this guy, Shit My Dad Says, right? Let's just say that Drew Barrymore is... started writing tweets about her dating life. And she just had 12 followers, just her friends, whatever, and suddenly it just caught fire. She's the Speaker 4 (2:52) bitter redhead. Yes, Speaker 3 (2:53) and she became this huge, you know, she got a book deal, and she became this huge Twitter sensation. And yet, her whole career was based on just being a single girl and tweeting about all her dating nightmares. Speaker 1 (3:06) Right. And now, who is in love with her? Is it going to be Vince Vaughn? A thin Vince Vaughn, by the way? I'm going to get him in shape for this. Speaker 3 (3:14) Yeah. Speaker 1 (3:15) Or an Owen Wilson. Luke Wilson did the home fries with her already. Oh, Speaker 3 (3:20) I love Luke. Let's have Speaker 1 (3:22) Owen Wilson. He tries to sell me phones. All right, here's the story. Here's the deal. She only meets, was it Owen Wilson, did we figure out? Yeah. She only meets Owen, she only knows him through Twitter. Right. Back to the Cyrano de Bergerac thing. It is Vince Vaughn who's doing the twittering for him. And she's like, oh, this guy's so smart and he's so clever and he's so funny. Meanwhile, it's really Vince she's falling in love with, but she thinks it's Owen. And Owen can't spell or type and he's all thumbs and it doesn't work at all. And so there's these awkward moments where she's like, you know what would be fun? Like they're out at dinner. And she's like, send me a Twitter just across the table. I want to see you do it in real life. And he's like, I've got explosive diarrhea and he gets up and he runs into the thing and then he calls Vince Vaughn and he's like, you've got to send her a Twitter while I'm in the bathroom. You know what I mean? Yeah, and all of her Speaker 3 (4:18) million plus followers are following this whole courtship and somehow it's going to come out that Owen Wilson is not who we think. But I think you need a really, for Vince Vaughn, here's what I think you do. you blowed Speaker 1 (4:31) him Speaker 3 (4:31) out even further. He's got to put on an extra 50 because the whole point is Cyrano's unattractive. Speaker 1 (4:36) You know, Speaker 3 (4:36) that's why he has to speak through a hotter guy. So you make Vince Vaughn fatter, puffier, put a weird beard on him, bad clothes. Or maybe a drug addict. Speaker 1 (4:44) Maybe a pedophile drug addict. Wait a second. No, no. We've got to go PG on this. Yeah, this is Speaker 3 (4:49) definitely a summer rom-com. Speaker 1 (4:50) Yeah. I, uh... He's Speaker 3 (4:54) a Speaker 1 (4:54) weight coach. He's just a drunk. Speaker 4 (4:55) He's a drunk, and that's where all of his great ideas come from, the Twitter. But she hates drunks, so she Speaker 1 (5:00) would never. Speaker 4 (5:00) That's right. Speaker 1 (5:01) No, you're missing the whole romantic comedy thing. This is not going to work if he's a drug addict or a drunk. I Speaker 3 (5:06) think he just is a schlub. Speaker 1 (5:07) He's a schlub. Yeah. But Speaker 3 (5:08) we make him super schlubby. Speaker 1 (5:10) Or we could just cut to it and get Jack Black. Speaker 3 (5:14) Oh, yeah. Let's Speaker 1 (5:15) just Speaker 3 (5:15) get Jack Black. Yeah. So what Speaker 1 (5:17) we're saying is Jack Black is the fat Vince Vaughn in real life. It's a short, fat Vince Vaughn. He's a fatter, shorter. You want to really commit Speaker 3 (5:25) to it, you get like Wally Shawn. Speaker 1 (5:27) And then you Speaker 3 (5:28) see if she can fall in love with him. Speaker 1 (5:29) All right. Let's do it. Speaker 3 (5:31) Inconceivable. Speaker 1 (5:32) Is that Wally Shawn? Yeah. Oh, yeah. He was great. Let's do it, Princess Bride. Let's do one more. Let's talk to. Speaker 1 (5:41) Shane? Speaker 1 (5:44) Shane. Speaker 1 (5:47) Like Shane's there Speaker 1 (5:51) Shane? Speaker 1 (5:56) All right, I'll go to the next one. Speaker 1 (5:59) Dave? Speaker 1 (6:02) Adam? What's going on, Dave? Not much. How's it going? Huge fan, first of all. Let me just say that. Thank you. Thanks for calling in. What do you got for us? Speaker 5 (6:10) Not much. You need a movie title? Sure. How about Black Beauty? Speaker 1 (6:15) Didn't they already do that movie? Was it about a Speaker 3 (6:19) horse? Speaker 1 (6:19) Mickey Rooney? Speaker 4 (6:20) Yeah. Speaker 1 (6:21) Okay. Speaker 4 (6:22) How about The Reckoning? That Speaker 3 (6:25) sounds like a movie too. Speaker 4 (6:27) Are you actually just picking movie titles that exist? It's play on words. The Reckoning spelled with a W. Wait Speaker 3 (6:32) a Speaker 4 (6:32) second. How about... It's Speaker 3 (6:33) not Speaker 4 (6:33) an athlete. A young athlete. And he's coming up. His corruption as he gets recruited into the hard-knocked life of college recruiting. Oh, reckoning. Like a Speaker 1 (6:43) train wreck. Yeah, Speaker 3 (6:44) and you know who could be a consultant? That guy who wrote Murderball. Speaker 1 (6:47) Yes. Zupan. Jeffrey Zupan. Speaker 3 (6:50) Wow. Was it Jeffrey? Speaker 1 (6:53) He just amazed himself. Brian just completely and totally amazed himself. Zupan, Speaker 4 (6:58) how dare you? Speaker 1 (6:58) And then he Speaker 4 (6:58) said Jeffrey, and you're like, oh my God. Speaker 1 (7:00) I think it was Mark or something. I don't know if it was Jeffrey. We'll figure it out. Yeah, The Reckoning. Well, there is a movie, but this one is WR, right? Yeah. All right, so he's a hot... college hot prospect going into the pros. The Speaker 4 (7:14) backdoor dealings of college recruiting. Sort of exporting blue chips, but more so. And this is very close to Brian's heart, being from USC and the recent Reggie Bush shit going on. Who dare Speaker 1 (7:25) you? You want to get Nick Nolte to be the coach or to be the head of the alumni or whatever? Now we need a Speaker 3 (7:33) smarmy agency guy. Speaker 1 (7:36) Piven, right? Piven. It's got to be Piven. But he's Speaker 3 (7:39) already... done that you know maybe that's what he does nick Speaker 1 (7:42) nolte already did blue chips you know who Speaker 3 (7:44) i think would be fun Speaker 1 (7:45) this Speaker 3 (7:45) is a little different and i you know that the indian comedian who's in uh park and rec yes yes he's hot let's get him let's Speaker 1 (7:53) get him because we give me that bollywood crowd yeah hot is attractive or he's doing really well he's doing Speaker 3 (7:58) very well and he's cute Speaker 1 (7:59) who's uh but then who's the young oh oh oh the the guy from twilight edward or jacob The Latino kid. The hunky one. Robert Speaker 3 (8:10) Patton? Taylor? The Speaker 1 (8:11) wolf. Taylor. Taylor. Taylor. Taylor Lautner. Yeah. I mean, I don't know his last name. I don't follow that shit. Yeah, Taylor Lautner is the blue chip recruit. Yeah. Yeah? Speaker 4 (8:23) Mm-hmm. That's right. Speaker 1 (8:24) Because wolves are fast. Which sport is this? He's Speaker 4 (8:27) not Speaker 1 (8:27) a wolf, Anderson. He's Speaker 2 (8:29) a, Speaker 1 (8:29) he's a, he's a, he's Count Dracula. Come on. Teen Wolf 3. All right. You're really adding a lot to this. I'm sorry. What sport is it? Speaker 4 (8:37) Football. He's a linebacker. He's the one that goes. Speaker 1 (8:40) I've never played it before. The movie didn't. Speaker 4 (8:42) No, I thought that you picked a sport. I thought Brian picked a sport. Speaker 1 (8:45) Let's say football. Let's hope you have a lot of sex Speaker 3 (8:47) offenders in your neighborhood. Yeah. Speaker 1 (8:49) Yeah, all right. So football, the reckoning, WR, Lautner. I like the Z's and sorry. It's a fast Speaker 3 (8:58) -talking, swindling agent. Speaker 1 (8:59) Yeah. He's the best part of funny people. Without him, Funny People's terrible. I Speaker 3 (9:04) agree. Speaker 1 (9:05) And, you know what? Well, maybe the bar is set so low for Sandler movies that when you see a Sandler movie where you go, this isn't horrible, you go, oh, Speaker 2 (9:14) I kind of like Speaker 1 (9:15) that. I guess it's like a blind date where the chick's blonde in like a five and a half and you go, oh, not that bad, but you're sort of basing it on having very low expectations. Funny People, to me, was one of those, it was like, since I've seen Little Nicky, and all that shit. Mr. Speaker 4 (9:34) Deeds. Speaker 1 (9:34) Mr. Deeds and stuff. I saw Funny People and I was like, oh, alrighty. Well, for being called Funny People, he was the only funny person in the movie. That's why I said that. Yeah, Jonah Hill wasn't bad or whatever. I'm sorry. Speaker 4 (9:46) Back to the Reckoning. You know, they have these off-campus parties, you know, to get the recruits, especially to get them laid and get them into the school. How about Megan Fox as the ringer? They use her to Speaker 3 (9:54) lure him to USC. I mean, a school in California Speaker 1 (9:58) that will be Speaker 3 (10:00) called something slightly different. It'll be like California Speaker 1 (10:02) College or something like that. But we know. Yeah, and it'll play for the Timberwolves or something. It'll be like a made-up team. Right, all right, so she's the ringer. Okay, and here's the thing. She's used. for this kind of recruiting. But guess what? She falls in love with the man. It's no longer just a Speaker 3 (10:20) job now. But Speaker 1 (10:21) at a certain point, he finds out. And there's that part where Nolte pulls him aside. He's like, do you know how the game is played? You don't get it, do you? She's just a whore. She's one of... And he looks at her, you know, and then there's a backhand and then Gibson calls her a cunt. It's awesome. So he falls for her. But now he's wondering, like, what do you do? Like, what is this? And he doesn't believe that she's really into him for him. Speaker 4 (10:45) Yeah, and he's like, if I sign with the rival school across town, will you come with me? And she reluctantly says yes. Speaker 1 (10:49) Yeah, and he gives a speech out of nowhere that they have to do in every one of these movies where he goes, my whole life I've been doing what other people want me to do. Everything I did, I did for my dad. I didn't even enjoy this anymore. I don't even know what I'm doing here. I'm tired of being Mr. Perfect. I'm tired. You know, like he's doing a thing where he's drunk. He's screaming. He's out in a lawn of a sorority house. And he does a whole speech about always living his life for other people. Just to make his dad proud and his grandmother. Speaker 4 (11:17) And Speaker 1 (11:17) now he's Speaker 4 (11:18) going Speaker 1 (11:18) to do what he wants to do. Yeah. Can there be a scene in the movie where he throws the game on Speaker 4 (11:22) purpose? Like takes the ball and runs the other way? To see Speaker 3 (11:25) if she'll still love him? Speaker 4 (11:25) While looking at his dad in the stands. Speaker 1 (11:27) There is a kind of a moment. There's a moment. like in the end of North Dallas 40, where the ball was thrown by Mac Davis to Nick Nolte, where he actually doesn't catch it, just sort of hits him in the chest, puts his hands up like that. He does that, but out of the shotgun. Well, it's fourth and one. They're on the goal line, and they come up with some stupid title, like the winner of this is going to win the California State Championship game, you know, because they can't use sugar balls, it's Speaker 3 (11:53) not Speaker 1 (11:53) clear or anything. And he just does a thing where he looks at the coach and the coach is changing playing, like yelling at him. He just looks at him. He lets the ball hit him in the chest. He doesn't even try to grab it. By the way, one of the ways Speaker 3 (12:04) that they make the audience fall in love with the Taylor Lautner character is that he has like a really adorable friendship with the guy who's the mascot of the football team that nobody else will talk to. Speaker 2 (12:14) You know, Speaker 3 (12:15) he's just like a... Makes Speaker 2 (12:16) him soft. Yeah, Speaker 3 (12:17) and they're kind of buddies. And he always, you know, gives them a high five or whatever. It includes him. And the... Can Speaker 4 (12:25) he be retarded? He's Speaker 3 (12:26) probably special needs. He's Speaker 4 (12:27) probably Speaker 3 (12:27) mentally challenged. Yeah, but Taylor Lautner always makes a point to... He sticks up for him at one scene. I Speaker 1 (12:32) would not be able to see this movie. Yeah. It's Speaker 3 (12:34) a Speaker 1 (12:34) fantastic movie. Here's a better one, too. Not only is he mentally challenged, the mascot. Yeah. But he has American Indian blood in him. And they're called the Chiefs. And it's kind of an insulting mascot to American Indians. So he has to keep it on the down low. Like if anyone ever found out he was inside the, you know, brave Redskins, you know, mascot outfit in the loincloth, you know, carrying around the tomahawk or something, he'd be a pariah in his community. So he's got a secret to keep. Yeah, powerful and important. Yeah, I like it. Brian, you see this? Absolutely. This is the reckoning? That's right. Yeah, because Speaker 3 (13:11) in the end, reckoning means a few things. I mean, you use the W, so it means some sort of football, a violent thing. But also, reckoning is an accounting term because obviously there are financial misdealings. And there's an emotional reckoning where he makes peace with his past. Speaker 1 (13:26) The Speaker 4 (13:27) triple Speaker 3 (13:27) entendre. Speaker 1 (13:28) Good. All right. It is done. We're going to see the reckoning. It's Speaker 3 (13:31) a hit! Speaker 1 (13:31) Adam Speaker 5 (13:32) Carolla will return in Made Speaker 1 (13:35) Up Movie. Speaker 1 (13:38) Part two. All right. And now we get to the Megan's Law. Now, Teresa, is everyone's home been put in the computer? See how many sex offenders are in the neighborhood? Speaker 3 (13:53) Yeah, I Speaker 5 (13:53) think so. We just. Yeah, we got it all. Speaker 3 (13:55) Mike Lynch asked us a week ago for all of our addresses and he asked us not to look it up ourselves. So we'd be surprised. Speaker 3 (14:03) We're Speaker 1 (14:03) going to find out who has the most sex offenders living in what radius, Mike Lynch? Within one mile. Within one mile. In Speaker 4 (14:11) case you're listening, I guess you don't know. You can go on. California requires their sex offenders to register on a website. They call it the Megan's Law website, and you can search. within a mile, half a mile, ten miles of your home to see how many sex offenders live there. And then a little blue dot pops up, right? If there's somebody in there. Speaker 2 (14:24) Yeah, Speaker 4 (14:24) and Speaker 2 (14:24) you Speaker 4 (14:24) can see a little red. Speaker 2 (14:26) And Speaker 4 (14:26) you get to see the mugshot. Speaker 3 (14:27) Yep, and also if they have any tattoos or nicknames. Speaker 4 (14:30) And I asked Dr. Drew this, and he was just angry with me as usual, but people masturbate to everything out there, right? Everything that you think of, people have masturbated to. And I asked him if he thought anyone's masturbated to the profile pictures of these pedophiles. Speaker 1 (14:44) And Speaker 4 (14:44) he said, no. Speaker 1 (14:46) Well, it'd be... I thought it would be ironic twist. Turnabout is fair play. Right. You know what I mean? Like, now who's zooming who? Yeah. Or whatever that song is. I mean, the point is, you're beating off to that guy. How's it feel? How's it feel, bitch? Yeah. All right. What I'm saying is Speaker 4 (15:03) that's what I do. Speaker 1 (15:03) Let's figure it out. Speaker 5 (15:07) From Corolla One Studios in Glendale, California, it's the Megan's Law Awards. Before we begin, it should be noted that this studio has 11 sex offenders within one mile with offenses including sexual battery on a medically institutionalized person. Speaker 5 (15:29) That could happen to any Speaker 1 (15:31) of us. Speaker 5 (15:31) Starting off at number 10, with the least sex offenders within one mile, producer Angie with zero. Speaker 3 (15:39) Wow. Speaker 5 (15:40) Congratulations, Angie. Speaker 1 (15:41) Wow. Speaker 3 (15:42) She beat you? Speaker 1 (15:44) I normally, I don't know, maybe things have shifted around a little bit. Normally, I take the mantle. So, Angie has no, she's off in the... She's off in the ice down there in Manhattan Beach. Yeah, beautiful. Speaker 5 (15:56) Number nine on the list. with five sex offenders living in a one-mile radius whose offenses include seduction of a minor through electronic mail or internet, female only. Intern Logan. Speaker 1 (16:10) Wow, inter-login. Speaker 5 (16:13) Coming in at number eight with nine sex offenders, the closest living only two blocks away, and offenses including assault with intent to commit rape, sodomy, or oral copulation, intern Speaker 1 (16:27) Katie. Wow. Speaker 3 (16:29) Maybe she can stay with Logan. Speaker 1 (16:31) Sodomy doesn't always mean in the ass, by the way. Speaker 3 (16:34) No. Not Speaker 1 (16:35) in the eyes of Speaker 5 (16:36) the Speaker 1 (16:36) law. Mouth, too. Yeah. Have fun going home tonight, Katie. Yeah. Speaker 5 (16:40) At number seven. With nine sex offenders living within a one-mile radius and offenses including oral copulation with a person under 14, it's me, Mike Dawson. Yeah, under 14. Number six. This person has 12 sex offenders living within a mile, including the winner for strangest offense, sexual penetration with a foreign object where the victim was unaware of the nature of the act. Number six is bald Brian. Speaker 3 (17:15) What? Speaker 5 (17:15) How Speaker 3 (17:16) can you be unaware when something's penetrating you? Speaker 1 (17:19) Because you're a flea for a person. Speaker 3 (17:20) Oh, right. Speaker 1 (17:21) Well, unaware of the nature of the act. I don't think that means passed out. Speaker 4 (17:28) Well, maybe Speaker 1 (17:29) it's because it's from behind, so they're going to tell what it was as it was being inserted. We'll get this dude in the studio next week. Ryan, Speaker 3 (17:37) see if you can book that person. Speaker 5 (17:39) We're halfway through. Coming in at number five, this person's wife will not be able to sleep tonight with 16 sex offenders, including someone convicted of rape by force or fear. Writer Mike Lynch. Speaker 1 (17:54) Wow. Speaker 3 (17:56) Force or fear. Speaker 1 (17:57) Yeah, that's by hook or by crook in the rape realm. No, it's good to have Speaker 3 (18:02) versatility. Let's just say you don't have your peace on you. Speaker 5 (18:05) Right. You've Speaker 3 (18:06) got to use your mind. Speaker 5 (18:07) Right, right. Number four wins the special award for silliest sounding offense. Annoy or molest children. With 19 sex offenders, intern Matt. Yeah. Speaker 3 (18:22) By the way, Brian and I are still in it. Speaker 5 (18:25) Yeah, yeah you are. Speaker 3 (18:27) With a case of Diet Coke on the line. Speaker 5 (18:28) In the number three spot. Brian the intern. Speaker 3 (18:30) Yes. Speaker 5 (18:32) We get into the big leagues with 59 sex offenders in a one-mile radius, including continuous sexual abuse of a child and possession of obscene matter of minor in sexual act. I'm not sure what that means. Can you play that on a flute? Possession of obscene matter of minor in sexual act. Speaker 1 (18:57) So it's child porn, right? Yeah, there you go. Okay. Speaker 5 (19:00) Mike Chaffee. Speaker 1 (19:02) The remaining Speaker 5 (19:05) candidates are Teresa and intern Brian. I've Speaker 3 (19:10) never sweat anything so little in my life. Speaker 5 (19:13) The runner up. Speaker 1 (19:14) This is for a case of Diet Coke delivered one unit at a time to you frosty cold every day of the show. Sure am thirsty Speaker 3 (19:20) for Speaker 1 (19:21) sex Speaker 3 (19:22) offenders all around me. Speaker 1 (19:23) Before we reveal Speaker 5 (19:24) the winner, Speaker 3 (19:25) and Speaker 5 (19:26) by winner I mean loser. Honorable mention goes out to intern Gary for having a man who was convicted of oral copulation in concert with force living next door. Wow. The Speaker 1 (19:39) runner Speaker 5 (19:41) up has 76 predators living within a one mile radius whose offenses include incest, kidnapping and sodomy with person under 14 years with force. But the winner has a new Corolla Show record of 87 sexual predators. Wow, Speaker 1 (20:05) you have to stack them at that point, right? There's too many. I mean, you have to stack them like cordwood, right? They're living on top of each other. There must be some high rise for sexual offenders. Cloud house.